Is it More Chemo time....

I thought I would take a photo of me in this nice ensemble I put together to meet with my chemo doctor. I thought it was quite stylish and cool since I no longer have a nephostomy bag!) These pants are little big for me and were a size 2. I actually wear a size 0? Well next time I go shopping for pants we will see! I also got a new swim suit, so look out in future posts! It's a two peace and I decided it won't hurt to sport my "I've been cut open 5 times" scar. It's doesn't look so bad and it covers in all the right places and makes my boobs appear like human boobs and not doggie boobies!)

Well I went to talk with Dr. Chemo today and I really feel so much better now about starting back on chemo. This doctor has the best bedside manner ever for a Chemotherapy Doctor; which is why I love him. He is so positive and genuinely has the faith that I am strong enough to keep on living many years with this disease and possibly see another remission. How cool is that? He told me there are tons of drugs out there, with minimal sides effects that are worth trying for me. We have a huge future of chemo to look forward to and I have even more reason to live in the now!)

I'm going to start taking Tamoxifen (2 pills daily) starting tonight. We are going mellow with my treatments and will be trying this drug for 2 months just to see if it will work. This might just work on those tumors that I have growing on my right side. There's minimal side effects with this drug but just in case; I'm taking it at night. From what I understand about this drug is that it is a hormone and maybe it's something that I'm lacking. Oh, Please God I hope it makes me horny! I could sure use that in my marriage right now. My sex drive since this surgery, has been completely null and void. That would by far be the best side effect ever!)

The stupid nephostomy bag didn't help my causes either, and neither did the freaking TPN bag; but it really sucks ass that I don't have much of a sex drive and to have such a wonderful husband who deserves more than that; kinda makes me depressed. I do try my best to make him happy but most of the time; he has to put up with my neutered and spayed ways. How can he be so wonderful towards me when I'm so out of touch with my sexuality? He really does mean it when he goes through thick and thin for me and I will never ever, ever, ever take him or that for granted. That's a total gift!) He is the complete package for me!) I hate having this disease but I am still the luckiest woman on earth to have such a wonderful man by my side.

OK, back to my doctor appointment with Dr. Chemo; he did prescribe me a stronger dose of pain medication (Dilaudid) for night time so that I don't wake my honey in the pain that I have been having both in my butthole and my intestines. The intestinal pain is a bit more severe than the butthole pain in that it feels like glass is in in there trying to move it's way out of my body. Oh God does it hurt!

Geez, imagine that; I'm digesting lots of old broken coke bottles,, beer bottles, beer cans, light bulbs, and maybe some old cork screws! At least that's what it feels like sometimes. Sometimes the pain itself can outright take my breath away! Well, anyway this pain medication will help knock me out for a few hours so that my honey and I can at least sleep through the night. (hopefully I won't be waking him up at 3am each morning) I can just take it when the pain starts. No confusion here! If these pain medications are stronger than what I am currently taking, then I don't wish to take any chances on taking the medication before the pain starts; these are for when the pain starts.

It's supposed to work much faster too; no more waiting 45 minutes for it to work and no more crying for that long either. I really do try my best not to cry when the pain starts up, but sometimes I just can't help it and I have to cry. I can only be so tough to this pain and when it jumps all the way up to a 9 or 10; that toughness in me tends to fade. I start becoming the chicken monkey wimp and start crying and making strange animal noises. It must stem from me being raised around so many animals as a child that my primal instincts take over when the pain gets to that unbearable mark where I just can't take it anymore and start screaming.

Anyway, hopefully no more strange animal noises, puking, and pooing at the same time, no more turning on the hot water to the tub multiple times, lots of toilet flushing and more to wake up my poor sweet honey boy!) Here's to a painless sleepful night! - and maybe some sex too (hope those chemo/hormonal pills make me super horny tonight or tomorrow morning!)