WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Bone scans and more radiations?

Excellent!  I can only find fugley photos of me with Blue Belle; she does make me smile despite all that I am going through. I recently wrote my doctor about the serious pain I have been in (right ribs = where radiation was pointed, and the pain in my left wrist; I couldn't bare to even think of loosing my beloved left hand; I love my left hand so much and it does so much for me; I can ONLY eat and WRITE, and do lots of other THINGS with my left hand.   Yes, I'm left handed or left winged if many would call me that!  Laugh I know it's funny!)  

Well anyway, I watch Blue Belle awful carefully because she surprises me so much with her intelligence; she is more dominant on her left side too.  One example; I can't for the life of me get her to roll over on her right side; she will only roll over to her left; (hope you guys are not getting bored as I talk about my sweet "Blue Belle"!)  Anyway, she will not give me right paw, ever?  I know I'm not going to give up; I will teach her what right is; she knows to get on the left or right of my bike;  she might just not want to give me her right paw or roll back over on right side?

Here is a video that prove just that!

  My video portion to my blog will be starring Blue Belle.  I should make a Blue Belle calender next year if I make it:  I would love to donate money to help wounded vets from this war; they deserve to be taken care of and of course families of Cancer patients who may not be able to afford good treatments.  I know of so many cancer patients  all over the world (many boast about their treatments and how they don't have to give up their only home, and/or tons of cash and I'm sure the 70,000+ who die each year from cancer may not have been able to afford the treatments  (in the US) and may have decided to die; if that is the case; we really do need health care; even if it is run by the government; look at Medicare which I'm sure helps save many lives over 65 but maybe we can include all those under 65 as well; we deserve to live too!  

Well anyway, I did email my doctor and he is suggesting that I get a bone scan of my left wrist (I keep an ace bandage on it at all times!  It hurts like hell when it is allowed some freedom; not much control of the flopping; yes sometimes it feels as if it doesn't have any support; I hope and pray its not broken.  I remember being young and almost breaking many bones as a child; we would go to the doctor which costed a fortune back then; it sucks that we have to give up so much to save a life? even a child's life; well anyway, I would get the bone x-rayed each and every time and it was always a bone bruise which sometimes would ease all of our fears; back then I have bones made of cast iron.

Well here is my picc line and what it looks like under all that dressing!  No it is not some fashion statement; its just real live walking medical experiment to see how long I can live with this Advanced Ovarian Cancer.  One of my stitches even came out of the skin!  Check it out!  Ewwww!

Laughter really is the very best medicine!  My honey and I got to enjoy 2 excellent movies (5 stars each and 4 thumbs up! we both give them!) - We laughed our asses off (after I had vaporized= the rib pain had been very painful and this helped it go away enough so that I thoroughly got to enjoy 2 movies with my honey in 2 nights); we are definitely thinking of owning these DVDs to watch over and over and over again; yes; finally movies that make you laugh your ass off; we haven't seen good movies like these since Detroit Rock City, 40 Year Old Virgin, A League of their ownKnocked Up (I don't want to own this movie as it is being shown on all cable stations and edited too; the cuss words always sound funny; but we have watch these funny films = and also Blades of Glory or Steal? with Napoleon Dynamyte; yes so many great movies and now to add these two and they are Youths in Revolt (Michael Cera and this really cool new chick = Portia Doubleday= I bet we see more of this chick in more films).  The other movie we saw was super duper funny; totally 5 stars since I do want to see it again: She's Out of My League; I know the films we find funny might be kinda raunchy but we love to laugh at truly funny things even if they are not politically correct; everyone should have a good sense of humor and laugh more; don't get so incredibly pissed off and angry; it takes too much good energy away.  I bet the world would be more peaceful if so many angry people could just look around them and just see something funny around them.  Funny things are actually all around us, most of the time.  You can sit and watch people anywhere and just be entertained fully by them.  Life is going by all the time and if you feel you are wasting it; you can always think about the current moment and this question? Am I enjoying this moment right now?  What can I do to enjoy it more? Sorry to go on a tangent about enjoying life a lot more. 

I love movies and the whole film making process; it has always been very fascinating to me  I had a wonderful friend in the 90's who helped further my interest in how films are made (she went to SF state to study film and I lived vicariously through her as she made films (sometimes I even live vicariously through all of my friends' children! it's awesome!); her son is all grown up now and I'm so proud of him; as if he had been my own son; god I loved that kid and I still do; he was always such a good kid and she was a wonderful mother who never lied to her son; was always straight up with him; never hiding anything from him; kids learn about life much better that way and even more prepared to deal with many of life's issues!; I even got to be in one of her films which we never really finished; I do hope that one day it will be finished; maybe long after I am gone.   

  I also worked in a video store when I was 19-23 years old (1990-1993); I  got to learn  so many life lessons there about people, I got to learn how to manage other workers too; I was more on their level when I talked with them about getting things done; we would work together as a team; I do know that many of them loved me; I was pretty good at delegating work or tasks  to each of them; ahhh I do remember that one employee stole lots all at the same that I helped bring that store with my personality to actually making a good profit despite the thousands that this employee stole; (I have to admit that it did hurt my feelings a lot that he would choose that path; I had blamed myself at the time that I wasn't a good enough manager or that I failed somehow; probably like many parents do   when their children do bad).  He was very cool  to me; but him lying and stealing confused me; I couldn't understand how someone could lie and steel; I always feel that what comes around goes around and that always seems to stop me from doing the wrong things in life.  You always want to treat others the way that you would want to be treated; I mean does anyone feel good when another person steals from them; well then don't do that to other people!.   

I had helped set up our first security camera in order to record his day the night before his shift;(we had noticed so many movies were missing when we decided to do inventory on the store; he had volunteered to so and we allowed it;  but we were noticing so many new releases were simply not around or even in the computer; they were supposed to be available for rent, but they were not? we saw so much in that 1st video; just like those reality shows where you see employees  that are caught stealing; well he did the very same thing and was totally oblivious that we even had a security camera set up in the store.   I even had the camera; well I even insisted that I also be taped as well since fair is    fair; (so that he didn't get suspicious; he chose to steel, give away free movies to all of friends despite having a membership; he would just pull a movie off the shelf and hand it to someone in the store and not even log it into the computer; visually seeing a video membership card; just handed those movies over! my boss and I were shocked when we watched his video!  We also watched mine ; it was relatively boring (lots of fast forwarding = it was hillarious!) but you could see very much the friendship  that I had with each of the customers; I always acknowledged anyone walking through those doors and genuinely made them feel good when walking into my store, many deciding to stick around so that they could talk to me.    I feel that is the best way to handle any business; you make others feel comfortable and they will come back.  It meant a lot to me to hear their stories and you always learn so much just from just  listening to others.   I guess that is why I always had a passion for being either a guidance counselor or a therapist when I was a kid.

  Yes, my life has been very exciting and I enjoy each and every bit of it.  Another thing about this video is that I do tap Blue Belle's right foot (just watched it and it is filmed horribly and you can't see me tapping her right foot!(     as that is what she does to me to show her that I want her right paw.  I don't feel it was mean to do so; she does that to me all the time.  I hope to post another video soon of her doing both things (rolling onto her right side and giving me her right paw); I did manage to train a good service and therapy dog; some of her more simpler tricks are a little challenging right now; she does know the most important thing about therapy and service work; and that is that she is a total "Canine Good Citizen", she is so incredibly friendly and sweet; she wouldn't harm anyone; she only gives love and kisses.

Well I did finally have enough of living in SC and I just knew that I belonged in CA; my soul mate was patiently waiting (oh how we both wished that we had met much earlier (which sometimes we are just like magnets because no matter what event or where ever we go; we always tend to gravitate toward one another; it's really amazing and I know many of our friends have witnessed this.  I think that's what soul mates do; we always find each; I have honey radar (that's what we call it!)  It was so hard to leave that job (my boss totally understood that I wanted badly to go to CA = a left winger person does not belong is SC= they just don't! Meg Whitman certainly does; sorry! )  I am not in anyway what the right always refers to as bleeding heart liberal; I have no idea what that means!)   that I loved so much; I even learned how to fix VCRs and diagnose many problems!, I also learned how to film weddings, and so much more!  That was indeed one of life's great experiences that I didn't have to go to school for!)    Anyway, I hope that you all enjoy Blue Belle's performance and I do hope that many of you get your doggie fix if you happen to not have a Blue Belle to love onPeace and Love to all of you!  Once again Peace and Love to all of you! Blue Belle does love everyone; no matter what side they are on!  Just kidding in the video; in case any of you may have taken it too seriously!)

And here is a video of Tonto:

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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