The Reality of Cancer Pain...

Since this getting this pain pump installed; I have had less pain for the last couple of weeks and just 4 days ago; I just started getting these sharp stabbing pains on the right side of my rib cage; kind of on the edge going inward in the abdominal area (where the bone starts = not sure of the correct medical term for the part of the rib cage); it hurts like a bitch every time (it's not constant pain  but comes and goes) and boy do I scream like bitch when it's happening.  It sometimes scares the living shit out of the animals (I just can't help it!(  It's not hurting now because I just used my beloved Vaporizer for which no one who does not suffer from extreme pain is able to use; but it suits me just fine; it gets rid of the pain and it makes me super thirsty so that I can get the doctor recommended fluids.  The pain is at its worst at night; not sure why but that is pattern lately.  It just won't go away at night; during the day its not so bad and easily controlled during the morning hours and during the day.  I do know that my intestines needed to start all over again and we are starting today with just fluids.  I can't eat solid foods just yet; need to clean out the intestines of junk!

To be quite honest I had horrible diarrhea last night; and a kitty cat that wanted to go out  for his walk so incredibly bad that he climbed up on the couch; looked at me and winked; he was giving me a kitty cat kiss; wow that's how cats kiss you; they blink their eyes!)  Well back to the embarrassing part of why I didn't get to go out and have fun with my honey; I needed to be at least 10ft from any bathroom and a puke bowl and carrying my IV bag.  I ran to the bathroom with pets going in all directions.  I think it was pretty scary for them and you can laugh if this is funny; it is; I'm suffering from burning ass; I'm also pooping out popcorn for which I am forbidden to eat and sometimes I just have to live just once and have that buttery bowl of popcorn!)  I love every minute of consuming it and hoping that perhaps it will put some meat on my bones and then there was the big yellow bag of M&Ms that a friend had left from the party.  OMG did it break my face out; I think I must have had about 5 zits on my face and puked my brains out some; I knew better than to eat them but the vaporizer does give me the munchies that I just have no control over; it tells me you need to eat that and that and that; anything in the house that is edible; and no I am not talking about eating my pet's food for anyone thinking that!

Sorry this photo is sideways but you can still see my tat and the staples going through it.  Yeah my ass is skinny! So what!  On a light notice, I did get this wonderful email from this wonderful mother and her super mature 19 year old daughter; how I remember 19 so vividly.  This little girl thankfully had only a non-benign tumor on her brain and when I met her she looked so hardcore as I did; I had staples on my tattoo; do check them out as I am sharing them with you!  I'm pretty proud that I got through what I have and I feel stronger for each hurdle I have to cross; now I am filling out difficult paperwork; I'm proud that I was able to get my medical records to disability; yes; receiving my hardworking (yes, and    boy have I worked hard all my life; since I was only 7 years old)  I got to drive an Alice Chalmers Dumptruck picking up hay.  I swear; the very best way for a child to learn how to drive is working a day; picking up hay; driving around while others are in the back of the truck grabbing and stacking the hay in the fields.  Ooops I just admitted I'm a deep down farm girl! Yes, I used to gather eggs each morning, feed chickens, ducks, horses, and rabbits, milked a cow and even had milk squirting fights with my brother and then the cow kicking over that large bucket of milk!  Oh I need to go back to this mother and child who got to pet Blue Belle in the hospital.  My husband had visited with the daughter just briefly as Blue Belle passed by her licking her leg as she is pushed in a wheel chair after her surgery.  I also visited with them in her room on my final day in the hospital.   The email really made my day after such a painful day but it easily got better after using my vaporizer.  Oh and did work! 

I did email each of my doctors explaining what kind of pain I am in and why isn't the pain pump on this pain?  I hate having to do this and I tried hard yesterday and the day before not to take anything for pain but then I had to because the pain had gotten so great.  We keep track of everything I eat, drugs that I take; we write them down on my word chart that I did such a great job in creating!  It works great and use the front and back (1 side for each day), yes that many drugs and responsibilities (flushing my iv, flushing my gastric tube, changing dressing on my tummy every other day, draining my gastric tube, taking various medications for different symptoms; etc.)  I could just be so lucky to have that man of mine!  He doesn't seem to mind and every day spent together is a miracle!

Anyway, as always it is a blessing to still be around and I hope and pray that I continue to get better and better (yesterday I weighed in at 114, not sure what I weigh today but we will see!  Peace and love to all of you!  Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes!