WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sick again and hopefully rocovered.....

I have to admit that I had a very nice relaxing 38th birthday on Saturday (14th) and my husband and I took our time packing for our Sunday day trip up north. We were planning to stay somewhere nice in the city (San Francisco) although that scary scary MSNBC report on bed bugs did not do anything to ease my fears of getting attacked by those scary, scary bugs. As a preventative measure, I sprayed Eucalyptus and Lemon on my entire suitcase and myself too! The report on the bed bugs covered San Francisco well in saying that the city's hotels were now loaded with Bedbugs and to be careful. I told my husband that I would rather sleep outside in a barn or in the woods than to sleep in a jank hotel in the city not that we would have to stay in a janky hotel but to me any hotel in the city would be janky if it contained bed bugs.

We drove over the Golden Gate bridge around 9:30am Sunday morning towards our first destination, Muir Beach located just south of Stinson Beach. While we were relaxing on the beach and staying warm, I saw this old man walk up the beach with his Golden Retriever very happily together. You could see right there, the unconditional love in each of their faces. The right side of the dog's face looked as if it had been burned severely to the point that he had lost his right eye. He got around so enthusiastically, happily and very unfazed which is basically how we should all get around. No feeling sorry for yourself, no complaining; just enjoying the world and each moment. No worrying, reliving the past or worrying about what has already happened, but concentrating on what is happening. I enjoyed just watching the two of them play in ocean together. Those moments were very beautiful and calming to me. I even watched as the owner snapped some gorgeous photos of his dog enjoying the moment.

My husband, Blue Belle and I sat relaxing on the beach, however it was very windy and cold, so we got up to go for a beautiful hike. We walked past some horses on our nature walk.

I was able to get my much needed Horse Therapy. After feeding these horses some dropped hay and fresh grasses, I noticed a sign that read "Do Not Feed the Horses Anything!" We pet the horses one last time and left them alone. I felt bad for breaking a very important rule, but I didn't notice until it was too late. Enjoy the moment I thought and we continued on.

We drove into the town of Stinson Beach for some lunch at the Sand Dollar Restaurant. It was very pet friendly restaurant and the owners were bummed by the recent visit by the Health Department which threatened them with closing down their restaurant for allowing dogs on the outside deck with dining customers. These types of laws do not make any sense to me. People eat with their dogs inside their homes all the time, people are allowed to smoke outside in restaurants and this can't be more unhealthy that smoking? It seems more to me a push of power and weight and of course $. I question a lot of what the government does in their so called "protecting us from dangers".

She can just smell the food in this photo above, but she wasn't allowed on the deck due to her having what the health department determines to be very deadly germs that could kill everyone in the restaurant. She wanted very much to be with us, but we were fortunate enough to still be able to sit close to her. I at least got to enjoy a wonderful meal with my husband and dog before getting another intestinal block. We shared a piece of chocolate cheesecake together for desert before I got very sick. My intestines started to churn about 30 minutes after we left the restaurant and I dealt with some pain for a couple of hours. The pain in my abdomen would come and go in waves as I tried my best to relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

We stopped in a little town called Bolinas to shop and to relax some more before heading back to San Francisco. We had our bags ready to stay the night in a hotel. We stopped at one to see if the hotel had a bathtub and since it didn't, we headed back to San Jose.

The kitties were very pleased that we didn't stay the night. My intestines started to get progressively worse as the evening wore on. I stayed home from work Mon-Thursday. Mon-Wed. was the worst of the days, and by Thursday, the blockage had eased up and my bowels were able to start functioning again. I didn't dare eat another thing the whole week.

This morning, my husband woke me up and took me shopping at the air conditioned mall since the temperatures were soaring past 104. We shopped and I got to move around and get my bowels working again. We shopped for a swimming suit and went for a nice late swim in my new suit.
Oh what a week & back to work tomorrow!


Saturday, June 14, 2008

Laughter is so much fun!

Laughter really is the best medicine no matter what. It can make you loose yourself in what your body does when it absorbs a great laugh. I'm addicted to laughing for sure!

Sometimes I will say one thing either to myself or to someone else just for a good laugh. It could be at the expense of another but the important thing to do is to laugh no matter what.

I think that some people just choose to live their lives miserably by taking things way too personal, being too serious about such small things, too stressed, when they should just let it go and relax. Who really cares that much when you should be enjoying the moment?

I have never understood the politically correct way of doing and saying things as to not offend someone else. It seems you really have to walk on pins and needles all the time so that you don't hurt someone else's feelings? What kind of life is that and the media for making us have to live this way?

There are far greater ways of hurting; trust me. I don't get offended too easily at all by what other people say (I have a respect for other minds) and I can easily shrug things off. It is not at all hard to do or to just laugh at someone else for saying something so stupid. We all have our own minds, so why not share what's inside? We have to hold everything in! People need to know the truth and its not fair to candy coat things all the time.

Have you ever heard the saying "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words may never harm them"? Kids must NOT be taught that in school anymore because it seems that parents are getting way too carried away with hiding the truth from them and controlling each and everything that they have access to seeing and hearing. What ever happened to good old honesty and having a sense of humor? Kids will find out many things from school and the internet anyway.

I love to laugh at myself all the time because I can be a very funny person. It helps me a lot to cope with pain and sometimes I just have to say stupid things to myself just get a good laugh because it feels so darn good! OK sometimes it is mean things to say things about others, but at least I am laughing at the evil in the world. Laughing makes us feel good and its one moment in your life where you are happy to yourself.

I tend to laugh at the media and at journalists all the time. I don't trust them and I need more proof that their so called Reporting is really true. Lately, I have been hearing that what they (the Media and the Bush Administration) have been saying is not at all true and I suspected it wasn't the whole time. Sometimes journalist will say the most ludicrous things and I have to laugh at them for making such fools of themselves. They don't actually do the homework of really researching for the truth and hearsay is good enough for them. If their sources happen to be the government, then more researching is definitely needed.

I guess I am a bad candidate for propaganda because I don't buy it, no matter how much money (the Bush Administration) has spent on it; there are betters things to do with your life &/or money than to believe what you hear on television and the news.
Fox Noise Channel is prime example of news where they seem to be reporting to a bunch of stupid people that the government would like us to think. We can't have minds of our own, so we are told things that are not at all true that we are supposed to believe as true.

The media, itself causes too much stress, pain, and suffering when they should at least consider that what they are reporting as news to all of us and/or all of those people who maybe don't have medical insurance (my brother, my mother, and millions of others) is actually causing stress that leads to unnecessary health problems. When we hear false reporting about how we should be stressing about certain situations, it does make your blood pressure go up at least a little bit. Over 64 million Americans don't have health insurance and to stress them out is plain wrong especially when the news is mostly false and propaganda meant to sell advertising.

Sorry to change the subject just a little bit. Here is a really funny video! OK its of McCain, but he one funny and crazy old man that I just can't picture running our country. He's just too old, and too insane, but I can at least laugh at him, so let's all laugh at him! He really wants to be our President so that we fight all of those bad countries that he says are bad so that we can take over their oil and everyone (only the rich) here in America can drive big Humvees, shoot their shotguns at all Black People, Jews, Gay People, liberals and pretty much anyone that doesn't agree with us.

He would like very much to continue to spy on all Americans and if they don't like it, then he'll just send those un-Americans to secret prisons where the Federal Government can torture them to say what ever we want them to say so that we can use that against them in a tribunal type of court and hell lets use all the gas so we can dig for more, & get rid of those dam polar bears. "What good are they anyway except for a rug in my big Presidential suite? What's with the environment and Global Wining? What's that,?"
"Hey we just found Mars up there for all the rich people I intend to make tax breaks permanent for them and we will be able to leave all the poor people behind while we live up there all the while the Earth is no longer habitable. The middle class have got to go! There should only be 2 classes of people, rich and poor.

Time to stop making fun of McCain,; let's just laugh at him anyway because hopefully he won't win the Presidency and we can finally get someone who's more qualified to bring our Country back to where it should be; at Peace with the rest of the world. Remember that if a monkey can run our country for 8 years then why can't a brilliant young African American?

Yes, things are a bit in turmoil right now and it doesn't make sense to fret over the past when we can do something right now for the future.

Please do take some time in your life to enjoy right now, laugh for a change, and don't take things so seriously (like the media); its really bad for your health! We have to find things to smile about and I'm sure its not hard as you think!


Saturday, June 7, 2008

It's all about Good Kharma......

I know I have written some really scary posts lately concerning my health and the pain I was suffering. I hope you all are not too terribly worried. I just want to reassure all of you that for now, I have been pain free. Don't get me wrong, I still get some pains but not the serious pain of having a bowel blockage. We are out of the woods for right now and my intestines have been cleaned from the hospital stay and hopefully I won't have a new visit there anytime soon.

My system is now proudly back to working and I am now able to successfully eat real food and how good it feels to finally do so. I actually started back on solids last week, but very cautiously so and I'm still being cautious. I make extra sure that I chew everything at least 60 times and drinking lots of water. I also am back to being active roller blading, riding my bike, and basically having fun with my best friend (hubby) and my pets. We enjoying each and every gift (day) that we have together. I also enjoy reading from good people and heart felt comments on my blog. Thank you all!


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Witnessing History in the making....

Well, history has been made and 40 years later after the major Civil rights movements and the assassination of Dr. King, an African American has finally won the Democratic Nomination and we were all fortunate enough to witness this historical event. Some unfortunately are not at all happy about this, but despite his experience, he does offer fresh new ideas for our country. I honestly feel that if we can have a Crime Family and practically a Chimpanzee running our country for eight years, then why can't this candidate do a better job than what has already been happening right before us for the past eight years? We have a crime family in the White House right now and we are in serious dire need for that to change. We can't afford to continue on this destructive path for another 4-8 years.

Despite the low voter turn out and just to think we almost forgot to vote; we still managed to vote and to turn in our Ballots. In California, we have 2 very important propositions to vote on and most don't realize the importance of these Propositions. One is 98 which in reality masquerades as eminent domain reform meant to protect Property owners from Gov't land grabs, but it is actually proof of greedy special interests. According to Defenders of Wildlife, it could jeopardize important environmental regulations and zoning laws that would allow the state to:

  • protect our imperiled wildlife and habitats.
  • address global warming and climate change.
  • safeguard our drinking water and water supply.
  • protect sensitive wetlands and coastal areas.
  • limit urban sprawl, polluting industries and irresponsible development.
  • preserve our old growth forests and open spaces.
  • protect agricultural lands, and culturally and historically significant sites.
  • incentivize “smart growth” solutions to transportation and city planning.
  • protect California renters from excessive rent increases.

For example, if a logging company wanted to clear cut a forest that pacific fishers need to survive, and California Fish and Game requires the company to leave some trees standing to protect the fisher, the state -- and taxpayers like you and me -- would then have to pay the logging company for any money it may have lost by not being able to cut down those trees.

Proposition 99 - The Homeowners Protection Act - will prohibit the government from using eminent domain to take a home to transfer to a private developer.

The important thing is, we actually got out and voted. Proposition 98 did not pass and 99 did. That's exactly what we had voted on and I felt our votes really did make a difference. We even researched the Judges who were running for the District courts and felt that we votes for right people.

While I was standing in line getting ready to vote, a woman behind me, loudly announced that she would like her Republican Ballot. I have to admit I was a bit shocked and dismayed that anyone would be voting Republican after the last eight years of lies. It seems lately that I have been witnessing lots of people proudly displaying their Republican support when I can't even begin to understand why anyone would still be on the bandwagon with Bush. It really baffles me that anyone would want to keep on this same war path despite all of the evidence suggesting blatant lying just to get us into this costly unnecessary war, the fact of the matter is that he is continuing to bankrupt our country (our debt was bought and paid for by China - how scary is that?), rising fuel, energy, food, and so much more. I bet most have forgotten that just a few years ago the Security of our Ports was nearly bought and paid for by the Arabs. How many hijackers were Arabic? OK, 15 hijackers of the 19 were from Saudi Arabia, 2 were from from the United Arab Emirates, 1 was Lebanese, and 1 was Egyptian. I don't recall any being from Iraq. This Administration screwed up in a major, major way and even lied to us to get us to attack the absolute wrong country that attacked us in the first place.

McCain was or is still trying to distance himself from GWB, or at least just for the election and to trick voters into thinking that he doesn't support the current Administration's policies when actually has a 90% record of doing just that. That's exactly how I look at it. He is just as dishonest and I am always viewing many, many videos of him saying one thing, then doing another. Here is a Republican view of what life is supposed to be like "Do as I say, not as I do"!

OK to get back to the Republicans; the richest people in America (only 1% - not 50 or 60%, but 1%) really benefit by only having to pay 15% of their income to taxes while the rest of us have to cough up 30-40%. The middle class and the working poor have to pay more of our incomes to taxes? How is this right? How is this fair? Why do people support these tax cuts to only the ultra wealthy? Robbing from the poor to give to the rich is basically what this taxation is all about and McCain wishes to make it permanent. Now why is it that all Republican's feel that they benefit from those tax cuts when they aren't at all benefiting? They certainly are NOT the wealthiest people in America. How do they not know this?

While my husband and I were wine tasting in Wine Country last weekend, we decided to only visit the wineries that allowed dogs inside the tasting rooms. I overheard this old wine maker talking to some other guests as to why he was voting for McCain, (his wife is a blond with big boobs and another person he would like to have a drink with), how he loves George Bush and still believes everything he says as gold. I find this incredibly puzzling, but I just let him get his word in and I never once spoke politics with him. I kind of just let him speak his mind, tell his jokes and just kept quiet. He even directed the conversation as us, but I still kept quiet and oblivious.

I would rather spread peace than to argue with anyone about their views. You just can't change people's minds and besides we were on vacation and I needed no stress what so ever. As I much as I wanted to go off, the important thing is I kept quiet for my honey. I know exactly what its like to argue politics with my dad and I can't even do that anymore. We love each other, but we have come to know that we just can't argue politics. It's like two Oxes butting heads, he can't change my mind and I can't change his. Plus, I'm fighting this cancer and I don't need to be frustrated fighting politics with a Republican; we can still get along and respect each other's opinions or can't we?

I just hope and pray that when people do finally get out to vote in this November election, that they truly understand who they are voting for and are not at all brainwashed by Fox Noise when they go out to vote for their candidate. I hope they are able to research and really truly understand what their candidate supports and stands for. I encourage everyone to check out YouTube for the truth on what these candidates really stand for.

Republicans seem to stir up fear for votes and to be quite honest, fear and stress causes severe health problems. They are against everyone having health care but yet they do this to all of us. The media really needs to look out for our best interests, they have to do the hard work and really research stories and leads before announcing to the public. Most are such lazy journalists. So much from the right wing has proved to be untrue while adding unnecessary stress and fear. It doesn't matter how many times you repeat an untrue statement, it will never ever be true. That's what this Administration has done to us for 8 years.

I have been quite shocked to see some of the crazy and often hypocritical comments McCain has made and stood for. I sometimes feel he must have fallen off of his rocking chair when I hear some of the comments that come out of his mouth. Does anyone remember that just last year, he caused a big fiasco, putting troops lives in danger so that he could pretend to shop at a market in Baghdad?

McCain is also accepting corporate and lobbyist donations and is even traveling with his lobbyists and to me that stands for corruption. How can we have another 4-8 years of that again? Really?

Obama has just made history and I stand behind him 100%; he does not allow anyone to push him around, and I know he will make a wise choice in choosing a running mate. He is also NOT accepting any donations from Corporate Lobbyists. If we can have a chance to reunite the rest of the country and the world, it would be if Obama get elected to be our President.


Monday, June 2, 2008

A much needed get away & therapy...

My husband and I just had another semi rough patch just after being released from the hospital on Friday, May 23rd. Another painful blockage, but we got through it together and by Monday, May 26th (Veteran's Day) I was given an Antibiotic for a Bladder infection which enabled me to go to the bathroom each and every day. This was a blessing because I could have been in the hospital once again. It was a pain to go through the diarrhea but for me, it was great and I was OK with it; no really, I was. For me just going to the bathroom is such a blessing even if I have to go 300 times a day, it's much better than the alternative.

For right now, it is about living with Cancer and that I have gotten used to. I don't let it get to me and I certainly won't let it conquer me; I just keep on living.

We went to see my oncologist on Friday, May 30th and we all agreed unanimously that at this point it is all about quality of life. I will have to start chemo somewhat soon, but not right away. We just take it day by day and to cherish each and every day no matter what. I might start a pill form of chemo in August and it may or may not make my hair fall out, but its just hair and I just got it all cut off & donated to Locks of Love. I always wanted to do this and finally did it about 2 weeks ago. So loosing the hair won't be such a big deal.

Now back to my Oncologist follow-up appointment; my scans were not so bad, at least not just yet and my CA125 is climbing slowly (it's at 68 and 3 months before that it was 53). We are not worrying about it just yet and we won't until I face more pain and discomfort. What good does worrying do? Since my oncologist is on the same page as we are with the cancer, the appointment was good news and that we can continue to have fun for right now.

When we got home from the appointment, I made reservations for a small get away in Napa. My husband had recommended a bed and breakfast in Calistoga, "Meadowlark Inn". It is run by a very sweet, kind hearted and a very friendly couple (they are men). The room itself was very colorful and the bed was softt and comfy and just what we needed. It smelled clean and fresh and the bathroom was roomy with a two person jacuzzi. It did take a long time to fill up the tub but once is was full, it felt amazing.

We were initially bummed that the pool was going through some construction and therefore it was closed, but we still got to use the large, powerful jacuzzi and the hot sauna located in the pool area.

We went to see "Old Faithful" just prior to checking in to our hotel because we had about an hour to kill before check-in time at 1pm. Now don't get confused because there is an Old Faithful at Yellowstone national park and it is probably more spectacular to see than the one in Calistoga, CA. Old Faithful is one of three natural geysers in America that erupts every so often. Most probably wouldn't be that impressed with it, but it is one of natures miracles. The hot steam comes out of the earth and every half hour to 45 minutes scalding hot water is sprayed upwards of 60 - 100 feet in the air. This Geyser can even predict earthquakes two days to two weeks before an earthquake instead of every 30 minutes, the eruption is prolonged. During a prolonged interval, small eruptions of no more than two to three feet in height every few minutes and after a long delay a 60 foot column of water and steam shoots upward.

There was even an old wishing well where nearly a hundred years ago people actually bathed in the bath for therapy. I wondered if anyone had ever been scalded to death by it. We also noticed some baby fish in the small pond where Old Faithful seemed to always be steaming while it wasn't erupting. We saw another area with some old pipes that were capped and I guess they have uncap the hot steam every so often to release pressure, but this heat actually helps power the visitor center.

We really wanted to check out the Petrified Forest and almost did, but that will be next time.

My husband and walked around the property at Old Faithful to look at all the animals. There were some Llamas and some some Tennessee Fainting Goats. I had heard about these goats on TV but had never seen any before and they were quite amusing. My husband talked about them and really wanted to see the goats faint but he couldn't just go up and yell or scream at them in order to scare them because the other visitors might think he was a lunatic.

We walked over to the fainting goats with Blue Belle to take a look at them in their pasture. One of the
babies got to looking right at Blue Belle and looked like she wanted to make friends with her. It startled Blue Belle just a little bit because she didn't like the goat walking up and staring at her so she started to walk away and the little goat decided that she wanted to play. The little girl goat turned around and bounced away and one of her friends tried to turn around but he fell over stiff legged onto his side. We just cracked up along with the crowd of onlookers. The whole thing happened so fast that I didn't get to snap a photo. You just have to imagine how funny it looked.

We tried to get Blue Belle to take a look at the sheep but she is such a city girl that the sheep just frightened her. She wanted nothing to do with those creatures. These particular sheep are rare in that they have 4 horns. They are called Jacob Sheep and they tend to have black spots and of course the 4 horns. These particular sheep were very friendly and affectionate. It was treat to see these animals and for Blue Belle to experience being around animals that she should normally herd. I think she just wants to stick with herding cats and squirrels.

We went wine tasting at a few of the local wineries hours after we had checked into our hotel. Each of the wineries allowed dogs in the tasting rooms. It was all about being Dog Friendly.

After we finished with the wine tasting, we headed back to the Inn for a nature walk with Blue Belle. We walked over to a horse pasture and thoroughly enjoyed being around the gentle giants. These horses stood over 17 - 18 hands and they completely frightened Blue Belle. They were just like big kitty cats and lovingly enjoyed being petted and rubbed. They seemed to bond with me and didn't want me to leave. One of the horses was particularly curious of Blue Belle.

Being around these friendly creatures was therapy in itself and definitely well worth the stay even though the pool was closed, I did get my horse therapy. I felt as if my soul was being nourished as I pet and loved on these animals. It also reinforced my feelings of missing being around these wonderful animals and I hope my dream does come true and that my husband and I will be able to one day live on a farm where we can have a few rescues all to our selves.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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