WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.
This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.
This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Special Surprises in my posts
I hope you are able to go through my writings / posts and click some of the links to learn more about life or about where I actually was on that particular day. I will continue to do so with photos and sometimes you may click those photos as you a get a close up, then its your photo to keep.
Burning Man (what I learned and great memories)
Now I know this year has not been an easy year for many but you must remember to be strong and at least be thankful to have loved ones in your life, families, friends, and perhaps your health. My health sucks most of the time, but I'm still thankful. I can see the sun come up each day, cherish my beautiful dog and husband, and all the that life has to offer me. I could always be worse off.
Money does not make you complete. Back in the old days, many got by hard times just bartering with what they already had and I learned this even better when I got to experience Burning man nearly 10 years ago (1999).
Money was not allowed to be exchanged here and everyone basically traded or bartered services or things of value (not money). I brought some of my Palmistry and Handwriting Analysis books and my Geometry protractor (to measure the angles of letters), plenty of sunscreen, some vitamin E spray for the skin, and even some body paint; all to trade for drinks, food, or even unique jewelry, artwork, or what ever I might need at the moment. There was quite a demand for my palmistry and handwriting analysis skills; it was cool to immense myself with a subject that I hadn't studied in a few years, but still remembered most. I had learned Handwriting Analysis and/or studied it mostly because of my mom who taught me a few things and then I got the books to learn more. This is what got me by for 5 days in Black Rock Desert, Nevada.
Granted Burning Man was very fun and it was a photographer's dream. There was so much art all over the place. I got to see some very interesting things like paintings, unique paper sculptures (most of which would be burned after the man), people were painted, some even relaxing on motorized couches that drove them all over the desert and I even got to ride on one of those couches one night. I also got to see many strangers riding their bikes through the desert at night. Now these weren't ordinary bikes and many were tricked out. The ones I really remember had these neon lights on them where all you could see was a rabbit, a coyote, and a mustang shaped lights that actually moved on these bikes. It really appeared like a red lit up horse and coyote was running and the rabbit hopped across the desert floor. Very, very cool!
Of course there were many who indulged with drugs and of course I chose to be naive and not really caring what others were on. I just enjoyed the moments; soaking in all the views and sounds all around me. True I have never tried any chemical drugs other than chemo and many prescribed pain killers; I just kept it simple and stuck with good old dependable cannabis as my sacrament. I honestly don't and never really did consider cannabis as a dangerous drug. It's a natural growing plant.
I have heard of others going to Burning Man over these past couple of years & that Burning Man has gotten more and more corporate with tons of security and instead of the $60-$70? I paid for my ticket; the price has gotten higher than $200-$300 (maybe even higher). We didn't even need security when I went. Everyone was incredibly peaceful and meant no harm to anyone. We all just got along (all 23,000 of us). Another great memory never forgotten and thankful to have experienced!)
Enough about Burning Man as it was an excellent experience for me. So how is my health lately? Still having some problems with light blockages which sometimes get to be painful; but I did start this new sort of detox involving a Quart of tepid (slightly warmer than luke warm) tepid warm water with 2 level teaspoons of sea salt. It's been working OK and I kind of feel that it was what helped me go when we went out of town for a few days. I had a small blockage when we got back and now it's just working it way out.
Salt Water Flush or Purge?
Please feel free to check it out for yourself.
It's very interesting as it deals with cleaning your body out with the normal amount of salt that is in your bloodstream, in swear and in tears. Let's hope and see if this works out for me. I would love to take a break from that Prune Juice and Miralax!
Today I got the opportunity to see Marley and Me with a good friend of mine with her dog Poodah, and Blue Belle. Our dogs were so incredibly good (better behaved than most of the children we saw). Both of our dogs are our children, and they give us unconditional love and therapy. They are our service dogs and the theater allowed us with out too much question bring them in to watch the movie. It was a great movie; perfect for dates, but not for young families with younger kids. It's way too dramatic and perhaps parents taking older kids who need the experience of how to deal with a pet death perhaps or have already experienced. We cried and cried at the very end and it was sad to see parents and kids crying like crazy at the end too. Not so sure those parents were happy to see that film. We loved it as girls who kinda just needed a good cry. When we had lunch, I chose to have a very dark microbrewed beer and I even got ID'ed. How cool is that and I had just bawed my eyes out and still got ID'ed!)
Well yesterday, I did get to take Miss Blue Belle with me to see the movie Milk. I had heard from many friends that this was a very good movie and after seeing it; it really opened my eyes to many things that gays are often ridiculed for. I can't believe how people can be so cruel and judgmental.
I have many friends here in CA and other places that happen to be gay. Many I know; have hearts of gold. I have always lived by the rule "He who has not sinned; cast the first stone". In other words; none of us are perfect enough to ostracize anyone or them. I accept people for who they are; in their heart and their conscious to do the right thing. Are they greedy and self centered? and if they are; I don't necessarily trust them to do the right things in life unless they can prove to me otherwise.
UPDATE: Speaking of dealing with a pet death. Well, just a few hours ago I got a very frantic call from my neighbor's daughter; they had to put their dog down today. Poor Old Zooey. May she rest in peace. I'm not sure how Miss Blue Belle will take it that one of her best friends is now up in heaven. She seemed to do OK with Toonces gone; but then again they didn't always see eye to eye.
I sincerely hope that this will be a better year than what the stupid media is trying to make us believe. I hope none of you are spending any time worrying rather than treasuring the moment you are given. It's up to us to have a better year. Don't be a victim; be in charge of your own destiny. Peace & Love to all!)
Monday, December 29, 2008
Now we had no idea how long our little trip would last but we based it on our years of experience out on the mountains given temperature and traffic. The runs were not even tracked out until the end of the day and we determined then that Saturday would not be a good day to return. For one, the snow would be 2 days old, tracked out and of course so incredibly crowded and both of us would be more susceptible to injury for which we have both been on very crowded days. We've both been run into a couple of times by kids and adults on those crowded days out on the mountain and its best to avoid more injuries.
We got to go snow boarding all day long on very fresh snow from the night before so if felt like we riding through a mountain of powdered sugar. If you fell, which I only did maybe twice the entire day with only 8 runs (we left at 3:30pm), it literally felt like you had fallen in a feather bed. I took it easy for our first day out on the mountain and didn't do any jumps at all. We got to go through the trees a few times and make our own tracks through the snow. It was so incredibly amazing. I loved every minute out there on the snow and actually every minute we even got to spend together.
Now mind you I started snowboarding in February 2000 and each year we went up usually around 10-12 time skipping the 2002-2003 (initial cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy) season, and the 2005-2006 season (no snow). I only got to go up a handful of times last season and of course in 2003-2004 only 3 times in between multiple surgeries and 1 just 6 weeks after (of course I wore a girdle so that my insides didn't fall out on the mountain - how unpleasant would that have been?). I was so stir crazy being in the hospital so many times and for so many weeks in a row; I had to go and of course I had a blast each and every time.
During that same year of all the surgeries, I went to the Bear Valley with a friend from work and only 2 days later I would have my fourth major Abdominal Surgery.
During that particular day it was spring conditions but still very cold on the mountain. My friend was having some problems with the altitude and had to refrain from boarding after just 2 runs. She was kind enough to allow me to stay and board for a couple of more hours. It was icy on the mountain on that particular morning and I rode down the run pretty fast and under estimated how incredibly icy it was.
As I boarded down to follow the main path, I slid too far and went past where the main path was to continue down a steep drop down the mountain and I guess it was a good thing that I was facing the mountain where I could use my hands and fingernails just like a cat to attempt to slow myself down from sliding further down this mountain. I was heading down a 45 degree angle sliding down the mountain pretty fast and for about 300 feet down.
For some odd reason I had forgotten to put my gloves on during this particular run and ended up losing quite a bit of skin all the way down that mountain. It was a steep angle and no matter what I just couldn't gain control; just allow myself to slide down to the bottom. I was already leaning against the mountain and when I got down I had some handy road rash on both elbows and hands. When I got down the mountain I immediately headed to the lift for another run! I was far more careful the next couple of times.
Then two days later I had the horrible, horrible abdominal pain and needed another surgery. I thank god I was able to have the fun day in the snow for which I will never forget. I do chuckle thinking of myself sliding down that mountain.
These are just the many reasons I have to go back; to face nature and to enjoy and treasure it. It sort of adds some more life to me and gives me hope and strength to continue to fight this horrible, horrible disease. I really do have faith and hope that one day I will cured of this cancer.
Now back to our most recent trip and our first day out on the slopes. After we left the slopes, we headed to a little town called Senora. Now the GPS had not been updated in a while and we got to experience what that was like and it wasn't very pleasant. It got us so incredibly lost when my poor husband had to go to the bathroom so bad. Oh and I had to go number 2 dozens of times through out the day. I was at least thankful that I wasn't constipated as I had been many times before. My husband drived while I manned the GPS. I told him the directions to go while the GPS kept reconfiguring and giving us whacked out directions to private residential areas and we just kept getting more and more and more lost. I finally decided to go to the text portion and at least read the map to see if this stupid device really did have a plan for getting us out of here. Sure enough it did, we just needed to mute the directions and follow the text and sure enough we got back into town with out any further problems. We just wanted to be in our room to relax.
We stayed at a pretty janky hotel but it was cool that there was a creek behind us that made it sound more relaxing, but it was that 2 layer motel look with all the windows that look the same. You walk outside to enter and for the bathroom there was just a shower, tiny little towels to dry off, 2 beds and a really, really old air conditioner that also served as the only heater. It took a while to get started to heat the cold room and it emitted a very strong oder. I was hoping it wasn't carbon monoxide but it could very easily have been. I got a little sick from the air conditioner but we slept OK.
Blue Belle was a good girl the whole time except for one little thing frustrating. Another dilemma in having a girl doggie or girl sheltie is that they are very particular at where they go pottie. For Blue Belle, she likes a fresh batch of grass. A beautiful lawn preferably. No concrete, no carpet, no wood floor, now it needed to be fresh snow or grass. The ice I think got her little snatch where she was like "ughhhhh!!!!!" when she touched down. My husband took her on a walk trying to get her to go and nothing. He found an icy batch of grass and still nothing. He could not get her to go. We couldn't get her to go all night long.
Then finally at 6am, she jumped up next to me and stared right into my eyes, and then looked down and the reacher left paw up and touched my shoulder. She even hummed a little tone very quietly. I immediately got up, got dressed and then walked her around this beautiful little town. We walked about 6 blocks up the street past a bunch of beautiful Christmas Windows decorated so perfectly for Christmas. It was the day after Christmas and we still got to see some beautiful Christmas Decorations. Then finally we walked past more beautiful window displays and then another 2 blocks and finally we found the perfect patch of dirt and pebbles for her pottie. It was a such a great feeling for both of us as we watched the sun come up over the mountains as she peeed into infinity!
To be able to watch another sunrise after seeing the sunset last night while we were lost in the middle of no where land, no houses, just woods and fields with cattle; most of all we were together and should have been enjoying the moments together rather than being stressed out and lost. Then this morning to be able to witness another gorgeous sunrise and this was just the great start for our fun day together. It was absolutely lovely.
I stopped at a coffee shot that was open this early for coffees and a fresh warm cinnamon bun and even stopped for a muffin for my husband at the free continental breakfast as our motel. It was just a very small breakfast to at least hold us over for a day.
It was unanimous that we would not go boarding on Saturday. All the families get to have that whole mountain all to themselves on this very busy, busy day. It could very well be for both of us a very dangerous day to go with so many children out on the mountain; you really do have to be careful and not go too fast; always watch out for others. But most of all what would make it more dangerous for injuries is the temperature which may or may not get up to 40 degrees which makes the snow melt and become sticky. With two day old snow its not quite as fluffy as what it was the very first day (which we were privileged enough to experience). Today we would walk around this little town and do some shopping, relaxing, eating or what ever. We didn't particularly know if we would stay another night or just go home.
We stopped into a consignment store where I purchased a few things as the ladies loved on Blue Belle. They had the best stories for every item in that store, great prices, and most of all original clothing that you will NOT see another one of. I almost bought this one fur coat with delicate stitching. An old woman had brought in the coat and her husband had purchased it in 1957 as they had cruised and vacationed in Norway. Can you imagine? I didn't buy the coat because the sleeves were too short. It fit perfectly everywhere else. I didn't get a photo of that coat but there were plenty of others we should have photographed. It was a store where a woman who loves to shop could literally spend hours enjoying. I thought of one of my best friends from a few years ago who I loved going shopping with; we always had a blast and in fact in this very photo I am wearing a shirt from her favorite consignment shop. Kimberly! I miss you!
Anyway, my husband and I continued exploring this small peaceful town and even went inside an old War Museum. A whole room of World War II items, even photos of Elvis in military gear and his autograph. My husband being a veteran himself as I sat in amazement as he told of his duty on the DMZ in Korea. He still remembered many of the towns and so many great stories. The guest book contained names of people from all over the world who had served in many wars and tours of duty. They had the most amazing memorabilia in there.
We started to get a little hungry as the day wore on and decided to look for the micro brewery Restaurant in Standard, CA. We also wanted to at least check out Jamestown as well. Jamestown was a neat little town but did not have not 1 single bar in the whole town.
There was maybe 2 churches?, maybe 2 religious gift stores, only 2-3 restaurants, and an excellent Olive Store with all local olives (they had the most amazing Basil Olive Oil and a fig Balsamic Vinagar!-mmmmm); most of the cute shops were closed. We did see a few motorcycle and leather stores and then the Jamestown Harley which looked to be closed and hopefully not for good as the Santa Cruz Harley shop has done a few weeks ago. We wanted our Jamestown Harley shirts. Here is a very cool old school motorcycle parked right out front. The doors were all locked and the hours posted actually appeared that it should be open by noon on Saturday. Hopefully these people still have their jobs as we can only hope for the best for them. We walked into another leather shop which had lots of cool leathers and jackets. It smelled wonderful in there and the woman in the store was very bright and cheerful.
My husband and I started to get really hungry and decided to go find us a restaurant to have our lunch. We walked along the peaceful little town and found nothing to really eat here (both restaurants closed) so we decided to go look for that Lumberyard brewing company. Once again we used the GPS and browsed the text for the correct directions instead of a wild goose chaise in the woods. We found the restaurant, enjoyed a great meal and continued home. What a great day and I'm still regular:)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I just got a Lemonade Award a few days ago (while I was on my recent snowboarding trip) by this great blogger "Chronicals of Caelan" (http://chroniclesofcaelan.today.com/2008/12/26/lemonade-for-christmas). I actually went through and read quite a bit of her posts which can draw you in for at least a couple of hours as her posts are so very interesting. This woman has such a great outlook on life and its very refreshing to see how positive she lives her life (it's very magical).
Anyway who ever wins this award is to post their award on their blog and then provide links and of course love to the person that nominated them. They are also to put up their own list of 10 other recipients. You mustn't forget to post a comment on their blog with a link back to yours, letting them know their blog’s a winner!
The following is my list of noteworthy blogs. They are each very unique for their own reasons and are all excellent to read! Thanks again to http://chroniclesofcaelan.today.com/ for thinking of this Cancer Survivor's Blog enough to deserve some lemonade! I highly recommend checking out this Elf's noteworthy blog and these others for whom I am nominating.
http://sandhysown.blogspot.com/ (ovarian cancer?? pass the wine...now!)
http://survivingcancersurvivinganything.blogspot.com/ (Surviving Cancer, surviving anything)
http://harleyblues2007.blogspot.com/ (Sir Paul McCartney & The Beatles guest Band Purplemelon)
http://animalsthatgivepause.blogspot.com/ (Animals that give pause)
http://everyday-adventurer.blogspot.com/ (The Everyday Adventurer)
http://realestatenews-roxy.blogspot.com/ (Roxy's Real Estate News)
http://peerabuse.blogspot.com/ (Bullying is a Form of Abuse - Peer Abuse!)
http://dirtywriting.blogspot.com/ (Airing our Dirty Writing)
http://gravelfarm.blogspot.com/ (The Gravel Farm)
http://what-meworry.blogspot.com/ (What Me Worry?)
Hope you all enjoy these great blogs as much as I do! Here's to taking the lemons of your life and making lemon aid!)
I got a very encouraging email from another blogger who blogs about making money from your blog and how to start blogging for any of you interested. I didn't get to add this blog to the lemon aid award but it is a blog worth mentioning.
http://www.thetechnoland.com/ (The Techno Land)
Peace & Love to all!)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
I would like to wish all of my readers, family, friends, and more a Merry Christmas! I hope you all got all that you wished for and perhaps in 2009, there will be a cure for Cancer. (Just a wish!)
My husband and I had a lovely little Christmas together. I was really surprised how family and friends were so punctual in getting cards and presents here on time. I had some abdominal pain last night and have been working through that pain with some cannabis, yoga, and some meditation. I think it was just a mild abdominal block. I'm still quite excited to go snowboarding once again.
It's been a crazy day for weather today. It started our raining like crazy and then the sun came out and then it rained like crazy again, wind was blowing and then it got sunny once again; in fact so pretty that I took Miss Blue Belle out to play with her best friend Tess. Now it's about to rain like crazy once again and the wind is really picking up.
I'm currently packing and getting ready for a snowboarding trip to Tahoe for fresh powder! We plan to leave really early Friday morning for Dodge Ridge. The boards are all waxed, the racks are installed on the truck and the inventory of our snowboard bags all check. So we are ready! Not sure how long we are staying but I do know that we have to keep on living and nothing makes me feel more alive than going really fast down a mountain on my snowboard with my honey close by!
I promise to update in a few days when I return.
Monday, December 22, 2008
The first appointment is at 11:30am with a very compassionate and interesting woman named Aeriol Ascher who is a CMT, MsD at Roman Paradigm Massage which is a little over 1 mile from my house or walking distance. It's just around the corner from Santana Row. To get this particular woman for a massage is a gift from what I was told from another cancer patient. From talking on the phone with this woman, she had such a caring, compassionate voice and treated me as if I were a princess to have survived what I have gone through. I could tell right away that this woman has a heart of gold. I won't be getting that massage today but perhaps in a few weeks. We will begin to discuss my current health situation in order to customize a future massage (lymphatic). Massage is great for Cancer patients or so I have read and heard.
UPDATE: I was actually late for my appointment with Aarial (it was at 11am; not 11:30am). She was very patient and sweet as I walked in at around 11:25am with Miss Blue Belle patiently walking with me. We were able discuss what we needed to in just 10 minutes prior to her 11:30am appointment arriving. She was very warm and open to me as she educated me about different massage and therapeutic treatments which might work for me. She described one particular treatment which involved floating in this tub or contraption thing with water and air exactly the same temperature or higher than the body's temperature. (I've misplaced the brochure and once I find it I will include more information and a link)
At 1:30 pm I had my Quantum Biofeedback / Detox Foot Bath appointment which did take nearly 4 hours. It is somewhat like quantum physics and requires that I have these straps on both wrists, ankles and one that goes around my head. I had to fill out quite a lengthy questioneer prior to being hooked up the machine. It measured my pulse rate, brain waves, body temperature and much more than I could even begin to imagine. The therapist asked me all kinds of questions about my Cancer and just like most women with my type of cancer, I did suffer a loss. This loss can be a child, a pet, a parent, loved one, sibling or what ever; but it does deal with a trauma and not getting over the trauma completely. With Ovarian Cancer the pain is in the peritoneal cavity and what do most of us do when we are hurt emotionally by a loss? We hold it inside us for many years and its pure pain that we are holding in. This being hooked up to the machine or computer seemed very calming for me and it measured that I had depression, anxiety, and most of all trauma. Which does make sense.
She said that over the next couple of days I will noticing changes to my body. She also suggested a salt water flush to do in the mornings to get rid of all the toxins that are in my body and are probably in many people's bodies. The salt water flush should be done first thing in the morning prior to drinking anything or eating anything. .95 liter of tepid water and 2 level (must be level - use a knife to level the teaspoons) teaspoons of sea salt. Drink it in 10 minutes and within 30 minutes or so you should experience a good bm. We'll see. I won't be doing this prior to going to work .
Here are some interesting photos taken from my "POO out of my Feet" Ionic Foot Detox:
My good friend, did call and she sounded as if she had a really bad cold so we were unable to see the Movie "Milk". I hope to see it soon!)
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Never under any circumstances, do you give a Cancer Patient (like me) a box of chocolates with macadamia nuts (OK, somebody I work with gave me these great Hawaiian Chocolates - milk chocolate with macademia nuts) or lots of nuts period; especially if that patient has had nearly the surgeries I have had (4 major).
It has been scientifically proven that sugar actually feeds cancer and its not a good idea to buy a Cancer patient something with sugar, high fructose corn syrup, anything remotely hydrogenated, preservatives.
As you can clearly see in this photo what nuts or chocolate can do in my situation. If you notice in this photo, look at my belly button and you can see two lumps just above it. That is a bowel obstruction that you can clearly see. Especially the big lump there. It's pretty Trippy, huh? I love the opportunity to educate others about my unique situation. Cannabis is currently helping me in this situation so please don't worry yourself.
Right now, we are doing the roto rooter to get this chocolate and nuts through my system. I drank some prune juice, water and Miralax and the Cannabis got my mouth dry and got rid of some really sharp pains (probably from the nuts) and its making some noise. This is a very painful situation for me to be in; a struggle that sometimes is constant. I can actually taste the chocolate and nuts as it comes up my esophagus.
The Cannabis mostly just calmed it down where its not making too much noise or as much as it was. The nausea is gone too but I do have to keep drinking and if I don't do something in a few hours, I have to do an enema. How completely pleasant is that?
Imagine if you had to go through this whole ordeal every time you indulged yourself with cup cakes, chocolates, nuts, chips, popcorn and all those bad things for you. OK some of them might not be, but for me they are all bad.
As a Cancer patient; I know I need love and prayers most of all. Nice warm thoughts that one day there will be a cure. A nice card makes me really happy and even a smile. I'm really, really simple to please and really there is no need to waste money on Chocolates, cookies, and sweets. As you can tell from that photograph, they are not at all good for me. Granted these did not have hydrogenated oils or preservatives, they did have sugar and I'm not supposed to have it. I love the person who gave me those chocolates, but right now my husband is not at all happy with them or me. I just got lazy and hungry and eyed those chocolates which were in my house at the time and it was a choice between those chocolates or the Ensures.
Trust me, I will not feel left out if I don't get some of those cookies and sweets. In fact, I will know that you read my blog or that you maybe don't understand what I am going through. A simple smile will do or a card. Now if you make something in your kitchen; please provide it to your neighbors, kids, and family but not to a Cancer patient. I normally have to throw out candies and sweets. It is the right thing for me to do because my husband won't eat them either. Don't get me wrong; I do love the thought but I have lost myself and indulged; but paid heavily for it. We've been in the emergency room before and a whole night trying desperately to get it through my system. I really have to keep it simple.
Here are some things that never cause me any pain. Books on alternative therapies, healthy cook books, healing CDs, a CD of music that you created, photos of yourself, a poem, Itunes gift cards!) - even $5 one or even .99 cents works me. I love Music! comment on my blog- that really works too! How simple is that? Any cancer patients that are reading this; please post your ideas for perfect Christmas gifts that would make you happy. Perhaps you like chocolates and can handle them perfectly unlike me. I'm also looking out for all of you too. Dark, Dark chocolate is good for you, but not the sugar. I know that sucks; but its completely true.
In all, I just don't want anything that will disrupt me taking a shit. That's all I ask for!) I hope you are laughing as you read this; those are my intentions and most of all those are my thoughts completely!
UPDATE: 12:50PM Went upstairs in severe pain, used my vaporizer, took a nice hot bath with lavender Sea Salt, meditated; then all of a sudden a huge burst of energy towards the porceline goddess! Kaboom! Yes! all is good for me now! The pain is now relieved and no worries. Your prayers and good thoughts also worked in my favor. God has provided me a plant that grows naturally and I am no longer in any pain from the love of some Chocolate and Macedemia nuts. No need for an enema just yet.
At 3pm, I was pretty much on the porcelain goddess the rest of the day. Still getting the rest of everything out even after 5pm. I couldn't be more than 25 feet from either goddess (upstairs and downstairs), but thankfully in the privacy and love of my own home!) Not causing any harm to anyone; including myself.
Most of the day I did feel some sharp abdominal pains and swelling; I had to be on top of it to use the vaporizer to relieve myself of this pain and to continue to drink more water to get this out of my system.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Quantum Biofeedback and of course the detox foot bath. Please re-visit this post again soon as I do plan to update some more. In fact I normally will update past posts often when I see mistakes and such.
Well I tried out these "Detox soul pads" a couple of evenings ago (sorry just got the chance to download those photos) just to see how they worked and what the results would be. I honestly don't even know if they actually worked. I just know those excellent friends of mine sent me love when they got them for me and that alone makes me feel great!)
Here is a series of the photos taken in order of how I used these detox foot pads.
Please feel free to click on the photos to get a good look at them primarily the Foot Map which shows all the body function and organs as they relate to the feet.
While I didn't notice a significant change from using these detox pads, I will continue to use them again soon. As you can see, just from wearing the pads overnight, there wasn't a whole lot of detox goo coming out of my feet which is why I plan to try this again as I work through out the day. It's recommended to use at night, I would like to see what happens at least for a few hours during the day. I won't do it at work, but perhaps this weekend if possible.
With the detox foot baths that I got in the past, I noticed increased energy, I slept good at night and I was also able to be regular (go poo). OK the difference I noticed between these foot pads and Ionic Foot Bath is that while I had my soaking, I could actually feel my feet tingling. Not to the point that it hurt of course, but in a weird way it felt kind a good. It was a soft tingling; like something good was happening in my feet.
Afterwards, I actually felt great. I slept good and over the next couple of days, my skin skin even cleared up. I highly suggest a detox foot bath for anyone facing a serious illness. I don't see any harm at all; just the light headedness afterwards, but the benefits outweigh this minor side effect.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
My husband and I had dreams of becoming really good parents and had felt that we had learned from our own parents mistakes to avoid on how we could raise our children. We would take weaknesses and turn them into strengths. In life you have to take what you are given and make it better.
We were actually trying for kids just prior to me getting diagnosed with what we thought was a cyst in my right ovary. I will never forget the fear of going under just prior to that life changing surgery. I had prayed to God that this wouldn't happen and for some odd reason I was worried about that small 5% chance that I would have cancer.
I would be lying if I said that we weren't heartbroken when we got that initial diagnosis after waking up from that long 9 hour surgery. What would we have done differently? True it was a nightmare to wake up to and I blamed God in the beginning, but I have learned so much about life from this (probably too common) experience. One thing that helped was my rock (my husband), we turned a tragedy into a wedding; just two days before my first chemo treatment!)
I like to think that me going through this hell (Cancer) is for a purpose; to make those around me, appreciate the right now. I didn't get the real opportunity as most do to raise children, to become a real mom, and to watch them progress into adulthood. I did feel cheated at first to not have those opportunities as most women do, but I have to keep on living and enjoy life with the man I truly love. I was given true love and am completely grateful for that. Many experience life without ever finding it.
I really do have lots to be thankful anyway, I have the most amazing 3 nieces and 3 nephews (I am truly amazed at each one them), and tons of friend's kids that I get to watch grow up. I have gracefully accepted that we can't have kids (actually we both have). I still do have a hand at the future with my knowledge and wisdom.
It's not the same, but I do have a dog and a cat that give me simple loving pleasure and satisfaction when I get home from work if I've had a stressful day. I get to talk to talk them and teach them things and I am satisfied because I could be living in a place where I wouldn't be allowed to have them. True, it's not the same, but I am grateful for them. I would never want a child to have to go through this pain as we go through. It's hard enough on my husband, my family, loved ones, and even my pets to see me suffer sometimes.
In life, you have to be thankful for what you have and look right in front of you if you have missed it. I have been talked to about God from many and have come to accept that my only hope in this life is to live life as I feel that Jesus or God would want me to live it. I don't blame anyone for my own situation and I have never understood those who play victim; always blaming others for their own misfortunes.
I know in my heart that greediness and not sharing with others is not how he would want me to live my life. Him giving me this cancer has taught me to appreciate every moment I am given and to live my life in the moment, doing what I feel in my heart is the best thing to do with that special moment & by making decisions that I feel are really best. I just try do my best in every situation that I can; just be the best person I can be.
Yes, I can't help but get really frustrated when I hear of another woman who takes motherhood for granted or as a downfall to her own situation. I can't understand wishing a child was never born or even telling a child this. I read and often hear about others who have witnessed moments such as this and it really truly appalls me.
I really wish I could speak or have some kind of a difference in these women's lives so that they don't ever feel that motherhood is not a gift. I want them to imagine life in my shoes so that they never feel that motherhood is a curse. I don't like that there are children out there that are abused and neglected because I personally don't feel I could ever neglect my own child. I can't comprehend in my chemo brain why anyone would want to harm anyone innocent. I really wish I could make a difference for helping these parents see the light of what they are doing to their children. I wish I could do something to wake these women up and to let them know that there are so many women out there that would die to be in their place.
I do believe everything happens for a reason and perhaps I was chosen to go through this hell to teach others to not to take their gifts in life for granted; to be happy for the moment and what they already have and to not obsess to much about the future. Enjoy right now. Hell, my day is good day if I get to take a shit. Imagine your life being so simple as that; not wishing for much, as for me, that's a lot. I don't take regular thinks such as body functions for granted.
I like to think that the lives of people around me are also affected by my experiences on a deep level as their appreciation for not having to go through what I endure on this journey. I'm so very open about what I go through and will talk to anyone honestly about what I am facing. I would never mean for them to stress out for me, just be happy for what you have and that you have this moment to share with me. I'm not afraid anymore. I don't want others to feel sorry for me or to have to worry about me, just pray and send positive thoughts about me; smile when you think of me. In all I just want my life to have meaning for others around me and this blog gives me the opportunity to do just that. Peace & Love!)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Sunday was my husband's birthday and most often Sundays are about watching football for him which I don't really have a whole lot of interest for. I can watch hockey on TV, even though in person its so much better to watch; much more exciting! I can't watch that many other sports on TV but I would rather watch in person and have even tolerated watching an entire football game in person (it was actually fun to be there at Lambeau Field) but have never ever been able to get into it on TV. It's just not exciting enough to get my short attention span or my chemo brain involved. While he was out watching the game at his favorite pub on the huge big screen, me and Blue Belle were out shopping and she was definitely getting a bath this day.
You see earlier that morning Miss Blue Belle had an unfortunate little accident on the bed of all places. I had just made some fresh coffee for my husband with some yummy Pumpkin spice soymilk cream and enough Splenda for him (none for me). We were both sipping our coffee on the bed and had a nice little spot that Blue Belle could comfortably join us. I smacked the spot for her to jump up and join us and instead, she popped up right into my lap spilling my coffee all over me and her and the bed of course. What a dumb, dumb move on my part. Since her fur was all sticky and stiff from spilling coffee on her; it was indeed bath time. Thank god it wasn't too hot. Instead of the caffeine waking us up, it was pure adrenaline!
We stopped at the park to play with her boyfriend Jagger for a little while as she got pretty muddied up and dirtier and all the more worthy of a good bath. Then we stopped and got her all pretty and clean then stopped at the grocery store (Whole Foods) for something quick to eat for me. My stomach was needing something in it and to calm it down some. It gets pretty noisy especially the morning after taking my chemo pill (Etoposide).
I had used my vaporizer that morning so the pain was gone, just at the point of starting to feel the motion of my intestines moving things around. They get blocked so easily and are not able to handle digesting food that could cause gas and extreme pain for me. At this point right now, and its quite unpleasant so if you can fart, consider it a blessing. Lately I have been having serious issues with the problem of having gas. Now if I do feel I have to fart, its a shart; so needless to say, I avoid it unless I am seated on a toilet. Most of the time, my intestines do get blocked and therefore I am unable to do so. Just a couple of years ago, it seemed I farted non-stop. I kind of feel that the chemo drugs may have caused the further deterioration of my intestines that now I am unable to fully fart to my bodies full potential.
Now, instead, it just becomes so incredibly painful and for some reason I am now able to feel the loss of part of my colon due to these complications. I am blessed to still be alive and I accredit the use of medicinal cannabis in my situation. I know if I followed government propaganda on this very, very useful plant; I wouldn't be alive. It has saved my life so many times. It is a blessing to live here in California where I can legally use it. I know in my heart and soul that this is NOT a dangerous drug.
These two really nice ladies sat at the table next to me as we had some wonderful conversations about the wellness of having a dog for therapy, the Sheltie Breed, herding dogs, and psychic abilities. Very stimulating conversations and even a church which is about 2 blocks from my house and its very small and open to my beliefs. Not a pushy type of religion but one I will definitely check out. One of the ladies spoke of her husband who is apparently scared of death and is fighting for his life with a particularly deadly type of cancer. One of his treatments involved a very radioactive chemo pill for which he was forbidden to be around anyone because of his radioactivity. In order to take the pill, he had to be isolated as the pill came in this tube that was completely electronic as is dispelled the pill. He had to be careful not to touch the pill on his lips or mouth and just down the hatch it had to go. Wow! When you think you have it bad, there is always someone out there who has it worse and is fighting just as strong if not stronger. This woman was incredibly courageous and just like an angel. She had this wonderful glow about her. She didn't fear death but felt it was just another part of life's many journeys. In heaven you get to meet all of your pets that had already passed on and your families. It was wonderful to meet and to talk with these wonderful women. Everything happens for a reason.
I went home and cleaned up the house, did the laundry, and got those deserts ready for my husband's 43rd birthday. I had already given him his gifts weeks earlier and felt bad that I only had a card for him. He just wanted my love and that's enough for both of us. I feel the same exact way!
The following day (Monday), my husband had to go to work and me and Miss Blue Belle needed to find the perfect Christmas dress for my company party on Friday. We walked all over Santana Row searching. We finally got to the place White House/Black Market.
This was the same place I had gotten my Wedding Dress just six years earlier. I had an appointment at the Mac store to get my Ipod Battery fixed so I had to deal with that first. I was able to replace my Ipod completely for only $59. I had a brand new Ipod conveniently inside my purse.
Afterwards, I continued over to White House/Black Market for my dress as the nice ladies had a dressing room with lots of great dresses all ready for me to try on. I did find the perfect dress and in addition they even gave me the largest dressing room they had just so that Miss Blue Belle could be comfortable enough for me to try on several dresses. I finally found the perfect dress and purchased it. I also found a great jacket to go with it, but it wasn't on sale as the dress was. I paid $133 for the dress and the jacket was $298. The nice sales lady even suggested this sweater which was $78 and a huge "made in china" label which completely turned me off. I felt I could find a better deal and I did later on.
We were finally ready to leave the mall (Valley Fair) as I went to sit at a bench so that I could comfortably put on my jacket and bundle up for the walk across the street over to Santana Row to continue my search for the perfect jacket. I got up and proceed to walk out of the mall after I had gotten my jacket on. As we were walking out a friendly security guard approached me about Blue Belle and asking if she was a service dog. I told him she was and he smiled at me and continued on his job.
10 minutes later we were outside of the mall and ready to cross Steven's Creek Blvd. over to Santana Row for more shopping when I noticed that my purse was no where to be seen. I instantly had a small panic attack as I struggled back to that bench that my purse just may still be. I had cash, my new ipod, credit cards, and my whole identity in that purse. I kept trying to get some fresh breaths of air to relax me which really didn't do a whole lot of good. I went to several benches and finally to the one I thought it must be. Nothing and then I saw two young boys sitting there so as I asked them if they had seen my purse. Still nothing. I went to several of the stands that were close by and still nothing. I walked over to the information desk as the gentleman there told me that he had seen nothing and that doubedly my purse would even be up there in the Security office in such a short time. No one had even turned anything in. I then walked over to one friendly Russian guy where he told me where the security office was. In his broken English as he wished me good luck and smiled very gently at me and Blue Belle. I took the elevator as he suggested and proceeded to the Security Office. I walked around a corner and then saw my purse sitting on a desk. It was the first thing I saw as I generously thanked those nice security guys in the office as they loved on Blue Belle.
They gave me my purse and I hugged one of them and continued to thank them and told them this is proof of Good Kharma!) As I walked outside the Macy's to continue over to Santana Row, I pulled out all of my money (which was only a $10 bill) and placed it in the Red Salvation Army container. I wished the bell ringer a Merry Christmas and continued on my shopping trip. I was very thankful to get another chance with my purse and my forgetful chemo brain.
I did find a jacket for $30 and Shawl for $10. I had to go back to the Macy's for my husband's winter white sweater for the party later that night. The sweater was $49, then the young man ringed it up as it was on sale for $33. I was surprised and said Wow! It's on Sale! Then he smiled gently at me as he went to ring it up again with an employee discount to get the sweater for $25. He told me he feels personal satisfaction to give just 1 nice person his employee discount each day that he works. See the power of Good Kharma! This is what I like to write about so that all of you reading this can witness that what comes around Goes around!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
My husband and I decided that we would take a drive out to Capitola which is a very beautiful Beach Town. We did get a late start (around noonish), but we were on a quest to find the perfect Christmas party dress for the Holiday Company Party. It was about 72 degrees and it was sunny and very gorgeous; perfect shopping weather for this town. We went into a total of 5 shops and did find the perfect dress; well not quite perfect.
We finally found this one shop and Blue Belle was of course with us getting all sorts of attention. I could hear my husband outside the dressing room talking to all kinds of ladies melting at the site of such a beautiful sweet natured dog. I could just picture Blue Belle's smile with her ears back very sweetly. As I was trying on each dress, I kept getting disappointed with the price of each dress as each was several hundred dollars.
My figure could not have been more perfect for trying on each of the dresses as we came down several sizes. My first thoughts were that I was at least a size 4-6. I was off quite a bit as size 0 and 2 were sizes to be considered. I do have to admit that while trying on several of the dresses, my boobs looked to be pretty darned saggy and if I were to put both boobs together, they could easily become just 1 nice boob. If only I could find a dress that contained a bra or material strong enough to form a convenient little shelf in which to place those very saggy boobs on.
The women in the store were so incredibly enthusiastic to have us in the store trying on those incredibly over priced dresses. They finally found a gorgeous twenties style black flapper dress with beautiful feathers dangling from the bottom of the dress. It was a gem! It looked so perfect on me and formed my body better than a glove. My husband loved it and was ready to pay what ever price it happened to be. The price just was too much for me to want to pay ($368). The jacket that went with the dress was $598. My husband was ready to spare no expense. He loved the way the dress looked on me but I was strong enough to say we need to shop some more. It was hard to do, but we did it.
We continued on to my cheap dress shop where one year I had found the most gorgeous dress for less than $50 and of course we did not find the right dress here. We did find a few good ones, but not in my size. All the dresses they had were too big for me. Wow! What a rarity as this has never happened to me. Normally, my big butt helps me fit into most dresses. I just needed some more cup sizes and a little bit more meat on my bones but that's OK. I've always thought, well the next time I really need another major surgery, perhaps I can have my doctor through in some boobs while he has me open and unconscious. OK bad joke, but I'm still laughing anyway! My husband and I still had a blast shopping and I had the most wonderful, patient shopping partner I could ever ask for; excuse me partners (Blue Belle and my husband).
We then decided to drive up the coast to Santa Cruz for some lunch. It was about 3pm and as we were passing by, we noticed that at 5:30pm (more closer to dark), A huge sign was displayed on one of the bridges indicating that there would be a boat parade on the pier for all to watch on December 6th. It would have nice to see, but we would wait to see if we would feel like staying around a bit later. We could just play it by ear and if the traffic was too horrendous, we could just head back to San Jose. Live in the moment, be spontaneous, love life!
One we got into Santa Cruz, we decided to have our late lunch at the Seabright Restaurant and Brewery which now officially allows dogs out on the deck. We had stopped going there when we first got Blue Belle two and half years ago simply because they didn't allow dogs out on the deck but instead just outside the deck. We utilize Dogfriendly.com frequently to find restaurants which allow dogs and within the last couple of weeks Seabright changed their policy to allow dogs. I had a nice open faced tuna melt (light on the cheese) while my husband had a salad and an appetizer of Chicken Terriaki. I paid some dues (a little bit of pain and abdominal swelling) with my decision of having the Tuna melt.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I tried not to over do it but I am glad to be back. I did notice through out the day that I wasn't as thirsty as I normally am. I decided that I will not utilize my medicine (cannabis) through out the week while I am working. If I have any kind of pain, I will just take an Ibuprophen, do some meditative breathing, or just ignore the pain the best that I can. It seemed to help this week and that I also did not take my chemo pills. I think just to start I didn't have such a bad week. I will have to continue to take the rest of these chemo pills (I have 5 left) when I feel that I can. Maybe I will be done with chemo for now.
Today, I was at work at 6:30am in order to prepare for a large group meeting. I had picked up donuts just before 6am , orange juice last night, and then some bagels for everyone to enjoy at the meeting. For me personally, I am still not eating too many solids and since today I needed my stomach not to have too much complex stuff to digest because I planned to take my chemo pill tonight. We had a pizza party at lunch and then a baby shower at 3pm with plenty of snacks and I was very proud of myself that I didn't have any of that. Instead, I drank one of my powdered protein drinks and an Ensure.
I did get to take an amazing 40 minute walk out on the bay with one of my co-workers. It felt so good to get out and to walk on this gorgeous Friday afternoon. The air was so fresh and warm with lots of wildlife and the calmness of the water out on the Bay! I had wished that I had brought my roller blades with hardly any wind. The water was so calm and full of all kinds of birds. Just absolutely breathtaking.
I had to leave early from the fun baby shower in order to head to the hospital for my note that apparently had not been sent to HR yet and it needed to be there no later than Monday. I have to be honest, I was a bit stressed about getting the note on time as I struggled to drive all the way to Santa Clara and to try to make it there before 5pm when the business office closed. The traffic on the way to there had slowed down and become that dreaded sling shot traffic but I did still make it to the hospital on time.
I finally found a parking spot that was a good huff from the hospital as many cars drove aimlessly around to find an available spot. My spot was may be a quarter of a mile or more from the business office but as hard as it is to find a spot at this time, you really have to settle. I got there and grabbed a number and from what I could tell, there was only maybe 8 more people to wait on and it was already 4:32pm.
As I was leaving to go to the bathroom, an old man approached me on the way and he gave me his number which was only about 4 more people to wait instead of my eight. He apparently was in the wrong office and did not need to be seen after all. I even had time to go to the restroom and back in time to be seen. I thanked him for the number and wished him a good weekend as he did the same for me. See, the power of more good kharma!)
When I returned from the restroom, instead of just being one person to help each there ended up being around 4 and they plowed through each person's problem pretty fast or who ever was in that business office. When it was finally my turn there was a note from my doctor; however, he had accidentally included December 2nd and December 3rd as well. I was just very glad to get the note finally so if I don't get paid for Wednesday, its really no big deal. Now I really wished I would have taken my anniversary date off. I had just completed a very important task and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders! It's the weekend! Time to celebrate!)
I got home and took Miss Blue Belle out for a little potty walk. She was a little depressed about the whole long day alone that she had placed some of our dirty socks on the back door rug and she even tore up a pen in frustration or boredom. She never tears up anything unless she is mad at us and granted it has been months since her mom has been back to work.
My husband had called me to let me know that he was planning on stopping at the local pub for a beer so I decided to take Miss Blue Belle on a little ride in the car. I was pretty starved and nothing really that good around the house to make for me so I was feeling like getting a pizza from my favorite pizza joint that happens to be right next to the Blue Belle's grocery store (with the big turtles, snakes, and scary hamsters) snacks, and food.
I ordered a large pizza mostly for my husband. Now this pizza has a very thin crust and they do skimp on the cheese which for me is a very good thing. I can eat a few slices but that's about it. As my pizza was getting prepared and cooked, I walked over to the pet store and on my way there, two youngsters (young guys about 18ish) smiled over at me and one seemingly flirted with me or so it seemed. Well, he smiled at me and said "hey there" to me with a little wink. Now I'm kind of an old lady compared to him. Yes, I was flattered, but definitely no thanks. They were old enough to be my kids.
I always assumed that having my wedding band on is a savior from all the single confusion. That's what I would call it if I were there now and thankfully I am not. I guess I don't look so bad to be a Cancer Patient after all?
I said "Hi" to the kid and smiled and just continued on to the pet store. I showed Blue Belle some curious little hamsters who were standing up as tall as they could stand just get a good look at her. She touched noses with one of them and then backed up as if those were the scariest animals ever. She looked over at the standing hamster but didn't really want much to do with him so she walked over to the floppy eared bunnies. She wanted them to come outside to play since they were stomping and making some fun noises.
I got got her a larger bag of food and a green rain deer toy. Then I saw the sweet lady that works at the pet store as she came over to me and gave me a big hug and asked how I was doing. She always lets me use the restroom there and is completely understanding of my health problems. She's almost like a mom to me and I do have several women in my life around here that are. They are kind of like my guardian angels and I love them all! Blue Belle even went up and gave her some warm kisses.
After I paid for the toy and food, those same young boys smiled over at me as I put Blue Belle and my items into the car. They complimented me on my gorgeous dog and I smiled at them and told them thanks. As I continued to the pizza place, I noticed a new store that had just opened; it was kind of smoke shop but had lots and lots of beautiful hand blown pipes of all colors.
One of the young boys came into the shop and tried to spark up a conversation with me as I walked into the adult section where all the beautiful pipes were. Honestly he seemed pretty stoned but he was of age (maybe 18 years old). I kept smelling some really stinky farts and I knew it must be that kid. Every time he walked by me, I could smell a new one. I wished I could fart sometimes because it would make my situation much less painful. My intestines get too blocked most of the time with anything that makes me gassy so I just have to avoid those foods. I just considered the kid very lucky to be able to do that even though it was quite gross.
I looked around the new store and ended up getting some incense and also inquired about some good containers and pipes. I then took my purchases back to my car as the kid who had the bad gas was getting into the passenger side of his buddy's truck which was parked right next to me. The driver, also a young guy was puffing on a cigarette as he said over to me, "smoking is so bad for you" and I chimed in, "you might want to keep that one lit since your buddy has some pretty bad gas". He agreed with me as they both burst out laughing and so did I as I placed my items into the car and went back to pick-up my pizza. I could tell the other kid was a little embarrassed as they drove off. We just waved good bye as it was all good humor.
I got home and since I was quite starved, I ate a few pieces of pizza and then placed the rest in the oven for later. I didn't order any pepperoni on the pizza just the specialty toppings. I figured, I could just walk over to Safeway, get some wine and some pepperoni, reheat the pizza for my husband so that we could enjoy some really good movies from Netflix.
My husband arrived a few minutes later as we relaxed a little and then took Blue Belle on a nice walk up the street to another store that we never frequent. They have great prices on good wines or so we had been told. It was about 45 minute walk round trip and Blue Belle really needed a good walk being cooped up all day. I also got to pick up his pepperoni for the pizza. We walked back home hand in hand. It was a lovely walk.
We got home and watched "Step Brothers" with Will Farrell and John C. Reilly. This was an incredibly hillarious movie for ADULTS ONLY. We laughed all the way through this movie, the dialogs, the adventures, and more. I think we had seen really bad reviews for this movie but it was absolutely hillarious as we had to stop and rewind to see many of the funniest scenes. These two men are great together! My husband was also pleasantly surprised to see that I had pizza and I even added his pepperoni and more cheese for his slices. The wine was perfect too and the perfect addition for a lovely evening together.
Before I went to bed, I took one of my chemo pills so we will see how I feel tomorrow as we drive down the coast to Capitola!
I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.
Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.
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