WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Getting ready for a Doggie Party and More!

Well today I am washing dog toys, and rugs.  We are going to a doggie birthday party tomorrow providing it does not rain.  Today was such a beautiful day and fighting a cold; I did not make it outside today.  Tonto has been entertaining me by running all over the floor and knocking all those tiny little leaves he got outside on his feet in the rain all over my floor; but I have been mixing the sweeping and cleaning with yoga so I am feeling as if I am healing why trying to keep up with a rambunctious bucking of this very playful Manx cat.  While the spinner of the cycle; I kept hearing what sounded like an Alaskan moose squeak (it only squeaked and alarmed me and the animals maybe about 3 or 4 times during the whole spin cycles) that was actually coming from the washing machine.   We all jumped when we heard it the first time.  I think that was what was making him so playful was that sound.  

When I did finally finish that cycle; I laughed my ass off when I took a look at what the sound was.  I had been feeling the effects of the new Fentanol patches that my honey had replaced just the day before and of course having to take 1mm of Dilaudid and an Ativan for severe ass spasms and all night shit fest (please forgive me for my wording but it does piss me off some nights that I have to go sometimes literally all night long = like every 20-30 minutes all through out the night and the poo that comes out burns like hell)!  Aren't you glad you don't have to suffer from those?  I can laugh about it now but boy when they are going on; they are not at all pleasant.  My poor ass and intestines have been cut up so many times and are continuing to go through hell.

I had decided to go through all of Blue Belle's toys to find gifts for a friend's pup's 1st birthday party since we are tightly watching our money; regifting was our only option since my spending used to be a problem and I am doing so much better lately except for food.   I still tend to loose it going to the grocery store only when hungry and there is nothing at all appealing in my fridge or pantry.  Should you never go shopping starving or stoned.  I don't go stoned shopping anymore but hungry seems to be a problem as well.   OK back to washing Blue Belle's toys and of course some of the rugs in the house needed to be washed as well. At least Blue Belle got to pick out the toys (she has more than enough = enough for at least 5 more parties).  I also had to wash out the washing machine after that load because of the lint left in the washing mashine and who knows what else was in there?   I had found this trick of using vinegar in the washing mashine as detergent to clean it out?  Hope it works.  

It's been so nice to have my honey home with me to take care of me and I do plan to treasure the next month with him since he returns back to work in a month.  I have lost my rights to drive since I am on such heavy duty drugs and I wouldn't dare get behind the wheels feeling any of those effects any way.  It does suck that I have so much pain in my body to have to control but I am still alive and very thankful to be at that.  This disease does make you treasure all the time  and all the moments spent with loved ones; even if it's just on the phone, on Skype, and especially in person

This weekend has been fun and I'm still looking forward to getting some much needed errands done on Monday and hopefully this won't be another week of not getting anything done.   I did get a call back from the lady in Palo Alto about what is needed to get my dog certified to work in the VA hospital.  

Kinda funny story and a bit awkward on my part and the poor volunteer's part.  Yesterday was a total "My Bad" and boy was it.  I feel really bad and really guilty about the whole thing but I can't help laughing; am I evil for thinking this?  It's just my honey's cute personality and his extreme protectfulness and what goes on in that cute mind of his.   Well, I got a call from a lovely organization called Transitions; they are funded by another organization called Hospice of the Valley; they had called me on Wednesday evening to try to schedule someone coming out to sign me up for their massage program or what ever other services they can provide me with.  Anyway it was pretty awkward and kind of funny how it all played out.  I'm pretty spacey especially having to be on all of these meds; I wanted to tell my honey about someone coming out on Friday and completely and totally spaced them coming out on Friday morning around 11am.  My honey and I had slept in some and I jumped out of bed at around 10:30am and not wanting to wake up my honey; I remembered the 11am appointment which I wanted to try and make by myself (should have included him and told him earlier, but I didn't get a chance to).  Anyway, the man rings the doorbell and I let him in and we begin talking about the program briefly.  I'm thinking my husband is sound asleep.  He had been suffering from a cold and had been taking Theraflu Nighttime cold medicine; so I really did figure that he was konked out for good.  Anyway, the man was older; probably in his 60's and he gave me some compliments that I was very pretty and that I did not look at all like someone with a terminal illness.   We talked a little bit about the program and then we started talking about massage and what the program offers.   I asked him about Reiki and if he could explain it to me; well then his voice was a bit effiminate (my husband said it sounded very creepy) and he said "well I have done Reiki and it is wonderful and my hands get really hot before I give anyone a massage!".  Right then we hear some stirring upstairs as my honey hurries to put on some clothes.  I guess what he had already heard creeped my honey out!  He comes downstairs and his hair is all wild and crazy looking and he's wearing his Grinch warm furry pants.  First thing; he had no idea some strange man would be in his living room talking about giving his wife a massage and also he had some forms that he had wanted me to fill out and sign.  My honey made it clear to the man that he had no idea that he would be there this morning or that he was not aware of anyone stopping by; of course my heart stops beating and I'm flushed and embarrassed that I had forgotten to tell him and immediately appologized for both and just told both of them that I'm sorry I spaced this whole appointment and I had just remmembered the appointment this morning and didn't want to deal with waking up a grizzly bear this morning.  

Yes, he is a grizzly bear in the morning to wake up and not at all fun to wake up in the morning; particularly if I have kept him up all night from going to the bathroom all night long as it has been usually.  Oh I felt so bad; 3 days is not enough time to tell him sometimes and I try to tell him right at the moment but he wasn't around for that phone call.  The man was completely uncomfortable as my honey read over what I was to sign and then looked over at me and then at my husband then said you know I think you two need to talk this over first because I don't feel comfortable all and he then made a B-line right for our front door.  The poor dude almost fell on the ground when he couldn't open the door but he finally made it out.   He nearly ran out the door; my crazy looking husband didn't do anything to him but his tone was not very friendly.   Oh God how I felt bad.  We  then had a normal couples spout about this but all is better now.   I just had to laught at his impressions of the man talking about how his hands heat up and how I look so young and pretty.  Thank god we resolved that!    I can now laugh about the situation and hope we can get this resolved because after researching everything; it is a very good idea and a great opportunity for me.   Maybe I can voluteer to visit hospice patients with Blue Belle?  Who knows?  Well now I am anxiously for awaiting until Monday when one of friends will be able to drive me to Palo Alto to sign me up for the Veteran's Hospital Pet Therapy Volunteer Program

Peace and Love to all and another update to come!  My sincere apologies for lagging on the updates!

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Friday, January 22, 2010

Fun with Family...

I'm so glad that my husband has also been able to have some good quality time with my father who arrived on the 16th which was on Saturday.  Well, during most of the stay, I had still having been those spells where I get tons of energy in order to get things done around the house (can't handle very long of trips away from the house = because of my extreme bowel issues); we did get to take bike rides everyday except for Monday because of some really heavy rain that lasted for most of the day and week; but just skipping one day out of 4 isn't so bad and we made it up by going on 2 rides on one of the days (forgot which day; must have been Tuesday). 

The nice nurse had arrived on Tuesday and she did talk with me further about wanting to get on Transitions which is I guess sponsored by Hospice of the Valley; I'm mostly just interested in getting some Alternative Health suggestions and services such as Raiki Healing Art and regular massage. Many voluteers work here and it would be cool to volunteer as well with Blue Belle.  I could help them as they help me; I could help Kaiser as they have helped me.  What comes around goes around and I pray that this voluteer work will help me get strong and that perhaps good kharma will pursue and somehow a miracle could happen to me?  Could this be possible; well we shall see.   I am also getting signed releases for patients who wish to get their  photos taken with Blue Belle and used on my blog.  Of course all links would link to the Palo Alto VA Hospital or what ever hospital is offering dog therapy.  This will be fun and it will great to have that feeling of helping someone else as so many have been helping me lately.

When we went to pick him up; Miss Blue Belle  climbed up into the middle console of the Escape and then into his lap to give him kisses and looked gazingly into his eyes as if to say "I sure missed you Grandpa!" She sure did remember him and it was amazing to all of us at what she did. 

Now when my dad had arrived; my honey had 4 free tickets to go see the Sharks play Edmonton (they were nose bleed seats and he just got them just the night before late, late maybe midnightish); we started to go to the game but I started feeling very sick as if I were going to puke and poo at the same time.  My intestines are not feeling so great lately.

We stopped at Henry's High Life which is the lowest point in San Jose and usually gets lots of flooding, but it is also one of the oldest buildings in San Jose.  Since the bartender had given my honey plenty of tickets in the past; he did the same and gave those tickets to a family who would surely enjoy the game and they bought him a beer for that sweet gesture. What comes around goes around!)

 My dad had been taking Miss Blue Belle out for a walk every morning at 8:30am (that he was here) and she had come to love it and has even come to expect it.  She still has her hopes up that her Grandpa will be there at 8:30 am to take her on her morning walk.   Her first morning with out Grandpa was a hard one and the evening with out him was hardest on her because she kept expecting Grandpa to just come right in through the front door only it never happened all day long!(; so Grandpa if you are listening she would very much like to Skype soon with you or for you to move out here so she can see her Grandpa everyday!.  She is such a patient girl and will wait as long as it takes for us to wake up in order for us to  take her out but with Grandpa here; she was in absolute heaven. She could bring him any one of her toys and he would gladly play tug-o-war with her or toss it for her to go fetch.  Her grandpa was great to her and she misses and so do we!  We had a nice visit with him and now we are looking forward to my mom and her sister coming to visit with us on February 8th. 

I still love rain even though the rain has hampered us being able to have much fun outside; although; I will still go out and have fun in it despite getting wet (my honey doesn't want me getting sick out in it); well that's exactly what happened to him when he went out for Philly Cheesesteaks with my dad.  A waitress that was waiting on him was sniffling, sneezing and coughing on him and the next morning my honey awoke to the equivalency of swallowing chopped light bulbs. 

That is why it is so important for employees to stay home when they are infectious with a cold; especially food service employees! But unfortunately; the law doesn't cover them for sick days and the rest of the public has to suffer because they must come to work or they can't pay their bills.  My poor honey!  I almost don't like going out to eat this time of season and would rather make home cooked meals for my honey. I wonder if Grocery Workers are giving their employees sick days too?  It's very important for workers to recieve paid sick leave.  My company was very generous as many companies are unfortunately not.  You have to be thankful for what you do have.  I would pay extra taxes just so that these people for whom I have contact with would be able to stay home and not get my loves ones sick who is taking care of me.  Well now I am feeling a little sick.  He then gives me the sickness. We tried with washing our hands and he is so good with doing that.

I have also been trying to call the PA VA Hospital (left several messages to volunteer services) to see about having Blue Belle and me volunteer; but with all this rain it had made it impossible for us to drive down there and with my intestines going crazy we were barely able to squeeze any outside trips; my honey promises to help me get over there to get signed up and tested (TB test) and for Kaiser Hospital.  It is my dream to be able to help others with my gorgeous soft pretty dog.  There is something to be said over petting and loving on such a soft beautiful and cute dog!  I know she wants to help too; because even out in public; she feels everyone could use a little doggie therapy.

I always remember that laughter is always the best medicine.  I don't always enjoy such serious, violent, or scary stressful movies and for the last week or so haven't seen anything all that great to remember.  I did get to see Julie & Julia which was good (Amy Adams character is a bit winy & a bit annoying but Meryl Streep never ceases to amaze me even seeing her as a crack addicted mother trying to sell drugs in order to support her two sons after her husband passes away.  I can't for the life of me figure out the name of that film; it's listed NO where and I have seen it before.  It was so heartbreaking to see even parts of that movie (just couldn't stand to watch it not that she wasn't doing such a fantastic convincing job).  So I had to check my email and quickly got immerced into some great jokes and videos which made me laugh.  I need that more often than none!  Sometimes just checking my email is amusing enough for great jokes that can make you laugh hard so I had to share this one with all of you; it's kinda dumb but funny enough:

Nag, Nag, Nag

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.......

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!


Hope all is well for all of you and sorry to some of you for being a flake at phone calls; just busy enjoying my time with my honey as he takes such good care of me.  We have lots to do in order to prepare for the unknown.  None of us know when that time will be and I know my doctors and nurses don't either.  Miracles happens and what about the power of the mind and Good Kharma? 
Peace and Love to All!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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