WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Back from the hospital...New thoughts on feeling better...

Well after a couple of days and a painful post about cherishing your good health, wouldn't you know that I just spent a couple of days in the new Kaiser hospital. I was actually excited (just a little bit) because I knew that they had wireless internet. I was thinking that it was all over the hospital kind of like a Starbucks. I was sadly mistaken, no internet for the sick and dying.

That's just great, so the sick and the dying are practically cut off from the rest of the world when they are hospitalized. It's been like that for quite some time and hopefully that will change soon once patients rights are recognized more clearly. I still got to work some on my Newsletter.

Which brings me back to being in the hospital can be so incredibly depressing. Now I know that I will be even more reluctant to go next time if there is a next time, chances are there will be. I guess you have to take everything away if you are going into the hospital but I have to say they at least let my husband bring my dog for a visit and I was very, very thankful for that. She was wearing her "Therapy Dog" Vest and it certainly brightened my gloomy days in the hospital being hooked up to an IV and an NG tube.

So how in the world did I end up in the hospital? (Please read the post before last if you haven't done so already) Well here you go:

The intense pain that I was feeling before just kept increasing each passing day and then each passing moment as it got more and more intense. I must credit my husband who has been so completely amazing through it all including bring me glasses of water, medications, loading the bong for me so that I could smoke; now this really, really, really helped relieve the intense pain for a little while but the pain would always come back and relentless it was. My husband even went to the store for me to get the most embarrassing items that a man could ever have to buy for his wife; enemas, phosphate sodas, stool softeners, and suppositories. He's been through it all with me (seriously) and it doesn't bother him a bit. Can you believe that love? I am truly amazed by it! (the most important thing he does for me is to make me laugh and that he does plenty!)

I remember this one time when I had these same bowel problems he had asked me "honey can I get you something at the store?" I replied back, "can you please get me a douche bag (so that I could use it as an enema)?" "He said to me "Honey please don't make me buy one of those things, those people at the store are probably already convinced that I'm gay, & that will just pull the trigger on that!" I couldn't believe how much I laughed on that one despite the extreme pain I was in. He did so anyway, but that's the meaning of true love.

Now to get back to how I got in the hospital, I then tried each of those items that he had purchased for me at the store, but nothing was working. We were both quite panicked. This was a full blown abdominal blockage that really needed urgent hospital care.

By 10:30pm I finally told him to go ahead and dial 911. The fire department was the first to arrive and they immediately checked my vitals while also sticking those little white round circles with snaps all over me. "That's where they come from!" I thought. I kinda looked like I could get one of those 80's outfits snapped on me.

I was crying and cringing in pain. and had just vomited just prior to their arrival which really intensified the pain when I innitially thought that it couldn't get to be more painful. I didn't even make myself vomit, my body was just reacting to the block. Contractions were happening every couple of minutes. I thought I was going to give birth to Cancer. During a contraction, I was paralyzed in the most severe pain you could ever possibly imagine. It literally felt as if I were about to die or that I was dying a slow painful death that I didn't deserve. I was also nauseated too which didn't help matters much.

I tried my best to talk to the rescuers between the pain contractions as they were asking me detailed questions as what was going on; but thankfully my husband was there to elaborate while the contractions were happening.

The EMS workers arrived a few minutes later & took me for a bumpy painful ride to the hospital. I was sitting in the ambulance with a really nice paramedic that turned out to be a neighbor of mine who lived in the very same complex just behind us. What a small world I thought. I know I had recognized him and he had even been on a few runs with us before. Many of the workers had recognized us and knew the whole shebang about us. That was so helpful.

We have to call 911 each time because I am so stubborn that it's often close to being too late when I do call. I put up with the pain for a long time before we ever call 911 and I think its because sometimes the blockages will resolve on their own and many times they have. It could even be my high tolerance to the pain and that I'm as tough as nails.

I finally got to the hospital and the nurse tried several times to give me an IV. My darn veins were so hard to find and they even rolled a few times as she tried to stab for the vein. It slipped away each time and I kinda felt bad for her. I could see it in her face that she felt she might injuring me but it was actually a good thing. Being stabbed like that was great for getting my mind of the extreme pain I was in. I tried to explain to her and I could tell right away that she had a heart of gold. She went to get someone else to take a try, but they too were having more difficulties than she was. It often takes several times of jabbing and poking just to find a vein. She tried again and by the 3rd time she got it!

The doctor finally came in to see me and was like, "give this poor girl some morphine!" She could tell right away what was happening with my body and that I was indeed in pain. The morphine helped quite a bit for the pain, more so that the pot did. The effect was not much longer because I needed another dose 25-30 minutes later. I also got some Benadryl which helped with the itches that I sometimes get from either the morphine or the Delotted pain medication. Both are very strong narcotics but the bad thing is that these narcotics often make your bowels hardly function. It's like your bowels go to sleep and this in turn can cause severe constipation.

It was about 11:15pm and I need some X-Rays and an Ng Tube. The x-rays were easy enough, but the NG tube is never ever easy. I got a shot of morphine just prior and it still hurt. I had a hard time picking which nostril I wanted to sacrifice for this tube to go down. The nurse then inserted this tube down my left nostril and I had to try to keep my chin to my chest. The whole time it was uncomfortable and very painful as the tube was inserted into my stomach. I felt it as it went down my throat, down the curve scraping as it finally hit the final destination.

I was already ready to get rid of that NG tube. I wanted to fast forward those 3 days of having to keep that thing inserted in my nose. They had to tape it and anytime I caught it on anything I felt an instant painful tug on septum. It was hard to sleep and I almost felt like a horse does when it is head shy. Being on IVs I had to go to the bathroom quite a bit and the first night the phosphate soda was finally working. I was actually going to the bathroom. I had to share a room with a very loud party. The woman, bless her heart, had lots of friends visiting and she too should have had her own room. It was noisy and guests were having to go the bathroom too and I had to wait on someone after I was able to get my NG tube disconnected from the sucking mechanism and IV unplugged. I waited as much as I could and ended up soiling all over myself and my bed. How depressing. I called a nurse to come help me clean up and pleaded that I get my own room just for this reason.

I wasn't able to sleep for all the loud noises from the guests and the constant talking, laughing, and so on. I didn't want to bother them with my problems and requests. They were having fun in a hospital and how rare is that? I finally got to talk with another doctor who too agreed that I definitely needed my own room. My husband and I were out walking and we saw 4 empty rooms. We told her about those empty rooms and she tried to explain to us that rooms are like hotcakes for those waiting in emergency. I had waited all night long for one and was finally able to get this particular room at about 9:15ish (AM).

My husband took off to do some errands and showed up again that evening around 7:30pm with Miss Blue Belle! I was still in the same shared room weighing my earplugs and finally getting some sleep. Blue Belle was so very happy to see me. She wagging her whole body with her ears back smiling. My husband put her on the bed and she came up to me and could not stop licking me in the face. I had to be careful because of the NG tube but she kinda knew that she needed to be careful. She layed down and just stared into my eyes smiling with her ears back. A few minutes of loving on Blue Belle, smiling (in the hospital!), and gratefulness of having someone that really cares, it was time to go to my new private room.

The nurse opened the curtain and to her surprise a cute beautiful happy dog sit laying on my bed. She was also happy to see Miss Blue Belle. She smiled at the nurse and wagged her tail. Another nurse came in to help her move my bed into another room. We didn't have to go far and Blue Belle got to enjoy the ride on the bed. She was wagging her tail and smiling at the two nurses who were laughing and smiling as they moved me to my new room. It was just down the hall and a few people came outside the rooms to see all the commotion of the laughing and to see a happy dog on a hospital bed wagging her tail enjoying the ride. She was quiet but very happy.

She had on her vest and sorry I don't have any photos of her wearing her vest but I promise to post some soon right here. I don't have a working camera right now. My husband opened the blinds and we could sort of see the mountains from Santa Clara. We watched a movie together on my computer (we couldn't get the DVD player to work in the room) and my husband left at around 11pm. He wanted to stay, but Blue Belle had to go wee and she had held it for a little while. I got my shot of morphine and Benadryl and fell sound a sleep in my new room.

I spoke with my doctor the next day as he told me that I would need to get some x-rays of my abdomen. I went for the x-rays and then as we were getting the last x-ray taken, a singe of pain hit me. I felt what appeared to be a rib bone or something on my rib bone. It' was very painful and very tender to touch. I asked if we could x-ray that, but my request was ignored then and I was later brought back down to x-ray the mystery bump at the request of a doctor. The doctor saw me again that night and told me that it might just be a muscle and it may be a knot that could be easily massaged out.

The next day my oncologist saw me before taking out the NG tube and told me that I could go home soon.
I was so glad to get that NG tube out of my nose and then to loose that IV pole. My doctor and I talked for a little while of my symptoms and how I was feeling. I then asked him about this mystery bump. He felt the mystery bump and told me that it was indeed a tumor. It had been seen on several CAT scans and I could still live with it. It could actually be very helpful in determining if a chemo is working.

To my horror it is the reality that I really do need to cherish each and every moment that I have and I will need to start more chemo very soon. I'm not sure when and am currently learning to live with the pain in my back as it is still quite tender. I have lots to think about and many questions to ask.

We plan to meet with my doctor next Friday to discuss our options for either chemo or more freedom, versus pain and so on. I will update soon as we do have a lot to think about this week prior to meeting with my doctor. I also plan to call the Cancer Center for America to find out more options.

While I do understand that there are still others who have it far worse off than me, I still consider myself quite lucky. In fact we are all lucky in our own ways.
Till then love life and treat others the way that you would want to be treated.


Monday, May 19, 2008

More Pains...More Prayers.....

I hope by the end of this post, many who have read it will gain a new found appreciation for the most simple things that our bodies can do. I never ever take those simple things like using the bathroom for granted. To me, it is a blessing to go each day or just each time. Well this weekend has been very trying for me to say the least. My health is just starting to deteriorate slightly in that I have been suffering from the worst kinds of pain ("Abdominal" in other words a bowel blockage)

Last Friday (May 16th), I went into work early at around 6:45am to get my department ready for a huge meeting. It was a lot of work and dedication on my part especially since I could tell that a blockage was indeed happening. I figured I could easily work a few hours and then go home shortly after I was done.

I struggled with the pain for a few hours until noontime; I just couldn't handle the pain anymore. It felt just like labor pains but instead it was sort of gas pains from the intestine being kinked or blocked. I tried to pretend as best as I could that I wasn't in the severe amount of pain that I was while I working just to get things done. I finally left just before 1pm to go home and try to call my doctor. The drive home was agonizing because it was as if were having painful contractions that would happen every couple of minutes. I felt like pulling over a few times during the 35 minute drive home but I toughed it out and screamed just to relieve the stress of the pain.

I finally got home and the house was a bit hotter than usual but I didn't think much about it because of the pain that I was experiencing. It was about 102 degrees outside and the house was around 87 degrees inside. I grabbed the phone to try to call my doctor, but I kept getting an annoying beap with the message on the phone screen that said "No Link to Base"? whenever I pressed send. "What does that mean?" I kept thinking. It just didn't click. I tried again and then went upstairs and got the second phone; still nothing. The phones didn't work so I used the last bit of power on my cell phone to call my husband. I told him I was not feeling good and that it might be 911 time. I told him the phones are not working and that my cell is about to die. The cell phone kept beeping as if it would shut off at any moment. I then noticed all the power was out in the house.

About 10 minutes after I got off the phone with my husband, I heard sirens and thought, "Wow! He called the ambulance already!" I had been laying on the couch crying and wretching in pain for a little while. It felt as if my intestines were about to burst from the pressure and of course I looked as if I were about 5 months pregnant. I struggled to get up and out the door to see if this was for me or if the rescue workers would need help finding me. Two fire engines pulled up but then pulled up across the street from me at Blockbuster Video, a Check Cashing place, and a Drying Cleaning Shop. They were dressed in very hot heavy gear especially for the temperatures outside. You have to appreciate that dedication. The men were all getting ready and trying to find out what the problems were and why they were called there. I was standing there in pain thinking about my situation and that this was actually a false alarm. A woman walked by on the sidewalk analyzing the events and said to me that the power has been out since 10:30am. I found out later that someone had thought they had seen some red flames coming out of the top of the shopping center but there was nothing. Probably someone suffering from heat exhaustion saw the red flames.

The pains progressively got worse and I didn't dare eat anything for fear that I couldn't digest anything and that anything new would just sit there and compound the pain. I wasn't even drinking anything because it too intensified the pain. My husband finally got home and we were able to call my doctor on his cell phone. Due to the extreme temperatures, we felt it would be best if we avoided going into the emergency room and for me to try to just tough it out as it hard as it was. Primarily a Friday Night, record temperatures, the emergency room would be inundated with the elderly and others suffering from heat related illnesses and we were positive that there would be plenty due to the all day black-out.

My doctor spoke with my husband first as I tried to relieve my pain with some cannabis since he had advised me that I should not take any pills for pain. I needed relief right away and this helped some. He advised that I do an enema first to see if anything would clear out and then to do a phosphate soda which really tends to work the intestines in cleaning out wastes. This worked some but the pain was extreme and we were up most of Friday night and what a hard night that was! My husband's devoted love for me shined this weekend and he cared for me gently, massaging me, talking gently, being patient, running baths, cleaning up after me and waiting on me hand and foot. What a blessing I have! Some people wait a lifetime for a love such as this! I survived the weekend without any emergency rooms and we are still waiting for my bowels to start working on their own.

Most of the weekend was still pretty painful and am still suffering from pain but not as bad as before. I think I'm kinda used to it now! I am hoping and praying that my system starts to work on its own soon so that I can go back to work tomorrow. We do have it under control somewhat as it is uncertain if I will need to go into the emergency room anytime soon. It's kind of the unpredictability of my illness that makes me enjoy every moment that I can.

Be extra sure to cherish your health and be thankful not to have to suffer. I have several people and animals in my life that make the suffering all the more worth it. I will continue to fight!


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Monday, May 12, 2008

Plans for more treatments and handling more blockages...

I would like to thank all of you who have been writing me personally and or those of you who have been praying and/or wishing me good vibes for good health. I know that it really does make a difference.

As many of you may know, I was supposed to be due to start chemotherapy in January after being taken off the treatment in May 2007. I was originally supposed to only have a 6 month break in order to get stronger. My intestines were getting a serious beating from the treatments towards the end of the last treatments of Avastin, which landed me in the hospital more than a handful of times. I lost a lot of weight (35 lbs), I was on a strict diet of intravenous fluid (NO FOOD OR DRINK), and of course I had a huge neon sign indicating just that (NPO). My visitors couldn’t help but see that huge pink sign. I would get out of the hospital only to go back in by that weekend or just a couple of days later. The same things we had to endure back in 2003 where I practically lived in the emergency room for about 3 months only thankfully this time, no surgeries were needed. Just the good old roto rooter and then I’d be sent home.

My intestines were finally back to working normally in August when I could finally fully digest regular foods. I was on the liquid diet all of June and part of July, then Mid July I moved over to soft foods throughout June and July. I had gotten down to 111 lbs in June and July and was finally gaining weight. I have a big boned frame and for me 135 -145 would be about normal for me. I could even go up to 150 lbs but my doctors preferred that I gain more so that I could have enough weight to sustain me and possibly give me more of a chance for survival. I sure enjoyed gaining all that weight. What a feeling that was!

My favorite fattening food turned out to be Mango / Coconut Rice Cream or so I called it. It is a rice desert that is non-dairy and made from rice. It tastes just like ice cream only it is made from rice. Anyway, I did enjoy those 6 months and more to come not having to go in for chemo. I gained my weight and then some. I was not looking forward to January and having to go back on chemotherapy (the kind that would really make me sick and bald)

I got a CAT scan done around the tail end of January and I wasn’t at all looking forward to getting those results. In fact I never look forward to those results because most of the time the results are usually not in my favor. It just shows that the cancer is still growing and further destroying my body. I had a doctor’s appointment to discuss those results which was originally scheduled for Friday, February 8th in the afternoon. I got a call at 10am the morning of that appointment to say that they needed to post pone my appointment to February 14th. I told the nurse no way, (I wasn’t about to have my Valentine’s day ruined) and we finally settled on Thursday, February 28th. I was so relieved to have this extra time to not have to worry about receiving those results.

The day finally came for my appointment and I was stressed as usual, however my husband was just as supportive as he always is; not showing an ounce of worry, just 110% positive support. He hugged me and helped calm me down. When my name was finally called, my husband and I walked in together into the tiny examining room. Our doctor walked in a few minutes later to go over the results of the CAT scan and it turned out that it wasn’t as bad as it had seemed. We knew that the cancer was still progressing slowly, my CA125 was slowly rising; 56 compared to 8 or 9 from when I was still on chemo. The cancer spot on my liver was no where to be seen, however there is a tumor that is growing in size just under my abdominal muscles and just above my bladder. They found some suspicious marks on my lungs so I will be going in for a CAT scan very soon to get a closer look. It is scary but I try not to think about it. Overall, we decided together that we will save the chemo for when I really need it and right now I just don’t need it enough. I feel good now, so I will run with it. Enjoy every day and make the most of every moment that I do have.

Well, I failed to mention that each time that I visit my doctor for a check-up; I always, feel great at the appointment and even prior to the appointment but afterwards I start to get blocked again; we are talking about intestinal blocks or kinks which can be extremely painful. I also felt sharp pins and needles poking my intestines. It would be one sharp prick that would take my breath away and it would go away. This time it was no different; but that weekend I got blocked just a few days after seeing my doctor. I tried everything I could to just go to the bathroom. Nothing seemed to work. I could actually feel the kink in my system and the pain associated with it. My face broke out because of the toxins stuck in my system and I worried I would be in the hospital by Friday. Monday came and I had gone in to work early that morning. I decided to stay on a liquid diet and to not eat any thing solid until my system could clean itself out.

I went in to get some breakfast at the company Café which had just gone through a new Management change. The new management had been offering all sorts of healthy options and one of those options included fresh squeezed vegetable and fruit juices. I told the knowledgeable young man behind the counter to surprise me with his skills but to put in some Ginger and Carrot. He was so friendly and accommodating that he whipped up such an amazing concoction of ginger, carrot, papaya, watermelon, and orange juice. The breakfast drink gave me an incredible amount of energy that lasted throughout the morning and not to mention it was so delicious that I fantasized about having another juice for lunch.

At lunchtime, I was quite hungry but really needed to stay on a liquid diet. I inquired with the young man who had made the fresh juice I had for breakfast and if he could make me something for lunch. He told me that he could make me a detox drink, which included beet, carrot, watercress, and some other vegetables. It was a beautiful wine color and it tasted a lot like milk only it had a more wholesome taste. I drank just half of the large glass and then the rest just a few hours later. It held me over that first day and I noticed I didn’t get sleepy as I usually do after work. I seemed more alert and the sharp pains I had been experiencing were not as profound. I could still feel the pain, but it wasn’t as pronounced as before.

It seemed like it would take a lot for me to have to survive on just liquid but this drink helped me get started and now I am back to feeling close to normal. I continued that diet the rest of the week and by the weekend my system was back to normal.

I essence I am enjoying everyday. I am thankful that I am not in the hospital and thankful that I can go to work and feel good while at work. It won’t be pleasant to eventually have to face treatment but I will always enjoy living no matter what.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Our Adventure in getting a dream puppy....

Just look at that face and tell me that she can't make you smile. She's very sensitive and sweet but what Shetland Sheepdog isn't? We got her exactly 2 years ago on the 6th of May just after learning that my cancer had returned. She certainly made my treatments much easier to take this second time around.

We named her Blue Belle being a Blue Merle and how her little ears just layed perfectly on top of her head just like 2 little bells, so how appropriate of a name for her.

She got along great with the cats from the start and respected that they were there first. We had read this about Shelties just prior to getting her anyway because we wanted our cats to not have their lives change all that much if we got a dog. We had researched several breeds thoroughly and as a child I had always dreamed of getting one. We went to the shelter several times but we were hesitant to get any of the dogs because most did not get along well with cats. The older cat we didn't want to add more stress and he didn't deserve stress having gone through all that he had with his Crystallitus(sp) condition. Normally we rescue pets but at the time we couldn't find any Shelties that needed rescuing, but this time we just felt, you only live once, so why not get your dream puppy? That's what she was to me; a dream come true; actually for both of us, she is. It made the cancer coming back not so bad at all. I hardly thought about it at all or even going through the treatments.

What an adventure she has been and she still is. I remember not being able to wait to get her. I had found her online and the picture of her is just what we had dreamed our dog would look like. My husband wanted a Blue Merle and I just wanted a Sheltie as I had all my life. I saved her picture on the screen saver so that my husband could see her. He immediately fell in love with her and told "Yes" call and lets get her.

We had to first wait a few weeks until she was old enough. The problem with the date was that we had to go to a concert just the week after she was old enough. The Concert had been elaborately planned months before and we were to meet some good friends that we hadn't seen in a while, it was expensive for the tickets, Madonna was playing and several other bands like Massive Attack, Depeche Mode, Tool, just to name a few. My husband and I had thought seriously of just blowing off the concert and getting the puppy early so that we could enjoy her. She was ready to go, but we had to plan around this stupid concert which we really didn't have much fun at anyway. It was the Coachella concert held near Palm Springs in Indio, CA. It took us 4 hours to drive just 1 mile in that the town was not wasn't ready to accomodate that many concert goers. It was when gas was approaching 3.39 per gallon and we were driving a rental gar which was a gas hog, a Dodge Magnum.

The bathrooms at the concert were terribly disgusting with ridiculously long lines for using just portopotties. I remember just standing in line in terrible pain and hearing women screaming as they walked into the hot portopotties without toilet paper or doilies.
It was about 103-105 degrees. Very, very hot! My bladder was suffering from the cancer returning and I had to go practically every half hour with the lines in access of 45 minutes. After I would finish waiting in line, I would have go back in line to wait to go again.

Because the concert was all ages, the beer garden was a good ways away from the concert stages and if you got a beer you had it to drink it before going into the concert. This was by far the worst concert the two of us had ever been to and we had been to plenty of concerts including several Lollapalooza concerts (mostly the early years 91-94), Rockfests, Ozzfests, and hundreds of bands, quite literally. There were a lot of the bands performing, but sound just wasn't set up correctly and it sounded muffled most of the time.

The concert was total misery and if we were to do it again, we would have blown off Coachella and just gotten our little fluff ball early and enjoyed her an extra 2 weeks. Blue Belle was 10 weeks old when we got her and those 2 extra weeks were blown because of a dumb concert that actually cost us 40,000 American Express Miles. Long story, big regrets.

We had walked out of that concert just as Madonna was entering the stage and even though we didn't get to see her I don't regret walking out early at all. I couldn't handle the bathroom situation anymore and we certainly didn't want to deal with all the traffic getting out of the concert if it had taken us 4 hours of getting there just to go 1 mile. We decided then that we were too old and disinterested in ever going to another concert like that. We went home thinking about waiting an extra week to get our little fluff ball puppy.

I worked the whole week thinking of her as the breeder updated us with pictures and how she took her to the vet and people kept stopping her to check out what a cute puppy she was. She couldn't walk 10 feet without people getting out of their cars just to check her out. She pranced so proudly on her leash.

It was so hard to concentrate on work when that Friday came around. Her flight was to arrive at 3 pm. I couldn't wait and everyone at work couldn't wait either. They saw the photos and were just as excited. When 3pm finally rolled around, I left to pick her up in cargo. She hadn't been taken off the plane just yet, so I went to the restroom. When I returned from the restroom I noticed a white pet carrier sitting on the counter and a few people crowded around it. I was so excited as I hurried over to get a glance at her. I looked in as her little ears were at attention on top her head, she was so tiny (about 2 lbs), and just a ball of beautiful fluff. I couldn't help but let out a "Awwwwww"; as I said it her head tilted to the right so much so that another "awwwwwww" came out and then she tilted her head to the left. She was too adorable not to open the crate and take out and just love on. She was so perfect and still is.

She has been the most amazing dog I could ever wish for and has brought me nothing but smiles, laughs, and healing for both me and my husband. She has it in her to be a therapy dog and we have taken her to visit a few people who have needed her healing touch. After getting diagnosed I had to take antidepressants but after getting her, I no longer need them. She cheers me up just fine, gets me out of the house, but can be quite a child magnet. I can take her anywhere around town and someone knows her or remembers her. They know her at the post office and especially the dog park or any of the pet stores around town I will usually hear someone else calling her name "Blue Belle!" or "Look it's Blue Belle!".

What's really cool about Blue Belle is her healing power. I know she has a healing power because I witnessed it on so many occasions; too many to count. She has made me feel healed in so many ways. I have walked her many times down the street and maybe seen someone looking quite depressed, walking with their head down, she can sense this and will walk out her way to put her ears back and get a sniff of that person walking by. She'll wag her tail as if she is trying her best to cheer this person up and usually a smile will result and so I have proved my point, she brings smiles with her everywhere she goes.

Here she is right after a bath sporting in a new bed at the pet store. The photo on the right is of her 4th best friend Tonto as the two go on a walk together. This is what we love about Shelties, they are loyal, peaceful dogs. Our kitties didn't have to alter their lives all the much. The older cat loves her and tries to sleep with her sometimes.


Thursday, May 1, 2008

Never Say Never....Dealing with a cold

It's always funny how we press our luck. I know this because I am always knocking on doors walls, desks what ever when I press my luck by saying I haven't had that or had to do that or what ever;Especially a cold that has been going around. You talk to others who just got over it or are still going through the miseries of the cold and you think wow I'm glad my system is strong enough to fight off that cold!

Well that plastic that I knocked on didn't exactly work this time around as I sit at home unable to get a moment's peace from the coughing, yacking, sneezing, nose blowing, "I'm too hot!", "I'm too cold!", all those horrible feel like crap moments all experienced this morning and most of yesterday. I thought this morning I was surely over the cold and could go in this morning to work, but then the steam from the shower got my coughing started and I could barely call my boss without coughing. I drank a glass of water and hurried with what ever I had to say so that I wouldn't be coughing into the phone.

I still feel quite horrible for even going in to work yesterday. I just hope that no one suffers from my lack of consideration for getting some work done that someone else could have easily done for me. That's just my hard hardheadedness and dedication to my job but it's also selfishness to not consider the health of others. Granted I did wash my hands through out the morning and wiping everything that I touched with antibacterial wipes, I coughed into a napkin and if not I washed my hands, then washing my hands again and again all awhile hoping that with all that effort, no one else gets as sick as I am.

But the cool thing is that I can take it like a grain of salt and relax another day. It's a day of peace to sleep in my bed, take cough medicine, get knocked out and sleep, watch worthless TV or go across the street and catch up on my movies or bring the laptop to bed and catch on some research. Oh, not to worry there are plenty of things to do here that don't require me to get out of bed!

The important thing to always remember when you are sick is to take care of yourself and to not get others sick. You have to question, how important are my tasks to be done if coming in might endanger others to miss work? So I am glad to have called in today!


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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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