WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Plans for more treatments and handling more blockages...

I would like to thank all of you who have been writing me personally and or those of you who have been praying and/or wishing me good vibes for good health. I know that it really does make a difference.

As many of you may know, I was supposed to be due to start chemotherapy in January after being taken off the treatment in May 2007. I was originally supposed to only have a 6 month break in order to get stronger. My intestines were getting a serious beating from the treatments towards the end of the last treatments of Avastin, which landed me in the hospital more than a handful of times. I lost a lot of weight (35 lbs), I was on a strict diet of intravenous fluid (NO FOOD OR DRINK), and of course I had a huge neon sign indicating just that (NPO). My visitors couldn’t help but see that huge pink sign. I would get out of the hospital only to go back in by that weekend or just a couple of days later. The same things we had to endure back in 2003 where I practically lived in the emergency room for about 3 months only thankfully this time, no surgeries were needed. Just the good old roto rooter and then I’d be sent home.

My intestines were finally back to working normally in August when I could finally fully digest regular foods. I was on the liquid diet all of June and part of July, then Mid July I moved over to soft foods throughout June and July. I had gotten down to 111 lbs in June and July and was finally gaining weight. I have a big boned frame and for me 135 -145 would be about normal for me. I could even go up to 150 lbs but my doctors preferred that I gain more so that I could have enough weight to sustain me and possibly give me more of a chance for survival. I sure enjoyed gaining all that weight. What a feeling that was!

My favorite fattening food turned out to be Mango / Coconut Rice Cream or so I called it. It is a rice desert that is non-dairy and made from rice. It tastes just like ice cream only it is made from rice. Anyway, I did enjoy those 6 months and more to come not having to go in for chemo. I gained my weight and then some. I was not looking forward to January and having to go back on chemotherapy (the kind that would really make me sick and bald)

I got a CAT scan done around the tail end of January and I wasn’t at all looking forward to getting those results. In fact I never look forward to those results because most of the time the results are usually not in my favor. It just shows that the cancer is still growing and further destroying my body. I had a doctor’s appointment to discuss those results which was originally scheduled for Friday, February 8th in the afternoon. I got a call at 10am the morning of that appointment to say that they needed to post pone my appointment to February 14th. I told the nurse no way, (I wasn’t about to have my Valentine’s day ruined) and we finally settled on Thursday, February 28th. I was so relieved to have this extra time to not have to worry about receiving those results.

The day finally came for my appointment and I was stressed as usual, however my husband was just as supportive as he always is; not showing an ounce of worry, just 110% positive support. He hugged me and helped calm me down. When my name was finally called, my husband and I walked in together into the tiny examining room. Our doctor walked in a few minutes later to go over the results of the CAT scan and it turned out that it wasn’t as bad as it had seemed. We knew that the cancer was still progressing slowly, my CA125 was slowly rising; 56 compared to 8 or 9 from when I was still on chemo. The cancer spot on my liver was no where to be seen, however there is a tumor that is growing in size just under my abdominal muscles and just above my bladder. They found some suspicious marks on my lungs so I will be going in for a CAT scan very soon to get a closer look. It is scary but I try not to think about it. Overall, we decided together that we will save the chemo for when I really need it and right now I just don’t need it enough. I feel good now, so I will run with it. Enjoy every day and make the most of every moment that I do have.

Well, I failed to mention that each time that I visit my doctor for a check-up; I always, feel great at the appointment and even prior to the appointment but afterwards I start to get blocked again; we are talking about intestinal blocks or kinks which can be extremely painful. I also felt sharp pins and needles poking my intestines. It would be one sharp prick that would take my breath away and it would go away. This time it was no different; but that weekend I got blocked just a few days after seeing my doctor. I tried everything I could to just go to the bathroom. Nothing seemed to work. I could actually feel the kink in my system and the pain associated with it. My face broke out because of the toxins stuck in my system and I worried I would be in the hospital by Friday. Monday came and I had gone in to work early that morning. I decided to stay on a liquid diet and to not eat any thing solid until my system could clean itself out.

I went in to get some breakfast at the company Café which had just gone through a new Management change. The new management had been offering all sorts of healthy options and one of those options included fresh squeezed vegetable and fruit juices. I told the knowledgeable young man behind the counter to surprise me with his skills but to put in some Ginger and Carrot. He was so friendly and accommodating that he whipped up such an amazing concoction of ginger, carrot, papaya, watermelon, and orange juice. The breakfast drink gave me an incredible amount of energy that lasted throughout the morning and not to mention it was so delicious that I fantasized about having another juice for lunch.

At lunchtime, I was quite hungry but really needed to stay on a liquid diet. I inquired with the young man who had made the fresh juice I had for breakfast and if he could make me something for lunch. He told me that he could make me a detox drink, which included beet, carrot, watercress, and some other vegetables. It was a beautiful wine color and it tasted a lot like milk only it had a more wholesome taste. I drank just half of the large glass and then the rest just a few hours later. It held me over that first day and I noticed I didn’t get sleepy as I usually do after work. I seemed more alert and the sharp pains I had been experiencing were not as profound. I could still feel the pain, but it wasn’t as pronounced as before.

It seemed like it would take a lot for me to have to survive on just liquid but this drink helped me get started and now I am back to feeling close to normal. I continued that diet the rest of the week and by the weekend my system was back to normal.

I essence I am enjoying everyday. I am thankful that I am not in the hospital and thankful that I can go to work and feel good while at work. It won’t be pleasant to eventually have to face treatment but I will always enjoy living no matter what.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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