WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Chemo = Blood Transfusions

Well this hospital stay has been very lasting; a whole entire week here almost seems like a whole month. This year I have literally spent months in the hospital this entire year. I don't even think I went longer than a month or two before being rushed into ER. In fact much of this year has been about me being sick and I sure hope and pray that 2010 will be a much better year for me. Perhaps I will find my cure soon as I do have much hope that there really are cures to my Cancer out there somewhere. I'm not going to give up hope and I am more determined than ever to find a cure.

I have been watching an incredibly inspiring movie on Netflix last night (The Beautiful Truth); a documentary that follows a young man's journey to Research Dr. Max Gerson's Therapy as he is inspired to investigate its premise that diet can cure cancer and other diseases. This is just more evidence for me as I do intend to find out more about this particular therapy and or contact any doctor that I can who has cured a patient of cancer. I also found this fascinating website which has a wealth of information which I plan to research (Independent Cancer Research Foundation, Inc. ). There is all kinds of hope out there for me!)

I'm so determined to beat this thing that I am even willing to be a human guinea pig for Natural Therapies (in order to help find cures for others who are suffering as well; yes its kind of like I am donating my body to science and research while I am still alive); I don't have much to loose if I don't at least try; I could loose my life. I have already been there done that for the very dangerous chemical therapies (I consider them dangerous because of the severe side effects and for what those who were administering those treatments to me have had to do in order to protect themselves from being exposed to those dangerous chemicals) that are being pumped into my poor little veins ; so now I am more than ready for natural cures rather than those dangerous scary chemical treatments. Oh those side effects have been killing me lately!

There has to be a much better way and the Government really needs to step back and allow for the use of Natural Treatments and to not lock up doctors or destroy their reputations needlessly of those who have found cures. I have also been reading in Suzanne Summers book (Knockout) about these very doctors that she interviews in her book and how the FDA (hate to say it but looking at the FDA's website; it looks very unhealthy= that's just my humble opinion) tried to shut down their businesses and then tried to sue those very doctors who have actually cured their patients (with Natural Treatments that posed no dangers to the patients) and how many patients drove or flew from all over to tell their success stories of how these doctors saved theirs, or children's lives in order to save the these doctors who were about to face prison. These doctors saved lives and were facing prison time? That does not sound right now does it? Gee, would I prefer a Treatment or a Cure? I know I may be getting off the subject just a bit but when things are not right; I question "well why isn't it right?"

It sure would be nice if some these drug company CEO's had more compassion for patients (it would be great if they actually had the capacity to walk in the shoes of these patients); it just seems that many just don't care. What if it were them going through those hellish side effects in order to survive for just a few months? How about surviving a few more months and not having to go through agonizing hell? It's more important that patients have to take dangerous chemicals (chemotherapy) rather than being so concerned about making billions more in profits.

I do know that there are still some companies that do offer in their pipeline have good treatments for other types of diseases but I'm mainly thinking of Cancer treatments for which not a whole lot of research has been done (Natural Treatments) even though there are thousands of patients who have been cured with Natural Therapies; it's prohibited by the FDA? I wonder why? It's so sad that there are so many greedy people who rather see patients die or have to go through the agony of hellish side effects in order to make a quick buck than for patients to actually be cured of their illnesses in a very healthy natural way.

This is just one of many things that I really hope get fixed with our Broken Health Care System and I sure hope and pray that it does gets fixed. Drug companies could still make drugs that help people and it would be cool if they could also have access to researching more natural cures and what works best for the body; how to make the body protect itself from illnesses; replacing broken DNA or turning on receptors in the body that is perhaps keeping the patients from being able to fight off the cancer or illness that is ravaging their body.

Imagine a world where Compassion was more important than Greed; saving a patient's life was more important than pushing a bunch of meds that maybe won't work for that patient? or denying a patient vital health care when they need it most? Imagine our National Health Care System where doctors would be rewarded for curing and or helping save the lives of patients rather than how much drugs they could push onto a patient. Many of those drugs being pushed are not really needed and may even cause the patient more harm than good. Doctors, Pharmaceutical companies, and even insurers could actually step into the shoes of those patients ("what if that patient were myself or my loved ones? ") for which are being treated and to have the ability treat those patients with dignity and the respect that they righteously deserve. What a wonderful Country/World I hope this will be one day!)

Both the Movie I watched and Suzanne Somers book both had in common was Nutrition being used to help the body heal itself. Nutrition really is important and it sucks that so many companies that produce foods which contain chemicals that our bodies are not made to digest like Partially Hydrogenated Oils, and High Fructose Corn Syrup, and MSG are actually killing many of us causing diseases such as diabetes, Parkinson's Disease, many types of Cancers, heart disease and much more. I don't know about you but I would love to eat foods that eat cancer!)

Our Western Diet is more about chemicals for which our body has not been programmed to digest on ingest. This film is very fascinating but it's been discouraging to try to watch since the network at the hospital is so freaking slow that I only get to watch maybe 5-10 minutes of the movie at a time; I started it last night and it took about 4 hours just to watch about 40 minutes of the film (I'm still trying to watch it). Sorry I had to go off because it really does frustrate me that our Health Care System is so messed up for so many Americans and good people. Why is it that Prisoners get excellent Health Care and are not even turned away but good hard working citizens who abide by the law are turned away? Now that is a broken system worthy of being fixed.

Many apologies for getting off track; I just care too much.

So how I am doing in the hospital today? Well because of the dangerous chemicals in this last treatment (definitely not a cure); I had to have 2 more blood transfusions and will hopefully get to go home from the hospital tomorrow. I did get to eat today; had an OK breakfast. I immediately threw away the sausage link because they stank! I had some french toast with High Fructose Corn Syrup, tangerine/OJ, apple sauce and a Boost Energy Drink that contain 340 Calories. Then for lunch; they sent me a Puke sandwich (Egg salad = I hate eggs; they stink like puke and even look puke) I had to toss that in the garbage along with a cold bean salad (not supposed to have high fiber beans = my intestines can't take it), had a few bites of Pineapple and another Boost Energy drink with 340 Calories. My honey brought me a Tuna sandwich from Togos with Avacado and Provolone cheese = Yum!

Another scary thing is that I have been shitting up blood (yes the world does revolve around me taking a nice solid crap). So bloody diarrhea and lots and lots of gas today. I had horrible gas pain and then I had some serious diarrhea which contained lots of blood. It really scared me although I am laughing about it all. It tripped me out because my blood counts were terribly low again. Did I shit out all the Blood that was transfused from Monday? I had just had platelets replaced just yesterday. Then I had some horrible stinky gas and thank god I was able to rip out quite a few and it was a such good feeling. The pain was getting relieved and it felt so dammed good to be able to rip out some good long farts! They awfully low pitched. It was such a good thing a friend of mine had brought me a beautiful Rosemary Plant in order to freshen up my room!) It was so good to see my friend. My room needed that nice fragrance after all that gas. I was also very thankful that I didn't have any Sharts (fart where shit comes out!) I felt for sure I would; but thankfully not!)

My honey and I also talked on Skype today as well as watching a kind of dumb comedy while in the hospital but I snapped this cutie photo of my hot honey kissing his cute little puddie cat!

I also got that stupid Picc line removed today. because I have having so many fevers and it was obvious from my blood cultures taken that the Picc line was more than likely contaminated and therefore it needed to be removed. Well what's very cool about getting this picc line removed is that once I am out of the hospital; I will now be bagless and cordless! Yippeee! Nothing is going to hold me back from snowboarding this season! What a fun season this will be!

I am a little worried that perhaps the infection could be stemming from this ureter stint that has been in my body since June 18th. It is due to be removed and I missed my appointment with the Urologist who would be scheduling the surgery to replace the stint.

Anyway, I am hoping and praying that I don't get any more fevers or infections and that I get go home and wash my dirty little girl (she hasn't had a bath in over a month and half!). My honey and I have lots of shopping to do (Our 7 Year Wedding Anniversary is on Thursday, then his birthday just a few days later; and a Christmas party to go to. Life will indeed go on. I can't wait to ride my beach cruiser and hell just get out of this place! Here's to no more hospital visits in 2009 for me and any of you reading this blog. I extend my love to all of you! Peace and Love to all!)

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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving in the Hospital...

These photos of Blue Belle were taken today as well while I was sitting here in the hospital with my honey after he came to visit me. She looks so regal in this photo as she is looking at something out the window from on my bed. We could not even distract her at this very moment.

She then jumped off the bed and I had this other cute one of my honey and her looking out at our view of some mallard ducks swimming in a small creek below.

Well you guessed it; I spent my Thanksgiving in the hospital as I suspected I would. It really wasn't any doubt that I would be and it was quite a boring day at first. I did get to have my NG tube removed (I got to jerk it out) and what a trippy feeling that was to pull that huge tube from out of my tummy out of my nose. Ewww.... slob and all.

My honey came and visited (we also Skyped quite a few times too!); we had planned on watching the Packer game together but that didn't happen as we both fell asleep even though I called him close to 7am for his wake-up call. I wanted him so bad to have a good Thanksgiving meal even though I hungered so bad for one. I was actually having some hunger pains (That's a good sign of healing). We both did fall asleep although I didn't actually wake up until 2pm. I slept so good and had one of those long dreams (that my honey and I were touring the US in our custom tour bus with Blue Belle as a baby puppy). It was one of those dreams were you wake up and you continue on; so that's why I slept so long.

The NG tube was removed around 3:30pm after we (doctor and I) unhooked and tested to see if any more than normal (over 50-60cc) of crap had come out into the goo contraption. As you can see I am still "NPO" (Nothing orally) and that is the goo contraption that we needed to measure the goo coming out of my stomach which consists of bile and other digestive juices. Mine happened to be green and sometimes it can be yellow (tasting horribly if puked up). This hospital stay is all from my chemo from Nov. 9th. It really knocked me on my ass and we are seriously scared to go on more chemo at this point.

Tonto is so photogenic that I had to include another Skype photo with him. His face is so round and beautiful for a Manx; I think most Manx cats have round faces.

Not that its such a big deal to most (I never take a good shit for granted ever!) but this morning I did get to go poo (it's such a big for me as its just another step to my healing process) this morning. I was so surprised that my intestines are just starting to work. I have been running fevers like crazy today and one that was up to 101.1 which really bummed me out. I had to have my chest x-rayed, several blood tests revealed that my platelets are extremely low (12); normal is like 40-1200 (I think?). My poor left arm is so damaged from getting hacked on by needles (7 bruises on hand and arm) and one more test tomorrow morning (not sure where they plan to stick me there (right arm has IV); so if my platelets get down to 10 then I have to have another transfusion (I had 2 on Monday night). All these little problems which could hinder me from being released as soon as tomorrow (temperature and blood tests).

I did ask my doctor if I could go back to work in January and I think I can; just depending on my energy level and how I feel. I can only hope and pray that I am ready by then. Each time in the hospital is always that wake-up call that I really do have to be careful with everything that I eat and how I take care of myself. I will be sure to get plenty of rest; eat a good diet that my dietitians approve of; I didn't particularly like the dietitian that I spoke with earlier this week as she was adamantly against me using cannabis as a means of getting my appetite back. I'm so tired of having to take more pills. My poor intestines don't even like pills and part of why I am here is because of pills; I don't want to take more pills!( I know what is good for me and I researched many of those appetite stimulants (just more chemicals in the body). She seemed more into me using unnatural drugs (as if I am not taking enough as it is) than using something as natural as cannabis. I plan to do what ever I can to gain weight and to be as healthy as possible and what works for me and what does not.

I have even found that the oil can even cure some cancers; more research needs to be done on this plant. I'm not so sure it's true or not but it does grant some possibiltis enough to at least research for cures for other diseases as well. I do know that cannabis has been a blessing for me in this 7 year journey of healing. I hope one day it will be legal and we can save those many thousands of lives by making it legal. It will also help much in our huge national deficit. I hate that my taxes go towards destroying many lives and burning much needed cash crops; hopefully one day this will change and our government can finally use some common sense rather than trying to fatten some politicians pockets.

I may have had to stay in the hospital today but I did get to reflect on everything that is most important in my life right now. I am still very thankful for much in my life right now; particularly the love of my life; having both my parents and brother in my life; excellent friends and family; and of course my pets and my home. Right now is key and what I can do right now and living in the moment is the best thing for me right now. I'm thankful always to have right now. We should all be. Peace and Love to all!

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Will it be Thanksgiving in the Hospital?..

You guessed it; I'm back in the hospital. Here's what's up!)

Well Monday morning around 3am; I woke up vomiting and in severe abdominal pain. I tried to just relax and take a bath (yes in the middle of the night = it seemed like it would be good thing to do) but that didn't do so much and I also tried not to wake up my husband. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore and knew right away that it was time to go to ER again!(.

My honey was such a good sport about it; he got a little more sleep than I did because I kept getting up over and over and over again through out the night to go pee, poo, crying in pain, and to vomit. It seemed that it was just never ending and that the the painful spasms in my abdomen and in my back (kidneys?) would never go away. My honey helped me to get dressed since I was in such great pain that I couldn't even bend over to put on my underwear, socks, and pants. Yes, after that nice bath; I dried off and couldn't even put my own clothes back on because I was in such severe pain that I just climbed into bed naked (like that hasn't happened before!)

Once I was dressed we drove to the hospital and of course we grabbed one of Blue Belle's poo bags for me to puke in on the way to the hospital; & boy did I ever need it! I puked almost the entire way and it was mostly extremely painful, painful dry heaves and when there was nasty vomit; it tasted incredibly horrid. My tummy felt as if it were going to tear in half from doing so many hundreds of sit ups.

Once we got to the hospital; we were both super impressed with the fast service we got (I guess they could totally tell that I wasn't feeling so hot!) The nice nurse up front immediately brought us into a room right away. I was helped into a gurney for which I could not find a comfortable position to lie down. I started having an anxiety attack once I was put into that gurney; I swear those had to be some of the worst brushes of pain I had ever felt. These painful spasms were at least a 10 (always the pain scale of 1-10) with out a doubt for the pain (OK maybe it was a 20 but it was so aweful!!!).

I screamed in pain (I must have scared everyone in that ER) and could not for the life of me control my body. I grabbed things, knocked things over and screamed like an uncontrollable brat child. I kept saying "I'm sorry" everytime I did scream or knock things over and for everything that I did but I honestly had no control over what was happening to my body. I felt like these little aliens were inside my body with sharp scales all over them cutting my insides up.

Finally a nurse a nurse grabbed my arm with the picc line got me some good pain medication pumped into my needy veins and that instantly calmed me down. I could still feel some amount of pain as I just layed in my husband's arms in total relief with tears streaming down my face from the fear I had been having. I was so scared that this could be it; it could be the end of me.

I had to get out of that state of mind and look at that wonderful man who was holding me and to breath hard because I don't wish to die like this! I think I was in my own way staying as strong as could in those horrible moments of that pain. I had never behaved in that way ever before and I will do it again just to stay alive. I kept thinking that it's just my little old intestines not knowing what the hell to do with the food I had been eating these past couple of days? Poor things; they have been cut up on so many times so I'm hoping that eventually things will fix themselves and that miracles do happen!) I will keep that in mind always!)

After numerous x-rays and a CAT scan it was revealed that I have a tumor that is growing on my abdominal wall (sucks but it could easily be killed by some good old natural cures!); I have faith what can I say. But that's not the only thing; also blood tests revealed that the reason I have been lacking in energy is because I desperately needed a blood transfusion (the chemo killed lots of good cells in the process; so what's with the tumor?). Well because of the blockage I also had to have an NG tube inserted down my right nostril into my tummy in order to suction everything out of my tummy and in hopes that I won't need another surgery.

We have done this many times before so I'm not too worried except for the pain that just doesn't seem to go away. I got admitted and into my own room after being in ER for 12 hours. Thank god it was the second floor (I love most of the nurses on this floor). I did have some excellent nurses in ER this time around that I will never ever forget. Each experience is new; that's for sure!) These nurses sure made my experience so much better and I even laughed a little at their jokes and mine.

This one particular guy named Henry who was an ex farmer; we had some great conversations about animals (best subject ever); we bragged about our old pets and the types of animals we have each have had. Oh how I love to talk about animals!) There was another awesome dude nurse (I hope that's not offensive but I feel all nurses regardless of gender can be great) from North Carolina (only 1 year younger than me!).

We both had moved away from the South for very similar reasons; mostly for never really fitting in and feeling we were needed out here more (our soul mates) . He also spoke of some ultra religious people he knew who happened to be very greedy and cruel towards others they felt were not of equal wealth. I really wish I could remember this one phrase he said (it was so good); I hope to hear it again. Both of these nurses took such good care of me and made sure I had pain meds or what ever I needed to feel better. This is just evidence that you can't just go around feeling sorry for yourself and to try to enjoy the moments around you whether you realize them or not; it wasn't so bad being in ER. Yes there are other places I would have rather been but I try my best to make use of every moment that I do have no matter what.

I have been having to use a lot more pain medications lately and for valid reasons; I felt so guilty having to go through them as I have been; but my doctors all agree for good reasons. If they were in my shoes they would do be forced to do the same; that's what some of the nurses would say and one of them did tell me that I should ask any doctor what they would do if they were faced with my circumstance. I really have had some amazing nurses (can't even say enough about them!) this go around and it's nice to be back on the 2nd floor where most of my favorites reside although there are some amazing ones in emergency and some of the other floors I have stayed as well.

Today has been all about healing; my urinary infection is so far (no cultures seen so far) which means that I have finished my rounds of antibiotics (for now) but it's scaring me that I still have to keep with this NG tube and if I am away from it too long; my abdomen will start with horrible stabs of jabbing pain. I hope that goes away soon; no appetite so far which looking on the bright side of things is kinda good since I am forced to not eat until the output on my NG tube decreases; the pains go away. It could be hunger pains I am feeling but I really can't tell to be quite honest. My white counts are cool so I don't have to get another Nupogen shot (oh god those hurt and I only had to get one in my left arm). I had to get 2 pints of blood last night from an infusion but I may still need another one. I also had a small fever of 101 and another couple at 99. something. (on the constant look out for infections). So that's what life in the hospital has been like so far. I'm still smiling and with lots of high hopes. I have done 3 laps around my floor today and a few yoga stretches and lots of breathing exercises which have helped some. I'm determined more than ever that I will stronger and will get out of here soon!

The high lights of my day consisted of a 2 lap walk with my honey around the halls and we even visited with one patient but we didn't get too close because of my low immune system. Blue Belle really cheered up this mother and daughter to no end; we had to stop because of the cute sound of this little ladies voice as she asked if Blue Belle was a working or therapy dog. We just stopped for a few moments as they both got to touch Blue Belle's soft fur. They too had a sheltie but she had passed on a few years ago so it was only the right thing to do to respond as we were walking by. The nurses absolutely love my little precious one and it always makes me happy to see others smile at just her beautiful presence and of course that infamous Blue Belle bow / stretch.

My honey stopped by twice today; we took a nice long nap together and even watched a movie when he came back. We also Skyped for a little bit as I got to hello to Mr. Tonto and his gigantic huge big feet. I'm serious; Tonto's feet are really big for a cat; he's almost like a Bobcat; only no tail at all.

When my honey first picked him up; he had the webbed part of his feet stretched out and it almost covered the entire screen with huge Tonto feet. It was so hilarious and then he struck this look as I was struggling to try to photograph them and they are even webbed!

Well that's my update so far and I may not get to eat my turkey dinner on Thanksgiving but I sure hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that the media isn't scaring the shit out of you too much with the H1N1 fright. If I can make it through all of this crap; I'm sure many of you will get through any illness. Enjoy life and Peace and Love to all!

Holistic Pet Nutrition

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Friday, November 20, 2009

Almost Broke my Record = 2 months no ER....

While my husband and I celebrated 7 years of the ultimate test of love; being diagnosed with this disease. Suddenly life becomes more important than all the mundane things like worrying about money, bills and so many other things that we don't much have control over. Worrying can be a waste of time when you don't have much. We made it through 7 years loving each other more and more and each and every day. We appreciate each other like nothing else and we never take each other for granted.

I'm so grateful for every day that I wake up next to him and hope to awake the same way for many years to come. Just the sound of his voice and being the good man that he is in taking care of me just makes me feel so warm and cozy inside. We watched an awesome movie on DVD Sunday night and we just had a wonderful laugh (where you look into each other eyes smiling and appreciating each other in the moment).

I have come to love Seth Rogan as an actor and writer. I read about so many who do not like him or just can't stand him but I totally disagree. I have grown to love him, he is one of my favorite actors; many say he has no talent; Hello? He was so hilarious in the "40 Year Old Virgin" and in "Knocked Up". He has this great voice too he reminds me so much of a few friends that I have had who always made me laugh my ass off no matter what. You gotta love those people in your life! He too is left handed just like me (and my honey) and I see his creativity. I didn't like a few of his films ("Pineapple Express" and "Zack and Miri make a Porno" = was way to depressing or horrid) but many of his movies have caused so much laughter in my hard times of going through this horrid thing called cancer. My honey and I have watched quite a few in the hospital and at home while taking care of me.

Well the one we watched was one of his new films "Observe and Report" on Sunday night. Most would be highly offended by this movie but I wasn't in the least and saw it for the comedy and sense of humor it brought me! My honey and I both have the same exact sense of humor and that's one thing that makes him my other half. We laughed so hard together on Sunday and it really made me feel stronger, happy, in such a great mood and to be quite honest, I have not been feeling so strong lately. This last chemo treatment almost made me feel as if I was going to die and I don't like that feeling at all. I like laughing and then having hope that I can beat this! I'm seriously thinking that I don't need the chemo and that I'm going to get stronger with my diet. Hell, maybe even contact some real Cancer doctors who have cured cancer. I will document all of this here.

The Clearity Foundation did in fact test my tumors and I plan to talk with my doctor about all of this and to see what matches my cancer and if anything can be done. I'm currently reading about (Suzanne Summers "Knock Out") patients with Stage IV cancers that are beating it and why can't I? Why do I have to take these poisons and my doctors give up on me? I'm not giving up; I'm too hard headed. Granted I have lost quite a bit of weight and I'm struggling to put it back on. I hate having to take medications for pain; so I had been tapering on the medications.

On Tuesday, I was feeling a little better despite all of the puking that I was doing (I feel more pukey? = is that even a word?) so we decided to go to a movie together!) My honey and I needed to get out and see a movie with our little girl. I've been smoking freshly rolled joints more so lately since this has been the only way to successfully combat the extreme nausea, getting me to gain weight and to drink plenty of water; I just laugh a whole lot more in this world that sometimes makes me sad (my health). We went to see "Pirate Radio" on Tuesday afternoon and it was awesome! We had the whole theater to ourselves practically. We got some popcorn, kibble for Blue Belle, apples, and some lemonade. Since chemo its been all about trying to gain some weight on my little bony ass!

After the movie, I took some painkillers (started cramping and my back was getting really soar) and took a nap while my honey went to his favorite sports pub to watch some sports on big flat screens and to eat a real "man meal". He was able to watch some Football, Hockey, and Basketball games (all at the same time)on the flat screens at his bar. (that bar is heaven for many sports lovers!) If he needed to come home to me, it would only take him 3 minutes to make it home.

Well Tuesday night around 9pm I started having horrible pains in my abdomen and my back. I just laid there on the couch moaning and groaning from the pain which in turn scared the crap out out of my animals; oh they were very concerned about me and poor Blue Belle laid right by my side. I even crawled into bed as she and Tonto followed me up the stairs in their own ways. This pain started pretty slow at first with a pain level of 6, and then it just got progressively worse. Then it hit a 10 and it really scared the living crap out of me; I thought my intestines were bursting and that I was going to die. I then started projective vomiting like crazy. I was also behind in taking my pain medications (I thought it might be nice to wean myself off of them so I didn't any for most of the day = just the 2 I took earlier). I was seriously mistaken when the blunt (as if my intestines were being stabbed with a blunt object) pains started. I called my honey and told him how much pain I was in and I could barely speak because the pain jabs were so severe; it took my breath everytime. I was scared and apparently he was too.

I cried and cried; I was so scared and my honey rushed to my side whenever these pains started. He held me in his arms and rubbed my shoulders and back to help alleviate the pain that I was in. I was also having a full blown anxiety attack from this fear so I had to pop an Ativan which totally helped calm me down (well so did my beautiful Blue Belle) within 15 minutes. My intestines were hurting so bad that it felt as if my intestines were about to rupture and just breathing made it even more painful. I had tried to smoke some pot in order to help with the pain and the extreme nausea and it did help just a little; mostly with the nausea and dry heaves. I had been puking just earlier (right before he came home) and I still had some dry heaves. The pot really helped with those but the pain was still incredibly severe. I was at least thankful the dry heaves were gone because those really intensified the abdominal pain. I almost felt as if I needed to be unconscious because this pain was so horrid.

I tried not to be so loud but I could not control the moaning which was almost like screaming (I didn't want to worry my neighbors so the moaning continued) because on a scale of 1-10, this pain was an absolute 10. Oh god did I want to just let it out and scream at the top of my lungs! I knew that I wasn't blocked but we dialed 911, anyway. What if something serious is happening? We got to the hospital and it was nice that they were able to use my pic lines to give me medication and fluids which I was very low on. It seemed they had to give me pain medication every 30 minutes because the pain so horrid. It was worse than childbirth without a doubt. I really thought my intestines were going to rupture; uhhggg. ouch!

They X-rayed me and I think may have called my doctor but they did release me and told me I had a severe kidney/bladder UTI infection and to take the Cipro twice a day and to make sure I am on top of it with the pain medications = don't forget to take them!. I was behind and the doctor kind of got mad at me for trying to get off of the pain medications especially since I had been suffering in pain. The doctor explained to me that I still have lots of scar tissue that is healing and in the process can be quite painful for digesting any food. Yeah that's true; I still hurt quite a bit just from digesting. Now it seems that I am getting horrible heart burn and can barely keep food down. I don't always get gas; but when I do; its totally like a celebration. I never hold in a good fart anymore and am quite proud of myself when I do get to rip one! But this is like gas in the wrong area of the body, I'm burping like crazy.

Here is the headshot I sent to Therapy Dog International for her Identification Card. What do you think?

We were released from the hospital at about 3:30am and both my honey and I crashed hard. The next day (Wednesday) was pretty hard on me and I spent most of the day in bed and doing lots of laundry. I can't just sleep my life away; I try my best to get as much done as I can and even completed a little reminder of when to take medications with times and everything so I don't overdose (I write down everything I eat, take, or drink). I'm contacting the nutritionist to see about gaining more weight without the TPN. I also hope to contact some of the doctors that Suzanne Summers wrote about.

These last couple of days out of the hospital have been focused on pain control and trying to get me to eat as much as possible and to drink lots of water. It's been some rainy cold days for getting outside; so I've been focused on cleaning the house and having a blast grooming Blue Belle. I picked up her paperwork from the vet and just mailed in the last of her paperwork to "Therapy Dog International". My dream of helping others heal will be coming true in the next few weeks. She won't be officially certified for working until after January, but I do plan to have her working for Furry Friends here in San Jose.

For now, Miss Blue Belle has been providing me and my honey the best therapy we could possibly ask for. She makes us so proud because everywhere we seem to take her; we are getting stopped by others who must get a chance to at least love on her. It feels so good to share my wonderful dog and to see others smile when they see how cute she is. Peace and Love to all!

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Sunday, November 15, 2009

7 Year Ovarian Cancer Survivor = that's me!

This will be somewhat of a short post because I have much to catch up on.

Well today is officially the 7th anniversary of being diagnosed as an Epithelial Ovarian Cancer Patient with Stage IIIc disease. Wow, I'm diseased; imagine that? It sure was a nightmare to have to wake up to; and today it was better than that initial nightmare but I did awake in severe nausea and had some seriously awful dry heaves. We were to wake up no later than 8am and get ready to take Mom and Sister (my in-laws) to the airport. I struggled but got through waking up with just a little bit of sleep. I had also been waking up at all hours of the night with diarrhea and horrible anal spasms.

We had breakfast and nice little cozy joint called "Bill-O-Fare" on Saratoga Avenue and Williams; it used to be an Old "Howard Johnson's back in the day; but the rooms somehow got converted to apartments behind the place and the old Lobby turned to restaurant. The place is really cool and food is great only my tummy couldn't hack it. If you don't enjoy mammal meat as I do not; it's not the place for you. I had ordered some hash browns and that tasted exactly like bacon and sausage as if they had been cooked in bacon grease and so did the french toast (I tried some of my husband's). I couldn't much stomach the breakfast but did the best that I could. I had weighed in at 105.5 that morning; so this meant some serious changes to my diet and exercise routine.

I really had a great time with my in-laws; mostly shopping, walking around and checking out Christmas items. It was such a good visit and very sad to see to them go. It was awesome to hang with my dad for a week as he helped us out with some projects with the house, hanging out with me as I got my chemo and then after he left; my in-laws visit. These visits could not have been better and it was very relaxing only the getting sick and puking has not been so fun. Well at least we didn't have any hospital runs as sometimes we normally do when they come visit.

After we had dropped off our relatives at the airport, we headed straight to the Snowboard Expo and we got confused between "San Jose Convention Center" and the "Santa Clara Convention Center". We drove right up to the San Jose Convention Center and I asked the parking lot attendant who was about to charge us $7 for what the Flyer / Pass had said "Free Parking". He looked at my flyer and then determined that we were not at the right Expo. He then explained that there was a Snowboard Convention that was also being held on the same day but in a little tent in the Parking Lot was not the same place. We didn't know where the "Santa Clara Convention Center" was so we just drove home so that we could go get Blue Belle to bring with us.

We got home and I started puking really bad again. It seemed that I might be getting some sort of an infection in my intestines because the pain started to get out of control. We ordered some more Cipro and my honey went to pick that up so that I could start on the Antibiotics tomorrow before the infection got any worse. The Packer/ Dallas game was playing today and my honey was all for missing it just for me in order to take me to the Snowboard Expo. I took some pain medication when we got home and then just crashed. I felt so weak and could barely walk (pain in my pee pee from infection). It wasn't quite realistic to me that I would actually go to a snowboard expo walking around with this infection and being as sick and nauseated as I was.

My honey at least got to spend part of the day watching his team kick Dallas Ass while I napped away all the pains and sickness. I then got some serious diarrhea which would not have been pleasant to deal with at a Snowboard Expo. It bummed me out to have to miss the Expo; but at least I didn't make myself suffer because in all reality; these UT infections are not at all pleasant to be going out and doing things. I needed the rest in order to get stronger. God I hope I will be strong enough to at least go snowboarding this season! Here's to getting stronger and gaining more weight and killing all that horrible cancer!) Peace and Love to all!

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Friday, November 13, 2009

Chemo Side Effects Knocking me on my ass!

Well it's been a while since I last updated (I have been both busy and sick as a dog) and I just finished a post that I had started on Tuesday and just wanted to update on everything that has been going on. We I did get to send my dad off on Wednesday and we also got to take a quick bike ride together as well.

My symptoms / side effects of the chemo didn't get to be all that bad until Wednesday evening (I had to smoke a joint before getting my dog tested!) Ooops, I would have failed the CGC test myself. Anyway, I got pretty nauseated and weak, but I was not about to miss another scheduled test (I've missed at least 4 tests due to being hospitalized and it broke my heart each time to have to miss those tests).

Well Blue Belle did indeed pass her TDI Test on Wednesday night. How cool is that? Well we went to the Santa Clara Fairgrounds (my honey drove me there) and I was so glad that we all went together to see our little girl pass with Flying Colors! OMG!) She made us so proud!)

Anyway, we all walked into this huge room; in fact is was the same room where we have been to several conventions before (a Gun Show and a Home Improvement type of show); there were at least 75 dogs getting tested - a majority were being tested for the Canine Good Citizen (CGC) and only 6 were being tested for the TDI (Therapy Dog International). Not sure why they only test so few at a time. We didn't have to wait too long and she was so ready for her test. I was the one having the problems being so groggy from the chemo side effects and also being somewhat stoned (could have been some chemo brain in there), but the left and right directions were confusing because I couldn't tell if she meant her right and left or my right and left and good thing Miss Blue Belle was paying such close attention to her directions because she followed each and every single command she wanted.

Some of the things they tested her on was walking through some cones, a crowd which included a skateboarder and someone dropping loud objects and others just walking by, she also had to sit and stay while another strange dog walked up and the owner would shake my hand and then proceed on. She didn't even flinch at all; everything she did; PERFECT!) For TDI part of the test; the instruction had to brush and check to make sure that she was well groomed and of course I love that part of having her most; I brush her almost daily now since my hair has been falling out/getting thinner and not as fun to style! LOL!, then she had to go through another crowd "calling the medics" of a wheel chair and someone on crutches but she's been there done that dozens of times in the hospital (visiting me with gurneys being pushed past her and lots of other loud things and of course going to visit with elderly patients at a Senior Living Facility. She also had to stand next to the instructor as she was seated in a chair and allow for her to pet her and "no kisses or kisses"; she did that part perfect, then 3 minutes with a stranger and a bunch more things. Well now I can get the rest of the paperwork filled out by my vet (proof of vaccinations) and then I can register her as TDI certified so that I may continue volunteering at Kaiser. The instructor will also send in her actual test which she scored 100% on. She missed nothing, but I think I failed myself; is my dog smarter than me? Just kidding!)

Well the next day, we picked up my in-laws (Mom and Sister) at the airport and on the way there, I started feeling really sick and pukey. My mouth started watering and my honey was driving so he passed me a doggie poop bag (what a great idea, I was ready to puke out the window or open my door at the stop light) and I puked in 3 different bags on the way there. While we were picking up the relatives; a huge soccer team was there just waiting for their ride and one of the kids came over and asked me what was inside the teal bags that I had asked my honey to take outside of the car to the garbage; I just explained that I just had chemo a few days ago and that was enough for the kid. It was kinda strange to be sitting there waiting for the baggage and me puking was enough for security to not have to ask us to move since we were sitting there for a little while waiting. I was still sitting there puking in doggie bags when they finally got their baggage and finally it stopped until we got home.

I felt a little better afterwards and just struggled the rest of the day to try to eat, eat, eat when ever I could. I just knew my weight was coming down rapidly. I had to smoke some of my cannabis to try to keep any food down and I kept getting these horrible tummy aches after eating (like I just kicked in the tummy after being incredibly full from eating= it was some horrible pain) and then I started feeling nauseated again and then have to smoke again.

The Zofran was not working at all at this point. I was constipated for about 2 days and also struggling to eat; my honey didn't even think that I had any food in me to poop out because I could barely eat anything. I tried so hard the whole day yesterday to eat and poop! Not puke!( I felt absolutely horrible last night and could barely move off the couch. We had ordered some Chinese food and I couldn't even stand the smell of it. Any kind of food just nauseated me to no end. I finally pulled out the Volcano Vaporizer and it worked like a charm. I didn't get that hungry but the nausea was controlled so much better (I didn't have that feeling that I was going to puke). Well that's exactly what it's like to be on the Carboplatin diet! The weight comes off in no time at all but you feel like total shit! Sometimes all you feel like doing is laying around.

I weighed in this morning and only weighed 107.5 with my clothes on and shoes! Shit! I was so pissed off to see the scale like that. But I did get to poop quite a bit last night; so I was happy about that but I am still struggling quite a bit with the nausea and trying to get my appetite up. The new medicine is working so much better than the Zofran (Zofran also constipates me and so do the pain killers). Tonight I just weighed in at 114 and am happy to have gained 6 1/2lbs in 1 day! Wow! I tried so hard to eat like a pig today and it paid off; just had to smoke more weed in order to do so. It also made me really thirsty too (I know I had to have been dehydrated because I couldn't even stomach any water) because I didn't feel like it so much yesterday. I just could not move all that much yesterday. I did get to go out with my in laws (mom and sister) some; went out to eat for lunch and then met up with them at the local pub some hours later last night.

Today was much better and I was able to eat some breakfast but did get sick afterwards, so we came home; I medicated more and the nausea was gone for a while. We did get to go shopping at Santana Row for a little while before I was finally able to come home, get some rest and update all of you on what I have been doing this whole week of NO updates. Peace and Love to all and may my nausea finally go away hopefully by tomorrow; more weight to gain and hopefully it be more fun to gain and not so painful!(

Here's to a cure to all Cancers soon!

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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Being Strong & Handling Chemo Side Effects...

So far, each day that my dad has been here; we have gone on a bike ride which always seems to make me feel so much better. It gives me more energy and it seemed to work especially today. I may not be feeling the whole effects of the chemo just yet; but I did have chemo yesterday and my dad sat with me the entire time and it was nice. The ironic thing was just across from us and another father and daughter were together for chemo. The daughter was there for her father who was getting chemo and me a daughter right across from them getting chemo with my dad sitting there. He told me so much how he wished he could trade places with me.

Well here is a photo of me getting my chemo which my dad took with my iPhone. Anyway, I wouldn't want any of my family to have to endure the hell I have to go through daily. It really sucks sometimes; unpredictable bowels and of course the abdominal and other types of unpleasant pain in unpleasant places. We have had a good visit so far and he has to go home tomorrow and then on Thursday; my in-laws with be visiting (mom and sister). We are quite busy this entire week which has kept me away from the computer. I just haven't had the energy to blog lately; I started this post and thought I would finish and then have another updated one on more things going on.

On Sunday, I got to go see a good friend of mine in the city and Miss Blue Belle got to run and play on the beach. She just zipped all over the place and stayed close by and was never an emergency recall away. Now most dog trainers and those who have trained their dogs would know what I was referring to. It was great to see my friend and my father thought it would be good for my honey and I to have some alone time while he had a blast with some of my neighbors who had cooked a wonderful meal for him. He got to watch all the football that he wanted to see and we got to have to blast together in the city. Blue Belle had so much fun just zipping around doing her little "Sheltie Zoom Zoom, Zoom!) She also didn't quite understand why this Lab was chasing a stick. Now she loves to play with frisbees and balls but never understood why anyone would be so excited over a stick. This other dog getting excited over the stick fascinated her and she ran up to the dog and the stick and then chased excitedly after them as if to herd this other dog. She didn't want the stick but it was still very exciting to her. She barked at the dog in her very feminine way and had her tail up and out just like a flower. Her tail always looks so beautiful when she gets excited at something.

We had also stopped and picked up some medicine for my chemo on Monday which I was running low on and so far it has been working great for the nausea I had been feeling. I was able to go on another bike ride with my father today and we had gone on one just before we left for my chemo treatment that was scheduled at 2:30pm on Monday. I hope I am able to continue to ride each day for the rest of this week!) So far knocking on hard wood the nausea is able to be controlled somewhat. I still have some energy but we will see how I feel tomorrow. The 3rd day is most often the worst day and my dad leave's tomorrow. Blue Belle's test is tomorrow too for her Therapy Dog International Certification (TDI)

My weight did get up to 120 on Sunday but I am down to 116.5 (with my clothes on) so hopefully I won't loose much more weight. Here's to some easy on the chemo side effects and Peace & Love to everyone else! All of you with Chemo; here's to a cure in near future with Health Care for all the good hardworking people!)

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Friday, November 6, 2009

Scary movies, a good book and some hope....

Well I just watched 2 documentary films (one last night and another the night before) which really scared me (I probably should not have watched them; I hate that kind of stress); anyway these films were about 9/11 Independent Investigations because in all honesty; I also don't buy the government's version of the events, I am very stubborn and I really would like to know the truth of what really happened = the truth shall set us all free; we need to know and I'm glad that there are those passionate film makers are out there who are brave enough to question the government when things just don't seem right). True, it could just be conspiracy theory shit, but they sure had some valid points that proved many questions that were never answered. This is a moment in history where the government could be wrong and/ or responsible for what happened on 9/11 which is very scary if they really are responsible. I don't feel they have ever proved their innocence.

We just need some honesty as to what really happened; a real investigation. Their investigation never proved much of anything. We all deserve to know what really happened; not just a cover up story that has been changing over the years. Why wasn't real analysis done on the metal and why was it shipped out immediately for sale? Why did tower 7 fall when it wasn't even hit by a plane? That's just two questions of many that I have. Too much doesn't make any sense and many of the families have valid points as they have read the full investigation; too many unanswered questions.

That last Administration really stressed me out because I didn't trust anything about them. There was no integrity at all; they were caught in so many lies and blunders that I wonder if they really did have something to do with 9/11 (they sure were overly excited to be able to go to Iraq = that wasn't even the right country that attacked us in the first place?) Now we are over there trying to get out of there. Things got really messed up and I worried about something major happening because they just didn't really have it together to handle things properly (Katrina and 9/11). They were like "Duhhhhhh - what do we do now?".

I'm very sorry to get touchy on politics here and I hope I'm not offending anybody who really does trust our government; but good old Teddy Roosevelt (one of my heroes) always said things the way they really are; my favorite quotation which makes great sense right now and especially for that last Administration "Behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people." and this one too "No man is above the law and no man is below it: nor do we ask any man's permission when we ask him to obey it." (hello Dick Cheney?) and then there is Ben Franklin's quote "Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.". The Patriot Act comes to mind here. Anyway I will stop here because I have probably pissed a few off; Sorry!) but that's OK; I'm entitled to my opinions, my stubbornness and my hard headedness. I can't trust a politician's word as I do their actions (taking handouts from insurance companies and/or pharmaceutical lobbyists).

I'm going to continue to hold onto hope with this new Administration; well I do know that Joe is a bit dumb at times (he still thinks that Cannabis is a very dangerous drug and that it makes people violent = he's never ever tried it) and sometimes I question his sanity (he is a good man but he really can be a bit dumb at times = it astounds me sometimes but not as dumb as our last President; now he was dumb) and am so glad that Obama is young and has some sense about him; I think he is a fair man. I do worry about him getting Assassinated by some of these crazies out there trying to stir people up enough to do it. (another reason not to watch the news!) I still feel that good Health Care is very important; I don't feel an insurance company should come between good quality care for a patient; it should be between a doctor and a patient. No more pre-existing conditions as excuses not to cover a patient; people get sick and should be covered when needed. I did get to watch some Fox Noise and noticed quite a few untrue statements on their show. Medicare is not going to be reduced in anyway shape or form if this Health Care Bill passes; in fact it's not even going to be touched. I can't get over how those journalists never do their home work. All they have to do is research but instead they just make up news in order to piss people off for no reason at all.

I can't even believe that Cannabis is illegal for Cancer Patients or Aids Patients to use in so many states or even for the Federal Government and how the FDA feels about anything natural for cures? It still stuns me because it really is working for me!) It is not a dangerous drug and it is with out a doubt the true reason that I am still alive today. It is saving my life and I am so grateful for that. I hope this Administration will realize the importance of this plant; it's many uses and of course for patients who really need it. I don't even feel it's anywhere as dangerous as Alcohol.

I also remain very stubborn and will continue to hold on to hope that things are going to turn around for everyone including myself. (I'm reading Suzanne Summers new book "Knockout". ) We have to be close to cure for cancer because there are many patients who have been cured. I thought I was cured after my surgeon had accidentally poked a hole in my intestine while inserting an abdominal port for intraperitoneal chemo but it did unfortunately return but anyway this book that I am reading is about real Doctors who have cured patients of their Cancer and there are still those who are kind of like me on maintenance; only I only wonder how much maintenance I can take of poisons when these doctors are giving their patients what is truly good for their bodies too; bad for the cancer and good for the bodies? Wow Imagine that!)

Also I don't understand the whole thing about Capital Punishment being cruel and unusual punishment when cancer patients are put through way, way, way, worse treatment and even healthy patients go through cruel and unusual punishment; here take these poisons and the amounts of drugs with such adverse effects. I see violent horrible criminals who should never see the light of day; live out their lives in prison who continue to be violent while in there; while we pay to keep them there. They have access to free health care while innocent people who have lost their jobs have none. How is that fair? You have to kill someone in order to get good health care? These Animals should be put to sleep for being the sick animals that they are. Hell I'm even OK with hanging them like they did in the old days. There is just no incentive for criminals to not be criminals. The punishments these days never fit the crimes.

Time to change the subject. Well for me; it's not so bad to live in the moment because in all reality none of us know when our time will be up. I have good moments and I have bad. (pain in my ass and intestines) but I still live by the Golden Rule "Treat others how you would want to be treated". I just want my life here to make a positive difference for others and am so excited about volunteering in my own neighborhood with my dog. I just hope and pray that my ass will be OK on Wednesday for her testing!) Good Thoughts that I can take my Miss Blue Belle to her final test. If she passes the TDI test; I can register her and then have proper insurance in case something happens to her.

I can only volunteer a few hours a day (and gradually increase if I can) but I feel this volunteering will help strengthen me so that I may be able to return to my job in January. I sure hope that I will be OK by then; I have so much hope and faith that I will be. I haven't been in the emergency room in over 30 days which I think is a record for me these past 8 months. Wow! That many months of being off work on Disability.

After all of these shootings and hearing about soldiers returning with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; I really want to be able to cheer them up with my dog and maybe try to make a positive difference in their lives; let them know how lucky they are to have their life, thank them for their service to our country and maybe even inspire them enough that they really can get back on their feet; hell they can just pet my soft sweet dog and feel better; I know she makes me feel so much better. I will even visit with the elderly and sick (only if my immune system is OK) at my own hospital. It does make me feel good when I see someone else smile over my dog; I really like being able to share her. I don't think it's everyday that these people are able to pet and love on such a sweet soft gentle dog.

Anyway, I got to have some fun with my Dad; we rode bikes twice today and went out to eat. This afternoon, I accidentally did something horribly stupid and scared the crap out of my husband and my father. My father and I had just had a nice lunch and we were walked around Down Town Campbell and then I thought it would be a good idea to have a fresh glass of juice. We stopped at this one little Cafe where they have fresh juices; I had some beet juice with carrots and I totally forgot how that cleans you out like a whistle. All the food that I had been eating that day; working so hard to gain just 1lbs or more; gone. I puked twice; and it was beet red and my honey thought I was puking and shitting out blood and ready to take me into emergency ASAP until I told him that I drank beet juice. It really cleaned everything out of me; my intestines were in such severe pain. I could not stop pooping and had to smoke some pot to get rid of the extreme nausea.

Every time I drank anything it would come out my rear end until it was completely raw back there. NO MORE BEET JUICE FOR ME! It's supposed to be really good for you but evidently not for me. I can laugh about situation now but I was pretty scared because my intestines hurt like hell from all of that. It was horrible!( I couldn't keep any pills down or even the liquid morphine. I could only smoke pot and it helped so much with the pain and the nausea. It stopped the puking, but the pooping continued through out the day. Thank god that is mostly over!

Also all the pain that I had been having is much better. I emailed my doctor and told him how much pain I was in and he was able to prescribe some stronger medications which I only take when needed. I am gaining weight finally and am up to 118lbs. I went to the GNC store and got a bunch of shakes and juices that are supposed to put weight on and its working!) I'm so glad I'm gaining weight again. I have chemo on Monday so I will be prepared to handle all the nausea and hopefully it won't make me too lethargic; I hope and pray that I will be strong enough to get out and have some more fun with my dad. Peace and Love to all!

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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A Fun Painful Weekend...

This weekend has been very painful as far as my intestines go. I can ride my bike comfortably until I hit a huge bump, but I am reliant on the painkillers (Percocets) lately (I'm very bummed that I have to take them!(; but they don't seem to be working so good on this type of pain which on the pain scale of 1-10 hits about an 8. To be completely honest, it is the worst kind of pain in the worst kind of place; in my abdomen and butthole. Most of the pain resonates in my asshole mostly and it's so undignifying; especially when I am standing in line at the grocery store or where ever I may be.

Now when people ask me when the pain is so severe; "Oh Jayne how are you feeling or how are you?". I can sense they can see the pain in my face; I will usually always reply, "I'm hanging in there". I don't want to bum anyone out on my bunghole problems; why ruin someone's day over that when their day is just fine as it is? I just suck it up and deal with the pain each day in the best way that I know how. If it gets so bad; I have to take the painkillers which aren't really working lately. I think I need something stronger and really really hate asking my doctor for something stronger. I don't want to be some sort of a junkie and this really bums me out. I just wish these pain killers worked and the pot I have now doesn't work much for this type of pain; just helps immensely with my appetite which needs all the help it can get. I'm still teetering on 110-113.

Well on Sunday, I finally got to go to the Farmer's Market on my bike and have never been able to do that before. My neighbor's daughter is always begging me to let her go with me which usually means that I have to drive that mile and half to the market and I can't ride my beautiful bike (she doesn't know how to ride a bike and doesn't want to learn); well I finally got to go and I have been having the best peace and quiet lately since she has been mad at me over the dog show and her PMS. It's OK for me right now except for this pain that I have been having. I was a little drugged up when I went but thankfully the pain was somewhat under control. It still hurt like hell but it was better than the 8 that it was; it was down to about a 6. I do have a high tolerance for pain.

Here I am holding this male Cockatoo, I forgot his name but I can clearly remember a best of friend of mine who had one named Rosie who eventually turned out to be a male. She was so loud but so cuddly and lovable. My friend eventually had to find a home for her and one person who was taking care of her had her in a dark room with no window to look out or where she could be where all the life was. She was so sad there; I will never ever forget that. That's what they need; just like any pet; they want love and attention; I mean sure they can be loud and annoying at times, but you look past that; hell you look past that in most people that have lovely hearts of gold. I know I can be annoying sometimes; we all have our quirks. She had pulled out most of her feathers and thankfully my friend eventually found her a good permanent home with loving parents to take good care of her. She owns her own living room where she can look out windows and even go places. I could never have one; one would definitely outlive me (hell my dog just might outlive me) and there are so many people out there who get them and don't take care of them properly. This one was having a grand old time at the market visiting with people. I think he may have been a rescue. He started doing this little dance right up on my shoulder. The man told me that he loves pretty women!) His wings went out and he was moving up and down; having a blast. Wished I could have videotaped it.

At the Market, I got a few things to juice and not too much for my basket which I was worried about doing. We both got just enough. I really had a great time with my gourmet neighbor who rode with me. (she's the one that makes the wonderful meals sometimes for my husband and I when we really need it). A good best friend with a heart of gold is what she is!) That's the kind of friend that you never ever take for granted.

Oh forgot to mention on Halloween I took Miss Blue Belle up to Santana row with her wings and then on to the mall where they were having trick or treating there. She got all kinds of attention at the mall. So many people would stop and pet her; she still had on her Service vest and then the wings over top of it. Here she is walking with a cute little princess; we got so many photos of cute kids; I tried to just photograph others reactions to seeing her because those faces are priceless. I can usually capture a good smile and Blue Belle is one to make many smile.

She has her TDI (Therapy Dog International) test on the 11th at 7:30pm. (wow the dog on the site looks just like Blue Belle!) I know she will pass with flying colors and this will enable me to volunteer at Kaiser. Kaiser may have screwed up many times on me but they have also enabled me to live 7 years with this disease and I plan to live many more years if all goes well. This volunteering will be very good for me and payback time for all the good things those nurses and doctors have done for me. I wish I had more energy and could do so much more to help others and I see others reactions when they see Blue Belle. It really warms my heart like nothing else to see someone else happy because I helped make them happy with the assistance of my beautiful dog. She is such a beautiful girl; so soft and fluffy and I got this really good spray on conditioner that makes her smell like mangos and her fur is so incredibly soft after I brush her out with it. It's like petting a bunny rabbit. I have always thought that bunnies were the softest creatures ever.

Pet Smart has this special kind of grooming that is supposed to help eliminate shedding which I plan to do just prior to volunteering so that she doesn't shed on patients. We plan to visit with all the nurses and doctors too since their jobs can be very stressful; I also plan to be my cheerful appreciative self and to let them know just how much each of them meant to me when they cared for me. That has to do something because I know with most jobs; people become burnt out when they feel they are not appreciated and I plan to do that with Blue Belle. We will both be working our magic!)

Well I'm also getting ready for my dad to arrive on Friday and tomorrow night me and Blue Belle were invited with some friends of ours to go see a good comedy at the movies "Couple's Retreat". I hope I laugh my ass off! My honey is hillarious most of the time and so is my clown cat, but but I haven't seen a good comedy in what seems like ages.

Tonto is doing much better and just finished the last of his antibiotics. I went over to my sweet neighbor who had been feeding him high magnesium kibble and snacks. He didn't know any better and Tonto can be very demanding and spoiled. He knows how to push buttons. I brought my neighbor over a Halloween Bag full of doctor approved treats and some special diet that he has to eat. I told him if he ever ran out; he could knock on our door anytime.

Tonto's special diet is not the Hills CD (althought the Dr. recommended it; my kitty hates it) but it's the other one Royal Canin Urinary SO 33? He's OK with it and Blue Belle has been licking his bowl clean. I'm so glad he can pee again; I do know how painful that can be. We were both on the same page with my infection as well; yeah I got another one!( I will be having a consultation about my upcoming surgery on the 23rd to replace my ureter stent. This is probably why I get those infections so easily. I can't hold my pee for too long and my intestines are going crazy trying to heal and figure out what goes where? Here's to more healthy healing, a cure for everyone's cancer, and Peace and Love to all! May we all deserve our own health care; no more excuses for pre-existing conditions!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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