WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Am I loosing weight or not?

Well that has certainly been the question and I hope that I haven't pushed myself too hard. OK what did I do these last couple of days? Well I did something that I love; I had the opportunity to use a nicer camera than what I have to video tape an event. I stood up for many hours and video taped and I'm not used to standing so long; I should have gone the distance and tried to get myself some more water but I didn't know where it was (the location where I videotaping).

No excuses; I was lazy and therefore I suffered and am now blocked because I was not diligent enough to get myself water when I had the opportunity to do so. Now just 2 days later; I am blocked. I wasn't then; in fact I was going to the bathroom pretty much all day long (#2 every 2-3 hours and of course my endless peeing). I had quilted fiber glass and I was diligent enough to handle that problem. Imagine having to deal with going #2 in public places as often as you pee? Be very glad if you don't.

Now this is why my site is Adult Only. I discuss these often embarrassing and very unpleasant side effects of having Advanced Ovarian Cancer and going through lots of chemo; these are the things that many cancer patients may not wish to discuss but for me it is a way of life. It is part of my survival and a reminder that I am still alive. I imagine many other patients might have the same problems (colon cancer patients and others with advanced cancers). If its spread to the colon then yes you just might be experiencing what I am experiencing.

Well I was very tired when I got off work and so much so that I couldn't sleep. It was FAT TUESDAY and I didn't drink any alcohol and instead I took a Unisome and attempted to sleep unsuccessfully. I kept waking up in the middle of the night to pee and poo of course as I watched the late hours of the night drift on closer to 5:45am. It's recommended that I do go #2 so very often (my doctor recommends it) and I'm OK with that. I hope one day with all this natural treatments and such that I can get my intestinal problems fixed and I can once again be able to go normally. That's apparently a little too much to ask right now.

I don't care anymore if someone comes into the restroom and is disgusted that I am taking a shit; I'm totally fine with it. I totally fine with taking a big stinky shit!) We all do it; I'm so glad I'm doing it; if I'm not I'm in serious trouble. What a fine fabulous day for me even though I am shitting 24 /7.

I just don't want a shit bag just yet. Yes, it literally scared the living shit out of me. Oh, will that mean my new nickname will be "shitbag"? Will often irritated drivers yell at me calling me shitbag for driving like Grandma? Hell I could just unplug it and throw it at them if they did. I guess I could easily show them what a Shitbag I could actually be! I wonder if an incident such as that would make others often change their shit bag ways of calling complete strangers "shitbags"; if a real colostomy bag full of shit lands on their windshield. I will face what I have to face because dog it; I love life that much! If I have to be a shitbag then so be it; or a puke bag. Either way, I'm focused on the good in my life!

OK back to my evening of taking a crappy Unisome to sleep on Tuesday evening. It didn't work very well; however I awoke with the worst raging headache the very next morning. OMG! It sucked. I felt that I could not get myself to miss the team building event (Wednesday) that I also helped put together. I got myself out of bed and to work in one peace. I took several Ibuprophens which did help some with that raging headache but I still felt quite burnt (tired and partially exhausted). Well the event turned out awesome and then I went home and crashed and I crashed hard. Poor Miss Blue Belle was all confused. She jumped up on the bed right next to me and layed down purposely to lean on me so that I would be sure to notice her warm presence. I should definitely feel her weight and her soft warm fur on me. I pet her for a bit and just crashed. I closed my eyes at 4:20pm and awoke at 9:38pm when my patient husband came upstairs to check on me. He had apparently came home hours earlier and noticed I was konked out to the world. He quietly took Miss Blue Belle out to potty and to play for a little bit before going to the neighborhood bar to watch the beloved Sharks. They lost and didn't play very well. No bad news here! He got to see them play and that's good enough for me and him.

As for work, I can't help but want to be around to help out. I love the opportunity just help others at work to make their job easier and most of all less stressful. I had one co-worker today tell me that I inspire her greatly and that meant a lot to me just to hear that.

Well this week hasn't been an easy week but I was so happy just to be around to help because all of these times of being sick and not around to help out had also made me feel useless. I just wanted to prove that I am not useless anymore. That's the honest truth. I really can't help but feel that way when all of sudden something terrible happens with my health where I am rushed to the emergency room and forced to take 2 weeks off work suddenly and at sometimes it was as much as 3 months off work.

I actually felt guilty each time my health failed. Even though other co-workers and even my boss always seemed to assure me that "we want you around more so do take care of your health; please don't feel bad". I still can't help but feel horrible when things do go wrong. My job is rewarding in that I work with so many great people. They actually make me look forward to coming to work; just to be around them.

One very cool thing about my Cancer is that it sure makes me think and feel the stories I have always been told about Jesus, in that I can relate to most people and I can never judge people by what they wear or what they drive or even what they look like. I don't care how big, how small, how tall, how famous, and so on they are. I just can't do that. You really do miss out on knowing someone wonderful when you miss out on the most important part of anyone is knowing how wonderful their heart and soul is. People only show you sometimes what they wish to show you and the rest you have to figure out.

Most of the time I choose to only see the good in most people (if they are bad I move on until I meet again and they can prove they have changed as a person). I know (it's far less stress); don't get me wrong; I do see horrible things in lots of public figures which I will not mention names right now. This blog is about good people so I can't go there here. Yes, I have in past posts; and yeah it felt good to especially during the election. I could just laugh at how silly many are. My blog about good kharma which really means the most to me right now. Bad people need not be discussed here; they are not worthy enough here; not right now.

Today at work I felt incredibly nauseated and wasn't even able to finish my lunch. I really need to gain some more weight and now I'm hearing of a huge stomach virus going around. I can't imagine catching it and loosing more weight or the feeling of throwing up with this pain in my intestine. I have had 2 conflicting scales; one (home) which weighs me in at 123.5 with out clothes and 126 with and then at the work gym scale, I'm 131 which isn't that much; only 2 lbs more than when I was weighed about a month ago when my doctor was concerned about weight loss.

Well I just got home and am now starting to feel so much better (I smoked a bong hit!). More proof in the powers of natural medicine. My cannabis is currently enabling me to not have to get a colostomy or ileostomy (ill-e-ost-omee) bag for right now. I was just able to drink my nasty prune juice (with a delicious Acai Berry Emergen-C) and plenty of water and of course the Miralax. I only have the nasty cheap blackish prune juice right now that really turns my stomach to try to drink if not stoned. The pain I have been having appears to be coming from the right side of my abdomen (it actually feels as if I do have a block and I can kinda sorta feel my intestine which feels a little too hard= scary huh?). It's so cool to be able to realize this because I am getting the hang of this and how to fix.

I know now when I am blocked; I must drink more water and I wasn't able to much today because I felt so nauseated. I was afraid that I would. The scary part of it all was that my intestine felt really sore and come to think of it; it also felt sore yesterday when I woke up after having that horrible useless sleeping pill that didn't work at all. How do those drugs get approved? Are they really over the counter hangover pills only you buy them to get a hangover instead of getting loaded the night before disguised as sleeping pills?

The cannabis is currently helping a lot with the soreness of this pain on the right side of my abdomen that almost felt as if I needed to start wearing a girdle (my guts coming out). Now don't get me wrong; I've been having some great days but then I get those occasional slaps in the face that yes, this disease is still here; possibly killing me and hopefully I can make it go far, far way one day!

I'm mostly praying and hoping that this blockage will resolve itself and the horrible soreness I had been feeling heals from all of the aloe juice I plan to inhale which will begin to make my intestine heal. Could that happen? We will see.

My honey came home from watching the hockey game (we really need a new TV!). I gave a big kiss and then made him a quick meal. He was starved when he arrived and I had not even started working on his meal; a grilled ham and cheese sandwich (Provolone and smoked ham with marble rye) - He loved the sandwich! and for soup we only had Organic Lentil soup. He had in stitches as he told me of his butthole problems and having to go to the bathroom twice. The same tennis shoes twice and what are the odds of two male employees taking a shit twice together? He asked me if the lentil soup was going to make him go all day at work? I don't think he liked the way the soup looked. He said "Is that what it's going to look like when it comes out?". I lost it. That's reason #5,986,345 on why I love my husband. He always makes me laugh!

After he finished his meal; he saw that I was starting to feel more pain as I smoked some more out of the bong and drank more Miralax, electrolytes, prune juice and water. I calmed down some but I just couldn't help but feel frightened of the inevitable and having to get a puke or shit bag attached to me permanently. I'm reminded of this because of the soreness and tenderness I feel on the lower right side of my abdomen. My honey came over and tried to feel and guage my abdomen as I shrieked in pain when he touched that seriously tender spot. I cried in fear as he walked over to me. We both just hugged each other and I cried in his arms scared of the inevitable. He too is scared but stood strong and held me in his arms. Together we can move mountains and we can get through this little rough spot together; hell we have gone through many and I imagine we are not done yet!

Monday, February 23, 2009

My Brand New Beach Cruiser.....& Natural Therapies..

Well I finally picked up that gorgeous bike I had on layaway for so many, many months ago. Bless the owner's hearts and I sure hope this great bicycle shop survives this latest economic turn. Hyland Family Bikes located on 1515 Meridian Avenue in San Jose. They really do have the best bikes ever and pretty good prices too. I got a great deal on this bike and when I saw it; I absolutely fell in love with it. It has to be the most beautiful bike I have ever seen! The owners had called me because it had been such a long time since I had last made a payment on it and I justified getting it because I do have a hard earned bonus from work. Yes, we still get those and they are very much deserved.

I just couldn't afford to get it just then and I almost thought for sure I that I might not be alive long enough to ride it. Yes, I did get those thoughts because yes, I was scared to be quite honest plenty of times. Those were depressing times because I really love life and I don't wish to die sick. This disease is at times unpredictable and a downturn in my health can happen suddenly which is all the more reason to enjoy all the moments I am blessed with having. We all need to do that!)

Here are some pretty photos of my new bike in a video with Queen! Hope you enjoy!

Alternative Cancer Treatments

My vitamins have also arrived! Since the doctors are kind of out of ideas for now on my next form of chemo; I decided to take matters into my own hands and start
my very own clinical trial. Don't worry! I won't start until a few days after my scan on March 6th. I need to know from my doctor if this will be safe and if my intestines are equipped to handle such a challenge.

I have read about each of these minerals and they do have some possibilities in having a cure and why not try them myself? Conventional medicine has nearly killed me several times and saved me some too so I don't really have too much to loose just trying right? I'm documenting it all here.

The first vitamin (actually it's a supplement) is called Ave' which is a Fermented Wheat Germ extract "Standardized to Methoxy Substituted Benzoquinones (Avemar Pulvis). It comes in a box with 30 packs which you mix with water or juice. Here is some info on this supplement:

It does have some pretty scary warnings but none are as scary as the side effects of chemo I have used. I do know that I will be creating a schedule in which to take each of these medications. I plan to take this one about an hour before lunch and make sure that I won't have taken anything with vitamin C for several hours prior and after taking this.

Another supplement: Lactoferrin with Colostrum. Now I have taken Lactoferrin while I undergoing chemo the first time and it didn't do much back then, but I will try again. I also did drink a whole bottle of cow colostrum. OMG was that shit nasty!!!!! I know for a fact I have never put anything inside my mouth that incredibly nasty. That was more than likely the very worst! I will never forget when I tried to down it right before work and spit it all over myself and I had to change my clothes again! I did finish the bottle later that evening after smoking a bowel. Now it doesn't even phase me to suck my husband's dick after drinking that nasty stuff!). Sorry I have to be so honest and frank! do put up with with my sick humor! This is a supplement and as long as I don't have to burp up that nasty taste; I will be so good especially if it cure my cancer!)

Here are 2 articles I found on Lactoferrin:


Next Supplement:
Magic Mushrooms! No not those kind, these are cancer killing mushrooms. AHCC (Active Hexose Corelated compounds) ImmPower by American Biosciences.
It says: Maintains Peak Natural Killer Cell Function
Supports enhanced Cytokine Production
Promotes optimal T-cell & Macrophage Activity
Here is some supporting documentation on this supplement:


Supplement 4:
Doctor's Best Best Fucoidan (enhances immune system function. This is actually derived from brown algae.



Graviola: Now I have been taking this supplement for about a month and will continue taking this one until a few days prior to my scan and then continue it. I do notice that I have significantly more energy than before. I used to feel tired all the time. Here is some information on Graviola:





With lots of prayers, hopes and dreams; I bet I can beat this disease. I will also be utilizing massage therapy, yoga, and some tai chi. I'm done with preservatives for now and will do my very best to live as healthy as possibly. "Bodies in Motion, stay in Motion" I live by that and I know I feel so much better when I do exercise. For now I will continue to live each day as if were the blessing it was intended to be!)

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Blue Belle's Birthday Celebration

Well today is Miss Blue Belle's 21st Birthday! She's actually 3 years old today and since Shelties are a breed of dog that normally lives longer than most breeds; the seven years for each year should hold true. Hard to believe this little ball fur is all grown up!

What a great day it has been for her. My husband and I awoke around 9:30am and was able to take her to play with her boyfriend Jagger just a little before 11am. We took along our neighbor's daughter. This little girl is a 9 year going on 10 years brain cancer survivor. She has been in remission over 9 years and what a miracle this little girl is. She loves to hang out with us and just can't get enough of Blue Belle. Anyway here is Blue Belle enjoying a good romp and she also had a little somersault session. Afterwards she went to her favorite Pet store for some snacks and then home for a nap.

What a great day it has been for her. My husband and I awoke around 9:30am and was able to take her to play with her boyfriend Jagger just a little before 11am. We took along our neighbor's daughter. This little girl is a 9 year going on 10 years brain cancer survivor. She has been in remission over 9 years and what a miracle this little girl is. She loves to hang out with us and just can't get enough of Blue Belle.

Anyway here is Blue Belle enjoying a good romp and she also had a little somersault session. Afterwards she went to her favorite Pet store for some snacks and then home for a nap.

Me and Amanda (my neighbor's daughter) went out for lunch and some shopping. We even bumped into my favorite photographer friend who had photographed those gorgeous photos of myself, Blue Belle and of course the love of my life. A friend at work is getting married and was trying on some wedding dresses at a shop near by.

I also finally paid off my bike that has been on layaway after so many months; I finally have my own beach cruiser, only I have to pick it up tomorrow sometime. Once we got back from all of that; we picked up Blue Belle and Tonto for their bath. Tonto does cry some but he doesn't struggle hardly at all like most cats I have seen. He may not appear all that happy but after his bath he is always completely and totally loving. I think he feels very pretty as does Blue Belle. What a sweetheart and of course Blue Belle is so sweet too!

Oh almost forgot, Blue Belle also got to play with Tess a little Yorkie Terrior; Tess. Tess loves Blue Belle and especially loves to kiss Blue Belle. She's very much in love with Blue Belle and me and her owner always joke about Tess being Blue Belle's lesbian lover. So now (the video is still uploading on Youtube) you get to see first hand what we are always joking about.

As the day wore on my indigestion/ heart burn just got so incredibly painful; it has been mostly in the evenings. Yes, despite all the fun I have in my life; I often do suffer in pain. It's a good thing I don't totally focus on the horrible pain but instead on all the fun things in life I so enjoy experiencing. I did have to take some medicine for the horrible heartburn and after Amanda had left for the day I finally smoked a bowl out of my pipe which really helped. Oh GOD it helped!!!!!! All the horrible things the government says and does about this life saving medicine; I will never, ever, ever begin to understand. I just see it as pure evil and greed. That's it. It's saving my life right now. I tolerate pain at work and around this sweet little girl. Even though it never makes me at all dangerous to be around; I just refrain from using.

After I had smoked; I was able to get thirsty enough to drink some water which in turn helped things in my intestines to move further down their path. Yes, it's just another reminder and scare of the whole stoma situation (shit bag or puke bag?) I may have to face this in the near future. I do have that scan appointment on Friday, March 6th which could be 2 hours or 8 hours? Hopefully only 2 but we will see. More proof that now is the best moment and to treasure it as much as possible. It was overall a very fun, fun day!)

Almost forgot the Sharks won another game:
Today they beat the Atlanta Thrasher 3-1
Thursday, LA Kings lost 2-4 (Sharks)
Tuesday, they beat the Edmonton Oilers 4-2
Sharks are back to kicking butt!)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Monday, Monday - It was all I hoped it would be....

Forgive the title of this post; as we were driving home from our excellent Snowboarding adventure and using the satellite radio we were listening to the 60's station; this song (Monday, Monday) came on. My husband and I just started singing this song because in all honesty; this was a wonderful, wonderful Monday of all Mondays ever! By far the best big powder day I have ever experienced or at least in long, long time!)

This post will indeed prove that life definitely goes on for me despite all the bad news my doctors give me about my state of health. We will see the power of my mind and positive thinking and how far and how long it will take me on this journey.

I decided that it might be cool that for every snowboarding or any dangerous adventure I go on; I will be sure to post something incredibly hillarious whether it be a story, a video, or an email I receive from a friend. I wish to have the last laugh always!)

This Alaskan storm that has swept Northern California has been a great one! I sure have enjoyed watching it. Check out the snow on Mount Hamilton here in San Jose. You can just imagine the excitement it has created in my house hold. We always know when it snows here; we are getting pristine fluffy white powder just hours away!)

Now we watched this storm so carefully; we had initially planned to leave on Saturday then on Friday evening it became apparent to both of us as we watched the traffic cameras that this was the start of a busy, busy President's Day weekend. It would indeed take us many, many hours to get where we wanted to go due to this also being Valentine's Day & of course the start to President's Day Weekend. On Saturday, we watched the storm some more to find that they were predicting heavy winds for Sunday. From all of our years of going; most likely most resorts would be put on wind hold due to those extreme high winds (been there done that!). We sure know what it's like to be stuck on a lift being blown around like a flag several stories up! The visibility for this day wouldn't be much better so lucky for us; so we waited to leave until after 5am on Monday morning. I drove the first leg and it wasn't so bad; hubby was a bit grumpy as he usually is waking up so early in the morning. He just isn't a morning person no matter how hard he tries to be.

When we got to Murphy CA (heading to Bear Valley) we swapped places (driving) and we got our lift tickets at the Murphy Hotel, Bar & Saloon in order to avoid the long lines that could be at the resort.

The drive was slowed down quite a bit by a man driving a brand new beautiful blue Toyota Tacoma 4x4 that perhaps he had forgotten that his truck had 4 wheel drive or maybe he was just very frightened to push that four wheel drive button to engage. What would he do?

He didn't drive above 21mph and mostly averaged about 16-17mph and we were a little more than 30 miles from Bear Valley. We were about the 21st car in line (behind him). He just couldn't figure out how to engage the 4 wheel drive in his brand new truck or so it seemed. We passed maybe 12 turn outs where he could have pulled over to figure it out or he just liked holding up 47 cars (no one for miles was in front of him). As we were driving so very slowly as my hubby was burning up with frustration. I reminded him that we could be at work but instead we are merely just driving very slow in this snow storm.

Finally about 1 hour later and about 24 miles later; we were finally able to pass him and were surprised that his truck did not have chains as we had suspected. We could see that bright blue truck 21 cars ahead of us (I counted=I was bored enough to= I counted all cars
affected) but figured that he was scared that he would break a chain but instead scared of all the snow and messing up his brand new pretty truck.

We finally arrived to Bear Valley and was able to pass another very slow driver and actually made better timing behind a mini van which was a first for his and with chains no less. We drove past the area where parking lot attendants were pointing us in the direction to park; we drove past them and continued to VIP parking. It was $20 to park up close but when we opened the window; a very cute dog sitting in my lap smiled and greeted the attendant selling VIP parking that he gave us a $5 discount= only $15. Good Kharma!)

We parked the SUV (Ford Escape) and since there wasn't a whole lot of cars entering this particular parking lot; I took Miss Blue Belle to run and play in the fresh snow next to the parking lot. She loved how the snow felt as she plopped her fluffy body onto the fresh powder snow. She dug her nose in and blew as snow went everywhere! With that, she jumped up onto her feet and ran around and poked my leg to get me to run. I guess she felt the need to herd me.

Here is Blue Belle's video I made for YouTube. It was tough finding a song so I just picked something abstract and hard to figure out in case of weird licensing issues. I'm not planning to make any money from this video and it's for pure enjoyment and bring others joy in this world. If the artist of this song is against that; what kind of a person are they? The quality is not good enough for someone to dub and sell; so I think I should be OK right? I kinda feel that Perry Farrel would not have a problem at all with me as many concerts I have seen with him. I've actually lost count of all the Jane's Addiction and Porno for Pyros shows I have been too. Many of my friends in SF have performed on stage with him over the years; I haven't met him but can tell he is incredibly cool and has heart.

Ok enough about Perry Farrell; on to our snowboard Adventure! We were able to board on the kinds of terrain that really got my stomach and gave me this almost drug in that it was so much fun; there was so much powder that it came up to my waist. I made the mistake of stopping going down this hill; I had to dig myself out and try to get started again. It took lots of strength; I lied on back once I had dug the snow out and then unstrapped my right binding to get some footing. After all that I just lied there and then closed my eyes and imagined all of my strength killing cancer. Boy that inspired me to work harder and I got out of that situation and decided then and there that I will not crash again. That was hard work. I finally got the strength to put the binding back on my right foot and reached as far as I could to get the board over my head and back over (backwards somersault) and back on my board keeping the nose of my board up and not down as to dig back into that waist high snow. I looked down this mountain and drew a line where I wanted to go; with that I headed down really fast; the wind hitting my face, the beauty of nature's storm as my speed gave me that feeling that I was a kid again riding on a roller coaster. What a feeling!

I kept going fast and watching out for little kids and adults who too had gotten stuck in the snow. One young girl was about to do just what I did when yelled for her to lean back and keep the nose of her board up. I kept going right past towards a little rounded edge that looked like a mini half pipe. I hit it with great speed as it shot me right up into the air (only about a foot if that) but it felt like a rush of adrenaline as I landed and kept going. The snow just sprayed in all directions as I continued to imagine this whole mountain being cancer and I was conquering it and winning this fight. I had my ipod on my snowboard mix of songs and each song just got better and boarded to the beat of the music and has many many flawless runs. I took mostly the black diamond runs since the snow was literally up to my waist and to get stuck in some flats was just hard to work. I lost count after 10 runs; I just continued to have a blast. I stopped and had to deal with my bowel problems through out the day and was thankful to have brought my Hemi wipes. Yes, I was going number 2 in those nasty bathrooms but not to worry I was armed with supplies to handle such a feat. I had my hemi wipes, Red Cross Antibacterial washless solution to clean the toilet seat with the addition of using one of those doilies to help wipe the seat clean, then a doily to sit on. I made the mistake once of washing my hands in the ice cold sink but not again. I would use my antibacterial lotion to clean my hands and then use those hand dryers to warm and dry my hands. This happened a few dozen times. I would do 2-3 runs and then go get the runs and then back up for more runs and back down more more other runs. Having those Preparation H Hemi wipes made the world of difference between having raw ass; OK I will stop from there with out my shame. It's the truth and I toughed it because I am so very thankful my bottom is still working down there. I also tried to imagine my intestines healing from all the fun; everything I could think of I tried to will my insides to be working again.

I also would go out to see Miss Blue Belle again and again and again; actually we both did. We had a few wonderful, excellent runs together; my hubby and I!). One run felt just like an orgasm! It was that extreme addiction I have to that adrenaline rush of riding down the mountain flawlessly; hitting little jumps here and there as we both chased each other into the trees for more fresh tracks, screaming, laughing and whooting! Yes we were being silly and uncontrollable as we had more and more fun together. I landed some really fun jumps and even did a grab on my board as my brother had told me to try the next time I went snowboarding. I did everything he had described to me and it felt so awesome!

My husband quit boarding around 1pm because his feet were hurting and he was feeling a bit winded and of course the visibility was not so good for him. I told him I would only do a max of 3 runs. My ipod just kept playing one good song after another; so much so I just could not tear myself away from the mountain. I just rode to the beat of the music and hit lots of freshies in the woods and even in the black diamond runs. Every time I had a rush of adrenaline; I imagined that cancer dieing and suffering from all the fun I was having. I couldn't control screaming, yelling and just showing the world how much fun I was having. It just felt so incredibly amazing! It's like I got my battery charged; I still feel great and my body is still working. It didn't matter that I had to go take a dump or pee a dozen more times; I was so glad that my bowels were working anyway. I treasure that feeling always.

We finally left the resort at 3pm and got home after 8:30PM. This charge to my battery will last at least another week or more. I love these memories we make together!)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's post

Well like many in this world, I was able to celebrate a lovely Valentine's Day with my honey (my husband). What a special day today has been!)

I am always in awwwww (I know I'm misspelling it but that's how I feel!) of how sweet he can be to me. He says so many of "just the right things" to me. It warms my heart in so many ways. We didn't spend money on each other just yet (snowboarding is my gift from him).

Here we are at Mt. Rose in 2006 (Just before we got that cute dog of ours!) So many great memories we have together!)

We did get to love on each this morning in all the best ways; even after my eyes rolled back inside my head!) Yes, dam it the sex was awesome! That's how awesome love is with a soul mate! You know exactly how to make each other happy.

Sometimes being spayed rocks because I know I will never feel this way about another person. The lack of female organs makes me often forget about sex or being sexually attracted to anyone else. Maybe that's why we get our pets spayed and neutered; so they don't stray. I know that if I wasn't with him; I don't think I would have the desire to be with anyone else. Yes, of course I'm looking on the bright sides of things. He is the love of my life after all!) Well it also helps me to utilize cannabis to help bring that sparkle and get me in to the mode. I'm relaxed and feeling no pain!)

While he was gone visiting family; he was concerned about other men hitting on me. To be quite honest; I am incredibly naive and of course spayed so I never ever catch on. I was very, very puzzled by that in that he was concerned. He really does love me and is completely attracted to me. The trouble is; is that I don't see myself as being attractive to other men at all. The honest truth is that I just don't really pay all that much attention to all the other men; I can appreciate good real men as human beings, but that's about it. They mostly turn out to be good people or just good friends. It always does comes right down to heart and soul and personality and this is for all people I hang out with.

Sometimes I will read and also hear about others who do cheat or have infidelities; I'm just not one of them. I don't have any desire to. I love my husband that much! What can I say? He is my Rock!) Yes, I am seeing the light on the other side of the tunnel in this disease. Life does go on and it can and it is wonderful especially with my soul mate.

We used to do the flowers in the beginning especially when I was bald and going through chemo. We were fresh newly weds. While I was at work on Valentines in 2003; he had chocolate and a very beautiful sterling silver necklace with a heart on it (I still wear it) delivered to me along with the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers. The bouquet has so many different types of flowers! The card was the sweetest (I've saved all of them). I will never ever forget how special he made me feel then and he still does.

He really hated to see me sad and crying from being bald, ugly, and feeling like total shit from the chemo. Valentine's day came around and I was about 3 treatments in. Flowers, jewelry and chocolates! I was at work and what a happy day that was for me and he really made it that way!
I was in so much awwww and I still am. I know those who happened to be around me at work were quite impressed and they were actually witnessing the power of true love conquering all particularly a deadly disease.

Even since then, Valentine's day has always been a day of love for each of us. It's our day to be special to each other. We actually do this a lot through out a year but we take recognition of this special day particularly. We cherish the time spent together and live in the moment. We don't do the expensive flowers anymore (that's been recent); instead it's about experiences and real true love for one another; I know that sounds sappy, but we are sappy!

Well today for Valentine's Day, I walked over to Starbucks and got him an extra special coffee. We got to make love, I made him a special lunch and then he went out to hang out with one of his good friends while I went with Blue Belle to the Hardware store to get some cleaning supplies so that I could at least clean up part of the home for him. Later, I made him an extra special Grilled Pastrami sandwich which was to die for. He loved it. That's how we celebrated. No need to spend a fortune going out to a restaurant. I love to cook and he loves my cooking more so than at a restaurant. I also got him a chocolate cake desert and we watched the Oliver Stone movie "W". He even wore his new Army Infantry Shirt that had his unit on it. Well President's Day is just around the corner! We will be snowboarding!)

Yes we are in planning phases of another trip of fun together; another snowboarding adventure in the works. We had planned to try to go up on Saturday; realizing this would be such a busy, busy day; we thought Sunday. We have been watching this storm brew and high winds for Sunday and more than like (from years of experience); the resorts would most definitely be on Wind hold. Monday for a day trip! I will update again soon!

Us Kids will be playing outside! Till then don't play with your Wii too long!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Left Handed...Who else is?

So far my weekend is going along OK. I was too tired from having to work 5 days this week. Granted it was 3 hours short of 40 hours; but I was literally exhausted. I can't push myself too much or hospital time anyone? No I don't think so.

I always get amazing about how my husband and I are soul mates with out a doubt. We match each other quite well and have so many similarities. Our astrological signs have always indicated that a Gemini just isn't compatible with a Sagittarius and that we are way too flighty. I'm the fresh air that gives his fire life and his fire warms my heart. That's exactly how I look at it. yes, we are sappy!)

Yes, I'm the key definition of flighty; most Geminis are flighty and they also tend to change their minds a thousand times before they have made it up in the last couple of seconds. I will not deny myself that; my mind is always going a thousands of miles an hour.

WARNING: This post might be a bit political for those of you who are sensitive to politics.

I'm always so passionate about animals and doing the right thing; treating others how I would like to be treated. What can I say? I do love myself as a person especially since being diagnosed with this monster of a disease. I feel that I am a much better person because of it; not that I wasn't before I got diagnosed; but now my priorities in life are so much different.

For now, it's really hard for me to plan anything too far in the future because my health is so uncontrollable and very unpredictable. I mostly live for right now and I try so hard to do the right things at the moment that I am experiencing them even though sometimes my chemo brain can fog up. I want to be the best person I can be because dog gone it feels good to be! I couldn't live with myself if I were greedy and so concerned about making tons of money to buy myself things. See, I could never take those things with me while I am gone; so what's the point?

The whole thing with socialism has come up. I come to ask; Am I a socialist? That's been a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. IWell mostly because Jesus himself was more or less a socialist in that he felt we have to help each other and be there for one another in times of need. We should all strive to be that way.

I for one don't believe much in greed. I feel that being greedy is wrong. I've been having a huge problem with it when I hear of how much many CEOs & high level executives get in salary. How can someone live off of so much money (or even need that much money) when there are so many others living with out? I know I couldn't. I would see the need to secure the future of the company and to pay and offer more to employees for their efforts.

It seems that so many people act like sharing is such a bad thing; I can't help but share myself and what I have with those around me who I feel deserve it. I don't believe in just giving away money without someone working for it or giving back in return. Money is one thing, but other things such as food, goods, services, or actions such as helping others is another thing. Money can only do so much; what is it without the rest of us and what we do? If you get a handout; do something for it that will benefit society or who ever gave it to you in the first place.
What comes around, goes around? I guess it got me thinking since I just watched "Old Yeller" with my neighbor's daughter and seeing how a family could live off the land and hardly any money.

I feel that I work really hard like so many of us do; I don't make much but there are those that make much, much more than I do and they don't work as long or as hard. Physical labor should be worth more and it just isn't; too many people are getting taken advantage of and I hope this stops soon.
I just feel that everyone time and effort is worth something. OK I am got a bit off the subject of what I wanted to blog about; see told you that my mind moves a thousand miles an hour or so it seems!)

Another thing my husband and I have in common is that we are both left handed. I had one other serious boyfriend when I was very young who was also left handed (father of my angel son). I wasn't as close to him as I am with my husband of course; but I was so young then. I also notice that many of my favorite actors and actresses are also left handed. When my husband and I are watching a movie we do notice those things. It makes me feel good to see another fellow left handed person!)

Here are all the famous people that I have noticed:
Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush, Ronald Reagon, Paul McCartney, Robert Redford, Oprah Winfrey, Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn, Julia Roberts, Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Angelina Jolie, Ben Stiller, Robert Deniro, Dennis Quaid, Mickey Rourke, Jerry Seinfeld, Marilyn Monroe, Greta Garbo, Michael Landon, Shirley MacLaine, Richard Dreyfus, Christian Slater, Rip Torn, Dick Van Dyke, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Steve McQueen, Whoopi Goldberg, Dan Aykroid, Matt Dillon, Richard Pryor, Keanu Reeves, Fran Drescher, Lisa Kudrow and I know there are a bunch more that are.

This also proves that my husband and I watch lots of movies together. We get our quality time together. Movies do have a way of making us feel better even though the news can leave many of us depressed and hopeless. I wish we had "Good News" station because we would be sure to watch.

According to Wikipedia, about 90-93% of the whole population is right handed. There appears to be a lot of negative information about left handed people in that they are more prone to mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. Its also more common in twins and children with autism, downs syndrome, and mental retardation. What about chemo brain? Just kidding. Hello we are not dumb "wikipedia"!

Finally towards the bottom of the page there is one person who did a study on Intelligence and left handed people in that their brains are structured differently in that it widens their abilities and in turn many are often higher achievers. Anyway, I have always felt that left handedness allows us to use the right side of our brains where creativity flows. I am certain that I am creative; maybe suffering from chemo brain at times but in all I do my best!)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

My New Blog Template.....

Well I am pretty excited about this new template that was created for me. It was well worth the investment ($85) for which I will get to write off on my taxes for next year. I hope one day that this blog will one day help buy me a farm for my Premarin rescue horses or a farm for my mom. Yes, big dreams!) I can't help but have them.

Now the banner at the top is very symbolic in that on the left is the Ovarian Cancer ribbon for which I hope in my lifetime we will one day find a cure for this deadly monster. On the right is the San Jose Sharks which symbolizes that I live in San Jose and that is my husbands very favorite hockey team. They are having a good year and have been so very exciting to watch! My husband and I are whole together and that's what this blog is all about. We take care good care of one another and teal is our color together!) His team and my monster!) A real power couple we are!)

What I really do like about the new design is the ease in being able to customize; adding banners, changing font, moving things around; instead of the usual one column on the side, I now have two in which to add things to either side of my blog. It's not screwed up anymore! I love it! I can now proudly bring it up on Internet Explorer once again! Wow! I just can't say enough about it!

Every once in a while I like to read other blogs (much more than the news). I've actually been avoiding the news lately because it's just too stressful. Sometimes I notice while watching; I get panic attacks when I hear about people being murdered, taking their lives because financial ruin, bad things for your health and so much more. It's just way too depressing and stressful so I've been avoiding it and feeling much better.

If it's bad news; I like to look for positive in it and just not just focus on the negative. There's much more to life that's going on than all the bad that is happening before us. Bad news may help sell things but I find that avoiding it has been very important to my own health.

To get back the blogs; they are a great way to escape those harsh realities; reading about others' lives and good things that are happening to them; their insight to the world. They may have their share of problems but many have unique ways of dealing with them.

I found Shauna's design banner on another blog that I was reading. The banner said enough so I clicked on it and I checked out her work; I was completely impressed enough that I ordered a good package price. I felt that my blog is worth it. Perhaps the troubles (errors in Internet Explorer) I have been having will finally stop. It finally did fix itself and it looks very cool!

Shauna Callagham worked with me and she took my idea and completely transformed my blog into exactly what I was picturing. I know that sounds kind of hard to believe but it really was amazing. She seems to be very creative and it took about a week turn around once I had placed the order and I know she's pretty busy. Well she's a mom and more power to her that she can stay at home with her kids and run her own business. I'm all for that!

Here is her contact information in case any of you are interested in a great blog design for your blog!)

Shauna Callaghan
214.683.3445 - Direct
burbmom.net - Website for North Texas Moms
seemydesignsbyshauna.com - Web & Blog Design
Blah Blah Blog - Personal Blog - Stuff you Never Wanted to Know

Well, as for me living on with this disease; I feel this photo should say it all. I am doing OK and it's not stopping me at all. I went ice skating today with my husband and a good friend from work who snapped this photo. Excuse the big man coat that I was wearing. It had been raining really hard that morning and this was the coat I had grabbed and it also seemed to keep me warm here.

So yes, I did mention rain. We are considering a trip to Kirkwood Mountain Resort in South Lake Tahoe for another snowboarding trip together. It's still tentative as if is expected to be exceptionally crowded this weekend. Valentine's Day and President's Day Weekend. We will see. No matter what; we always end up having a blast together no matter what we do!)

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Fresh Powder at Dodge Ridge...

Well I got back from my dream trip to the mountains early yesterday (around 6:15pm). I didn't go alone; instead I went with a very, very cool young man from work. He was such a gentleman and now I honesty know that he really does have a heart of gold. He reminded me so much of my younger brothers from my old skateboarding days. I say younger brothers because that honestly is how I viewed each one of them; my brother's friends as they technically were mine too. It all comes down to how my brother and I were very close and we still are. We just don't get to see each other as much as we would like. Yes all of these good friends just happened to be boys; & in case you haven't or know already, yes a tom boy I was and probably still am to some extent.

It was nice to have a good friend to go with rather than alone and it was also nice to reminisce about the old days of going skateboarding, music, and favorite sponsored skaters. Mine happened to be Bryce Kanights with the best skateboard ever. I loved his smooth style when skating, but most of all, I really loved his designed board because it had the best concave and was so comfortable to ride for my flat feet. (I actually bought 2 of them-1 I had broken on a ramp and I needed a replacement so I got the very same board again) Yeah, my feet are flat, same as my husband's! (another thing we have in common) Bryce has since moved on from skateboarding to become a very accomplished photographer. (I'm totally not there yet!)

OK enough about skate boarding. Yes, my friend and I did have lots to talk about as our childhoods were somewhat similar. That's what's really great about road trips in that they are a great tool for learning more about others. It was nice to just be ourselves and just enjoy what we love; snowboarding in fresh powder.

I was a little worried about my friend being way above my level and that I would be too slow but he made do and we were able to just watch out for each other. We both had some really hillarious falls. OK that's him right before he crashed (I crashed a lot too, but I had the camera;) yeah it was hillarious and fun to watch.

The best was when I was going a considerable speed facing down the mountain; all of a sudden I hit a divot in the snow, did a summersaut down the mountain (not sure how many times I summersaulted); but I landed right on my butt laughing so hard; that my friend asked "are you OK?", "yeah, just a minute", with that, I flipped the board right over my head still laughing and continued really fast down the mountain. It sure seemed I was fast and sometimes he was; but in all we were pretty close in our abilities. I was surprised. We were at least able to keep up with one another.

Check out the conditions and we had this one run all to ourselves for at least a couple of hours. It was so amazing to go through that snow with it flying in all directions. I ripped it up a little bit on the mountain; in that I have actually calmed down on my wild ways of trying big jumps, terrain parks, and steep, steep mountains; although I don't mind the steep mountains as long as they are not cut up too much. (this means lots of tracks)

Well, here I am, I can't stop raving about the conditions. Finally, around 1:30pm, we had our final run. It seemed a blizzard was taking over because the visibility was so poor; it was as if we had put on blindfolds to ride down the mountain. I could make out some shapes; the trees were unmistakable but it was had to see what was cut up and what wasn't. When the snow gets tracked out, it is almost like hitting pot holes and such. We got down OK and decided we had had enough fun today and that we needed to get back.

I forgot to mention that I had left Miss Blue Belle with one of my neighbors (a young couple). They were tickled to death to have such a sweet dog over. They don't have any pets (yet) and it was nice to have Blue Belle over. I have trust in both of them and I felt the need to share my wonderful dog with them. They looked like they could use some dog therapy. I know that she was lots of fun for them as well as the stress relief.

As for my trip, I didn't have to utilize anything for pain for the entire day. I wasn't in any pain so I needed no medicine!) I would like to Thank you God for such an amazing day -I got back all in one peace and I made a new friend. Well he was my friend to begin with in just being my co-worker. For me, in this photo, (all this wonderful scenery) was my church and it will always be!) "If God is anywhere, he/she has to be here" I thought to myself!

On the way home (about 25 minutes after I had dropped off my friend) I started to get a sharp jab in my abdomen (left side=tumor implant location) that nearly took my breath away. It was so incredibly sharp and scary; it almost reminded me that I'm still sick. When I got home; I immediately loaded me a nice smelling bowl; I sparked it up and took a nice deep breath into my gut; as I inhaled, the pain dissipated almost immediately. Thank god for this amazing natural plant that only propaganda has made it seem so incredibly horrible.

None of what I was taught in school is at all true. I was lied to. This is my brain on drugs? OK maybe the chemo? After my diagnosis and having to utilize this for my medicine, I don't feel at all that this is such a horrible plant. I don't see any need to destroy so much of it. What if the pharmaceutical companies were allowed use of it? What a waste (& waste of money we don't know if we really have to waste)! One thing I know for sure it that it is helping me and it has saved my life and continues to do so.

I would also like to thank you President Obama for promising to end this sickness and for allowing us states to mandate what we the people have voted for. It was such a breath of fresh air to finally read some good news. That needs to be on the front page!

I can actually breath through my stomach (breathe and my stomach rises). How wonderful this feels to have this much faith in a leader. I now have hope and faith in my heart that he will stand up for us; patients who actually utilize this age old medicine. For me, this is stress relief to not have to worry about my own well being (getting arrested in the middle of the night) just for me being pain free. I'm still living and loving it so far!)

(Not to get off the subject of my fun) I spoke with my Aunt Mary the other day and she is worried that he is promising us so much. She did tell me "Bless his heart, he said "I screwed up"". We both laughed and talked about how much we loved him for admitting that. He is like us in a way. We can relate to him unlike this previous other President; a silver spoon baby who really couldn't relate well with the rest of the world.

I have always been taught that anyone who can admit their faults is certainly genuine in our thoughts. For me, I plan to focus the rest of my life on the positive. For right now, it just feels better and less stressful.

Now I get to look forward to my husband's return later on tonight. We had talked last night and I could tell how much he misses me and I miss him of course. He was a little jealous of the fun I had on the mountain (he wishes he could have been having so much fun with me instead of my friend); so who knows we may head back first thing Sunday morning. He did tell me to have both boards on the roof rack when I pick him up! I told him all about the conditions and if continues to rain (Here in San Jose), then I will have to pack everything sometime today so that we can get back in time. (be careful what you wish for!)

Just another day trip?) Perhaps? Maybe? To be continued....

UPDATE: No rain today and I had some hope that it would (don't get me wrong I still enjoyed the day as it was nice, sunny and warm here in San Jose) I didn't even need a jacket and how perfect it is to live here near Campbell and in West San Jose! No matter how much my home could not be worth; its worth it! Life is worth it! So there San Jose Mercury News! Take that!

OK, when I picked up my husband I had both boards on top of the roof. Why of course I'm a wife of her word!) I had his bag all nicely packed so so that he could easily sort through it all and pick out what he would want to wear the following day.

Anyway, I saw that hot sexy man (my husband) just standing there looking so sexy and manly that I immediately put the truck in park, got out of the truck and immediately ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug and kiss. Oh how we missed each other and how we hugged each other. That warm strong embrace! Those moments felt so wonderful!

Blue Belle just wagged her tail profusely; actually it was more like her whole body. What a reunion and NO. No snowboarding trip tomorrow. It didn't rain like I had thought. It was just too pretty today. Tomorrow, it's just love, relaxing together and watching for the next new storm!)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

A snow storm is arriving....

Well it has been a whole 3 days and 2 nights since I last saw my honey. I've made it this far and only a few more to go till late Saturday night. Oh and I have been talking and texting him like crazy. I just love talking to my honey on the phone. It sure makes me feel great just to hear his sexy manly voice; it's just like my heart skips a beat and then it turns warm as I feed off the sound of his voice. Love is such a great feeling to experience and I'm so thankful for every moment of it!o)

I am slowly gaining more weight and have been utilizing some good vitamins from Whole Foods (Fish Oil (without the mercury) 1000mg, B-Complex, Vitamin C with Echinacea
500mg , and Graviola) in order to give my body enough ammo to get stronger. I am also drinking Aloe Vera juice twice a day and can actually feel that my intestines are getting strong (I hope and pray). Not to mention electrolytes and vitamin drinks, ensures, and High Protein Boost. Here's to a cure! Perhaps I will find it!)

I'm still suffering from insomnia no matter how hard I try to imagine my husband sleeping downstairs on the couch. I just miss him so much!

Now back to this exciting storm. Yes, my soul needs to spread its wings out on the mountain. There's just nothing like feeling the snow hit my face, looking out into a white wilderness as my board slides so smoothly through soft fresh powder!) The sound of the board when it scrapes some ice and then hits that fresh powder as it spays in both directions as I glide through it. I just love that feeling when my stomach gets lifted up and I leap with very little effort over a small natural jump. Oh how that excites me and makes me feel so incredibly alive! If ever there is a feeling of being in heaven; its in the snow!) I literally could go on and on and on!) Love it!

Check out these prime conditions.

Dodge Ridge Weather Forecast layout
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
DayWeather IconNight
Day Hi: 29° F
Snow showers. Temperature rising to near 29 by 11am, then falling to around 23 during the remainder of the day. South wind between 14 and 16 mph, with gusts as high as 24 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possi
Night Lo: 18° F
Snow showers. Low around 18. South wind between 11 and 18 mph, with gusts as high as 28 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible.
Friday, February 6th, 2009
DayWeather IconNight
Day Hi: 30° F
Snow showers. High near 30. South southwest wind between 7 and 14 mph, with gusts as high as 21 mph. Chance of precipitation is 90%.
Night Lo: 22° F
Snow showers likely, mainly before 10pm. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 22. Light and variable wind. Chance of precipitation is 60%.

Yes, I am considering going to Dodge Ridge. Originally I was considering Bear Valley but after being reminded of a friend's car accident and it could very well be heavy duty conditions; I just know that I need to play it safe since there is a good chance that I will be going alone. I've done it before a few times and my honey supports me fully me in my quest for a soul healing. It does heal my soul to do something so incredibly fun.

Now as for my planning; I figure it's going to snow all day tomorrow while I am at work. Inches and inches of good fresh powder will be falling through out the day for me to play on!) Dodge Ridge is only about 2 and half
hours away and of course I sort of drive like a grandma. I have a grandma's disease; so I'm gonna have to drive just like grandma!) I will be safe. No dangerous driving; I just want to go up, enjoy, and drive back all in one peace.

The weather is storming as you can tell and I plan to leave around 5:30-6am Friday morning. I just had a friend of mine provide me with some good kharma. He gave me some boots (I was warned to wear them 30 minutes at a time through out the day). Gonna wear them at work; hell I hope people will laugh at me; I'll be sure to laugh with them!)

This photo was actually taken just a few months before my fourth surgery. My husband tore his ACL on this very trip. I was about 11 months after chemo, and about 4 months after my 3rd major abdominal surgery. You can see the curls coming out of my helmet. My skin was experiencing major breakouts from the chemo coming out of my system. I actually went snowboarding about 10 or so weeks after my third major abdominal surgery
and of course here I am again. I'm wearing a girdle too here.. I still have my girdle after all these years and have saved it in case I may need it again. (gotta keep my guts together;)

So if you don't hear from me for a couple of days; please know that I will be having a blast out on the snow. Not sure how many more
storms I will get to experience, but I know I'm going out to experience this one for sure! I'm taking my camera and will share with all! My honey is happy that I am going. He understands me like no one else!

Monday, February 2, 2009

My Honey is gone all week:(

Oh how I miss him so! Can I make it the whole week with out my honey? Anyway, I had to go to work today and get some much needed training; so I will take another day off this week; haven't figured out which one I can; perhaps this Friday. The class I had today was pretty much all day and I almost got to have a good bye lunch with my honey (he left for Wisconsin today for his Grandfather's funeral). He wasn't able to make it up for lunch and I tried so hard to not cry because I didn't get to say good bye to him.

He knew he would need to go and apparently he needed to leave right away today. We talked and talked about him going and I supported him seeing his family. Because of my sickness, I feel so horrible that he has not gone to see them in several years. I haven't been back to see my own family since Nov. 2005.

I'm due but I just can't stand the stress of traveling and what if I'm in severe pain and can't use my medicine? Waiting in those long, long lines, security, and the whole process can be so demeaning and can really make you feel like a second class citizen. It's like we are all cows and out the window our Constitution. It's as if we all were responsible for those attacks. I know they have to be careful and times have changed. It's used to not be this bad but luckily I have had family come visit me; I really miss my brother like crazy and have not seen him since my last visit. I can't believe it has been 3 years without seeing my brother; almost torturous. Talking on the phone is one thing, but just being around someone is something else!)Link

My husband and I at least got to go on a fun bike ride yesterday prior to the Super Bowl. We stopped at an Army Surplus store and a few Super Bowl Parties. I had met the manager of that Steven's Creek Surplus just before Christmas and told him of my situation. We actually talked for a while about Cancer, politics and so much more. Anyway, he recognized me and saw us looking at the doo rags (a rag to wear just under your helmet). He gave me a bag full of doo rags- all colors. It was so cool and they are all really awesome doo rags. He was giving them to children at Christmas and we seemed to appreciate them even more. What comes around goes around!)

OK, now back to work & the funny story. I normally refrain from talking about work here, but since I had such a great laugh; I just can't resist. Well, instead of my husband coming up for a good bye lunch, I had a nutritious lunch; a vitamin shake, a fresh juice from the cafeteria, and some cooked vegetables. I was enjoying my lunch with a few of my co-workers including this young researcher who was trying out a vegan diet. It was mostly just us girls and him.

Apparently he has tried a few diets (2 weeks at a time) and this one too, it had only been 2 weeks (that's actually pretty good). I may have ruined it for him. Anyway, he was talking about the diet and how he was planning to eat all this tofu and soy stuff. I started thinking about why I can't handle a whole lot of soy (emulates estrogen and could make my cancer grow like crazy); but anyway, I blurted out (uncontrollably, just like me) "doesn't eating lots of soy, make your boobs get big?". With that, we all (except him), burst out laughing. I think I laughed for 10 minutes strait and tried not to for the rest of my class which was another 4 hours. One of my other co-workers had told me that man boobs are called Moobs. Sometimes funny things happen and I can laugh about them for days.

Anyway, when I got home from work, I took Blue Belle out for a few walks, did some much needed house cleaning and tried to sort out problems with this blog. I had changed the template a few times (even had a pretty one for a few days) and it's still kinda sorta not working. I had to change it back to that same boring "scribe" template. I turned off the Adsense with hopes that those with Internet Explorer can once again view my blog. Sometimes the Adsense acts up and in Internet Explorer it just can't pull up those pages. It will get stuck and it seems likes its flashing or the screen is flashing (it makes these noises), and then it just can't pull up the page. I can always pull it up on my Macs at home and even on my iPhone. Here's to my blog not being boring!)

Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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