Thanksgiving in the Hospital...

These photos of Blue Belle were taken today as well while I was sitting here in the hospital with my honey after he came to visit me. She looks so regal in this photo as she is looking at something out the window from on my bed. We could not even distract her at this very moment.

She then jumped off the bed and I had this other cute one of my honey and her looking out at our view of some mallard ducks swimming in a small creek below.

Well you guessed it; I spent my Thanksgiving in the hospital as I suspected I would. It really wasn't any doubt that I would be and it was quite a boring day at first. I did get to have my NG tube removed (I got to jerk it out) and what a trippy feeling that was to pull that huge tube from out of my tummy out of my nose. Ewww.... slob and all.

My honey came and visited (we also Skyped quite a few times too!); we had planned on watching the Packer game together but that didn't happen as we both fell asleep even though I called him close to 7am for his wake-up call. I wanted him so bad to have a good Thanksgiving meal even though I hungered so bad for one. I was actually having some hunger pains (That's a good sign of healing). We both did fall asleep although I didn't actually wake up until 2pm. I slept so good and had one of those long dreams (that my honey and I were touring the US in our custom tour bus with Blue Belle as a baby puppy). It was one of those dreams were you wake up and you continue on; so that's why I slept so long.

The NG tube was removed around 3:30pm after we (doctor and I) unhooked and tested to see if any more than normal (over 50-60cc) of crap had come out into the goo contraption. As you can see I am still "NPO" (Nothing orally) and that is the goo contraption that we needed to measure the goo coming out of my stomach which consists of bile and other digestive juices. Mine happened to be green and sometimes it can be yellow (tasting horribly if puked up). This hospital stay is all from my chemo from Nov. 9th. It really knocked me on my ass and we are seriously scared to go on more chemo at this point.

Tonto is so photogenic that I had to include another Skype photo with him. His face is so round and beautiful for a Manx; I think most Manx cats have round faces.

Not that its such a big deal to most (I never take a good shit for granted ever!) but this morning I did get to go poo (it's such a big for me as its just another step to my healing process) this morning. I was so surprised that my intestines are just starting to work. I have been running fevers like crazy today and one that was up to 101.1 which really bummed me out. I had to have my chest x-rayed, several blood tests revealed that my platelets are extremely low (12); normal is like 40-1200 (I think?). My poor left arm is so damaged from getting hacked on by needles (7 bruises on hand and arm) and one more test tomorrow morning (not sure where they plan to stick me there (right arm has IV); so if my platelets get down to 10 then I have to have another transfusion (I had 2 on Monday night). All these little problems which could hinder me from being released as soon as tomorrow (temperature and blood tests).

I did ask my doctor if I could go back to work in January and I think I can; just depending on my energy level and how I feel. I can only hope and pray that I am ready by then. Each time in the hospital is always that wake-up call that I really do have to be careful with everything that I eat and how I take care of myself. I will be sure to get plenty of rest; eat a good diet that my dietitians approve of; I didn't particularly like the dietitian that I spoke with earlier this week as she was adamantly against me using cannabis as a means of getting my appetite back. I'm so tired of having to take more pills. My poor intestines don't even like pills and part of why I am here is because of pills; I don't want to take more pills!( I know what is good for me and I researched many of those appetite stimulants (just more chemicals in the body). She seemed more into me using unnatural drugs (as if I am not taking enough as it is) than using something as natural as cannabis. I plan to do what ever I can to gain weight and to be as healthy as possible and what works for me and what does not.



I have even found that the oil can even cure some cancers; more research needs to be done on this plant. I'm not so sure it's true or not but it does grant some possibiltis enough to at least research for cures for other diseases as well. I do know that cannabis has been a blessing for me in this 7 year journey of healing. I hope one day it will be legal and we can save those many thousands of lives by making it legal. It will also help much in our huge national deficit. I hate that my taxes go towards destroying many lives and burning much needed cash crops; hopefully one day this will change and our government can finally use some common sense rather than trying to fatten some politicians pockets.

I may have had to stay in the hospital today but I did get to reflect on everything that is most important in my life right now. I am still very thankful for much in my life right now; particularly the love of my life; having both my parents and brother in my life; excellent friends and family; and of course my pets and my home. Right now is key and what I can do right now and living in the moment is the best thing for me right now. I'm thankful always to have right now. We should all be. Peace and Love to all!

Blue Belle's Birthday Celebration

Well today is Miss Blue Belle's 21st Birthday! She's actually 3 years old today and since Shelties are a breed of dog that normally lives longer than most breeds; the seven years for each year should hold true. Hard to believe this little ball fur is all grown up!

What a great day it has been for her. My husband and I awoke around 9:30am and was able to take her to play with her boyfriend Jagger just a little before 11am. We took along our neighbor's daughter. This little girl is a 9 year going on 10 years brain cancer survivor. She has been in remission over 9 years and what a miracle this little girl is. She loves to hang out with us and just can't get enough of Blue Belle. Anyway here is Blue Belle enjoying a good romp and she also had a little somersault session. Afterwards she went to her favorite Pet store for some snacks and then home for a nap.



What a great day it has been for her. My husband and I awoke around 9:30am and was able to take her to play with her boyfriend Jagger just a little before 11am. We took along our neighbor's daughter. This little girl is a 9 year going on 10 years brain cancer survivor. She has been in remission over 9 years and what a miracle this little girl is. She loves to hang out with us and just can't get enough of Blue Belle.

Anyway here is Blue Belle enjoying a good romp and she also had a little somersault session. Afterwards she went to her favorite Pet store for some snacks and then home for a nap.



Me and Amanda (my neighbor's daughter) went out for lunch and some shopping. We even bumped into my favorite photographer friend who had photographed those gorgeous photos of myself, Blue Belle and of course the love of my life. A friend at work is getting married and was trying on some wedding dresses at a shop near by.

I also finally paid off my bike that has been on layaway after so many months; I finally have my own beach cruiser, only I have to pick it up tomorrow sometime. Once we got back from all of that; we picked up Blue Belle and Tonto for their bath. Tonto does cry some but he doesn't struggle hardly at all like most cats I have seen. He may not appear all that happy but after his bath he is always completely and totally loving. I think he feels very pretty as does Blue Belle. What a sweetheart and of course Blue Belle is so sweet too!




Oh almost forgot, Blue Belle also got to play with Tess a little Yorkie Terrior; Tess. Tess loves Blue Belle and especially loves to kiss Blue Belle. She's very much in love with Blue Belle and me and her owner always joke about Tess being Blue Belle's lesbian lover. So now (the video is still uploading on Youtube) you get to see first hand what we are always joking about.



As the day wore on my indigestion/ heart burn just got so incredibly painful; it has been mostly in the evenings. Yes, despite all the fun I have in my life; I often do suffer in pain. It's a good thing I don't totally focus on the horrible pain but instead on all the fun things in life I so enjoy experiencing. I did have to take some medicine for the horrible heartburn and after Amanda had left for the day I finally smoked a bowl out of my pipe which really helped. Oh GOD it helped!!!!!! All the horrible things the government says and does about this life saving medicine; I will never, ever, ever begin to understand. I just see it as pure evil and greed. That's it. It's saving my life right now. I tolerate pain at work and around this sweet little girl. Even though it never makes me at all dangerous to be around; I just refrain from using.

After I had smoked; I was able to get thirsty enough to drink some water which in turn helped things in my intestines to move further down their path. Yes, it's just another reminder and scare of the whole stoma situation (shit bag or puke bag?) I may have to face this in the near future. I do have that scan appointment on Friday, March 6th which could be 2 hours or 8 hours? Hopefully only 2 but we will see. More proof that now is the best moment and to treasure it as much as possible. It was overall a very fun, fun day!)

Almost forgot the Sharks won another game:
Today they beat the Atlanta Thrasher 3-1
Thursday, LA Kings lost 2-4 (Sharks)
Tuesday, they beat the Edmonton Oilers 4-2
Sharks are back to kicking butt!)

CA 125 slowing going down.....

Only 1 more chemo pill for this round as I just took one of those horse pills. It always comes down to the countdown of the icky pills. Those Etoposide pills with the horrible side effects. They certainly make my stomach feel queezy, painful, and kind of crampy.

I have had to cut down on eating regular food and I actually found some Ensures that are quite tasty and were on sale across the street at Safeway. They are the Butter Pecan and the Coffee Cream. I imagine I will grow tired of them soon but can at least enjoy them right now.

On Election Day, Tuesday, November 4th at 9am I have my Avastin chemo infusion. It seems I always end up getting chemo scheduled at crazy days and times. I remember my very first chemo ever. The nurse was so cold and calloused that she tried to convince me to come in on Thanksgiving day for my very first treatments of Taxol and Carboplatinum. Who wants to vomit their turkey dinner on Thanksgiving? Wells she had some openings so why not take advantage right? Wrong. I delayed that first chemo treatment until December 5th, 2002, I had gotten married on December 3rd, 2002. Hard to believe I have survived so much in 6 years.

Now some Good News! My CA125 came in the mail yesterday and I had taken a whole month off the Etoposide pills prior to this blood test. Prior to the 1 month off, my count was at 27. Without the Etoposide is now down to 24. Prior to the 27 count, it was at 35, and before we started Chemo, it was at 79. We just need it to go down another 20 points would be great, but every few points is a blessing. I am just thankful for everyday I am given because I see each day what a miracle life is. I watched women in support groups where we would loose at least one woman a week or two weeks. It got to me as I grew attached to these woman and it was just a stark reminder of just how deadly this disease really is.

Sometimes when my stomach is going crazy, I get scared and worry that with all the noise that what if something in there just explodes and it kills me. I try not to think like this, but I can't help it sometimes when the pain is so intense and the noises from my stomach are so loud. It really does get intense and scary. The cannabis helps me through these types of ordeals.

I did receive news that on Friday the rain will come! I realize that yes it will be on Halloween but they are expecting some snow fall in the Sierra's so we can just hope that there is enough snowfall to cover the rocks and to make a nice base for the coming months if only we get lots of storms to enjoy.



Stumble It!

Documenting another journey...

I had my CAT scan two weeks ago this coming Monday and I still have a large bruise on my arm from that experiences. The dye which enabled those professions to see the banana flavored Barium that I had drank minutes before the CAT scan was very large compared to the butterfly sized needed that I often request for the many tests. The nurse couldn't seem to find a good vein so she had to prick me and dig around and it was painful but not the type of pain that I am used to on a daily basis.

It has gotten to the point that I have to face reality and that is not being able to digest regular food. Its now time for me to just stick with basics and consume yucky baby food. The cool thing is, I have so many good friends that are my family. I have one neighbor who is an excellent cook willing to bring me puree fresh food daily if required to do so, I also have another good friend who is the most amazing photographer I have ever met. The point is, I have so many great friends who are ready to do what ever it takes just to help me or just to be there for support. I love that I touch lives like that.

To get back to my next journey, I plan to meet with a Chemo doctor on Wednesday with my husband at my side holding my hand as we talk about the unknown. My oncologist seems to think that the drug Etoposide or VP-16. There are lots of possible side effects to this drug and almost assuredly my hair will fall out. I decided that I will document the whole experience and will update on my appointment on Wednesday and what we will decide. I have to do something soon since the tumors are still growing. There are about 3 tumors in my peritoneal cavity and pushing against my intestines. I have another tumor growing inside my right lung. It's scary that it has come to this being 14 months of no chemo. It was nice to have the break but another journey will start.

Not to worry, I will continue to live on. My husband and I are planning to see the Scorpions tonight and I've just been invited to get a pedicure in a few hours. Life goes on and I plan to celebrate it despite the pain I'm in.

For me, the miracle of cannabis does just that and it provides me with pain relief without constipation, no bad tastes in my mouth, and it forces me to drink more water.