WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.
This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.
This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!
I ask this question myself daily. What's most important? Are those bills that never seem to go away, are those most important, the news, a TV show that has you sucked in away from your loved ones, getting to work on time, filling up your tank, things you may have or could have said?
I am hoping that after you read about what I am enduring, you at least reflect on how lucky you are and to be quite honest, we are all lucky in our own ways.
As I watch Caesar, the Dog Whisperer talking about living in the Now, it really makes the most sense and he is right about the importance of right now. Enjoying the time with loved ones or just having great experiences, great conversations, and enjoying the present!
Imagine life living like your dog does in the right now. Not worrying at all about the past, just on how to improve the future? Wouldn't this world be a much better place. Of course we learn from past mistakes, but we have to move on and enjoy our time here.
How do I feel right now? I often ask myself that question daily. If I am in pain, I deal with it but I refuse to stress out over results of my CAT scan (I hate a CAT scan on Monday, July 21st). They may find that the cancer has spread to more places but for me, I'm alive right now.
I felt the importance of this CAT scan to mostly find out why I still can not fully digest food (still after 3 months) and it is due to my intestines narrowing from scar tissue or over time. I just hope that from these results, we can find a way to fix me. For right now, I have to eat once ever other day and sometimes I just can't help it and I try to eat just like a normal person, but boy do I suffer in pain when I do. It's like I am getting taught a tough lesson each time. It is getting easier because I feel pain when I walk by some really delicious foods, such as cheese stuff and more.
Complex foods are a real challenge for me to digest. My intestines make so much noise when I do eat something complex like a sandwich, pizza, or a danish. It sounds exactly like bad pipes and I can watch as my stomach swells in pain as it roars in the attempts to get the food to pass through. I just want a solution and not to have to suffer in pain much longer although the pain level is under control most of the time.
Randy Pausch was a hero to me and so many others. He faught cancer the way a soldier fights a war. He also kept his outlook so positive and lived for his children and his loving wife. He touched so many lives in his fight to live. What an inspiration this man was.
Randy died earlier today of Pancreatic cancer which is the fourth leading cause of cancer death in the United States and it is also the least funded. Hopefully with a new president in power next year, new priorities will be made on this terror. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and all of us. May his legacy live on and this wonderful lecture touch many more lives in the years to come.
Some have expressed concern over the Warning that the content of this blog is objectionable. I will be honest and that was a decision that I came to and I did have to think long and hard about this decision only because Google has disabled my Adsense Account possibly due to objectionable content. Google was never professional enough to give me any reason or explanation as to why my account has been disabled. To me that is extremely unprofessional. When you disable an acount like that, you have to be adult enough to give a reason why and that is what Google is lacking.
I never received any emails that it was disabled and I recently found out it was disabled when my other Blog "Peacefulliberal" went live. I went to add the Adsense to the Blog and I kept getting the message that my Adsense account is disabled.
Now I did fill out the form 3 different times to ask why it was disabled and still no responses. So instead, you will just see great books and other banners next to my posts.
Well it's Google's loss. This particular blog deals with a lot of important topics that millions of people research daily in order to seek the truth. I couldn't think of any reason why this would happen unless Google didn't like my content or it might just be too racy being that I am honest about what I post here.
What makes me so happy and keeps me going is this wonderful man in this photo. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me other than life itself. We fight this disease hand in hand. We are pretty powerful together.
I fight this disease so hard and am so tough and also hard headed to the pain, but sometimes it does get the best of me. I started this blog with every intention of making others feel better about their own situations as I fight mine. This cancer has taught me and maybe others quite a bit about treasuring your life, your right now and trying to improve the future or the outcome.
I feel the actions within my body daily. My abdomen reacts strangely especially after 4 abdominal surgeries where each time my intestines were taken outside of my cavity and worked on whether it be scraped for cancer, inspected for holes, stapled or sewn together. That's what happened to them and I know they are not the same and will never ever return to being the same. I don't blame my intestines or my body for making such a fuss when I accidentally crave the wrong foods. I'm still learning.
To get back to my pains; I just made the mistake of eating on an off day and succumbing to my weakness for my favorite food ever, Pizza. See, I'm not perfect, but I do live by the moment and how I feel.
My intestines have been stirring very violently and its also very painful. They swell up, make violently loud noises as they struggle with the difficulty of digesting food. Then all of sudden, it feels as if I just got kicked in the gut. It takes my breath away and I fall to my feet. I struggle with breathing trying my best not feel the intense pain. I hold my stomach gently as I wish the pain away, I meditate, breath slowly and then vaporize.
The doctor had told me, not to take any medications or pills for pain because of the dangers of getting further blocked and side effects. If I do, I taste the pill coming up my esophacus and it tastes so horrible that I don't feel the need to drink anything or consume anything.
My intestines are blocked at this point and nothing can get through and so its the waiting game until a miracle happens. I can feel the gas because every once in a while, I can sometimes force out a burp. My husband farting in the back room doesn't make things much easier for me although I do sit there and wish it was me releasing that pressure. If you can fart, I hope you consider yourself lucky! Farting can be such a blessing! I can't right now and my body really wants to. Didn't mean to get to this topic, but its real and feel free to laugh because I certainly am. Other people just wish for complicated things, while I just wish for simpler (like taking a dump!)
The vapor dissipates the pain for right now as I breath more slowly and am able numb the pain. My mouth feels so dry and the taste has gone away, so I drink more water and can't get enough of it. I close my eyes and slow my breath as I meditate and pray to god that the pain go away. I thank him each and every time my husband who takes care of me and all those around me. All the good people in this world that make a difference. The meditation and praying helps me to calm the pain. For me and hopefully you too, every day is a new miracle to make the most of time.
Today we went to a funeral to celebrate the life of a wonderful woman. This wonderful woman had 8 children for which she loved in 8 different ways and how each of those children knew it. Each child was special in their own way and was loved in a separate way. It was amazing to see so much love in a room. This woman sacrificed so much, 3 separate marriages, but fell ill just for the last 10-12 years.
Funerals serve as constant reminders of our own immortality. We can choose to touch others lives, to be family with one another and to all work together in raising our future. There is something said to be in the power of numbers and the way things just happen and at particular moments that they happen and to do so in just a lifetime. How many lives can we really touch? This woman touched many and it was a sad loss for many, but it was her time to go to another journey.
This woman lived 73 years which is a great life lived and I would consider that long of a life a true gift to be treasured. We all don't know exactly how long we will live; only 38 years old, I couldn't help but think, will I be celebrated like this sometime next year or hopefully in 40 years? To have that much time to enjoy your life is a true, true, true gift.
Well, we had so much fun for the rest of the 4th of July weekend that Monday just came and went just like that, like the first part of this year! I went to work today and have been pondering much to say the very least. Surviving Cancer, is just one those major things to ponder, but it just comes natural; however I do have a major life changing event that I am planning in the next 2 days of which I will be trying to film, photograph and write about. The arrival of the worms (composting)! I won't say another word. It will all be be featured in my August Newsletter and I plan to film some youtube videos which should follow as well.
Yes, a lot will be going on as I also plan a major overhaul of my ShoppingKharma website. I hope to simplify the website quite a bit and I will be moving some of the pages to some of my blogs (Blue Merle Sheltie, and PeacefulLiberal), writing summaries of articles written in past newsletters since many of newsletters make for good reading anytime with healthy recipes, nice things to do everyday, cute and very real animal stories, and people stories and not to mention lots of great photography in each issue. Everything dealing with Good Kharma; just good honest people bringing good to the world. We all need to be reminded of how good others can be as the media tends to only focus on the bad people in this world.
I'm not perfect either and sometimes I do sit and watch TV just to see what journalists actually write and report about, and 9 times out 10, you hear about killers, robbers, thieves, terrorists (our president?), sorry I had to add that since I don't have not 1 drop or molecule, of trust in. No, my Good Kharma Newsletter is all about Good Karma in our world and you won't ever read about any bad in the world, just good, good people and animals, and plenty to be thankful for!
For starters, we got a great parking spot that already had money in the meter and enough that we didn't have to pay a dime for parking which is an accomplishment in itself. At first we drove maybe 3-4 blocks trying to find a spot, we finally saw one and someone right next to us snagged it, but I said, "just have faith", we drove another 2 car links and there she was the "rock star parking" spot! We got the good spot and not too far to walk!
Then we walked over to the club and we were walking in, I was engaged heavily in conversation and really not paying too much attention. The momentum of the line was good and it was moving forward. The doorman didn't ID my husband or the two sisters that came with us. As my husband walked right by and a couple not much older than we were, maybe even the same age walked through as well. The doorman then stopped me and asked to see my ID. I was a little taken, but my products have been working excellently as I have been getting IDedmore and more often, but I still don't find the ID with as much ease as I did in my early 20's. The two girls that came with us, are about a year or two younger than me,; they stopped to see what was holding me up. I was indeed searching frantically for about 5 minutes holding up the line just to search for my ID. They were all cracking up at me as I was smiling and laughing trying to find my ID. You see, I don't have to search for it all that often and I think I must have ruined it for other women my own age and may even younger. What an accomplishment for the night!
I had on this really cool t shirt that my husband had bought at the Santa Cruz Harley shop that totally made it look like I had 2 really awesome tattoo sleeves. What an awesome idea for a shirt! I told everyone that commented on it that if I wanted to, I could change my tattoos like a shirt. I got lots of comments, "nice ink", "who did your work?" We even saw some friends that we hadn't seen in years and we had been to lots of show with over those years. They really thought I really had tattoos and I guess nothing would have surprised them at that point after not seeing us for so many years.
As we walked in to the show which was downstairs a bit, a guy at the door attempted to stamp the insides of our wrists so that we could have access to re-enter the show again. When he got to me, he was a bit puzzled as to where to stamp me since I had ink (tattoos) all over me and the inside of my wrists. I pulled up the sleeve and told him, "gotta like those kind of tattoos", he laughed as he stamped the inside of my clean wrist.
Here I am with the singer of the Supersuckers who I last saw in 1993 at the Milestone in Charlotte, NC. (I might be wrong on the name of the club, but I am pretty sure it was in NC,; Atlanta also had a club called the Milestone, so I am a bit unsure of the name of the NC club, but it may have been named the Milestone as well) I stood in a small line to meet him and to have him sign my ticket. There was a nice couple in line with us as I told them the last time I saw this band. They told me, "where have you been the last couple of years?" They play here all the time and I told them, the truth, "I have been beating the shit out of cancer these last couple of years and sometimes it takes huge hits at me too!". The girl started crying and I told her, "please don't cry, just have a great time tonight and enjoy every moment tonight, you have met a miracle tonight, proof of good kharma, so enjoy it!" She and her boyfriend both hugged me and I went over and got my picture taken.
We walked down to enjoy an excellent show. All of the bands rocked, but I enjoyed the Supersuckers the very best! The Reverand was wonderful as I had expected. He did do something ultra cool. He play a song from each era from the 60's to the present. From the 60's he played "Trailor for Sale or Rent" by Roger Miller, 70's "Paranoid" Black Sabbath, 80's "Ace of Spades" by Megadeth , 90's "Lithium" by Nirvana, and the new Millineum, which I can't quite remember but each had it's unique Reverend Sound which sounded so good anyway. What an amazing show! They didn't play my husband and I's favorite song "Love Whip" but they still played lots of their great original music.
It just goes to show that you have to take the time to enjoy each and every day, enjoy the moment, and to be complaint free! Live in the moment because you never know if you will see what see ever again!
I've learned that with writing a good blog, you have to keep the content consistent with the subject matter.
I have now have 2 other blogs that I currently working on which should be quite fun. Since I have recently become obsessed with today's politics, I created a political Blog called "The Peaceful Liberal" (peacefulliberal.blogspot.com) and to cover my love of herding dogs "Blue Merle Sheltie" (bluemerlesheltie.blogspot.com).
The Peaceful Liberal Blog will be all political and dedicated to electing Barack Obama as our next president, saving our great Country, Our Constitution and all that we have worked so hard for. I have so much hope for world peace and no more fear tactics in controlling all of us. Fear causes stress and it certainly stresses me out and causes my health to decline. Not sure about everyone else, but I certainly notice.
For Now, we just need to keep the Republicans out of the White House (not many good candidates that vote to keep the middle class) so that they can't pad anymore extremely wealthy Billionaire's pockets. As if these individuals can't afford to pay their fare share of a war that was completely and totally unnecessary as well as being based on lies.
My other blog, (Blue Merle Shelties) is just starting. I plan to write all kinds of great things about my Sheltie, other shelties that I meet and current rescue groups that have other herding dogs available for adoption. Please do check out my other Blogs and this blog will continue to deal with my fight against Cancer and my observations of all the good kharma in my life! Now that (kharma) I won't fight, I will treasure that always!
My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.
I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.
Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.