WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Another day for pain....

What makes me so happy and keeps me going is this wonderful man in this photo. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me other than life itself. We fight this disease hand in hand. We are pretty powerful together.

I fight this disease so hard and am so tough and also hard headed to the pain, but sometimes it does get the best of me. I started this blog with every intention of making others feel better about their own situations as I fight mine. This cancer has taught me and maybe others quite a bit about treasuring your life, your right now and trying to improve the future or the outcome.

I don't even have children but would fear bringing them up in the world today. Fear is a horrible thing that our government utilizes as a tool. I wonder about cancer starting out with fear and the body feeling fear and stress, as muscles tighten, constrict and then releasing toxins into the body. I am not at all a doctor, but these processes really make me wonder. If the government is going to scare the crap out of all of us to control us while the stress of their control causes unlimited amounts of health problems, the least they could do is to provide us with universal health care.

I feel the actions within my body daily. My abdomen reacts strangely especially after 4 abdominal surgeries where each time my intestines were taken outside of my cavity and worked on whether it be scraped for cancer, inspected for holes, stapled or sewn together. That's what happened to them and I know they are not the same and will never ever return to being the same. I don't blame my intestines or my body for making such a fuss when I accidentally crave the wrong foods. I'm still learning.

To get back to my pains; I just made the mistake of eating on an off day and succumbing to my weakness for my favorite food ever, Pizza. See, I'm not perfect, but I do live by the moment and how I feel.

My intestines have been stirring very violently and its also very painful. They swell up, make violently loud noises as they struggle with the difficulty of digesting food. Then all of sudden, it feels as if I just got kicked in the gut. It takes my breath away and I fall to my feet. I struggle with breathing trying my best not feel the intense pain. I hold my stomach gently as I wish the pain away, I meditate, breath slowly and then vaporize.

The doctor had told me, not to take any medications or pills for pain because of the dangers of getting further blocked and side effects. If I do, I taste the pill coming up my esophacus and it tastes so horrible that I don't feel the need to drink anything or consume anything.

My intestines are blocked at this point and nothing can get through and so its the waiting game until a miracle happens. I can feel the gas because every once in a while, I can sometimes force out a burp. My husband farting in the back room doesn't make things much easier for me although I do sit there and wish it was me releasing that pressure. If you can fart, I hope you consider yourself lucky! Farting can be such a blessing! I can't right now and my body really wants to. Didn't mean to get to this topic, but its real and feel free to laugh because I certainly am. Other people just wish for complicated things, while I just wish for simpler (like taking a dump!)

The vapor dissipates the pain for right now as I breath more slowly and am able numb the pain. My mouth feels so dry and the taste has gone away, so I drink more water and can't get enough of it. I close my eyes and slow my breath as I meditate and pray to god that the pain go away. I thank him each and every time my husband who takes care of me and all those around me. All the good people in this world that make a difference. The meditation and praying helps me to calm the pain. For me and hopefully you too, every day is a new miracle to make the most of time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wish you all the luck in the world. You keep smoking as much as you want! F*ck em all!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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