We kick ass together....

My honey and I basically just took it easy today and relaxed, had naps together, and got to talk on the phone with some family. I had a few problems with pain, but no fevers today until now. The fever never hit 102.3 which is the danger zone for me. I won't be playing anymore with that; no more stubbornness; I promise. It got up to 101.2 and then all of my efforts (all of our efforts = yes he helped!) paid off. We got that fever knocked out cold and so cold that it got down to 97.8. It stayed pretty low most of the day but I was still pretty weak.

How awesome is that for teamwork? Well I'm still not out of the woods just yet, but I just need to make it through this weekend (4th of July Weekend). I DO NOT wish to be in the emergency room at all this weekend. Let all the fools who blew up their hands, had a DUI and crashed, or those innocent bystanders and much more; food poisoning from outside BQ's and so much more be addressed. I don't wish to add another number and risk waiting and ruin my honey's weekend; he has another day off and we can make it! I will see a doctor on Monday, get my blood, piss, and shit tests if needed; (I just don't want to go to the emergency room during the 4th of July Weekend!).

I can keep this fever down and proved it last night. If it and when it hits the danger mark of 102.3, I will reluctantly go to the emergency room (Advice nurse will be called upon 1st!) during 4th of July weekend. I will endure what I have to if I have to. Right now, I think I'm OK!) It's still in the safe zone for me and I'm working right now to get it back down to normal. It has remained mostly normal for most of the day so I'm a little surprised at this reading. I do plan to post updates to let you know how we did as a team to conquer these fevers. It's still low enough to do some Extra Strength Tylenol, Emergencee Vitamin C, and some Motrin for any infection that could be occurring. That's exactly what dozens of advice nurses have already told me.

Yes, I call them often; surprised they don't all know me. I'm so thankful they are here in California; employed to help me. I always ask them where they are as I do all help, advice or Customer Service people. I need to know where they are. I hope they all get to keep their jobs here because I understand most of them (some English isn't so good so I tend to be the chemobrain that I am and have to ask for repeats of up to 20 times; sometimes I have to be directed to someone who speaks better English. Wow I suck sometimes but I just can't help myself for being the way that I am.

I want all of us to have jobs that can help each other. I just haven't accepted outsourcing of jobs just yet; I know Ebay is doing this because I have spoken with many customer service reps who I just couldn't understand their English very well and they couldn't understand me or my concerns. This is just one example of many. I hope everyone gets to go back to work and everything gets fixed soon. I know it will happen just like there will be a cure for my cancer sometime soon.

OK, enough politics discussed. No stress for me!) I had my yummy tuna melt that lasted me all day long, some yummy mac & cheese, Ginger snaps, and popsickles!) I made my honey an awesome breakfast and lunch! I tried my best to eat breakfast and could only eat a peach and 1/2 a slice of plain bread toast. I made him my favorite Cinnamon French Toast, perfectly scrambled eggs with ham & cheese, 1 slice of bacon (2 pieces = 1 sliced in half), and some tots! Then for his lunch, Turkey Club and mac & cheese. We didn't BQ, but we both napped quite a bit today and got to walk Blue Belle. I'm still feeling quite weak and can't really walk too far with out feeling too dizzy.

I also got to have an ultra long conversation with my mom where she reminisced about being a mother and seeing my brother catch his first fish. She was there and it was awesome to hear her version of the story. She will always remain to me an awesome story teller. I seemed to have remembered a photo of my brother but I can't locate it anywhere but it is ingrained in my brain of him holding up proudly a catch with him smiling really big and wide with some of his teeth missing; the cute little blond haired jack-o-lantern boy!)

Well anyway, she goes on with the story that he caught this small blue gill fish of some sort (I think I forgot what kind of fish it was but it wasn't very large), anyway he was so excited when the cork started bobbing, he didn't know exactly what to do so my mom helped assist him in realing in his first ever catch. I think he might have been 3-4 years old; but once he got it on realing it in; it was fun until the fish landed right there in front of him jumping like crazy. It may have even landed on his foot, but he turned around so fearfully and started running for the hills; he was still holding his fishing pole (was not about to let go of it) and thinking that that evil fish was chasing him as it bopped around after him on the string. He was crying up a storm and my mom had to go get him and help him. He was running just as fast as could through this pasture. What a cute story! Well now my brother loves to fish and of course those fish don't scare him any more. He catches big bass now and of course he lost his last cell phone in the fishing boat so now it stays in his beloved truck! It's got some sentimental value now being from his sister in California!)

Well I'm dealing as you can see with another fever, but intend to keep it under control as I did last night and plan on seeing a doctor; 1st thing Monday. I do feel strong enough to do this again; OK hopefully no more poo samples; that was totally and completely disgusting = I will do it again even though it sucked horribly to have to do. It's the price I have to pay to keep on livin! Just be happy you don't have to do the same. I'm toughing it out on a busy, busy Holiday weekend!) From my last doctor visit; I didn't have any infections in my poo or my blood; I did have a slight bladder infection which ended up being nothing; this is also my reluctance to go. I had 104 temperature one weekend (1st weekend my honey had off since starting back at work); just could not do it to him; so instead, I toughed it out the weekend and saw a doctor the first thing on that Tuesday. (I don't believe I had a fever at all that Monday but I did get scheduled to be seen by my doctor on that Tuesday).

So yes, these fevers to me are like "been there done that and can do it again!" I know that I can, but if it starts to get ridiculous we will see how my hardheadedness treats me. It's a holiday weekend that I wish to not be in the hospital. I have been to the hospital too many holiday weekends to count and I can't necessarily do that again. It was horrible to experience in the past and sitting in horrible pain waiting up to 4 hours to get an IV where I could have been at home treating what ever was happening to me; not sitting in an uncomfortable gurney while I wait and wait and wait and wait!( They give me and IV and then I just get fluids and that's it for another 4 hours.

4th of July in the Emergency Room is hell if you only have a fever and not a gun shot wound or a DUI. DUI's suck too, but not for victims of stupid accidents. People need to learn to be more responsible. I hope they do. I will be calling an advice nurse before I go to emergency; perhaps I can tough it out until Monday morning. We will see!) It's watch and wait but I have confidence. See I'm pretty tough at most life or death situations and have been in plenty of them to know. For right now, I am very much enjoying being at home so very much and am willing to take a cold shower tonight; for now it's cold compresses and plenty of popsickles, cranberry juice and plenty of water and fluids!) I can get though these blasted fevers.

Advice nurse will be called shall the fever exceed the danger point of 102.3. No worries for me!) Thank you all for your prayers and concerns!) It really means a lot!) Hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July weekend!)

UPDATE: Fever gone! Wow! Thank God! My honey and I can kick some fever ass together! What a team we make!) Well actually I do have to admit that I was onto this little fever and will be paying much attention for the rest of this weekend. I still have some congestion and I still feel it might still be that flu or cold my honey and I have been suffering from these last couple of weeks. My honey just kicked it a few days ago; I thought I had a few times but it keeps coming back for me and the congestion is just starting to clear up a little bit. I'm still coughing quite a bit and the shortness of breath is still there. I still plan on seeing a doctor on Monday if I get another fever tomorrow or tonight. More than likely I will have another fever and I will schedule seeing a doctor when I call the Advice line tomorrow.

More Fevers....

Last night was a nightmare and we nearly went in to the emergency room. My temperature had risen to 102.5 and then it hit 103.1. The congestion from the cold had also gotten worse; I couldn't stop coughing up phlegm. On the bright side of things perhaps everything is coming out, but then again I had another night like this a week ago; let's hope everything is working it's way out. It was so incredibly disgusting; I was completely grossed out. I thought I was getting better from that cold but lately the symptoms are back and it could be that I'm fighting some kind of infection somewhere inside me. What scared me most was my honey pleading with me to not die on him!( I cry every time I think of that moment and I feel that I'm still tough as nails and can lick any cold I'm given. I will and I have that WILL to live; I'm just stubborn as hell about going back to hospitals.

I really have no idea what is going on inside my body any more. Since being cut open; my body is completely unpredictable; especially my intestines. They are still trying to figure out what to do since they have been sewn up, taken out of my body, restructured, resectioned, and then placed back inside me. The scary thing is; is that I could have another infection which may require hospitalization. I'm just not ready to be hospitalized just yet; at least that is what I'm telling myself.

I was so hard headed and my poor husband thought he was going to loose me last night!( He was scared, but he kept his cool despite my stubbornness of going to ER. He gave me Extra Strength Tylenol, plenty of ice water, and kept changing the cold compresses on my head and neck every half hour. We were both on a mission of love. He also kept a close eye on my temperature to see if we could get it down to normal (we were literally taking my temperature every 10 minutes). We got the fever down to 101 and then both of us were so tired that we just konked out. I kept waking up to go pee and I also had that strong urge to puke. I did a few times but it wasn't a lot like it has been the last couple of days.

He was on the couch and I soaked the bed with my sweat. Perhaps those are the hot flashes that the Tamoxifen causes? Well those hot flashes never made me horny but I still have faith that something out there can do it for me!) I hate having such a wonderful husband and just never feeling sexy or making love to him. It's so frustrating that this disease takes away so much from me. Maybe a few more days on this drug (Tamoxifen) will make a difference. I don't know if it's my eyes playing tricks on me, but those tumors on my side don't appear as large as they were a few days ago.

(note the bumps on top of my rib cage, yes I have scars everywhere; oh and did I mention the rash I also got from all that itchy tape from my nephostomy tube? Well that's still healing too!)

OK how in the hell did I get confused between Tamoxifen and Herceptin? Not sure how that happened but it did; maybe it's my chemo brain. Perhaps this was just one of the drugs Dr. Chemo had suggested but there are lots of drugs out there to consider ridding my body of this monster!)

The best part of today and everyday is being able to take a shower. I can't deny that as a gift to life! After having to take so many ho baths with my baby wipes; being able to stand up in a shower (not have to worry about taping myself up), but staying in the shower as long as I wish, (my honey no longer has to stand outside holding a bag) washing my hair and just feeling the warm water on my skin with out any worries! It was like heaven even though I had been so incredibly sick the night before. Especially with that amount of sweating, I reaked of BO. I had just changed the sheets (had just washed and folded them) and now I have to change them again! It never ends sometimes and I'm still as happy as ever to be in my own home and not in a hospital. Please, GOD can I stay home and heal!) That's all I wish for; I don't wish to be hospitalized anytime soon!

Well, I am still trying to get my weight back up too. I weighed in this morning at 111.5 and no appetite what so ever. My honey went to Panera Bread for a sandwich and some French Onion Soup. I ate half of mine and some of the bread and then later on I went to Whole Foods for more Tuna Fish. They have the best Tuna Fish ever and just like Gilda Radner; Tuna Melts happen to be my favorite food also!

Right now I have to eat what I can stomach and I can't pass up a good Tuna melt; especially mine! I use Veganaise Mayonnaise, chopped celery, and a little bit of dill mixed in. The cheese varies from Cheddar to Provolone, a nice huge slice of a reddish purple tomatoe, and of course salad greens. Can't forget the Kosher Dill pickle! Lots of mustard! = Yum!

Life for me is too short to only eat Bananas, Rice, Apple Sauce, or Toast. It just gets old after a while and since my appetite isn't so good, I kind of have to go with it. I can't eat fiber at all and that means no Wheat Bread for me. My short little intestines just can't take too much Fiber or else the spasms act up. Whole Foods happens to have the very best "White Bread" that goes perfectly with my Tuna Melt Sandwiches. That will be my 4th of July lunch!)

At night I have been having to eat smoothies which are really old about now. I'm so sick of smoothies, but sometimes I have to. I've been doing the muscle milk mixed with more protein and its makes it kind of slimy, but after a joint, I don't seem to care; I down it just like that!) Just before that, it would have been impossible; so there you go; a plant is helping to sustain me!)

I hope these fevers go away tomorrow (right now I have a temperature of 100.7) and I pray that we don't have to go to the emergency room tonight. That would be a sucky way for me to spend the 4th of July!( I almost did last night which is what really scares me; I do hope nothing is seriously wrong with me. For now I will try to keep the fever down with my cold compresses, ice cold Gatoraide and water, Extra Strength Tylenol, and Motrin (600mg). I have food in my tummy (icky Tiger Milk Shake and Ginger snaps); so hopefully this fever will not last. It's been a low grade fever for most of the day (99.3 -100).

Tomorrow is supposed to be a fun day and I hope to write about a fun day tomorrow with lots of great photos. No more hospital photos or experiences with good or bad nurses and doctors. Happy 4th of July! No Drama for anyone!) Just Fun, Love, and Peace!)

Is it More Chemo time....

I thought I would take a photo of me in this nice ensemble I put together to meet with my chemo doctor. I thought it was quite stylish and cool since I no longer have a nephostomy bag!) These pants are little big for me and were a size 2. I actually wear a size 0? Well next time I go shopping for pants we will see! I also got a new swim suit, so look out in future posts! It's a two peace and I decided it won't hurt to sport my "I've been cut open 5 times" scar. It's doesn't look so bad and it covers in all the right places and makes my boobs appear like human boobs and not doggie boobies!)

Well I went to talk with Dr. Chemo today and I really feel so much better now about starting back on chemo. This doctor has the best bedside manner ever for a Chemotherapy Doctor; which is why I love him. He is so positive and genuinely has the faith that I am strong enough to keep on living many years with this disease and possibly see another remission. How cool is that? He told me there are tons of drugs out there, with minimal sides effects that are worth trying for me. We have a huge future of chemo to look forward to and I have even more reason to live in the now!)

I'm going to start taking Tamoxifen (2 pills daily) starting tonight. We are going mellow with my treatments and will be trying this drug for 2 months just to see if it will work. This might just work on those tumors that I have growing on my right side. There's minimal side effects with this drug but just in case; I'm taking it at night. From what I understand about this drug is that it is a hormone and maybe it's something that I'm lacking. Oh, Please God I hope it makes me horny! I could sure use that in my marriage right now. My sex drive since this surgery, has been completely null and void. That would by far be the best side effect ever!)

The stupid nephostomy bag didn't help my causes either, and neither did the freaking TPN bag; but it really sucks ass that I don't have much of a sex drive and to have such a wonderful husband who deserves more than that; kinda makes me depressed. I do try my best to make him happy but most of the time; he has to put up with my neutered and spayed ways. How can he be so wonderful towards me when I'm so out of touch with my sexuality? He really does mean it when he goes through thick and thin for me and I will never ever, ever, ever take him or that for granted. That's a total gift!) He is the complete package for me!) I hate having this disease but I am still the luckiest woman on earth to have such a wonderful man by my side.

OK, back to my doctor appointment with Dr. Chemo; he did prescribe me a stronger dose of pain medication (Dilaudid) for night time so that I don't wake my honey in the pain that I have been having both in my butthole and my intestines. The intestinal pain is a bit more severe than the butthole pain in that it feels like glass is in in there trying to move it's way out of my body. Oh God does it hurt!

Geez, imagine that; I'm digesting lots of old broken coke bottles,, beer bottles, beer cans, light bulbs, and maybe some old cork screws! At least that's what it feels like sometimes. Sometimes the pain itself can outright take my breath away! Well, anyway this pain medication will help knock me out for a few hours so that my honey and I can at least sleep through the night. (hopefully I won't be waking him up at 3am each morning) I can just take it when the pain starts. No confusion here! If these pain medications are stronger than what I am currently taking, then I don't wish to take any chances on taking the medication before the pain starts; these are for when the pain starts.

It's supposed to work much faster too; no more waiting 45 minutes for it to work and no more crying for that long either. I really do try my best not to cry when the pain starts up, but sometimes I just can't help it and I have to cry. I can only be so tough to this pain and when it jumps all the way up to a 9 or 10; that toughness in me tends to fade. I start becoming the chicken monkey wimp and start crying and making strange animal noises. It must stem from me being raised around so many animals as a child that my primal instincts take over when the pain gets to that unbearable mark where I just can't take it anymore and start screaming.

Anyway, hopefully no more strange animal noises, puking, and pooing at the same time, no more turning on the hot water to the tub multiple times, lots of toilet flushing and more to wake up my poor sweet honey boy!) Here's to a painless sleepful night! - and maybe some sex too (hope those chemo/hormonal pills make me super horny tonight or tomorrow morning!)

What to do on these hot, hot days...

I am not much of a summer person when the temperatures exceed 85 degrees. Well the temperatures were over 103 and total misery to be outside. We could really use some rain here in California but it just doesn't happen at all during the summer months.

Although I do remember a wonderful shopping trip with my neighbor's daughter in Los Gatos; it was a very hot day just like this and all of a sudden as if by magic, there was light sprinkle of rain for about 2-3 minutes. It felt like heaven had rewarded me with this wonderful refreshment. Amanda was feeling quite spoiled at the time and had told me to go to the car to get her an umbrella (no please included in that statement). I was just dancing in the rain as everyone else was all the while she was acting like the rain was melting her body and causing havoc. She didn't feel like getting wet and just stood underneath an awning while I acted a fool. I think she might have been quite annoyed that I wasn't going to get her an umbrella. It was such a very light rain and I finally told her to just lighten up and enjoy the moment for what it was (it's a gift). Finally the rain just stopped and there was no need for any umbrella. It was just our lovely refreshment of the day. Hope that happens again soon!

My friend Nikki came over with her kids and they had a blast in the swimming pool. They had it to themselves for most of the day. The water was 85 degrees and I decided not to get in because of all the children that do tend to swim in that community pool. I had been warned of bacteria inside of pools where lots of children swim. I could get another bladder infection from doing so; oh and by the way that infection I thought I had was just me healing with that stent in my ureter. I checked a new message from my doctor and it turned out that it wasn't an infection and he instructed me to get off of those antibiotics (Septra). I was getting some bad side effects from them like the vomiting and then those severe muscle spasms spontaneously came back. I just suffer from them a few times a day and at night. It's been happening for the last 3 days. I am up to 118lbs and still gaining but also still suffering from some pain. I had been scared that the vomitting would cause me to start loosing more weight again, but thankfully not.

Instead of getting in that contaminated water, I took tons of great photos with my Nikon Coolpix P80. What fun it was to take hundreds of great photos for my 2009 movie to send back to friends and family for this Christmas! I could not believe the quality of photos I was taking. There sure were Lots of great splashes by the kids and the adults and I got most of them!

I did have to get back on those dreaded pain killers (switching between the Vicodin and Percocet); but at least they are doing some good although they do tend to make me feel stupid and and like a total idiot at times. I don't like that feeling at all; if it were up to me I would rather just smoke pot but sometimes I really do need stronger stuff for pain and that can be quite unfortunate for a hard head like me.

On Sunday, we went over to Blue Belle's Boyfriend's house (Jagger's parents) to go swimming in their own personal swimming pool where no children have swam before; the water wasn't heated but the temperature outside was just under 103 degrees, the water did feel absolutely fabulous. I got to swim finally! I didn't feel any kid slobber or get lots of hair caught on my face as I was swimming. No pee bag to stop me and I had so much fun in the water.

I will have to to go shopping for a new swimsuit today (I don't have any that fit me properly) and we will be going to a movie today. My honey is off work on this particular Monday; so we get to spend some more quality time together before he has to go back on Tuesday.

I have been making him lunches and breakfast each morning before he goes to work and of course the coffee maker has been going off each and every morning. I just wish to take care of him as has of me over the months.

I really hate that sometimes I get such severe pain that it really scares him into thinking that I may need to go to the emergency room. (this happened last night). This is really hard on him too to see the love of his life in such severe pain. We had some really bad scares last night just to be honest from the muscle spasms (anal) which also led to some severe vomiting as I was going poo. I almost felt like I was drowning in vomit because it came out so violently. How unpleasant that was but at least I am still alive. It doesn't happen a whole lot lately; maybe 30 minutes of misery but then its gone for a little while. It happened maybe 3 times per day (last 3 days).

My poor bum gets to where it burns like hell too (like I squeezed out a couple of broken light bulbs) and I am forced to take those dam pain killers which I hate with a passion. I'm so scared of getting addicted. My honey gets really frustrated at me for being so hard headed about those pills but I just can't help it. At least I am able to have fun for part of the day and then part of the day I'm stuck on the toilet and the puke pan. I know in my heart that I will get through these rough patches and rough patches they are. Not exactly easy to go through and sometimes I make the most irritating noises of pain but I need to try to calm those down and just tough it out.

Well I should go for now as we are planning a fun day today and hopefully no snags (pains or poos) will stop us! I'm going swimsuit shopping and we plan to go to see "The Hangover" later on today. We both could use a really good laugh of good adult humor!

Well we saw the movie and I give it 3 stars out of 5. It was just OK. I didn't laugh much and nearly fell asleep. I hate when movies get all this hype and you really do expect a good laugh all the way through the movie. Most of the reviews for this movie had A+ and that who ever saw the movie laughed all the way through the movie. It was literally one good review after another for like 3 pages on Yahoo Reviews.

I was initially scared to see the movie because I was scared I might rip my tummy laughing. I nearly did for a movie we watched via Netflix just the other night "Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist". This movie was so awesome and my honey and I laughed all the way through this movie. It was so much better than I expected for teeny bopper movie. It was really cute and totally hillarious. It kind of brought us back to when we were teens and how it was back then.

Movies can be so great to enjoy when your life can be hell sometimes. They can literally take you to another world all together and make you forget your problems even for just 2 hours. That was this movie and it was surprising to see how detailed this movie was right down to the drunk girl being locked inside a Yugo; guys trying desparately to get her to unlock the doors and then her best friend going "Bitch Open the fucking door!" It worked! We laughed so hard and my tummy didn't hurt so bad but it did feel good to just laugh my ass off completely. Laughing is so awesome and I'm so convinced it really is the best medicine ever! We sure as hell did not laugh our asses off at this Adult humored movie "The Hangover". I just didn't get it? What the hell was so funny about this movie? I tried to find the humor, but missed it completely. I'm just happy that I at least got to see one funny as hell movie movie with my honey this weekend!)

It's just a cold and Bladder Infection....

I just found out that Farrah Fawcett died today of anal cancer and what an awesome fight she displayed. She really faught a fierce battle with her cancer. I tried to watch her special but just couldn't stomach it. Not that it was a horrible documentary, as it was very depressing. I have lots of depression in my life already and lately have needed more uplifting thoughts to get me by. That's just me; I'm fighting my own battle but I really do wish her family all the best. She is a hero in my eyes.

She is after all another hero for the rest of us Cancer Survivors and she did so much with her life. I am deeply saddened for this is a tremendous loss. I can easily sympathize with her in having to deal with the problems of bowels and I can only imagine what she must have had to go through. My cancer is also in my bowels and I have to deal with this daily. I hope my fight lasts many, many more years. How many more lives have to be lost from this disease before we do something to find a cure? Treatments help prolong life for a little while but if we had a cure, many could survive and be able to live life as others get to do. This disease is a nightmare for both the victim and the caregiver as well as the family and friends.

Wow and Michael Jackson died later on today; that was a shocker. I wasn't too much into his music when I was younger (I was into punk rock and anti pop) but I can appreciate him as an artist. I did love to watch him dance!) I know that he had a rough childhood and didn't get to be a kid and perhaps that's why he got in got into some serious trouble with some kids a few years back (twice). I still don't know what to believe but I do know that he gave us all the gift of music! It's just further proof that you have to enjoy each and every moment that you are given. He had no idea he was going to die on this very day. He was getting ready for his comeback tour and had sold out tickets within seconds from what I understand. Wow! That's how fast things can change. Enjoy everyday that you can; that's the lesson to be learned here.

Well I finally signed up online to Kaiser's online message system and it is convenient to check tests and to get messages from my doctors. Well that's exactly how I found out about this bladder infection and lucky for me, I have enough Septra until they figure out what antibiotic will actually work for me. We should find out tomorrow or soon after. I took just 1 pill and already the diarrhea is out of control and I also got my first 2 zits. Great my face had just cleared up perfectly and now I have to deal with pizza face again. At least I get IDed when I'm on antibiotics (because I appear like a pimply teenager!)

Also this cold (I think we caught it from my dad) has been plaguing both me and my husband as we are both fighting off severe congestion, runny noses, sneezing, and complete misery. We haven't been sleeping much at night because we can't breath very well and have been grumpy at each other at times. It's been particularly hard on me lately and I'm so glad that this cold came later rather than sooner.

I'm so very lucky and blessed that it did come later rather than soon or I would still have my pee bag on because there is no way I would have been operated on if I had any cold symptoms. They asked me if there was any chance I had a cold just to prior to them operating on me and I didn't have any symptoms at that time. Just two days later did those symptoms appear. I'm still being a hard head and getting around and getting things done around the house like laundry and cleaning my new pretty floor. I love my new floor!)

I did get to take my pretty dog for a bath at her favorite dog wash "Pet Food Express". We must have spent about 3 hours there and lots of hair later; I brushed her "Groomer Has it" style. I used the special comb my brother gave me and those scissors; I trimmed her nails, brushed her teeth, and just brushed her all over until hardly any hair fell out on the comb. It took a long time and I'm sure she needed it. I even trimmed her paws so that she won't track so much dirt on my new floors. She looks fabulous and knows it; she's ready for her debut on the cover of Cosmo Dog! Hope her photo has put a smile on your face as it has mine. What a sad day today was.

When we got home from her bath, I finally got to talk to my brother; he too is battling a severe cold and thinks he too got it from my dad. MY poor Dad, he was so sick but he really wanted to see us and he had to deal with that cold the whole time he was here. Next time he will have to get the insurance for the plane ride in case this happens again.

Well back to these antibiotics; I'm dealing with the other side effects which have compounded my diarrhea and I'm hoping that the results of my urinalysis comes back so that I can finally get on the right medication to get rid of this infection. I hate taking a medication that may not be working for me and going through side effects all for nothing.

It seems I'm constantly battling these bladder infections and so much more. I can't seem to get over them. As this severe cold, we do know that it's not the dreaded H1N1 virus (thank god!) but just another virus that's going around. That's great because I'm not in the best of shape to be battling that kind of flu; if it can kill healthy individuals and my battle just can't just end like that. I've been fighting this cancer way too hard to loose to the flu. I am surprised that I'm getting over this cold much faster than my husband and my brother; my symptoms are becoming less and less. I can at least breath out of both nostrils but I am coughing quite heavily and spitting up all kinds of nasties. How un-lady like of me!(

Next week I will be meeting with Dr. Chemo to find out exactly what my battle plan will be for this next round of chemo. Will I need to get a port? Will there be radiation? What kind of chemo drugs will I be getting? Will I loose my hair? If so, I certainly have a beautiful tattoo designed just for my bald head that includes lots of beautiful butterflies and a teal hope ribbon! Everything will be detailed here so be sure to come back for more! May you all have a wonderful day and weekend!) Peace & Love!)

Tests, Tests, and more Tests....

Today I decided to take it upon myself to make sure that I don't have the H1N1 virus or just a cold which is what it seems like it is right now. My nose has been running like a snotty kid in 2nd or 3rd grade; totally annoying and the left nostril is completely red and burning from having to keep blowing it all day long. I took several "Nasal Decongestants" which did absolutely nothing; I might as well have eaten a potato chip; that might have worked better. Don't they make over the counter medications that actually work or even test these products just to make sure that they actually work? Apparently not, I just tested them today and they failed miserably. It sucked having snot drip out of my nose constantly today and having to sniffle, sniffle, snot, snot; I can actually feel the sore throat is on the way. Yes, I can feel it now.

The Advice nurse I spoke with this morning recommended that I just eat Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast = BRAT. Great my nose is dripping like a brat and I have to eat BRAT food! Well I ate some applesauce and some toast with Gatorade for breakfast and part of lunch while relaxing and waiting for my doctor's appointment. I got to watch some trash TV and this is Day 4 without any painkillers. I'm so proud of myself because it seems like I have been having to take those stupid things for months now. Don't you get addicted to those things after a few weeks? I don't feel that I am at all now and I am so thankful! Whewwww!

OK, back to going to the doctor's office today (still dealing with severe diarrhea and burning ass!); I had an appointment at 2:45pm today with a new Doctor that I hadn't seen before. She was very nice and very knowledgeable about what was going on with me. She was also quite surprised by the tumor I showed her on my right side (just on top of the rib cage) and she felt that it needed to be addressed and it will be next Monday when I talk with (I will call him Dr. Chemo) Dr. Chemo. He is after all a chemo doctor. You can kind of see the knot in this photo but it doesn't look so big in the photo as does close up. It's quite startling for most to see.

Well this doctor ordered 4 different types of blood cultures, a urine analysis and 3 different fecal samples. She was prepared to test everything just to make sure that I didn't have any infection going on from the surgery performed on Thursday and/or test me for other viruses that have been going around lately. For all I know I could have gotten something from ghetto Safeway across the street. She also checked my lungs, heart, and felt around on my tummy and even tapped my sinuses to see how they were doing (not so good), but she did suggest a saline solution to keep my sinuses from getting infected. I tried to tell her a little more about my history which she told me she tried to read up on and it was vast - It must have been a very thick folder to read. She really seemed like she was impressed with my attitude to keep on going and to enjoy everyday that I can. God knows I've been though a lot!

After the appointment I had to go to the lab for the blood tests and the urine; the phlebotomist was really amazing; she was able to get a clean stick in both arms. I was very impressed, never had that happened ever before ever and my left arm didn't even seem like it had veins there any more. I did make her smile which made me happy because she appeared that she wasn't having a great day or her day had been very long. I had to bring the poop sample bag home with me to try later on. OH BOY!)

I started craving some Harry's Hofbrau turkey dinner; so I stopped and grabbed a child sized dinner which doesn't cost as much as the Adult size and it was so good! I can eat child portions now (well almost) because Adult portions in restaurants could last me a whole week. So much better than that BRAT diet I must say! It might not be as good for me, but hopefully I can gain a few more pounds; more than likely I'll poop it out shortly after. At least I can enjoy eating it more so than the toast and applesauce.

Within an hour, the diarrhea started again and I had to do the most disgusting deed of all. I still can not believe I had to do this! I had to open 3 different medicine like bottles, (the caps were hard as hell to get off) use that tiny little scoop inside each one of those little bottles and then scoop up my own shit into the bottle and then fill up the bottle almost to the top where a line is. It was so incredibly grotesque (I held my breath and just breathed out my mouth so that I didn't gag or even puke) but I did it and I'm so very proud of myself.

Thank god it wasn't as runny as it has been (then I would have really be grossed out!), but it was still the major deal to do! It really seemed like I would never get each bottle filled and the only way I could get those samples was with my Sitz bath pink tub thing only I couldn't use any water; so the poopie was just right there for me to scoop and it was kinda runny to be completely honest and not at all fun to scoop into a bottle. I had to take take 2 poos to fill up all 3 bottles. I scooped up the poo both times!) I'm not kidding! The first one only filled the first bottle and part of the second. What a tedious task to have to do! OMG how undignified!(

Oh the things I have to put up with with this stupid cancer, infections, diseases and so on! I guess I just have to do these weird things if I want to live and I really do! It just seems like this chaos never ends for me. So there you go, if you feel like you had a shitty day; you did NOT! I had shitty day; NO just kidding. But that was very shitty to have to do!( It was by far the shittiest part of my day!

I was able to drive around today, I'm not in the hospital, I got to walk around and I saw several people not able to walk around today; Oh and I don't have pee bag anymore! - so I still feel incredibly blessed!) I got to go home to my beautiful home with my beautiful dog, awesome husband, and crazy strange cat. I got to play a little bit of frisbee until my intestines decided they wanted to spew poo, but I sat down and controlled it while I called my honey to come pick me up. Yes it never ends for me.

UPDATE: I almost forgot; those painful muscle spasms have since calmed and I don't puke any more. I have doubled up on the Protonix (Pantoprazole) which has helped tremendously to reduce the acid reflux or severe heartburn I had been having after eating. I still get heartburn and nausea but it's not as severe as it was. I haven't picked up that puke bucket since before my surgery which is totally awesome!)

Almost out of the woods....

Well Friday I slept most of the day and was pretty much groggy all day long (probably from the sedation drugs during the surgery). When I awoke my pee hole hurt like hell and so did my back; so I had to take those dreaded Percocets (ick!). It did the purpose of alleviating the pain but I don't like the side effects of feeling like a kook (somewhat in shock from the pain), watching worthless TV and doing pretty much nothing at all. Yes, prescribed Pharmaceuticals can make you feel more lazy than smoking pot. However, they still have a purpose and we can all live peacefully together!)

I also hardly ate a thing that day; I did not have an appetite at all (tried to eat some pretzels and crackers and couldn't even stomach those). I just knew I would be dropping some more weight. I had just got my weight up to 118.5 before this surgery and was so proud of myself for that achievement. Clothes were finally starting to fit me and I could see a few curves, but still a few bones here and there (OK all over).

I just want to live my life, have fun, and do all the things I was meant to do but lately it seems all of these surgeries have really frustrated me but I know in my heart that I must keep fighting to get stronger. At times it seems I'm not getting any stronger at all and then there are days when I look at the scale and am so happy that I'm finally gaining some weight. It's been a while since I've been frustrated at the scale because I had been maintaining.

I sure was thankful to have hung out with my family last week, I will still have those hard days and then those great days. I deal with my pains in the best way that I can and just try my very best to keep on living. I have everything in the world to live for and its so worth fighting for. Oh, you already knew that about me, huh?

On Saturday (Friday sleeping all day, waking up, watching bad reality shows on painkillers) morning I awoke in a puddle of sweat, my sheets and pajamas was soaking wet. We had a few little home improvements completed that morning; now my beautiful floor is complete. My neighbor's daughter came over to see Blue Belle and we walked out back for a little game of ball. Then I had to go in to pee (been doing that a lot lately and it's not that painful = just burns a little!) I had also made my honey some breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, swept my beautiful floor, then mopped it, completed several loads of laundry and then it hit me; I was freezing to death. I shivered and chattered my teeth and I could barely get a full breath of air with out coughing. I had to sit down and cover myself up.

I had told my husband earlier to go have some fun with his buddies at his local pub because he has go back to work on Monday. I also failed to eat much too on this day. I didn't know what to eat; I had no idea what I could stomach or even wanted to eat. I tried to eat some soup (chicken & rice), that totally nauseated me, but the little bit of crackers and pretzels were all that I could stomach and I couldn't stomach much. I drank about a quarter of a Muscle Milk and couldn't eat any more after that. The diarrhea had started but thank god it didn't last long (don't think I had much in my system to get rid of!)

I then went upstairs to lie down and my head started hurting as if I were running a high fever. I went to look for the thermometer and checked my temperature. 102.3, I checked it over and over again and it just kept getting higher. I grabbed some small towels and soaked them in cold water; 1 was wrapped around my neck and the other on my forehead. I also ran downstairs for an iced cold glass of water and 2 Extra Strength Tylenols.

My husband returned early and found me upstairs with cold compresses and not looking so good. He did everything he could to wait on me hand and foot; he even walked across the street to get me some Thera-flu Night Time Relief? so that I could konk myself out and sleep through it. He also kept changing my compresses often and bringing me more ice cold glasses of water.

Yes, Saturday night was all about getting that fever down to normal and my honey and I finally did it. We were so relieved when the reading came up at 99.3 (It was 103. 4) and that we were not spending the night in the emergency room. I was so darned stubborn; just not ready to go there just yet (my face is finally clearing up from all those antibiotics).

Well most of the night I would wake up freezing from being soaking wet in my clothes then I had a small case of severe diarrhea (painful asshole!(, the whole 9 yards. I did sleep some and the coughing had subsided but the shortness of breath remained. I utilized my Vaporizer for the butthole pain (it worked!) and then I ran downstairs and drank 3 large glasses of iced water and then konked out. I awoke again in another puddle of sweat but the fever was gone. It was 98.4!) We were both stoked! The fever is gone finally!

Well, as the morning progressed; my honey and I slept in and at around 11:15 the severe chills started up again. My teeth were chattering and I couldn't get them to stop. I didn't have the strength to move so I just laid there while my honey went downstairs to get me some more Extra Strength Tylenol to hopefully keep the fever from going up. I felt like I was freezing to death only I wasn't. He had to keep going up and down the stairs and bringing more water. I took my temperature and it was up to 100.1 and I knew it was going to keep rising and rising it did. I remember my friend Nikki calling me to check to see how I was doing and at the time I had the thermometer in my mouth and it finally beeped. The reading nearly made me fall out of the bed - It was 104, and I kept checking it over and over and over again and same thing.

This could very well have been emergency room time but I still did not want to go. Screw that! My honey went to the bathroom and brought me some cold compresses and some ice and we started to bring it down some more. I took a Motrin (600mg) in hopes that this might help too. I I did go into the bathroom and weighed myself at 111. All that hard work; gone. Well I will just have to start all over again.

My friend Nikki came over later on with her boys and helped me make a fabulous Father's Day - Brats and Cheeseburgers on the grill (I still can't eat much, but I did eat corn on the cob, potato salad that sucked, and some more pretzels and some High Calorie Tiger's Milk? Well she also helped me get my fever back down to normal by making me shaved ice, plenty of cold compresses, making sure that I was comfortable on the couch, and bringing me refills of water when needed. I just needed to eat something and I just didn't know what to eat. Everything seemed so icky and nauseating that was in my refrigerator and the cupboard. I did drink lots of water and Emergencee Vitamin C packets to keep me from getting more sick.

I don't have a whole lot of energy yet to stand up and cook for too long (sometimes my peehole hurts and sometimes its my butthole!( and would rather just have my food ready as lazy as that sounds. Sometimes I have these laziness spells and will just have to work on trying to get stronger. My honey goes back to work tomorrow and I'm on my own healing. I can do this and I also will need to start chemo soon. I had tumors on top of my right rib cage before I started the chemo last time and they kinda sorta went away and now they just resurfaced. It's my duty to talk with my oncologist tomorrow and a nutritionist who can finally help me gain weight the right way!) So much to do in this lifetime!)