WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day = LOVE 's HOLIDAY....

I know it's been a while since I last posted and to be quite honest I have been busy dealing with lots of pain in my body and an abundant amount  of nausea. Part of the love that I feel so strongly for my husband is how aware he is of what is going on with my body.  He senses things that might not be right; he gets scared as most normally would in keeping his love alive or to be enjoying just one more day with her!  I am always grateful for that one more day; yes we are doing this one day at a time; we can't compound more stress than what is completely necessary.  It's very stressful for both of us.   I can't bite more than I can chew!)

It's a blessing for me if I am able to get outside and experience walking around in a grocery store or even to go shopping.   Well all that got knocked down since I have been getting dizzy from my blood pressure being down and I am struggling really hard trying to get potassium and electrolytes in my body.  I'm stuck on the couch and I do think "my god what would I do if I didn't have my husband and family who try so hard to stick by me and visit to help him out.  My brother and my father are doing everything they can as well to help my honey out.  I am so thankful for my hospice team  who help me to live as comfortably as I can.  Quality of life is so important and it should be for all the other cancer patients out there who are suffering similar to me.

We are working on different concoctions and various things  for my nausea and pain; for now it's WHAT EVER WORKs, WORKS.  Sometimes its the pot, sometime its the other combination of drugs and chemicals.  I still find it hard to believe that there are so many who are against the chronically ill to be able to utilize the most powerful pain medication with minimal harmful side effects compared to morphine, methadone, or Dilaudid.  I couldn't not believe how snootie this woman was on the news and she judged people like me as dirt and scum because I happen to use cannabis for medicine.  She has never met me but yet she is frightened at what I would do to her children if they saw me?  Is she kidding?; I'm fighting constipation every single day and that can kill most of these patients.  Maybe that's pretty damned scary for her?  It happens to be one of the symptoms that pot does NOT cause.  It sure does help provide me with more extra days with my loved ones and I'm ultra grateful for that.  I deserve this extra time!  I know I was supposed to be gone a long time a go but I'm still holding on.  I know this with personal experience.  San Jose, happens to have 103 dispensaries and I'm grateful they will at least consider the law before shutting down 90% of them.

I finally got my blood drawn on Monday  by one of the  hospice nurses and boy was I one hard stick!  My veins appeared to looked so incredibly plentiful; well also despite teeny tiny and my veins looking very plentiful but BOY DO THOSE VEINS ROLL!  We had a hard time getting blood samples and then afterward I was incredibly weak as if I had given up a mass amount of blood; perhaps I needed a blood transfusion.

The nurse who drew my blood was incredibly cool and very sweet as I squealed like a baby stuffed pig after many sticks; we finally got one.

Hours later after the blood samples; I got a call from a doctor who was very concerned about my blood being low on potassium and electrolytes.  We actually got several phone calls of others who were equally concerned about my blood numbers; they looked very dangerously low. The doctor I was speaking too did some brainstorming to see what she could find.  She named off kinds of things that I might be able to try to eat to get my self back to more healthy.  I was finally excited! I could try to eat food even though I would most definitely puke it up but I sure tried to keep it down as much as I could.  Hell I have lots of hope even though it's looking very grim for me.  I know what my future is holding right and to survive Valentines' Day is a pure miracle.  Now I have some hope that I can eat lots of great food (I think all food is great at this point, I just hate that I puke it out most of the time).  I know my time is coming soon as I see my weight plummet to just 79lbs.  It's breaking my heart more and more as I see my honey wake me and scared that I might not respond to loving calls to me.

Well these last couple of days have been spent on the couch trying to eat some good foods and then they only last in my tummy; at most 20 minutes.  I keep hoping that some of it might stay.

Well we did have a very wonderful visit with my brother.  He helped me out so much and of course I had a crying fit when he left because I love him so much; not to worry he will be out here soon enough I hope.  My dad will be here soon to help take care of other things.  The day before my brother left, we both had a lovely drive to Santa Cruz to visit with one of my favorite beautiful families and my brother in fighting cancer. It was great to get out even though it was just for a little while.  We talked about old fun memories and enjoyed the beautiful sea, salt and sun air!  It was so refreshing.  I started to get sleepy and trying so hard to fight back the feeling of passing out.  How embarrassing.  For now I'm looking forward to seeing my dad for a few day and hope that I can continue to survive; I'm a little scare and I spoke with the Champlain just a few weeks ago and due to do so again.  Getting a different perspective is important and to plan in case the inevitable happens.  It's so scary but I have to face this.  I see all hard things so many of us have to face and its sad; I hope everyone else can at least appreciate what their bodies can do for them because you really don't know how much you appreciate until it's going.  I miss eating so much!  I am able to still eat only it doesn't get to stay in my system all that long.  The vomiting is a real thing and if only I could eat what anything of what any of you can rather than just boring TPN; that would be a true gift and I hope all of you cherish everything your body can do for you.

It's sad I know to talk with other women who have had children and then they get diagnosed with cancer and what a nightmare it is to live with that gloom.  I tried to cheer everyone up who is sad about something in their life because in reality we all have something that we are not happy about.  I hope these women can find the gift it was that they were able to be a mother ever for such a short time because some of us never get that pleasure.  Children really are the many joys in the world that I'm thankful for.

My honey and I had  a nice little Valentine's day celebration; we are still celebrating.  My honey got me an nice little card and apparently my honey and I both have a little eye problem.  My honey apologized when he gave me the card and he told me the whole story of how he bought this card.  When he bought the card the cashier gave him a funny look when he bought the card but I feel she should have expressed her feelings?  The front of the card was hard enough for both of us to read and not even notice.  My honey had to tell me; he didn't get why the cashier looked at him funny when he bought the card.   The front of the card read "The longer we're together, the more clearly I can see... I've found exactly the right man to share my life..."  OK he got me a card for a husband but you know what I still love him and would have probably bought this card for him which I told him.  We both cracked up! 

I wish all of you lots of hugs and Peace and Love!  No greed allowed here!  Treat others how you would want to be treated and give everyone you feel who deserves a chance!)



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10 comments:

Anonymous said...

CJ,

So glad to see you were able to celebrate valentine's day with your hunny!

Hang in there. Thinking of you!

Love
Karen

Anonymous said...

Once again, I wish I could give you some of my time. Can you drink anything? A banana shake is good for potassium, so are berries.I say a little prayer for you every single day.
Chrissie xxx

Anonymous said...

My aunt, in her 70s, was just diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. So, I was looking for more info on the internet and found your wonderful blog and other info other places.

Then, I was talking to my adult daughter who worked with a man who had stage 4 cancer of the colon, she thinks, and he went on an Acid/Alkaline diet and things were improving for him. Have you ever heard of this type of diet for cancer? Basically, it says that cancer can’t live in alkaline.

My aunt, who is a half-aunt, is the only person in our family who has had cancer so I am not familiar with cancer terms and have no experience with a family member with it.

Prayers for you today...

Scarlett IL

Marge said...

You are an amazing women and sister in this fight. I must admit, I worried, when I checked the blog a few times and no new updates.
I think of you often and pray daily for you and your honey. I am so happy your brother and you had a great visit and I look forward to reading about your Dad's visit soon.
You are my inspirition.
Margie (Chicago)

Tasgirl said...

I also was getting worried that there had been no posts but so very glad that you have posted an update.
I was in Palo Alto 2 weeks ago and was going to visit San Jose and I would have loved to have met you. You are such an inspiration.
Jenny

BJ said...

Jayne:

I just want to say I love you and I feel so fortunate that you have allowed me to be one of your many cyber-friends. Thank you for sharing your life and I look forward to reading many more posts. I'm looking forward to you telling us how you ate pizza and kept it down!

BJ

Anonymous said...

yahoo ~You posted an update! I kept checking and checking and then kicking myself each time I didn't just leave a message on your last post..and the one before... and the one before... Yes I've been a lurker and am sorry. You are an amazing woman and I wish there was a way for you to know how much you & your story& your pictures mean to me. I used to blog so I ought to know that comments do mean a lot. So hopefully I've given enough of a comment you will want to come back & share some more of yourself. You ROCK woman ...

Amanda said...

Praying for you everyday. Glad to read your update.
Hugs.
Amanda

Lani said...

Dear Dear Jayne - you have put up one hell of a fight I know no one in this world that has done and gone through what you and your sweet wonderful man have. I send you my love and wish you peace and comfort. The pups and I love you, Lani

mishall magarzo said...

My asthma does connect with sinusitis?
http://www.westcoastent.org

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Disclosure

My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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