This wonderful man who wants to marry me and we are not going to have any children.? We wanted some kids our own and felt that we would be great parents, but it wasn't in the cards for us. He was more accepting of it than I was at the time; he was always looking at the bright side of things for me and reminding me that I was incredibly special to him; I was this cool chick that inspired him and introduced him to so much great music and all the fun times we had together and still do.
I remember being in my room (right after the surgery) and one of my friends who had just had a baby came to visit with her cute son and to see my husband hold that tiny child just completely broke my heart. He handled the child so carefully and the baby was only 2 months old; still very young. I kept thinking to myself, "I can't give him this" and I tried my best to control the tears but they just streamed down my face like there was no tomorrow mostly because it was so incredibly beautiful to see him holding this tiny child in his arms and how he corresponded with the child; it was my dream to see him holding a child of his very own. "My this wonderful man could make such a wonderful caring, loving father". It was such sweet music to my ears to hear him talking to this baby in his manly sweet tone; I think it made me cry even more because it sounded so beautiful. He was so touching and loving to this very young child. He then saw the tears that were streaming down my face and he immediately gave her back her son and then came over by my bedside and immediately held me in his arms and told me it's OK. He rocked me in his arms so gently until I was calmed down and the tears had stopped. We just told her that we are still in shock from the news of the cancer.
After she had left, we had a long talk and he told me that his love for me is so great that he is kind of relieved to not have any children and to have me all to himself. It didn't matter at all that I wouldn't be able to have any children for him. I was still very, very special to him. He is always quick to remind me that I am a very beautiful person both inside and out and that is why he fell do deeply in love with me. Hell, this just means that we get to have more fun together; go snowboarding, travel, spend all that money that we would have spend on the children on ourselves, and just enjoy having many wonderful dates together. He just sat there and told me everything that I wanted to hear at the moment to make me feel so much better. He just has this way of making me feel better about the situation and he still does. It really was the bright side of things with this stupid cancer.
So while in the hospital we planned our special day together. We listed a bunch of restaurants that maybe we would like to get married at. The Moss Beach Distillary topped our list; there was this Blue Lady associated with the restaurant and it had been on "Unsolved Mysteries" and it was on the beach practically. What a gorgeous sunset we would have during our wedding! (This is the actual sunset from our wedding!) It hadn't been official yet until we called our families.
We did get to celebrate Thanksgiving (I baked a turkey and some ham) and I remember one of the chemo nurses had even called me around Tuesday (week of Thanksgiving) to let me know that tomorrow (the day before Thanksgiving); she had an open spot for chemo (in case I would like to start early) so that I could just puke up all of my turkey all over the place on Thanksgiving day. I thought that was kind of heartless to call me and ask me to move my chemo date. Do I really want to spend my Thanksgiving puking my brains out and my wedding date would be in a week! We were still planning our wedding and I wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving too! My first chemo was scheduled for Thursday, December 5th, 2002.
My father immediately got an airline ticket; he wanted to be there to walk his daughter down the aisle. He wasn't going to miss this for the world. My dad arrived on that Friday just after Thanksgiving (we had plenty of leftovers); so we kind of had a second Thanksgiving with him.
Then the whole weekend my dad and I went driving around looking for a place to get married that whole weekend before the wedding. We had to stop so I go potty every 20-30 minutes; it was frustrating but we kept agreeing; "at least I'm alive". When we got to the Moss Beach Distillery and looked out at the view; there was no denying this place and they told us straight up; it was OK for us to do our wedding here. We also went on that Sunday and found the perfect dress! It wasn't white, but it was this 20's style that I was picturing in my mind of getting married in.
There was only about 10 guests total and even those who had come to the restaurant could even be a part of our special day. We had a few people watching us get married.
Boy that Monday before the wedding was a very hectic day but we got his best friend deputized to perform the wedding; we got our wedding license and we even had the clerk take the photo of us after we got our wedding license. We photographed everything. My honey even got his suit on that day as well (I had gotten my dress, shoes, and coat on Sunday).
It was quite a story for many to follow at my job. I had asked off 6 weeks for my initial surgery (many had been concerned for me but it was supposed to be a routine surgery); then for them to get the news that I had advanced cancer and would be going through chemotherapy treatments (I still worked during those treatments) and on top of that; I'm getting married too! Anyway, we stopped by my job I think it might have been the day we were to be married and they had a special surprise party for us and had raised over $1000 for a very special honey moon for us in Napa. There were wedding gifts and gift certificates and cards signed by everyone in my department and some other departments as well. I guess many could not believe a wedding resulting from a cancer diagnosis; it must have tugged quite a few hearts. I wasn't in the shape to take a honeymoon just yet but we did eventually in July of 2003. I was so touched by everyone at my job and will never ever forget the kindness they share for me and still do. It is the best place I have ever worked.
9 days after being released from the hospital and 1 day after getting those annoying staples out of my tummy was the special day; Tuesday, December 3rd, 2002. My sweetie was so precious on that special day. He wanted everything to be perfect and it was so freaking cute. He had these little tantrums and he makes the cutest noises ever when things do go just as planned (like dropping things and being clumsy). Anyway, our wedding was a blast and it could not have been more perfect.
The evening of our wedding; we stayed at this nice little inn that had a jacuzzi in the room and since I still have my surgitape still on; I couldn't soak in the tub but I was able to soak my feet while my most deserved honey got enjoy the full benefits for both of us. We had a blood test to take early in the morning and then the following day was my very first chemo. I still feel we have the ultimate love story of what it really means to get married and to be there for one another no matter what. He continues to take good care of me each and every day; hooking me up to the TPN and it is a long process to do each day; but he is more than willing too and I'm excited that he is taking off time from work to help me get stronger. Peace and love to all! I hope you all enjoyed!
No matter what side of the healthcare debate you're on, I believe we can all agree on two things:
No American should be denied health insurance coverage because of pre-existing conditions.
No American should lose their insurance due to changes in health or employment.