Go Sharks & some good Kharma....

Well I had my meeting with my doctor as planned and talked over my options and paperwork from the Clearity Foundation. He looked up one of the websites and was a little irritated at one of the founders who apparently is making a fortune on these genetic tests; but if they really work to help more women survive this deadly disease longer; then he must be doing something right. I don't care; I just wish to live. Perhaps him making so much obscene money is further proof that health care costs need to be re-evaluated then so be it.

I haven't been fortunate enough to have my own genetic testing or to have my tumors evaluated like this; I want something that really works. I don't want to keep on taking these same drugs that are also killing me as well as the Cancer; I want to try other drugs that are out there that might just work on my cancer and put me into remission. I don't feel the same as my doctors; that I am a lost cause. I have plenty of life left in me and I want to inspire the world if I can to live each day with meaning. Don't stress on the small things or even big things that you have no control over; try to look around them and see the good in all situations. I know I have.

While we were in the doctor's office; my pain started up and my intestines were stirring and I just started crying and doubled up in pain. It was horrible; I had forgotten to take my pain medication for the day; of all days to forget while going to the doctor's office. As I was sitting there, we had been going through the paperwork that I had wanted to have filled out. I started cramping up and doubling up in pain so he immediately had the nurse take me over to the infusion center where we sat next to a very young man who was very much into music; he must have been in his early 20's with the same picc line as myself. Well, to begin with Christine had led over to a chair to sit while I waited for my pain medication.

The young man was getting his chemotherapy and we all were talking about Neil Young and the Bridge School Benefit where Metallica had played very awesome acoustic just last year and that this year's Bridge School would be equally awesome with more great talents. We were just sitting there with Christine who works in the infusion center and is a huge fan of Paul McCartney. We had to tell her about going to see Bob Dylan. We were supposed to see the Sharks play and my husband kept telling me that we are not going if you are in this amount of pain. I kept telling him; "I'm not missing out on the Sharks!". I don't care; I don't want us to miss out on an evening out together. I was very much looking forward to going to see the Sharks play.

I had a good friend give my husband and I tickets to go see our beloved Sharks. They didn't win in the shoot out and it was 0-0 game the whole way. How weird it was that not one point was scored during the whole entire game?; each goalie had a shutout and even those 5 minutes of overtime; no goal was ever scored. At least the shootout Sharks only scored 1 point and the Coyotes (Phoenix) scored 2 points. It was a bummer they lost but we still had a killer evening together!)

We didn't see any scores but we did get to sit in the second row for part of the 1st period. It was so amazing being able to sit that close. Neither of us have ever sat that close at a hockey game! Some of the players slammed up against the glass and I squealed once while everyone on the row laughed at me and I laughed too with them of course. They all knew we were 1st timers just checking out the view for a little while. I got so carried away with my camera that I ended up taking 576 photos in one evening of fun! I couldn't help myself; this 2009 will hopefully be the best ever; hopefully not the last!

Right after we had traded the tickets back; while we were sitting in our assigned seats; the game had stopped for just a few minutes and a give away was announced. We didn't really give it much thought because we hardly ever win anything when we go these events. My husband heard our section and then our row announced and we both figured that only one person from that row would win something; but no; it was everyone on our row who won a free T-shirt and double CD of the Beatles Classic hits. It started on each side passing CDs and T-shirts in two different directions until everyone had something on our row. We played the CD in the car and it sounded amazing on the way back from the game! We were so happy to have won something! I'm know that I'm giving my CD and T-shirt to the person who gave us the tickets! The T-shirt and CDs both have the date 9/9/09 on them? Still a great prize, my honey's T-shirt fits him perfectly but I ended up with XL which will swallow me whole anyway!)

As I was snapping away at all the excitement of the game, my husband looked over and spotted Neil Young just watching the game with his son. Now we just saw Bob Dylan on Saturday night and then to see this touching moment with him with his son; now they are holding hands and watching the game together. I kept snapping shots of him for my home movie and it was just amazing and beautiful to see him with his son at the game having a good time. It was ironic that we had been talking earlier about going to see the Bridge School Benefit Concert which helps raise money for physically challenged children such as his own. What a great dad! I could just see the love between the two of them as they watched the game peacefully.

After the game we stopped briefly for a beer (I only drank half of my Guiness). What a fun, fun evening to have spent with my honey. Even though the Sharks didn't win, we still had a blast. It was kind of a magical evening. While in the bar, they were having Karoke and the nerve never struck me to get up. We stayed for about 1/2 an hour and then left when my kidney started hurting. I now know that I do have to start more antibiotics tomorrow in case I am getting an infection. This will prevent me from going into the hospital once again for another infection. I'm also doubling up on the cranberry juice! Well one bummer is that I did loose some weight being off the TPN and am down to 119.5 which isn't so bad. The cool thing is that the dietitian did tell me that it would be normal for me to loose a few lbs after getting off the TPN. I won't sweat it but I will try to keep munching as much as possible!)

I'm still trying to eat as much as possible but it does require smoking part of joint each day and sometimes up to a whole one. At least it works and I'm keeping my appetite while laughing at myself through out the day as I do and say such spacey things!) At least my sense of humor never suffers!) I'm also able to get things done around the house like laundry, dishes, cleaning, sweeping and mopping the new floor, and my honey is reserved to vacuuming. He thinks that's too heavy work for me. Sometimes if I have the extreme diarrhea, I will take the Zofran (nausea medication) usually constipates me and doesn't ever give me the munchies like pot can. Because of the stomach surgery, I'm most often nauseated and haven't been able to get an appetite on my own. Maybe my purpose in life is to prove this plant really does work to save lives? It is saving mine; especially right now! It might even be prolonging my life right now. I know I need those munchies now more than ever!) Here's to more hard headness and continuing this fight to stay alive! I'm not giving up and will continue to have fun with my husband!) Peace and Love to all!