Happy Halloween!....

This will be a very short post; but the good news is that I am getting more and more energy. I think the antidepressant "Celexa" is making a difference. I'm sorry it's been a while since my last post. I've been busy being busy! (having much fun with my honey and spending lots of quality time together)

Well I'm not crying nearly as much as I was and I feel more focused on living. What a relief! How I hate crying for no reason at all; or to be dwelling on that horrible conversation I had with my doctor weeks ago. The antidepressants appear to be working and it didn't take that long for them to work in the first place (only a few days). I'm not feeling so depressed anymore and that's the beauty of it all!) My honey and I are getting along so good and I love you is said at least 20 times a day with lots of kisses. We are so sappy and we know it; hell we just love being sappy and lovvy dovvy together!) Who cares when we love each other more than anything! We just appreciate every day and every moment that we get to spend together. Each day is a gift when we get to wake up next to one another. He just looks so incredibly hot and handsome as I look over at him that I just can't believe that I married such a hot man. I haven't found one actor or man out on the street that looks anywhere as good as he does. He's like a young George Clooney (only more hotter!) to me with long beautiful curly hair. I'm so blessed!) His looks are not the only thing; he is beautiful inside and out!) What an awesome man to be married too and I'm so thankful for each and every day I get to spend with him!)

Well the bad thing is that I'm still having problems with horrible nausea and am having a very hard time getting some sort of an appetite for anything so therefore gaining weight has been more than just a challenge but nothing a little pot can't handle and that is working like a charm with getting me hungry enough to get that appetite stimulated; it's the gaining and keeping weight on which is very hard. I keep teetering on the weights between 110.5 and 113 and have been for days. God, I hope I don't have to go on the milk again! That medical company (Apria) has yet to pick up the TPN devices and the backpack. We have it plugged in and it makes this beeping sound that just brings back memories that I'm still on the bag; but I'm not; I'm teetering on having to. I just hope that I can find the secret and start to gain some more weight. Maybe that antidepressant will help me; it's not making me sick anymore.

We found another person who grows medicine and can't in their hearts charge me for it; so it's free. These kind hearted people (Feds would like to call them criminals) just want me around longer or would like to see my husband happy much longer. They don't want him to loose the love of his life. That is a sad thing to see anyone go through. That's what the FEDS never ever think about when they arrest someone for growing for medicinal purposes; that medicine that they are content with destroying is keeping many patients alive. For me, it all stems from treating others the way that you would want to be treated and its so sad that many people do not have that ability to do so. Come on, it's the GOLDEN RULE! Its as if many parents can't even teach their children this vital rule? I wish it was the law that people just do that (follow the Golden Rule); and that crimes could be based on that; even capital murder. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but we put good animals to sleep all the time in shelters that are more worthy of living a good life. Sorry to get off the subject a bit (yes; I am all for Capital Punishment). That's just my mode of thinking.

Chemotherapy is a very heavy duty thing to have to go through and to loose your appetite and to become as sick as possible; to be vomiting out of control till your stomach cramps up, you don't know if your heart is going to stop or not; it's just very scary. If government officials could just go through those experiences or even what I go through; I bet there would be less unnecessary arrests; laws would for sure change. They could actually witness and see that medicinal cannabis is not at all a dangerous drug or plant. I really can't get over how it is helping me now and I am so incredibly grateful that it's the one thing that is working for me. Sure I still take the Zofran for nausea (the bad thing about Zofran is that it constipates me) but it does NOT give me any kind of appetite or even make me nearly as thirsty as cannabis does. It does help me with the extreme nausea and I can take it with my cannabis. I really have to be thirsty in order to protect my kidneys from the long term damage that chemo can give me. Hell, I have a stint in my ureter to protect!) I have to drink water whether I like it or not and cannabis gives me cotton mouth that enables me to become very thirsty!) My life now depends on it and so do my kidneys!) I don't wish to be in the hospital again over another severe kidney infection so the cannabis therapy will continue for as long as it helps me!) I don't care what any government official has to say about my life; I'm going to fight to stay alive whether they like it or not!)

As it is now; if I am hungry for it; I have to eat it whether its a Twix bar or Taco Bell, or something organic. I have gotten a little better at not ordering more than I can possibly eat although kids portions are still more than I can eat. A kid's portion at Harry's Hoffbrau will easily last me 3 days. My tummy fills up really fast and now I'm quite the cheap date that I am!) Why on earth must restaurants waste so much food and money? My tummy could never expand like that; I would be in the worst pain ever if I were to eat a full sized meal.

Well my Dad will be here to visit me Nov. 3rd - 11th and my mother and sister in laws will be here on the 12th. Then I have to plan for my mom and her sister and then my brother's visit. My are we going to be busy making lots of memories. Tonight (Celebrating Halloween) we plan to go up to Santana Row and sport Miss Blue Belle in her Angel Costume and maybe even the mall.

We decided that we are not going to sit and wait for 1 or 2 trick or treaters. For some reason our neighborhood has gotten a bad rap and I guess parents are afraid that we are going to be handing out drugs and guns instead of candy. Oh well. Either way Miss Blue Belle is getting some much needed exercise and more socialization for her TDI (Therapy Dog International Test)= like she needs it; I do know she will pass with flying colors; but we want to volunteer at Kaiser and at Stanford. I must give back to all of those who have participated in saving my life. I'm so very thankful to still be alive and therefore I must share my well trained dog to make others feel better. Happy Halloween To All with Much Blessings and Peace and Love!