Chemo Side Effects Knocking me on my ass!

Well it's been a while since I last updated (I have been both busy and sick as a dog) and I just finished a post that I had started on Tuesday and just wanted to update on everything that has been going on. We I did get to send my dad off on Wednesday and we also got to take a quick bike ride together as well.

My symptoms / side effects of the chemo didn't get to be all that bad until Wednesday evening (I had to smoke a joint before getting my dog tested!) Ooops, I would have failed the CGC test myself. Anyway, I got pretty nauseated and weak, but I was not about to miss another scheduled test (I've missed at least 4 tests due to being hospitalized and it broke my heart each time to have to miss those tests).

Well Blue Belle did indeed pass her TDI Test on Wednesday night. How cool is that? Well we went to the Santa Clara Fairgrounds (my honey drove me there) and I was so glad that we all went together to see our little girl pass with Flying Colors! OMG!) She made us so proud!)

Anyway, we all walked into this huge room; in fact is was the same room where we have been to several conventions before (a Gun Show and a Home Improvement type of show); there were at least 75 dogs getting tested - a majority were being tested for the Canine Good Citizen (CGC) and only 6 were being tested for the TDI (Therapy Dog International). Not sure why they only test so few at a time. We didn't have to wait too long and she was so ready for her test. I was the one having the problems being so groggy from the chemo side effects and also being somewhat stoned (could have been some chemo brain in there), but the left and right directions were confusing because I couldn't tell if she meant her right and left or my right and left and good thing Miss Blue Belle was paying such close attention to her directions because she followed each and every single command she wanted.

Some of the things they tested her on was walking through some cones, a crowd which included a skateboarder and someone dropping loud objects and others just walking by, she also had to sit and stay while another strange dog walked up and the owner would shake my hand and then proceed on. She didn't even flinch at all; everything she did; PERFECT!) For TDI part of the test; the instruction had to brush and check to make sure that she was well groomed and of course I love that part of having her most; I brush her almost daily now since my hair has been falling out/getting thinner and not as fun to style! LOL!, then she had to go through another crowd "calling the medics" of a wheel chair and someone on crutches but she's been there done that dozens of times in the hospital (visiting me with gurneys being pushed past her and lots of other loud things and of course going to visit with elderly patients at a Senior Living Facility. She also had to stand next to the instructor as she was seated in a chair and allow for her to pet her and "no kisses or kisses"; she did that part perfect, then 3 minutes with a stranger and a bunch more things. Well now I can get the rest of the paperwork filled out by my vet (proof of vaccinations) and then I can register her as TDI certified so that I may continue volunteering at Kaiser. The instructor will also send in her actual test which she scored 100% on. She missed nothing, but I think I failed myself; is my dog smarter than me? Just kidding!)

Well the next day, we picked up my in-laws (Mom and Sister) at the airport and on the way there, I started feeling really sick and pukey. My mouth started watering and my honey was driving so he passed me a doggie poop bag (what a great idea, I was ready to puke out the window or open my door at the stop light) and I puked in 3 different bags on the way there. While we were picking up the relatives; a huge soccer team was there just waiting for their ride and one of the kids came over and asked me what was inside the teal bags that I had asked my honey to take outside of the car to the garbage; I just explained that I just had chemo a few days ago and that was enough for the kid. It was kinda strange to be sitting there waiting for the baggage and me puking was enough for security to not have to ask us to move since we were sitting there for a little while waiting. I was still sitting there puking in doggie bags when they finally got their baggage and finally it stopped until we got home.

I felt a little better afterwards and just struggled the rest of the day to try to eat, eat, eat when ever I could. I just knew my weight was coming down rapidly. I had to smoke some of my cannabis to try to keep any food down and I kept getting these horrible tummy aches after eating (like I just kicked in the tummy after being incredibly full from eating= it was some horrible pain) and then I started feeling nauseated again and then have to smoke again.

The Zofran was not working at all at this point. I was constipated for about 2 days and also struggling to eat; my honey didn't even think that I had any food in me to poop out because I could barely eat anything. I tried so hard the whole day yesterday to eat and poop! Not puke!( I felt absolutely horrible last night and could barely move off the couch. We had ordered some Chinese food and I couldn't even stand the smell of it. Any kind of food just nauseated me to no end. I finally pulled out the Volcano Vaporizer and it worked like a charm. I didn't get that hungry but the nausea was controlled so much better (I didn't have that feeling that I was going to puke). Well that's exactly what it's like to be on the Carboplatin diet! The weight comes off in no time at all but you feel like total shit! Sometimes all you feel like doing is laying around.

I weighed in this morning and only weighed 107.5 with my clothes on and shoes! Shit! I was so pissed off to see the scale like that. But I did get to poop quite a bit last night; so I was happy about that but I am still struggling quite a bit with the nausea and trying to get my appetite up. The new medicine is working so much better than the Zofran (Zofran also constipates me and so do the pain killers). Tonight I just weighed in at 114 and am happy to have gained 6 1/2lbs in 1 day! Wow! I tried so hard to eat like a pig today and it paid off; just had to smoke more weed in order to do so. It also made me really thirsty too (I know I had to have been dehydrated because I couldn't even stomach any water) because I didn't feel like it so much yesterday. I just could not move all that much yesterday. I did get to go out with my in laws (mom and sister) some; went out to eat for lunch and then met up with them at the local pub some hours later last night.

Today was much better and I was able to eat some breakfast but did get sick afterwards, so we came home; I medicated more and the nausea was gone for a while. We did get to go shopping at Santana Row for a little while before I was finally able to come home, get some rest and update all of you on what I have been doing this whole week of NO updates. Peace and Love to all and may my nausea finally go away hopefully by tomorrow; more weight to gain and hopefully it be more fun to gain and not so painful!(

Here's to a cure to all Cancers soon!

Happy Halloween!....

This will be a very short post; but the good news is that I am getting more and more energy. I think the antidepressant "Celexa" is making a difference. I'm sorry it's been a while since my last post. I've been busy being busy! (having much fun with my honey and spending lots of quality time together)

Well I'm not crying nearly as much as I was and I feel more focused on living. What a relief! How I hate crying for no reason at all; or to be dwelling on that horrible conversation I had with my doctor weeks ago. The antidepressants appear to be working and it didn't take that long for them to work in the first place (only a few days). I'm not feeling so depressed anymore and that's the beauty of it all!) My honey and I are getting along so good and I love you is said at least 20 times a day with lots of kisses. We are so sappy and we know it; hell we just love being sappy and lovvy dovvy together!) Who cares when we love each other more than anything! We just appreciate every day and every moment that we get to spend together. Each day is a gift when we get to wake up next to one another. He just looks so incredibly hot and handsome as I look over at him that I just can't believe that I married such a hot man. I haven't found one actor or man out on the street that looks anywhere as good as he does. He's like a young George Clooney (only more hotter!) to me with long beautiful curly hair. I'm so blessed!) His looks are not the only thing; he is beautiful inside and out!) What an awesome man to be married too and I'm so thankful for each and every day I get to spend with him!)

Well the bad thing is that I'm still having problems with horrible nausea and am having a very hard time getting some sort of an appetite for anything so therefore gaining weight has been more than just a challenge but nothing a little pot can't handle and that is working like a charm with getting me hungry enough to get that appetite stimulated; it's the gaining and keeping weight on which is very hard. I keep teetering on the weights between 110.5 and 113 and have been for days. God, I hope I don't have to go on the milk again! That medical company (Apria) has yet to pick up the TPN devices and the backpack. We have it plugged in and it makes this beeping sound that just brings back memories that I'm still on the bag; but I'm not; I'm teetering on having to. I just hope that I can find the secret and start to gain some more weight. Maybe that antidepressant will help me; it's not making me sick anymore.

We found another person who grows medicine and can't in their hearts charge me for it; so it's free. These kind hearted people (Feds would like to call them criminals) just want me around longer or would like to see my husband happy much longer. They don't want him to loose the love of his life. That is a sad thing to see anyone go through. That's what the FEDS never ever think about when they arrest someone for growing for medicinal purposes; that medicine that they are content with destroying is keeping many patients alive. For me, it all stems from treating others the way that you would want to be treated and its so sad that many people do not have that ability to do so. Come on, it's the GOLDEN RULE! Its as if many parents can't even teach their children this vital rule? I wish it was the law that people just do that (follow the Golden Rule); and that crimes could be based on that; even capital murder. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but we put good animals to sleep all the time in shelters that are more worthy of living a good life. Sorry to get off the subject a bit (yes; I am all for Capital Punishment). That's just my mode of thinking.

Chemotherapy is a very heavy duty thing to have to go through and to loose your appetite and to become as sick as possible; to be vomiting out of control till your stomach cramps up, you don't know if your heart is going to stop or not; it's just very scary. If government officials could just go through those experiences or even what I go through; I bet there would be less unnecessary arrests; laws would for sure change. They could actually witness and see that medicinal cannabis is not at all a dangerous drug or plant. I really can't get over how it is helping me now and I am so incredibly grateful that it's the one thing that is working for me. Sure I still take the Zofran for nausea (the bad thing about Zofran is that it constipates me) but it does NOT give me any kind of appetite or even make me nearly as thirsty as cannabis does. It does help me with the extreme nausea and I can take it with my cannabis. I really have to be thirsty in order to protect my kidneys from the long term damage that chemo can give me. Hell, I have a stint in my ureter to protect!) I have to drink water whether I like it or not and cannabis gives me cotton mouth that enables me to become very thirsty!) My life now depends on it and so do my kidneys!) I don't wish to be in the hospital again over another severe kidney infection so the cannabis therapy will continue for as long as it helps me!) I don't care what any government official has to say about my life; I'm going to fight to stay alive whether they like it or not!)

As it is now; if I am hungry for it; I have to eat it whether its a Twix bar or Taco Bell, or something organic. I have gotten a little better at not ordering more than I can possibly eat although kids portions are still more than I can eat. A kid's portion at Harry's Hoffbrau will easily last me 3 days. My tummy fills up really fast and now I'm quite the cheap date that I am!) Why on earth must restaurants waste so much food and money? My tummy could never expand like that; I would be in the worst pain ever if I were to eat a full sized meal.

Well my Dad will be here to visit me Nov. 3rd - 11th and my mother and sister in laws will be here on the 12th. Then I have to plan for my mom and her sister and then my brother's visit. My are we going to be busy making lots of memories. Tonight (Celebrating Halloween) we plan to go up to Santana Row and sport Miss Blue Belle in her Angel Costume and maybe even the mall.

We decided that we are not going to sit and wait for 1 or 2 trick or treaters. For some reason our neighborhood has gotten a bad rap and I guess parents are afraid that we are going to be handing out drugs and guns instead of candy. Oh well. Either way Miss Blue Belle is getting some much needed exercise and more socialization for her TDI (Therapy Dog International Test)= like she needs it; I do know she will pass with flying colors; but we want to volunteer at Kaiser and at Stanford. I must give back to all of those who have participated in saving my life. I'm so very thankful to still be alive and therefore I must share my well trained dog to make others feel better. Happy Halloween To All with Much Blessings and Peace and Love!

A healing day off....

I had made myself 2 appointments last week for today. I had forgotten briefly about these appointments as I was talking myself into working today since its only a 3 day work week prior to a week shutdown. I was serious about working but this chocolate disaster is still affecting me and I really need to detox this stuff out of my system. I'm still not feeling 100% even though I feel I nearly pooped my brains out. It was mostly water but thank God for my vaporizer because it could have been much, much much more painful.

The first appointment is at 11:30am with a very compassionate and interesting woman named Aeriol Ascher who is a CMT, MsD at Roman Paradigm Massage which is a little over 1 mile from my house or walking distance. It's just around the corner from Santana Row. To get this particular woman for a massage is a gift from what I was told from another cancer patient. From talking on the phone with this woman, she had such a caring, compassionate voice and treated me as if I were a princess to have survived what I have gone through. I could tell right away that this woman has a heart of gold. I won't be getting that massage today but perhaps in a few weeks. We will begin to discuss my current health situation in order to customize a future massage (lymphatic). Massage is great for Cancer patients or so I have read and heard.

UPDATE: I was actually late for my appointment with Aarial (it was at 11am; not 11:30am). She was very patient and sweet as I walked in at around 11:25am with Miss Blue Belle patiently walking with me. We were able discuss what we needed to in just 10 minutes prior to her 11:30am appointment arriving. She was very warm and open to me as she educated me about different massage and therapeutic treatments which might work for me. She described one particular treatment which involved floating in this tub or contraption thing with water and air exactly the same temperature or higher than the body's temperature. (I've misplaced the brochure and once I find it I will include more information and a link)

At 1:30 pm I had my Quantum Biofeedback / Detox Foot Bath appointment which did take nearly 4 hours. It is somewhat like quantum physics and requires that I have these straps on both wrists, ankles and one that goes around my head. I had to fill out quite a lengthy questioneer prior to being hooked up the machine. It measured my pulse rate, brain waves, body temperature and much more than I could even begin to imagine. The therapist asked me all kinds of questions about my Cancer and just like most women with my type of cancer, I did suffer a loss. This loss can be a child, a pet, a parent, loved one, sibling or what ever; but it does deal with a trauma and not getting over the trauma completely. With Ovarian Cancer the pain is in the peritoneal cavity and what do most of us do when we are hurt emotionally by a loss? We hold it inside us for many years and its pure pain that we are holding in. This being hooked up to the machine or computer seemed very calming for me and it measured that I had depression, anxiety, and most of all trauma. Which does make sense.

She said that over the next couple of days I will noticing changes to my body. She also suggested a salt water flush to do in the mornings to get rid of all the toxins that are in my body and are probably in many people's bodies. The salt water flush should be done first thing in the morning prior to drinking anything or eating anything. .95 liter of tepid water and 2 level (must be level - use a knife to level the teaspoons) teaspoons of sea salt. Drink it in 10 minutes and within 30 minutes or so you should experience a good bm. We'll see. I won't be doing this prior to going to work .

Here are some interesting photos taken from my "POO out of my Feet" Ionic Foot Detox:



















































My good friend, did call and she sounded as if she had a really bad cold so we were unable to see the Movie "Milk". I hope to see it soon!)

        

6 years ago today.....Our Wedding Anniversary

I got a good night's rest and was able to return back to work. I didn't get an email from HR so I assumed that my doctor had in fact faxed the note so I didn't worry. Starting back to work after 3 and half months was just like starting a new job but it came back to me in bits and pieces. I got to greet so many co-workers that have worked with me over the 6 and a half years I have been with the company. So many hugs and conversations and of course inspiration. It's good to be to back.

My husband came to have lunch with me since today is our 6 year wedding anniversary. We were married 6 years ago on a beautiful December Day on the Pacific Ocean. It was the most beautiful wedding my father has ever been to; I do know that. Our love still gets stronger each and every year we are together. It's a gift to wake up next to each other each day. I think its our love for one another that keeps me surviving this very deadly disease six years later.

Anyway back to our lunch, we went over to Red Robin's which I'm not too fond of, but just seeing him in the middle of the day was the highlight of my day. We sat there got our order taken and the lady next to us got her order take right after us. Fifteen minutes later her food was ready, she ate her food and requested the check after she was finishing up her food (twenty minutes later).

We kept wondering if our order was forgotten about but mostly had good conversations about the concert he gone to the night before. (he always tells me the most fascinating stories and his artistic ability to tell a story which is all the more reason that I love him so!). The woman next to us then pays for her bill and walks out. Ten minutes after she has left, the waiter brings over my soup (French Onion without Cheese) and my husband's hamburger. The waiter apologized for the long wait but blamed it on a large party that had put in the order at the same time as us. I knew right away that our food had been ready for a while and had probably been sitting there ready all the time from the temperature of my soup. We were both starving that we really didn't care too much until my husband started feeling sick from his hamburger being pink inside and cold. My soup really was luke warm. My husband was like "let's just send it back", but I was afraid of someone spitting in my soup so I just ate my soup anyway. His burger was kind of cold and pink inside, but he too was starving. I tried to eat one of his french fries and it tasted like it was once warm but was getting cold. We finally had to get the manager over and they comped our meal, but I doubt I will ever go back there again. That was the third time that had happened to me at that restaurant. Done with Red Robin.

I went back to work and it really was a good day to be back. I really missed my co-workers and didn't really realize the impact I had had on many of them. One co-worker even gave me her gorgeous vest (this shows the love here as we work to invent treatments that prolong lives). They love you enough to give you the shirts off their backs. You can't ask for better than that!)

I got home from work around 6pm and my husband and I went over to Santana Row and ate at Rosie McCann's Irish Pub and Restaurant. The ambiance and the music was excellent and we had an awesome waiter who was on top of everything. I order the Grilled Coriander Wild Salmon, Baby spinach, garlic mashed potatoes, jalapeno aioli, and Guinness gravy. I got a glass of Vintage Pinot Noir. What an awesome evening! We even ordered dessert for which the waiter threw in since my husband's steak was more done than he would have liked. Here's to dozen's more years together!