WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A second opinion and a dose of reality....

I got my second opinion and while normally someone in my shape would not have lived this long or even tried to survive much longer; I have fared well in this battle; much better than most; 7 years is a good battle and I am just asking for 2 more or 3 more years if at all possible. I'm going to fight like hell the entire time in order to stay alive and try to be as healthy as possible for my honey. I liked this doctor and she was honest with me in telling me that she will not give me chemotherapy for my own mind's sake or psychologically to make me think that it's going to prolong my life when in reality it is killing up my good cells. We are going to try Carboplatin every 3 weeks possibly; I may need more time to heal before starting more chemo. She would like me to start as soon as next week but I'm not so sure I'm ready to start more chemo just yet. I feel my body still needs to heal.

I asked her if I could get 2 - 3 more years but she just told me that I have survived quite longer than most or even expected with what I have gone through (in other words I should be happy and grateful that I am alive right now). For right now, I just need to live in the right now moment and not be so concerned with the future or that far ahead. She doesn't know but I feel it in my heart that I may just survive that long (maybe even longer?); I'm going to at least try to. It's not long but hopefully I can survive much longer than that.

We never know how much time we have left in this world and you really do have to make the most of every moment that you can; even though many of my moments are spent on the couch sleeping and relaxing; I still enjoy them in my own home. I did tell her that I have been having more than the usual anxiety attacks of crying from being scared of only having 6 months to live. It was such a surreal and scary experience for me to have to go through with my own doctor. I almost feel like he said some things to me that were not at all necessary and to scare me. Is he just giving up hope on me or what?

Some of the things he had said to me still haunts me; like once we decide on hospice care; if I get a block; I can't go into the emergency room but according to Kaiser's website I could? It's kind of conflicting. He even mentioned that if I came in I could at any moment stop breathing and they would have to shove these tubes down my throat. I don't like getting scared like that from my own doctor. I couldn't believe my ears and I still can't. I just can't accept what he had told me just a few weeks ago. I'm still in shock and my honey feels he needs to be here with me and to enjoy every waking moment with me and not be at work worrying about me. He can't even concentrate because the love of his life may not be alive next year. God I hope I am but we are just preparing.

I'm so happy that my honey is going to take off 6 months from work just to be with me and to take care of me. We are going to try to make it out to Yosemite in the coming weeks for just a nice romantic get away; just the 3 of us. I can just imagine how nice that will be; utilizing a fire place in the woods; hiking in the Sequoia National Forest, El Capitan, and that little village near El Capitan, Bridalveil Fall, and so much more! We really need a little vacation away from everything; doctor's office's, hospital, just this whole town of San Jose.

Tonto will have to be on Autofeeder for a few days. He hates that thing when I get it out because he knows that he will by himself for at least a couple of days. I may just ask one of the neighbors if they would like to have him for a few days. I don't know of any that don't love him for his goofy self. He is a highly unusual kitty cat. (he just got a bath on Sunday & feels pretty now)

Either way, we just need a get away to relax and enjoy each others company. We need some good alone time together. I'm so glad we have been getting along so good lately and hope we can continue that. Yes, like normal couples we fight sometimes but only because we care and love each other so much. I'm always thankful for days like these and I have been feeling good enough to eat somewhat normally; getting diarrhea like crazy (that kinda sucks but at least I'm going), got the pain under control and just enjoying every day I am given. Here's to fighting this disease for many more years; I sure hope too; I hope and pray for a cure soon!

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Kia Taylor said...

If anyone can do this, you can! Your words speak volumes and I'm so happy to read/hear them(yes, I can her your voice and I love it)


l'optimiste said...

Kia is right - you've done wonders so far, and you will do more. Great idea to go away with your darling husband. Just what you need - a bit of R&R. :o)

nat said...

A cure - a cure - please!!!! We need a cure!!!

It sounds like this doctor is giving you a bit more hope? Regardless, I think I have a sense of what a fighter you are.

I wish you and your husband the most wonderful holiday away! Enjoy and relax.

Big cyberhugs CJ

Mischa said...

Good for you! I hope you enjoy your getaway! And please let me know if I can feed your kitty for you. I'd be happy to stop by each day to do that!

Daria said...

Thinking of you girl ...

POD said...

Watching from over the hill and wishing you the best of luck. Glad you got a 2nd opinion that sits well with you.

Have you called Lance Armstrong Foundation to see if they can help? I don't know exactly what they mean but I cut and pasted for you:

Help Dealing with Cancer

TC said...

I think the reality of your situation hit home with me today. If anyone can have those 2 or 3 good years you can but you know what? You need more than that but as you say no ones knows what is in store for them.
Take car in Yosemite and enjoy yourself. My husband likes to intentionally mutilate the English Language and he calls it yos sem mite.

Girl Holding On said...

Its good to hear that you are feeling some better.I hope you and your honey and Blue Belle have a great,relaxing time.If yall lived closer your kitty could stay with our cats(about 10)inside and out!Please remember doctors dont know everything!I'll keep you in my prayers friend.

Carla said...

found you through Janell/POD.

adding my prayers to all those which already surround you.


estafema said...

Will you please visit this site? http://www.gethealthyagain.com
Look for their "Zeolite" product. They have 2 versions - liquid and powder. They claim the liquid is more potent. I used to buy the powder form for my mom who has breast cancer because it's cheaper and we are not rich (we are in the Philippines and it's a lot of money 'cause I also paid for shipping). My Mom used it for almost a year but she stopped despite me insisting. She is stubborn and wanted only to take prescriptions. I believed the product helped her. She did not finish her chemo (2 sessions only)because she was too weak to handle the effects (she's 70 when she was diagnosed). She's 73 now and still healthy (though I'm aware of the possibility that the disease may come back in 5yrs), taking the drug Tamoxifen (for breast cancer)and natural products from GNLD.

Based on the latest newsletter I received from GetHealthyAgain, they have new and more potent products now for cancer - all natural.

Please, try to visit their site. You have nothing to lose.

Enjoy your travel!

Shopping Kharma said...

Wow! My dad sent me a bunch of liquid Zeolite. I will be using that again since I'm off chemo now. Thanks for the reminder!

thank you all for the hope and prayers! We can all do this together!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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