WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Paritonitus killing cancer Cells part 2..& an update...

Yesterday I woke up in extreme pain as if I had a blockage and my husband and I both feared that I would end up in the emergency room. That evening I ran a 101 temperature and we were able to get the fever down; so you can just imagine the stress we have been going through. I have a special surprise planned for Saturday; so "Please No Weekend in the Hospital!"

We went through the rest of my morphine in order to fight the pain and then this morning, while I was making my husband's peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I found that any smell was triggering the worst nausea ever. Finally my mouth just started watering like crazy as I was adding the jelly to the sandwich and then I had to bolt straight to the bathroom. I puked twice and it seemed like large amounts of green shit; the same stuff that comes out when I do end up in the emergency room with an NG tube. With that; the pain in my abdomen has decreased for most of the morning.

I emailed my doctor because I knew exactly what had caused this blockage (confusion from medications). He emailed me later on that afternoon to tell me that I needed to monitor my temperature and if I puked 3-4 times and if the abdominal pain continued I would need to come into ER. I didn't want to do that but would if needed to.

I had to take some more morphine for the pain as the morning progressed because I was getting in my abdomen (it was some sharp stabbing pains) but only .4ml. for the entire day. I also smoked pot to get rid of the extreme nausea and the confusion from the medications was that I had mistake of taking Lotrimen rather than Zofran for nausea. Anyway I had ordered several medications which had refills including some Zofran for anti-nausea.

Well I had chemo on Sunday and almost didn't make it on time because of extreme diarrhea. So the nurse told the doctor about this and he prescribed Lotriman for slowing down my bowels. I didn't realize this and I picked up 3 prescriptions and not one was for Nausea (Zofran). The nausea medication also causes constipation and my doctor did tell me this in his email. Well, I didn't know this and took the Lotriman thinking that it was generic Zofran. Anyway that's why I was in the painful situation of yesterday and part of today.

My best friend Nikki came over for a few hours and helped me clean my house some; helped me make some more magical tea and even helped unhook me from the TPN. My husband would be needing to leave work early (2pm) so he wasn't able to get his full lunch break so my friend Nikki helped us out. We even went out to the pool for a little while. I just soaked in the hot tub for a little while and soaked up a few rays. I had her snap this photo of me in my new bikini for this year. I don't look too bad to have been opened up 6 times and still sportin a bikini. I did gain a few pounds and am up to 118.5 and then in the doctor's office with all my clothes on 121.5! That scar is my badge of honor!) It doesn't really look as if I have been cut open 6 times and I still managed to keep my belly button!)

We had a doctor appointment at 3:30pm today and it went well. Dr. Chemo is incredibly compassionate for a doctor. I'm protecting his privacy so he really is my chemo doctor. I could tell by the reactions on his face that he felt bad that I had so many surgeries and have survived all that I have. He did not like to hear that I was in the pain that I was and told me that I needed to be on top of the pain and to take medications so that I wouldn't suffer more than I needed too. I'm so hard headed sometimes. We also spoke of our chemo plans and that I will need to be on this chemo for another 4 sessions before we get a CAT scan to see if this chemo is working. He did educate us on the tumor that is growing on my rib bone. We can't tell yet if this tumor is shrinking but it does appear somewhat smaller. I did finally get to go poo and the block I feel is officially unblocked... Thank god! Now for a fun weekend!

Now continued from yesterday....

This is old Toonce who I feel helped save my life that evening.

I got to the emergency room at around 9pm that evening and I had a CAT scan and an x-ray which the next morning my surgeon who had inserted the Port later told me that in the process of inserting that port, there apparently was a piece of scar tissue that he had attempted to cut and while he was cutting it he accidentally poked a hole in my intestine. That's what was interpreted from the scans. All night long was a game to control the pain until I was to have emergency surgery the very next morning; because it was the worst pain I had ever been in. I thought for sure I was going to die and so did the doctors. I got into my room around 7am and was told that I needed to prep for emergency surgery that was scheduled at 11am. I hadn't been allowed to drink or eat anything and I also needed to do some enemas to help clean me out for the surgery.

Most of the nurses had been very nice but then one had given me an enema and then this overly friendly male nurse came into the room to help clean me up. I was in so much pain that I couldn't get up to clean myself or to even make it to the shitter. He asked if I would mind if he cleaned me up and I figured it would be OK; he was kind of nervous and excited almost to the creepy end of the spectrum. I figured that he must have seen it all being a nurse so I had complete trust in him. As he was cleaning me; I felt his fingers go inside of me several times. I really thought to myself this "I thought he was supposed to be cleaning my butthole and not in this area at all!" It was completely and totally shocking for me and I immediately froze up and panicked. I didn't know what to do and my adrenaline just pumped in my veins like crazy as I jumped out of bed despite all the pain that I was in and it was a complete adrenalin rush of fear that got me to move the way that I did. I couldn't believe that I got myself out of that gurney when I couldn't move prior due to the pain. I couldn't even breath from the pain. I didn't want another man touching me where my husband should and it pissed me off. He then followed me into the bathroom and somehow was able to remove my gown and then he started touching my breasts. I pushed him away and grabbed my gown and ran towards my bed. I told him leave right away or I would call for help. He must have figured that I wouldn't remember any of this because I was on so much morphine and about to have emergency surgery; but he was sadly mistaken.

I couldn't get any of it out of my mind even after waking up from that massive surgery. The doctor even had to remove the port during the surgery because I was not in any shape or form to continue on with intraperitoneal chemo. The surgery just didn't matter; what that nurse did to me pissed me off more and more; it's all I could think about and the more I thought about it; the more pissed off I got. At first I kept trying to give him the benefit of a doubt but I just kept going over and over again in my head everything that had happened and of course it was still fresh in my mind. I was shocked that I had to go through the emergency surgery and then this little shit nurse tries to take advantage of me. I just couldn't believe it just happened to me. How could this happen? Why? What did I do to deserve this? . The first person I told was my support group leader. Her mouth was left open in disbelief that I had to go through what I initially had to go through and now this? How could any human being do such a thing? She was so angry but she contained it and we followed the right procedures as I told the head nurse and patient relations about the ordeal. I felt so much better after I told everyone that I needed to tell including my husband. He was in total disbelief but was pleased that we were handling this right.

It wasn't until years later that I had seen a special on America's Most Wanted for a nurse doing exactly as he did to me. Could this be the same nurse? Those other patients described in great detail everything that had happened to them and mine was so similar. The photo of the suspect even looked similar. He had worked in Sacramento and other areas in Northern CA. To this day I still wonder if he is the same one.

I remember having to be on so many antibiotics to fight the peritonitis and all the pain that resulted after the surgery. I had so many staples in my tummy as I was concerned that it was September; could I still be ready to go visit my family next month in South Carolina? I had tickets. It was such a morbid week as John Ritter Died and then Johnny Cash on a Friday. I had tickets to see the White Stripes and then one of my favorite bands on the night that Johnny Cash had died. We gave our tickets to a close friend at heart and I do mean this. He told us that when he saw Social Distortion perform; it was as if Johnny Cash's soul was in the room. It was the coolest to hear about this show but I was hospitalized and unable to go.

We were released from the hospital after about 13 days (just shy of two weeks) and each and every weekend we were in the ER every Friday no matter what. All the food that I would eat would eventually get blocked through out the week and then that Friday it was blocked enough to warrant an NG tube and a whole weekend in the hospital and to be released on Monday. I think we must have spent about 5 weekends in the hospital before I needed to get surgery on the day we were to leave for South Carolina to visit my brother and my mom.

Well just before my second surgery that month; 2 police officers had showed up at our door which really surprised us; I had my bong just lying there on the table without any shame and they told me not to even worry about it. They supported me self medicating when ever I needed to especially knowing that it had saved my life with what I was going through (blockages). They were, very very cool to me. They had come to see me because it was common procedure to the police to follow up concerning the sex offender nurse. I was really stoked to see the compassion in each of their eyes as I told them in great detail exactly what had happened to me and what I had survived. These were good cops and I always appreciate cops that have heart like these officers seemed to have. They looked completely disgusted that a man would do such a thing to woman such as myself. My hair was just barely growing in and they could tell my husband and I were in so much love with one another. I was happy that the nurse had been placed on leave pending an investigation. I didn't want another woman to have to go through what I went through with that disgusting nurse. I didn't have to talk to anyone else nor would I need to face this suspect ever again. Well thank god I don't get hit on anymore; now my honey does.

Yes, I had 2 major abdominal surgeries in 2 months! Quite a bit to go through and to have survived Peritonitis. . Well it was about 10 weeks after that 3rd major abdominal surgery that I put on a girdle and went snowboarding and had a total blast. It was the best; I couldn't do anything crazy but just being out there in raw nature like that made such a difference in my healing. I went snowboarding that whole season long and my poor honey was out of commission towards the end of the month due to his ACL and Miniscus. Meanwhile my CA125 was at 2 and stayed low for first year, then it went up to 3 or 4 and then in 2006 it started doubling. I was thankful for 3 and half great years of fun and I even got to gain most of my weight back. I feel that I am a walking miracle to give other hope and inspiration that they too can fight hard at what ever they are facing in life. Here is to a month of hope and all of this happen exactly a year ago today. I was in there getting that emergency surgery on September 4th, 2003. Each year for me surviving this disease is a miracle and an answer to many prayers. Thank you all for all of your prayers, good thoughts, and love that I can get through this and perhaps a cure is on the way!)

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1 comment:

MLO said...

I'm so sad you experienced that with that male nurse. I'm related to a lot of cops so my first extinct reading that was, "Why didn't you dial the cops right then?" I forgot you were already in a high stress situation made worse.

That just sucks.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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