A Mistake that was meant to be....

Well last Friday I had met with my chemo doctor and then afterward; we went downstairs to the lab for blood work to be done for my chemo on Sunday and my husband went over to the Pharmacy to get some prescriptions filled. (refill for liquid Morphine Sulfate = Roxanol and Fentanyl = Duragesic Patches). The Fentanol Patches are replaced every 3 days and I take the morphine only on an "as needed basis". Sometimes I will need to take it several times a day and then I will have those days where I only need to take it once or even none. I have had several days in the past month where I have even skipped up to 5 days but then sometimes I will get a painful blockage or my pee hole will hurt like f*@##ing hell and then I will reluctantly have to dig it out of the hiding place again.

I still can't get over some of the pain that I have to endure just being alive or that I am still alive after going through all of that! I can sometimes feel the cuts still in my stomach and intestines as food attempts to move through my body and this is a very trippy and scary experience. I am always worried about my intestines twisting up or kinking.

Anyway, as I was getting my blood drawn; none of the usual blood tests had been ordered and I was not sure why. It was very puzzling because most of the time the infusion center is usually on it to order these tests for chemo. I told the phlebotomist that I had chemo on Sunday and would need all the blood tests necessary for my chemo. I didn't even think anything of it; I just thought perhaps procedures had changed and I don't need as many blood tests. It was after 6pm on Friday as they had always told me "Don't forget to get your blood tests on Friday after 6pm if possible". It just happened to be after 6pm too?

Well on Saturday, you saw the fun that my husband and I had and then on Sunday I was scheduled to have my chemo at 2:15pm on Sunday. Well Saturday night my honey was feeling so super good about the flight that he tried and tried to talk me into skipping out on chemo and just taking a little break. He is a little bit against me taking chemo without even knowing if it's working. It could not be working and I could be suffering horrible side effects all for nothing. I'm only going to be on chemo until December. Then I have a few weeks to get stronger so that I can go back to work in January. I hope and pray that everything works out as planned and I hope I get the cure!

Well on Sunday, I got a call from the Infusion Center that I didn't get my blood tests done for my chemo and why didn't I get them done?. I was so confused when they asked me this and I told them; "look on Friday I got my tests done!" and when I was at the counter there seemed to be something wrong with the system because I did tell Phlebotomist at the front desk that I needed to get my blood tests for Sunday's chemo. The woman on the phone apologized and told me that my blood tests for my chemo were never ordered. I asked her why and she couldn't tell me; it was mistake and I told her that's OK, "Can I please just have a week break from chemo and just do it next week?". and she said yes! It was a mistake that was meant to be. I could have more feel good days; but I did have some down days this this week. Anyway my honey and I were happy to be able to spend the rest of the day together. I made some my movies for my 2009 Christmas Movie for my family and friends. It's mostly composed of lots of slides shows with music that I feel fits the compilation of the photos. I take so many photos when I am out having fun and it's just way for my family to know that we are still living and having fun no matter what!

Another element of some good news. Well there are some days where I don't feel much like eating but at least I am still getting the liquid nutrition. I kept a food diary for the whole week starting on the 3rd and ending on the 7th of September. I went over with the dietitian what I had eaten for that entire week and going over how much weight I have gained. I am up to 119 - 120. There are 2 pairs of shorts (size 1 and 3) and a size 3 Asian pair of pants that I am unable to fit into! I am still trying to eat as much as I can and on Friday (tomorrow); we get to take my TPN machine into the infusion center (4th Floor chemo area); to have my TPN reprogrammed for 10 hour feedings! Wahhoooooo! I get to have 14 hours to myself rather than just 6 hours. Tomorrow will be my last day of only getting 6 hours of Freedom!

Today will be a very, very hot day (over 106) so I'm staying inside. I have the cave factor going on in my living room (hoping to stay cool) and for some reason today I have more energy than I have these past couple of days. I slept all day long yesterday and even had a fever; actually I think I even slept the whole day the day before as well. I just didn't have any energy and the fevers we kind of low grade (100 - 101.3); but I used Exra Strength Tylenol and plenty of cold compresses on my head, neck, and underarms.

I forced myself up to go on a quick bike ride this evening with Blue Belle and ended up pooping my pants.; OMG! I shit on my brand new beautiful bike!( (that's all could think about all the way home trying to hold myself) I had to turn around to go back home and it was so unpleasant. I hate the unpredictable ways of my bowels, but I got through it all and Miss patient little Blue Belle totally understood the situation and that this this was now my laundry time. I got everything cleaned up, completed 4 loads of laundry and then crashed again with a fever. I awoke, took more Tylenol and then made more cold compresses.

I wrote my doctor because it is now time for me to get my stint replaced on my ureter. May be this is why I'm getting fevers? It's supposed to be changed every 3 months but now I'm not so sure any more. They seem to be blaming the chemo for all the pain I am experiencing there. I have to be a pain in the ass to have deal with for doctors and my health and insurance companies. I must be a nightmare for them. I totally lit up when I heard Obama's speech last night and it sure made me feel so much better and that "Yes, my life is worth saving!". I like knowing that if I do end up loosing my insurance; we would easily be able to get the public option which would not discriminate on my health or that I wouldn't be dropped because of my health from current provider. It always scares me that they could easily do that and I am so glad Obama is doing something about that. This is so important. It's not fair for companies to drop individuals who have paid their dues and for those who need to live but can't afford to. No one's life should ever have a price on it or a maximum cap. What are we, like dogs? Not worth saving? It's despicable and we should be all about ProLife because Life doesn't mean it's all Fetuses!) We need to protect the Non-Fetuses too!

Well back to my worthiness of spreading the cause of early detection for Ovarian Cancer. God I wish I would have known much earlier than to have had the nightmare of finding out that it was so advanced and that I would be living with this disease for the rest of my life! Well if I can spare the lives of many women with my experience; then why the hell not? I don't want other women to have to go through all that I have. It sucks, life doesn't suck, Cancer Sucks!

I hope one day there is a cure and I'm so glad to have found out that L'Oreal Paris is involved with helping to find a cure by raising money for Research. They coined the phrase "Because I'm worth it," more that 30 years ago in order to celebrate every woman's worth and self esteem. This empowering phrase represents the company's long-standing commitment to female health and well-being. Since 1997, L'Oreal Paris has dedicated significant resources to raise awareness of ovarian cancer and to raise funds for research to discover an effective method of early detection that will hopefully one day, also lead to a cure. Love the lipstick! It's so awesome!