the Bark in the Park....

I would be lying if I said I wasn't still crying from the news I received the other day. Its not easy to hear that from your own doctor. I am going to try to survive this as best I can. I can only do my best and that's what I intend to do.


GOD I was so thankful to be able to sleep in my own bed next to the best man I could have ever dreamed of marrying. I will be sure to treasure each morning that I get to wake up next to him and definitely not those mornings where I am awakened by getting stuck in my finger, something shoved up my ass (OK it's not that bad), or getting blood sucked out of me and so much more! I am so happy to be out of the hospital. I do love all of those nurses who have taken care of me.

The one nurse that I had my very last night in the hospital gave me a hug and we cried together. I told her of my news and she has been one of those nurses who has helped take care of me many times over the years. It touched my heart that she was there for me like that and that she would be praying for; then to read all the comments from each of you and to know that I am making an impact of many lives.

Today we decided to have a good day today and to spend some good quality family time. We got up kind of late and it was so amazing to sleep in my own bed next to the one man I love more than anything. I will never ever take those moments for granted and cherish them always.

We went to the "Bark in the Park" at Naglee park in San Jose and it was so cool to see so many dogs (all colors, breeds, varieties, sizes) and the their people all in one place. Everyone got along so well and there was not one dog fight. Just lots of dogs everywhere and butt smelling was the norm.

My honey and I were sitting in the shade relaxing with Blue Belle and a friend of his with her dog and all of a sudden we would hear a puppy yelp and yelp and yelp in almighty pain. It was so sad and cute and it was because they were offering vaccinations for all dogs who needed their vaccinations. Poor little puppies getting a shot in their little bottoms. I remember my first shot as a child and it didn't feel good. Well now I get stuck all the time and no matter how many times; it hurts.

Here are 2 very cute little Shelties that Blue Belle wanted to come up and meet. It was cute that I finally saw that Blue Belle now recognized her breed. She would kind of get excited to be able to meet other Shelties. I always look for other Shelties too because I am so facinated with this breed. I have always been and they really are a dog that loves to please and so easy to train. I love the colors, the hair of course (it's so fun to brush a Sheltie), so now I got some time now to brush my girl!, she's also fun to wash and get all pretty. Seeing all the Shelties at this event made me want one of every color; but Blue Belle was my favorite Sheltie at this whole event.

I loved seeing all the different varieties of dogs and I took over 250 pictures; these are not the very best but I thought they showed somewhat how big this event was. I always take tons of pictures everywhere I go that's fun. I'm still obsessed with completing my 2009 movie (GOD I hope it's not the last one I make). The sheep herding was very cool; I had wanted to get some cards for herding training but was unable to. I would love to train Blue Belle to herd Tonto or go fetch him up. She's kind of jealous of him at times and doesn't want him hogging too much attention from me so she does know how to herd him away from me. The sheep herding event was so cool to watch and those sheep looked like they had a good home. They were taller than most sheep and were fat; they knew the drill and didn't have to run too much from the dog and each time they got to stop; they would eat more and more grass or graze. I don't think they were all that stressed for sheep at all. They were mostly herded around the old man that was in charge and it was neat to see how close and comfy those sheep appeared when ever they were herded to this man; they would immediately look for grass to graze on each time. You can see in this photo that the sheep are very close to the dude and also very relaxed even though the dog in a full run.

It was such a hot day today and I did get a little heated at times and I had to wear the huge hat and plenty of sunscreen because I am still taking antibiotics and will be for the next 10 days. They had all kinds of booths set up in case you felt like spending money on Halloween costumes (we wanted to get Blue Belle a ladybug costume but she would never forgive us for that), she's just not into wearing clothing; she's content with her fashionable fur coat. There were all kinds of leashes, training tools, watering dishes and I nearly got her another one for traveling), so much stuff to look at. I think the best thing there to look at was all the dogs and their people. If you just like people watching, this was the event for just that.

After a while of walking around and getting hot and sweaty, we went back home. I was surprised at how tired I was because I crashed hard in my bed and slept so soundly. I woke up in horrible pain and nausea. My honey was just squirting the morphine in my mouth when all of sudden I had to run to bathroom; it was icky and I puked that horrible puke again. I am having somewhat of a small blockage; why does my life have to revolve around me shitting? I am currently dealing with trying to get this blockage out and I did notice that I haven't gone in a few days normally. Now with Hospice care I wouldn't be allowed back in the hospital if I get a block; they would just cover it up with more morphine or pain meds and let me die faster that way.

So, NO we haven't made our decision and we plan to take our sweet time! I have decided not to do any more chemo but I'm not yet ready for Hospice Care yet. We are just going to enjoy everyday that I am given; all of these painful moments I have, having to be hooked up to my feeding machine, getting sick in my stomach for any type of food smell, not having much of an appetite; all makes me scared and worried about my future. I am going to get all of my affairs in order so that my honey doesn't have any headaches after I am gone. GOD I hate thinking about dying; it really sucks, but it is part of reality; we all will be there soon and it's so important to do something important in the moments that you have.