WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

the Bark in the Park....

I would be lying if I said I wasn't still crying from the news I received the other day. Its not easy to hear that from your own doctor. I am going to try to survive this as best I can. I can only do my best and that's what I intend to do.

GOD I was so thankful to be able to sleep in my own bed next to the best man I could have ever dreamed of marrying. I will be sure to treasure each morning that I get to wake up next to him and definitely not those mornings where I am awakened by getting stuck in my finger, something shoved up my ass (OK it's not that bad), or getting blood sucked out of me and so much more! I am so happy to be out of the hospital. I do love all of those nurses who have taken care of me.

The one nurse that I had my very last night in the hospital gave me a hug and we cried together. I told her of my news and she has been one of those nurses who has helped take care of me many times over the years. It touched my heart that she was there for me like that and that she would be praying for; then to read all the comments from each of you and to know that I am making an impact of many lives.

Today we decided to have a good day today and to spend some good quality family time. We got up kind of late and it was so amazing to sleep in my own bed next to the one man I love more than anything. I will never ever take those moments for granted and cherish them always.

We went to the "Bark in the Park" at Naglee park in San Jose and it was so cool to see so many dogs (all colors, breeds, varieties, sizes) and the their people all in one place. Everyone got along so well and there was not one dog fight. Just lots of dogs everywhere and butt smelling was the norm.

My honey and I were sitting in the shade relaxing with Blue Belle and a friend of his with her dog and all of a sudden we would hear a puppy yelp and yelp and yelp in almighty pain. It was so sad and cute and it was because they were offering vaccinations for all dogs who needed their vaccinations. Poor little puppies getting a shot in their little bottoms. I remember my first shot as a child and it didn't feel good. Well now I get stuck all the time and no matter how many times; it hurts.

Here are 2 very cute little Shelties that Blue Belle wanted to come up and meet. It was cute that I finally saw that Blue Belle now recognized her breed. She would kind of get excited to be able to meet other Shelties. I always look for other Shelties too because I am so facinated with this breed. I have always been and they really are a dog that loves to please and so easy to train. I love the colors, the hair of course (it's so fun to brush a Sheltie), so now I got some time now to brush my girl!, she's also fun to wash and get all pretty. Seeing all the Shelties at this event made me want one of every color; but Blue Belle was my favorite Sheltie at this whole event.

I loved seeing all the different varieties of dogs and I took over 250 pictures; these are not the very best but I thought they showed somewhat how big this event was. I always take tons of pictures everywhere I go that's fun. I'm still obsessed with completing my 2009 movie (GOD I hope it's not the last one I make). The sheep herding was very cool; I had wanted to get some cards for herding training but was unable to. I would love to train Blue Belle to herd Tonto or go fetch him up. She's kind of jealous of him at times and doesn't want him hogging too much attention from me so she does know how to herd him away from me. The sheep herding event was so cool to watch and those sheep looked like they had a good home. They were taller than most sheep and were fat; they knew the drill and didn't have to run too much from the dog and each time they got to stop; they would eat more and more grass or graze. I don't think they were all that stressed for sheep at all. They were mostly herded around the old man that was in charge and it was neat to see how close and comfy those sheep appeared when ever they were herded to this man; they would immediately look for grass to graze on each time. You can see in this photo that the sheep are very close to the dude and also very relaxed even though the dog in a full run.

It was such a hot day today and I did get a little heated at times and I had to wear the huge hat and plenty of sunscreen because I am still taking antibiotics and will be for the next 10 days. They had all kinds of booths set up in case you felt like spending money on Halloween costumes (we wanted to get Blue Belle a ladybug costume but she would never forgive us for that), she's just not into wearing clothing; she's content with her fashionable fur coat. There were all kinds of leashes, training tools, watering dishes and I nearly got her another one for traveling), so much stuff to look at. I think the best thing there to look at was all the dogs and their people. If you just like people watching, this was the event for just that.

After a while of walking around and getting hot and sweaty, we went back home. I was surprised at how tired I was because I crashed hard in my bed and slept so soundly. I woke up in horrible pain and nausea. My honey was just squirting the morphine in my mouth when all of sudden I had to run to bathroom; it was icky and I puked that horrible puke again. I am having somewhat of a small blockage; why does my life have to revolve around me shitting? I am currently dealing with trying to get this blockage out and I did notice that I haven't gone in a few days normally. Now with Hospice care I wouldn't be allowed back in the hospital if I get a block; they would just cover it up with more morphine or pain meds and let me die faster that way.

So, NO we haven't made our decision and we plan to take our sweet time! I have decided not to do any more chemo but I'm not yet ready for Hospice Care yet. We are just going to enjoy everyday that I am given; all of these painful moments I have, having to be hooked up to my feeding machine, getting sick in my stomach for any type of food smell, not having much of an appetite; all makes me scared and worried about my future. I am going to get all of my affairs in order so that my honey doesn't have any headaches after I am gone. GOD I hate thinking about dying; it really sucks, but it is part of reality; we all will be there soon and it's so important to do something important in the moments that you have.

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Kia Taylor said...

So happy to see that you had a great weekend...continue to enjoy each day, I know I am...and part of that is thanks to you. We get so bogged down in the BS of the day that we forget to just "BE". xoxo

POD said...

A beautiful post and the last paragraph so true.
I'm glad you are having this good, conscious time.

coffeemaiden said...

I'm so sorry about the last week, but it sounds like you have the best, best husband to take care of you. You're both very lucky to have each other. And let's not forget Blue Belle! Sometimes the best medicine is our dogs. Praying for you and sending hugs. Deb

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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