WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Gotta Keep Living!....

With each day passing since the news; it's been easier and easier to convince myself that the doctors could be very wrong about me; I could have several years still left in me. They don't know my strong will to survive or my spirit. For now, I just plan to enjoy everyday that I can; I really need to clean up my messy closet and to try to get all affairs straightened out for my honey so that he doesn't have to suffer any kind of headaches when I am gone. I hate planning things like this; I have tons of clothes and items that I plan to take over to the Salvation Army and get a receipt for his taxes for next year. I hope I am able to at least leave him with some amount of money to cover any costs of getting rid of me (cremation) and to help him with moving on. God that must sound bad; it does makes me cry just a little bit to think that way.

I am at least controlling the pain and have been ahead of it so far. I did get behind some the day before yesterday and have vowed never to do that again. The pain in my abdomen is far too great to have to suffer like that. I can hear myself digest and the sad thing is; is that I don't have any appetite to even eat anything. I tried to eat a bagel (only ate a 4th of it), then 1/2 an orange which really made me sick; so sick that I had to lay down and hopefully not puke it up. I can't just live off of junk food and ice cream even though I have been surviving on ice cream smoothies ever couple of days I will have one.

I have also been getting quite a bit of diarrhea and it could be from the Cipro which I have to take twice a day at the same exact time every day which 7am and 7pm. I am riding my bike everyday and doing some yoga and meditation. I moved this Amethyst crystal right in front on my coffee table where I often sit to watch TV. I tried to meditate on the couch and visualize the cancer cells popping, exploding, and dying inside my toxic body. OK, I will be on the search for the right juicer today! It can't be a shitty one that's hard to clean up and leaves sticky residue on my counter space.

Well enough of this depressing shit; let's move on and celebrate National Ovarian Cancer Awareness month and I will start with ways of applying make-up and of course a little blurb about the special Hope Make-up Bag from L’Oréal Paris


L’Oréal Paris will offer the limited edition Color of Hope Cosmetics Bag, which includes four key products from the company’s Color of Hope Cosmetics Collection in a silver cosmetics pouch, for a limited time only.With an approximate retail value of almost $50, the L’Oréal Paris Color of Hope Cosmetics Bag is a great value with a retail price of only $29.95.

L’Oréal Paris will donate $5 from each cosmetics bag purchased to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund (OCRF).




This look is all about bold, beautiful eyes using the symbolic color of ovarian cancer awareness—teal—with the Wear Infinité Eye Shadow Quad in Bouquet of Strength.
  • Sweep the soft, shimmering gold shadow on the brow bone as well as on the inner corners of the eyes.
  • Give eyes a gorgeous a pop of teal shadow across the entire lid.
  • Use a very fine dark blue liner on the top of the lash line.
  • Finish with several coats of black mascara.
  • Make lips understated and warm with the Colour Riche Lipcolour in Color of Hope.
  • To complete the look, dust cheeks with warm, natural blush.


The inspiration for this look is deep, dramatic lips and a soft, daytime look for eyes, once again using the color teal and other shades found in the Wear Infinité Eye Shadow Quad in Bouquet of Strength.

  • Use the soft gold to apply across the brow bone and the eye-opening teal from the inner corners to the center of the eye.
  • Sweep the neutral taupe shadow from the center of the lid to the outer corners and under the lower lashes.
  • Line the upper lash line with the deep blue shade.
  • Dust cheeks with a soft and natural shade of blush.
  • Lips are the focal point to complete this look; start with Colour Riche Lipcolour in Hopeful Plum.
  • To intensify the lips and add shine, top with a dab of Infallible Never Fail Lipgloss in Hopeful Plum.

Collier Strong, world-renowned makeup artist, has used his gifts to enhance and illuminate the faces of Eva Longoria Parker, Kerry Washington, Diane Keaton, Marcia Cross, Kate Beckinsale, Andie MacDowell and many more of the world’s most beautiful women. Now, as L’Oréal’s Consulting Makeup Artist, Collier is dedicated to making his brand of beauty—fresh, flawless, sophisticated—available to everybody.

“True beauty is about confidence. When people look beautiful, they feel good about themselves. I have always felt a strong desire to use my creativity to make that difference in people’s lives.”

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Aroma Fields said...

You are so right! Doctors spew statistics. That's all they know. You are a unique human being with your own individual ties to this life. That cannot be measured. I love your strength and desire, CJ!

Ambrosia said...

I completely agree with Aroma Fields...your strength and spirit are exceptional and that's not something stats could ever hope to compete with!

Shopping Kharma said...

At the advice of many, I have decided to seek a second opinion from another doctor. I hope and pray this doctor will have more hope and won't give up on me. If this happens then I will just give up on doctors and have more faith in myself as my own healer.

nat said...

CJ - I am so glad that you are going to see another doc for another opinion. I also hope that *hope* is an outcome of that meeting. Regardless - only you (and perhaps your wonderful husband) know how much fight you have. If you don't want to give up, don't let anyone else influence you otherwise!!
Big hugs!

TD2008 said...

Your are a beautiful and strong woman. You know your body better than any doctor - do not forget that...ever.

I see so much life in your eyes and in your posts that I cannot imagine a day when there are no more posts from Shopping Kharma.

My thoughts and prayers are with you always.

MLO said...

I'm sorry you have had to start thinking about hospice.

There is some interesting research coming from Europe and Asia. I wonder if the people at L'Oreal's help line might be able to help you get into one of the vaccine trials? Sometimes trials go on where local physicians report back to the researchers.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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