WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Is this pump really working?

In this photo some co-workers are visiting and have brought me gifts and cards from others at work who are equally concerned about my health. I never thought that I was that inspirational to so many; I just try each day to get through the pain and on with the good of each day.  It's the best way I know how.  Here, I am sporting a gorgeous ring one of my co-workers got me and it's beautiful Jade which matches many of my outfits!)

This morning I awoke and felt some horrible cancer like pain on my right side on my back ("shit the pain pump might not be working!" I thought); it felt as if a dagger was sticking right out of my back and I was just waiting patiently for my honey to pull it out.  OMG did it hurt?  Also, I    have been throwing up quite a bit lately (pretty much everything I eat)  and not able to keep food down as much as I would like.   I know I must be keep some of it down since I am also suffering from intense musle spasms (in my ass!(  My honey is also getting tired of his Packer popcorn bowl (he donated it to me through love) being used for my permanent puke bowl; ( well he just hates the sound of me puking my gutts out)I seem to grab it every couple of minutes sometimes and the most god awful disgusting noises from my puking occurs.  It sometimes just sucks ass!   What a trooper he is to still be married to me and to love me all the same; I'm thankful each and every day for his love and support. 

Well we certainly had the most wonderful visit from my dad last week (he left yesterday & Miss Blue Belle has been missing him something terrible = there is no more grabbing her at 7am and through out the day to take her on those long lovely walks with her grandpa; although I am doing my best but I can't possibly walk nearly as far as father had been taking her (2 mile walks twice a day.  He sure helped us out with laundry and the cleaning and basically just being a very supportive father for both me and my honey.  I'm so happy that my honey has my dad now to talk to, and relate things too.  He knows that he can talk to my dad about anything and I'm so happy       that he can.  My hubby called me on Monday night to tell me I had the coolest dad ever and I had to remind that he is his father too!  My father sang karoke at my honey's local pub on Monday night; a David Allan Coe song; he told me in his exact words "your dad is total punk rock".  Needless to say I was pretty proud; but I've always been proud of my dad and feeling more close to him than ever.  We had never been this close when I was a child and my mother had forbidden me from being able to  spend any amount of time with him which basically hurt me more than she could have imagined that it did.  I think she is reconsidering what she had done to me but it never does anyone any good to hold on to those old bad memories; you have to keep on living and try very hard to remember the good things that happen to you and just let go of the bad things.  Most people remember the bad things they experience in a day more so than the good things and I feel it is something more of us should stop doing; cherish the moments that we do have because we never know what the future holds.  How can we not when we have the news and media constantly shoving more bad news down our throats than ever; I would actually watch the news if it was any good; but the reality is that it's not; bad news sells?

Well if I had listened to my doctors perhaps I would not be here and that's a good thing; I believed in my life everyday and I still do.  That tells you that the mind is very powerful; I believed in my honey and that is why I am still here; love conquers all!  He makes me appreciate every day and I'm so very thankful that we met nearly 12 years ago.  He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  The cancer will hopefully die on its own somehow and perhaps all those who are praying for me it could very well take mind over matter to destroy this monster for me and for so many others like me who are also fighting for  their lives.  Your life never remains the same after you are diagnosed but one thing's for sure; you treasure life a hell of a lot more than you ever did before and that is probably an understatement for many!

 Well this photo might look absolutely discusting and gross but another thing is that is also displays the love my honey has for me in taking care of me and changing this dressing on my gastric tube every couple of days.  It is kind of like a pierced ear and one day I won't have to put dressing on it but for now; it's still kinda healing and always in danger of coming out!
Well I had forgotten to mention that my heart has warmed quite a bit and still remains so from a visit from co-workers.  I could not believe how many still remember me and miss seeing me around.  I hope and pray that I am able to return back to my job that I loved so much.  Everyone that I worked with has a beautiful soul and I miss them so much as tears fall from my eyes while typing this.   I was really blessed to be working where I was working; the company is a corporation but do they ever take care of their employees!  I never felt so valued in all my life and I'm thankful to have had to opportunity to work with such awesome people whom I hope I never ever loose touch with.  

I even had a friend whom I met a long time ago (20-25 years ago) come visit me and bring me some wonderful birthday gifts.  I had all kinds of wonderful people stop by at my birthday party; neighbors and friends and ever a carpool buddy!  It was great and I still am thinking about how wonderful everything turned out!  It certainly made me feel a whole lot better because I sure needed after that rough spell from my hockey puck surgery; yes that's what I call it; if that doesn't look like a hockey puck than what does?

Oh and I had trippy experience refilling the damned thing (Medtronic Drug Pump); we had to increase the dosage just a bit (painful anal spasms= oh how embarrassing; no body wants those!(  )  Anyway; he stuck a needle where the bandaid is and with a syringe filled it up with medicine and then put this little computer mouse like thing on my device and programmed everything? How facinating; huh?  Anyway, I should cut this blog short and wish all of you Peace and Love!

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Always makes my day to read your blog. You are so beautiful inside and out!

So glad you have your coworkers and you & your hunny have your dad.

You are smart to work on letting go of negative memories. I struggle with that, but it is the only way to go.

Rock on, sister!!!

friend in sac

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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