WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, July 3, 2009

More Fevers....

Last night was a nightmare and we nearly went in to the emergency room. My temperature had risen to 102.5 and then it hit 103.1. The congestion from the cold had also gotten worse; I couldn't stop coughing up phlegm. On the bright side of things perhaps everything is coming out, but then again I had another night like this a week ago; let's hope everything is working it's way out. It was so incredibly disgusting; I was completely grossed out. I thought I was getting better from that cold but lately the symptoms are back and it could be that I'm fighting some kind of infection somewhere inside me. What scared me most was my honey pleading with me to not die on him!( I cry every time I think of that moment and I feel that I'm still tough as nails and can lick any cold I'm given. I will and I have that WILL to live; I'm just stubborn as hell about going back to hospitals.

I really have no idea what is going on inside my body any more. Since being cut open; my body is completely unpredictable; especially my intestines. They are still trying to figure out what to do since they have been sewn up, taken out of my body, restructured, resectioned, and then placed back inside me. The scary thing is; is that I could have another infection which may require hospitalization. I'm just not ready to be hospitalized just yet; at least that is what I'm telling myself.

I was so hard headed and my poor husband thought he was going to loose me last night!( He was scared, but he kept his cool despite my stubbornness of going to ER. He gave me Extra Strength Tylenol, plenty of ice water, and kept changing the cold compresses on my head and neck every half hour. We were both on a mission of love. He also kept a close eye on my temperature to see if we could get it down to normal (we were literally taking my temperature every 10 minutes). We got the fever down to 101 and then both of us were so tired that we just konked out. I kept waking up to go pee and I also had that strong urge to puke. I did a few times but it wasn't a lot like it has been the last couple of days.

He was on the couch and I soaked the bed with my sweat. Perhaps those are the hot flashes that the Tamoxifen causes? Well those hot flashes never made me horny but I still have faith that something out there can do it for me!) I hate having such a wonderful husband and just never feeling sexy or making love to him. It's so frustrating that this disease takes away so much from me. Maybe a few more days on this drug (Tamoxifen) will make a difference. I don't know if it's my eyes playing tricks on me, but those tumors on my side don't appear as large as they were a few days ago.

(note the bumps on top of my rib cage, yes I have scars everywhere; oh and did I mention the rash I also got from all that itchy tape from my nephostomy tube? Well that's still healing too!)

OK how in the hell did I get confused between Tamoxifen and Herceptin? Not sure how that happened but it did; maybe it's my chemo brain. Perhaps this was just one of the drugs Dr. Chemo had suggested but there are lots of drugs out there to consider ridding my body of this monster!)

The best part of today and everyday is being able to take a shower. I can't deny that as a gift to life! After having to take so many ho baths with my baby wipes; being able to stand up in a shower (not have to worry about taping myself up), but staying in the shower as long as I wish, (my honey no longer has to stand outside holding a bag) washing my hair and just feeling the warm water on my skin with out any worries! It was like heaven even though I had been so incredibly sick the night before. Especially with that amount of sweating, I reaked of BO. I had just changed the sheets (had just washed and folded them) and now I have to change them again! It never ends sometimes and I'm still as happy as ever to be in my own home and not in a hospital. Please, GOD can I stay home and heal!) That's all I wish for; I don't wish to be hospitalized anytime soon!

Well, I am still trying to get my weight back up too. I weighed in this morning at 111.5 and no appetite what so ever. My honey went to Panera Bread for a sandwich and some French Onion Soup. I ate half of mine and some of the bread and then later on I went to Whole Foods for more Tuna Fish. They have the best Tuna Fish ever and just like Gilda Radner; Tuna Melts happen to be my favorite food also!

Right now I have to eat what I can stomach and I can't pass up a good Tuna melt; especially mine! I use Veganaise Mayonnaise, chopped celery, and a little bit of dill mixed in. The cheese varies from Cheddar to Provolone, a nice huge slice of a reddish purple tomatoe, and of course salad greens. Can't forget the Kosher Dill pickle! Lots of mustard! = Yum!

Life for me is too short to only eat Bananas, Rice, Apple Sauce, or Toast. It just gets old after a while and since my appetite isn't so good, I kind of have to go with it. I can't eat fiber at all and that means no Wheat Bread for me. My short little intestines just can't take too much Fiber or else the spasms act up. Whole Foods happens to have the very best "White Bread" that goes perfectly with my Tuna Melt Sandwiches. That will be my 4th of July lunch!)

At night I have been having to eat smoothies which are really old about now. I'm so sick of smoothies, but sometimes I have to. I've been doing the muscle milk mixed with more protein and its makes it kind of slimy, but after a joint, I don't seem to care; I down it just like that!) Just before that, it would have been impossible; so there you go; a plant is helping to sustain me!)

I hope these fevers go away tomorrow (right now I have a temperature of 100.7) and I pray that we don't have to go to the emergency room tonight. That would be a sucky way for me to spend the 4th of July!( I almost did last night which is what really scares me; I do hope nothing is seriously wrong with me. For now I will try to keep the fever down with my cold compresses, ice cold Gatoraide and water, Extra Strength Tylenol, and Motrin (600mg). I have food in my tummy (icky Tiger Milk Shake and Ginger snaps); so hopefully this fever will not last. It's been a low grade fever for most of the day (99.3 -100).

Tomorrow is supposed to be a fun day and I hope to write about a fun day tomorrow with lots of great photos. No more hospital photos or experiences with good or bad nurses and doctors. Happy 4th of July! No Drama for anyone!) Just Fun, Love, and Peace!)

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Daria said...

Treatment is pretty scary ... I worry about what is going on in my body too ... not sure how much one can take. Fortunately, I haven't had high fevers but the chemo causes some serious fatigue.

Take care of yourself ... try keeping those fevers down, get some food in ya, enjoy those showers and hope you have some fun.

Anonymous said...

Don't play around too much with those fevers...I'd hate to think that you might have a bad infection or something. I know you don't want to be hospitalized but if you let it go too long, it could turn into something worse - boy, I'm great for cheering you up, huh?!
Just take good care of yourself...you and your husband make a great team - this cancer has no idea who it's messin' with!
Enjoy your tuna melts - those sound like heaven!

ShoppingKharma said...

Well thank god the fever turned into nothing last night. No night sweats (well at least it wasn't so bad), but the fever was gone after an hour of treating it together. We got it down to 97.8 and it stayed low and it remains low. I have more energy so here's to a fabulous 4th! thank you all for your good thoughts and prayers! They seem to have worked so now I'm ready to kick Cancer Ass!

lori b said...

my dad was just in the hospital for over a week....with some sort of fever and/or infection. pleeease be careful, because these fevers should not be taken lightly. hospitals suck...but they have what you sometimes might need. (unless of course you are michael jackson...and have drug deliveries to your home!)...in all seriousness....be well, feel well, listen to your body....and know that lots of people are thinking about you! :) xo

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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