WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Gastric Bypass Surgery Update....

I will start with my day yesterday of waiting and waiting and waiting. I did get to go outside at around 2pm and sit outside and relax in the sunshine in a very beautiful Rosemary garden. I have to admit I was terrified of this surgery and honestly afraid that I might not be so lucky and not wake up. That's such a terrible thing to think but I just couldn't help it. I think it helped me to just sit outside in that garden and cry my eyes out. You can kind of tell I'm crying in this photo or see tears on my cheeks. It's kind of weird how photos of me outside, makes me appear that I don't have any eyebrows? I'm wearing absolutely no makeup but yet I look as if I am wearing heavy makeup? That just shows how unphotogenic I can be at times. I wanted to capture the reality here of just how frightened I was and I feel that I did just that.

As I was walking back inside from this little garden; I came upon a meditation room which I stopped inside and found a very nice woman named Terry. We talked and it really relaxed me just a little bit more for this surgery and I was just starting to ease my fears. The room was dimly lit and it was very relaxing. I told her my whole story which usually doesn't take too long and of course my fear and anxieties of what I would be facing in a few short hours. What a sweet lady to make me feel so brave. When I was done, I continued on to my room and lied down in my bed. My husband arrived shortly after and we got to take a nice little nap together from 2:30 - 4:30pm.

We were told that someone would be sure come and get us between 2:30pm to 3:30pm. I kept getting more and more abdominal pain and had to have my TPN changed once again. I thought they had turned it off and wasn't using it and actually got behind in administering my pain medications. My honey slept through it all and finally at around 4:45pm, someone came to get me and take me to my surgery and I got to go in my bed. How relaxing is that? I got to take my teddybear that my honey got me too! We went into the presurgical waiting room and I was in room number 6; for my surgery number 6. Wow! We must have waited for nearly an hour before it was time for me to get wheeled in for surgery. Oh God I was scared!

I kissed my honey good bye and then went on into the surgery room. I was moved onto the surgery table and told to take off my pants and panties which I was pretty bummed about but I guess needed to get that catheter inserted for peeing. I sat there and then all of a sudden the oxigen mask was put on me and wham I was out like a light.

I awoke in the worst pain ever at around 10:30pm. I was so happy that I survived when I woke up, but dam was in serious, serious, serious pain.. I literally felt as if I had been hit by a bus and dragged for about 10 miles. My pain level felt like it was a 20 on a pain scale of 1-10. OMG it was bad.

It seemed that I had to sit in POST OP for ever and the male nurses were ever so annoyed with me. I was such a stupid bitch to them I'm sure as they tried to get me to shut the hell up on the pain. Stop being such a wimp was the vibe I kept getting from them and they had to keep on telling me; "You have to breath, breath", they couldn't do anything at all for my pain and they kept yelling at me to keep pushing my button on my TPN which wasn't doing a damn thing as far as I was concerned.

God I'm such a fake on the pain and I was just shocked they would treat me that way. They always seem to be that way in Post Op. Not sure why; maybe they have no idea what it's like to get gutted like fish. I was crying and hurting like hell and totally miserable. I could barely breath for the pain; it was so incredibly painful. I wanted to be knocked out more than anything so that I didn't have to feel that pain. Oh GOD it was the worst! I could barely talk and of course having an NG tube, catheter, and that blood JP thingy. It was all back to me from last time.

Here we go again! Another healing adventure for me. The pain has finally subsided some but it still hurts like hell. I still feel like a gutted fish but it's not as bad as before. I couldn't move at all and could barely talk. I called me mother and father at around 2am - 2:30am of which it was 5am for my mom and 4am for my dad. They were just happy as hell to hear from me. I don't think I sounded so good but I was crying and happy as hell to hear their voices. Just wanted to let them know that I survived the surgery.

Around 6am this morning 3 of the doctors on the team had come in to tell me that the surgery was a success and that they were able to do what they had planned to do. On another note, my husband just told me that he had spoken with my oncologist and that a fair amount of the cancer had returned and he would like to slam me with some of the heavy duty chemo and /or radiation. This discourages and scares the living hell out of me. I'm scared shitless but I definitely am not ready to give up but this is the last time that my doctor wishes to work on me. It almost seems like I have a limited amount of time left and I pray this is not the case. Maybe all of this chemo will be the answer for me and we can find a cure. What ever it may be; I will be sure to enjoy every day as a gift and that is something we all should do.

What touched my heart just a few days ago while talking on Facebook with my sister in law was this video that reminded her very much of my husband and I as we battle our monster today. I feel we also dance very beautiful together. This is a representation of breast cancer. Perhaps my husband and I can one day do one for Ovarian Cancer!)

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Theresa said...

I am so glad you are ok after surgery. I really hope this works for you.

nat said...

Oh CJ... I can't even imagine that amount of pain, and I'm sorry that they didn't listen to you.

I'm glad you are feeling better now, and that the surgery was a success! When will you get to try out your improved digestive tract?

It sounds like more decisions and treatment are in your future - hang in there.

Thanks for the update - now please rest and heal! You have some fattening up to work on! :)

Mischa said...

I was very happy to see your post today! I hope they've helped get your pain under control. I can't believe you can write your blog so soon after surgery! You are amazing!

Alicia said...

I am so very happy to hear that your surgery is over. I was very nervous for you, as was all of us. You are defiantely one of the strongest women I know. Get lots of rest and please keep us informed and how the recovery is going. Take Care of yourself.

Theresa said...

Im sorry you have had so much pain. I am glad your surgery was a success!

What do you mean, "this is the last time that my doctor wishes to work on me." You mean the chemo doctor?? They just choose to not do anything else for you?

Will you have to wait for the chemo and/or radiation treatments until you are healed from this surgery?

When is the plan for the chemo to start?

I have questions, obviously.

You have a good day today and, i wanna know when you will be able to eat some FOOD !!!

l'optimiste said...

Hey sweetie - so horrible about the pain. I hope by the time you are reading this that you are out of that stage and pain free. If not, SCREAM a lot!! grr. You shouldn't be in pain.

Anyway - stop blogging ang get better now. rest and EAT! Eat, eat, eat...

big hug

Sara said...

Feel better soon! I wish those nurses were nicer to you! I hope this works for you

coffeemaiden said...

CJ I'm so glad it's over. Now you need to recover and gain strength. Honey, we are all praying for you. You are such a wonderful person, strong with a positive outlook. Hugs to you and doggie kisses to Miss Blue Belle (right between her eyes like I kiss mine). Thought and prayers are with you. Sleep good tonight. Love ya.

Kia Taylor said...

CJ-I'm glad the surgery was a success...I'm praying for you always...

MLO said...

I've been thinking about you since Saturday's post on Inspire. I'm so glad you are well enough to be blogging!

I have to wonder if you wouldn't qualify for one of the vaccine trials with the return of the cancer.

TC said...

CJ so glad you are through surgery, sorry about the nurses and the pain, I know some nurses just don't seem to UNDERSTAND.
Keep up your spirits, maybe the chemo is the answer to the cure? Thanks for sharing.

Dee said...

CJ - Thanks for the update. I'm so sorry about the pain you experienced but I am glad that the surgery went well.
I am amazed that you were able to update this blog. Continue to Livestrong .
Rest up and take care.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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