WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Is it More Chemo time....

I thought I would take a photo of me in this nice ensemble I put together to meet with my chemo doctor. I thought it was quite stylish and cool since I no longer have a nephostomy bag!) These pants are little big for me and were a size 2. I actually wear a size 0? Well next time I go shopping for pants we will see! I also got a new swim suit, so look out in future posts! It's a two peace and I decided it won't hurt to sport my "I've been cut open 5 times" scar. It's doesn't look so bad and it covers in all the right places and makes my boobs appear like human boobs and not doggie boobies!)

Well I went to talk with Dr. Chemo today and I really feel so much better now about starting back on chemo. This doctor has the best bedside manner ever for a Chemotherapy Doctor; which is why I love him. He is so positive and genuinely has the faith that I am strong enough to keep on living many years with this disease and possibly see another remission. How cool is that? He told me there are tons of drugs out there, with minimal sides effects that are worth trying for me. We have a huge future of chemo to look forward to and I have even more reason to live in the now!)

I'm going to start taking Tamoxifen (2 pills daily) starting tonight. We are going mellow with my treatments and will be trying this drug for 2 months just to see if it will work. This might just work on those tumors that I have growing on my right side. There's minimal side effects with this drug but just in case; I'm taking it at night. From what I understand about this drug is that it is a hormone and maybe it's something that I'm lacking. Oh, Please God I hope it makes me horny! I could sure use that in my marriage right now. My sex drive since this surgery, has been completely null and void. That would by far be the best side effect ever!)

The stupid nephostomy bag didn't help my causes either, and neither did the freaking TPN bag; but it really sucks ass that I don't have much of a sex drive and to have such a wonderful husband who deserves more than that; kinda makes me depressed. I do try my best to make him happy but most of the time; he has to put up with my neutered and spayed ways. How can he be so wonderful towards me when I'm so out of touch with my sexuality? He really does mean it when he goes through thick and thin for me and I will never ever, ever, ever take him or that for granted. That's a total gift!) He is the complete package for me!) I hate having this disease but I am still the luckiest woman on earth to have such a wonderful man by my side.

OK, back to my doctor appointment with Dr. Chemo; he did prescribe me a stronger dose of pain medication (Dilaudid) for night time so that I don't wake my honey in the pain that I have been having both in my butthole and my intestines. The intestinal pain is a bit more severe than the butthole pain in that it feels like glass is in in there trying to move it's way out of my body. Oh God does it hurt!

Geez, imagine that; I'm digesting lots of old broken coke bottles,, beer bottles, beer cans, light bulbs, and maybe some old cork screws! At least that's what it feels like sometimes. Sometimes the pain itself can outright take my breath away! Well, anyway this pain medication will help knock me out for a few hours so that my honey and I can at least sleep through the night. (hopefully I won't be waking him up at 3am each morning) I can just take it when the pain starts. No confusion here! If these pain medications are stronger than what I am currently taking, then I don't wish to take any chances on taking the medication before the pain starts; these are for when the pain starts.

It's supposed to work much faster too; no more waiting 45 minutes for it to work and no more crying for that long either. I really do try my best not to cry when the pain starts up, but sometimes I just can't help it and I have to cry. I can only be so tough to this pain and when it jumps all the way up to a 9 or 10; that toughness in me tends to fade. I start becoming the chicken monkey wimp and start crying and making strange animal noises. It must stem from me being raised around so many animals as a child that my primal instincts take over when the pain gets to that unbearable mark where I just can't take it anymore and start screaming.

Anyway, hopefully no more strange animal noises, puking, and pooing at the same time, no more turning on the hot water to the tub multiple times, lots of toilet flushing and more to wake up my poor sweet honey boy!) Here's to a painless sleepful night! - and maybe some sex too (hope those chemo/hormonal pills make me super horny tonight or tomorrow morning!)

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l'optimiste said...

you look fab in the pic babe! good luck with this next step - love the sound of Dr Chemo. Just what you need, a positive person who believes in you and also the medicine.

thinking of you

nat said...

You 'look' like you feel much better! It is so nice to see that nephrostomy bag GONE! (although you rocked that look too :) ) How does it feel to be able to shower again? I can imagine it must have been heaven.

I've heard of tamoxifen - I know they use it a lot in breast cancer. I hope that this is the drug that starts destroying all the bad cells.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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