Well today was quite an eventful day. I spent part of the morning with nurses trying desperately to suction out barium liquid out of my nose in order to hopefully get a clear CAT scan; for some reason the tube kept getting clogged with food and other particles. When it was finally time for me to be wheeled down I chose to be wheeled down in a gurney instead of the uncomfy wheelchair since I was having so much pain in my stomach, I also had a huge raging headache and of course my nose and throat didn't feel so hot either from having the NG tube stuck in it.
We went down with out a problem (didn't get to bumped around) and nothing was injected into my veins during this CAT; only 2 shots were taken. Two of the technicians spoke loudly from from around the window that there was too much barium solution inside me to get a clear shot; so therefore I got to go back upstairs to my room to relax and get ready for the next plan of action.
I needed to get a Picc line inserted for intravenous feeding and easy access for blood draws and IVs. This didn't happen until 2 pm; but while I was heading back from the CT scan; I had a serious anxiety attack; I was crying and hyperventilating out of control. I have to admit; I'm pretty scared at what is happening with my body right now and it seems there is no end in sight as to when I will get come home. I'm so incredibly home sick and I so miss being at home with my family. I don't know what came over me but I could not for the life of me stop crying; tears were just streaming down my face and that stupid NG tube and snot running everywhere did not help matters at all.
As it appears now; I will be here for a least 2 more weeks or longer (GOD I hope it's less than that!). I'm not at all sure when I will get to sleep in my own bed. I just had a serious depression moment and the hyperventilating did not help that area of my stomach where all of the pressure has been (pain). I had to get drugged up and a nurse crushed up an Ativan and diluted with some water and then inserted it into my NG tube just in time for the Picc line surgical procedure.
The preparation for a Picc line is a long one and there is so much involved and of course the key is preparation and sterilization. I had to be covered up with this blue tarp and my arm scrubbed free of any germs then I had to have my arm stuck with a local anesthetic. For this particular time; it took two times to get that Picc line inserted and I'm so very thankful it was all on the same arm. It sure was painful and I had my old lady music to listen to in order to calm me down and the lady inserting the Picc line. I did everything she had requested of me and she remembered me from several times of inserting other Picc lines in me. She knew my who story. We even got to go through the drama of worrying whether the Picc line had been inserted correctly and if we needed to go for my left arm. The x-ray machine came in to check and it was a success! We were excited and of course me being so incredibly hungry I asked for a party cake and icecream. How they wished they could help me out there; because I do deserve some cake and ice cream only it might kill me given my circumstances.
After my Picc line had been inserted several of the OBGYN oncologists including my doctor, who came in to tell me that I would be getting another x-ray this evening and we would be attempting to insert a stent inside my intestine. This would actually create a larger opening where my duodendum thingy or intestine is so that food can easily travel through. There is a significant length of intestine that remains blocked so there is a good chance that this may not work but fingers crossed that it will. Now this would most likely happen through my mouth and I would be partially drugged up and awake during this procedure. This will happen sometime tomorrow morning or afternoon; there isn't a time scheduled for this procedure just yet. I have to be honest; I am alittle apprehensive about going through this and extremely nervous at the same time; I just pray that it will be a success or what ever happens is a success. I am so very thankful that there is a solution and there's is 2 solutions to my problem. Either way; I will be fixed. I don't mind so much having that 6th surgery. It will be invasive but I have this feeling in my gut that I will recover from this one much faster than this 5th one.
Of course if the stent thing doesn't work; we have plan B; Abdominal Surgery number 6. I would need to be opened up and my intestine would be resectioned and a new hole positioned in my stomach so that food could actually go through my system in a brand new path. I have heard that this happens sometimes or is similar to gastric bypass surgery for those who wish to loose weight. Wow! and I need to gain weight! Of course the old portion would be cut out but yes, another risky surgery of which 6 - 8 weeks time needed for recovery. OH GOD I'm scared! I'm trying my best to be strong and as positive as possible. But sometimes it can very hard but I'm doing my absolute best and trying to look at the bright side of things.
But wait, there is some good news. Since the NG tube has been remaining blocked I did have it removed right then and there. After I got that damned thing removed; I celebrated by washing by my dirty ass hair. It had so much grease and dandruff! OMG! I got to wash it with this special shampoo that my friend Debbi had brought me on Tuesday. It smells just like Creme Brulee!). I'm so hungry that I could just eat my hair. Just as I washing it; a good friend from work (just like a big brother to me) came by to visit for a little while just prior to me being wheeled down for another x-ray but not before my honey showed up with Miss Blue Belle. We had some good conversations and it was so good to see my friend whom I am have missed dearly. We used have so much fun on our lunch breaks going for Indian Food, walks around the Bay, and even roller blading and ice skating. One day again soon!)
As I was getting my x-ray done, the experienced technician told me of others who had also gotten that abdominal stint and could barely walk after getting that procedure done; and that perhaps my snowboarding days could soon be over. GOD I pray not; I hope he is wrong about that. I want to be as active and alive as possible. I know it sounds selfish but I don't want to just be confined to barely walking anywhere. I love being active more than anything and snowboarding is my passion. I don't know what I would do with out it. I've been avoiding all kinds of bags just so that I could have myself a wonderful season this coming season and it's supposed to be a good one! I surely don't wish to miss it for the world! I'm not going to count is out just yet; I still have faith.
Once I got back to my room after the x-ray; I got to cuddle up next to my honey and watch TV and just enjoy his presence next to me. We are both very worried about this surgery tomorrow. Now I am wondering if the second option is better for me? I would hate think about crashing and this stint causing me to have internal bleeding or something horrible happening from my fun active life style. It always seems like its always something! Here's to me healing and hopefully getting my life back together as I would like it to be!) Here's to a cure for this horrid cancer! I will have to start some heavy duty chemo once I get out of here because of those tumors which appear to be getting bigger and bigger.