WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, April 17, 2009

More Days for Observation...

My vitals have remained solid and very good this entire time I have been in the hospital; this includes my heart rate, oxygen level, pulse, and most importantly, my temperature; which has remained normal. They have not changed at all since I have been here (since Wednesday evening).

When the OBGYN doctors returned the very next morning which was yesterday (Thursday); it was revealed from my CAT scan that my right kidney is blocked from the infection. Now this could be from a number of causes. For now, I would need to get a tube inserted surgically and then a bag attached in order to collect the contents or my right kidney. In other words, I would need to get a pee bag. If I delayed or nothing was done; my right kidney could become permanently damaged.

We did arrive on time and everything seemed to be caught early so we really needed to act quick in order to save my right kidney. I was told this bag would need to remain in place for at least a few months. I was pretty bummed to say the least but I do need my right kidney so I'm over it for now and ready to begin this whole healing process for however long it should take. So what is this exactly? What's the terminology for this pee bag? It's called "Percutaneous Nephrostomy".

The whole surgical process for getting the nephrostomy was pretty trippy. I wasn't wheeled into surgery until a little after 4pm. I was first wheeled into the surgery waiting area with my honey by my side waiting until it was time for me to go in for my process. My honey gave me a long kiss before I was wheeled in to the surgery room as we each told each other how much we loved each other.

When I got into the room, my gurney was pushed directly next to the operating table; a whole team greeted me as they each did their own thing. I was instructed to move over to the operating table as several team members helped me over. It was a comfy operating table; I had a pillow to place my tummy directly onto and a nice toasty blanket was put on my back as I lied down on my stomach. One technician operated on my back and I could feel the cold oozy gel that was placed on me then the wand from the ultra sound machine which guided the technician who was to insert the tubes into my right kidney.

I was given medication to first numb me and then to sedate me but I was still awake enough to watch the screen and to hear everyone in the room and even communicate to them. After the drugs I could barely feel little needles in my back to numb the area in which to insert the tubes into my kidney. It didn't take very long at all. It seemed only about 10 minutes in all.

All of a sudden I asked "are you done?" and they all replied "yes, all done". I was then moved back to my gurney and then wheeled back to my room where my honey was patiently waiting. He walked over to help me back into my bed and then he kissed my forehead as we both told each other how much we loved each other. This happens all the time. We must tell each other how much we love each other at least a hundred times a day. It's just the way that it is. He is there for me and I am there for him even though lately it has seemed a little lopsided.

Now this bag here fills up surprisingly quickly and I have also been peeing up a storm. I'm not sure how I am going to handle so many months with this contraption but I know in my heart I can manage to. I wonder how riding on the motorcycle or even swimming will be with this contraption or if its even possibly? Will I be able to or do I need to skip this hot summer and not swim? I sure hope not; I pray this thing doesn't have to stay in as long as they are suggesting.

I did find that I was incredibly constipated yesterday and requested to have a suppository. The pharmacy was so incredibly slow that it took 7 hours to get my suppository. The nurse finally complained to the slow pharmacist that there are many out there who need a job and that he needs to put some fire into his ass. I laughed; what a an awesome crazy nurse! My kind of lady!)

I have been blessed with some very sweet nurses except for that huge brute downstairs in Emergency. He was the best at finding a vein? What the hell!? Give me a break! I have seen so many others who proved miracles on my viens. I mean miracles!) Anyway enough about the bad Kharma.

I finally got my suppository and shit out lots of tiny little pebbles (hard shit) and boy did it hurt. It was such a grueling process of trying to update my blog and keep running back and forth to the bathroom to squeeze and squeeze and only get a miserable little pebble and then have my ass burn like crazy. I finally had to give up and work on it this morning. I took many breaks and finally here it is!

Well back to last night, I finally had enough pain and started noticing that my tummy was leaking some so I just grabbed a big stack of paper towels and my puke bucket by my side. I had a shot of morphine for the incredible pain of rocks slowing squeezing out of my ass (the kind with sharp edges or at least it felt that way). I also had an extra padding of diaper stuff (the padding they normally put on hospital beds to keep you from peeing or pooing on your bed) and just lied there and let nature take it course. I finally got all the pebbles out one by one in my bed. My back hurting far to bad to try to utilize the bed pan, so the paper towels worked like a gem. After I was done, I emptied my bucket into the trash in the bathroom (so I wouldn't have to smell a thing).

My honey came by later on and spent the night with me. He was bummed because of the Sharks very poor performance on their game 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. A whole shut out by a rookie. He had me to cheer him up even though my situation is not too much of a cheer but we are just grateful that I am alive.

It was a long night of having to get more pain medication, benadryl, getting my nephrostomy bag emptied, peeing, or getting more water.

UPDATE: I have been getting treated by that one doctor that had been so negative. I kind of feel he was negative at that time because he was tired and of course I nearly looked dead to him because I was in dire need of a blood transfusion (discoloration in my skin). I was in very bad shape and I picked up on that which is more than likely what made me freak out.

He is currently being very wonderful with us. These two days have been encouraging and he has given me hope that I will healing up just fine. I always give people more chances to prove themselves. I understand completely that we all have our days. I just ask of others to just be pleasant with me and don't cause me any stress. That's not too much to ask for at all. Peace and Love.

He has been encouraged by my healing. He told me today that the nephrostomy may just be in me for about a month or less than a month. I will be able to swim this summer. I will need to get a stint in order to keep the opening which more than likely is blocked due to scar tissue build up from all of my surgeries. This would be simple and I'm not sure how long the stint will have to be in but I would need to see a urologist for all of that. I may get to go home tomorrow but we will see.

If you notice in this photo, you will see 2 black lines. These are sutures from my incision to the abdominal wall with the layer of skin on top. Pretty facinating. Now the pen marks are marks where my skin was red from the infection. Now you see no infection what so ever just the gruesome photo of a hole which will heal up just fine!)

UPDATE: At around 5:30pm today; my husband and I were watching "the Dog Whisperer" together and I was actually craving a Fish Sandwich with extra tarter sauce, cravings for my favorite pasta salad; oh and so much more. I was actually fantasizing about all kinds of fattening foods I could eat once I get out of this joint. I felt so incredibly hungry and still am.

Well that soon changed when one of the OBGYN doctors came by to check on my dressing. We were all so confident that I could get to go home tomorrow and that it was all over. As I pulled my gown up; our mouths all dropped as we saw the dressing was wet with yellow. "Oh No! It can't be!" I thought. We pulled every thing back and the gauze that fit inside the wound was nearly black from fecal matter. A fistula had made it's way to my wound and this originated in my bowels. No food or water for me for at least a week or two; quite possibly longer. I will need to get a pick line inserted tomorrow to begin intravenous feeding so that I don't waste away to nothing.

How incredibly disappointing to know that I will need to spend another couple of weeks in the hospital again. I cried and cried in my honey's arms and the nurse brought me a painkiller and an Ativan to calm me down.

My honey calmed me and reassured me and together we both agreed that damn it! I'm one tough woman, I can still heal; I can get through this; I just know that I can! I have love, plenty of support from family and friends who also love me, more TV channels (National Geographic, Animal Planet) than before to get me by; although I really do miss Rachel Maddow like crazy; they do have 2 Fox Noise channels which really puzzles me and no MSNBC. It's not really news; it's mostly propaganda and besides Bill O'Reilly is Prozac for me; first he makes me crazy and second he kills my sex drive because he is so dam vile and nasty.

Anyway more updates to come!) Hope you enjoy even though I am stuck here in the hospital for what appears to be a long time. I will be healing; I promise!)


nat said...

Oh CJ - how disappointing! I'm sorry that you have to stay in the hospital longer than expected :( I hope that the fistula can be repaired quickly. Soon, you will be eating all that you desire, and more!

I wish that there were something I could do to make this better.

l'optimiste said...

me too.

I had to go away and look up what a fistula was and I nearly had a fit. I am so sorry this happened to you.

Hang in there, and don't leave until you're well - it's horrid in hospital but at least you'll get the best care - well, apart from the Abominable Hulk fellow. Lets hope his breakfast toast gets burnt every morning for a month ;o)

CJ how do you update your blog? Do you have a laptop in there with you?

Sending you fifty hugs [very careful ones] and to your Honey too - thinking of you babe

ShoppingKharma said...

Thank you so much! Just need lots of prayers and good healing vibes. All the good thoughts and prayers are working!)

Thank goodness for my laptop and wireless technology so that I can update.

Love and hugs to all!!!

Tybear said...

I stumbled upon your blog while googling "Nephrostomy and swimming"...yeah, I guess swimming is out of the question for me this summer! I haven't had a chance to read your archived entries, but I LOVE your writting. I too, have ovarian cancer, stage 3c and was diagnosed almost 4 years ago at 26 years old. I'm still doing chemo (seems like forever now) and have had a nephrostomy since September due to a tumor blocking off my ureter - it's not fun, as I'm sure you know! (I wanted to let you know that if you put some soft sided tape on the bag of the bag, it won't stick to your leg)
I will continue to keep reading...you've been through hell and back and the fact that you are so optimistic is inspiring! Thanks...

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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