WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Still struggling for normalcy...

Check out my healing tummy. I just pulled off the rest of the little pieces of tape today (stery strips). It looks a little rough right now but it is healing up nicely. It's hard not to itch because yes, its in that stage where it itches like crazy. Check out the hole where the gastric tube was and was leaking all of last weekend. Very trippy.

I woke up this morning with the worst nausea ever that I had no other option than to wake and bake which really helped alleviate that problem. Puking with a tummy that is healing was not going to be a option for me and I had to do what worked best for that problem.

I'm still dealing with the severe glass diarrhea which has been plaguing my system for several days now. It hurts so bad that I can barely walk after going. It's like I get these anal spasms along with the hemorroids. How incredibly unpleasant and very painful. Each time I go, I immediately need to take a hot bath and then all of sudden it's like I have to puke out of my butt again! It's a vicious cycle and it sucks! It hurts on a scale of 1-10; on the 8-9 scale. It's so very painful and really does feel like glass is coming out.

I haven't got it all figured out yet, but am still loosing some weight and then gaining on other days. I got down to 114 on Monday and I hope this is the last bit of loosing weight for me. I can't stand to see my skeleton much more than this and will need to take some drastic measures to try and gain weight.

This afternoon I proudly weighed in at 118lbs. Finally! I had consciously tried to eat through out the day including lots of protein if I could help it. I also went to Whole Foods and got these organic soy meatball and spaghetti-O's which had 24g of protein, a green tea machi at Jamba Juice, Strawberry brown cow whole milk yogurt with the cream on top, 5g of protein, and what ever I can get the munchies for that also had protein. Yes, cannabis is now saving my life at this point. I can't afford to loose any more weight and just wish to gain and get healthier = stronger.

I did take Miss Blue Belle to the park earlier today for just a few moments and tossed the frisbee maybe 10 times before I got tired and we had to drive home. It was wonderful to get outside today even though it was somewhat cold and windy and had been raining; it was still wonderful. I got some important errands run, laundry, and even changed the sheets on our bed today; a productive day just before the massive diarrhea started. I have been on top of the pain and taking my pain medications and hemorrhoid medicines. They help some.

Oh the unpleasantries of dealing with this disease. It's not all pleasant with my life totally revolving around these very important body functions. I am still very thankful to still have somewhat of a colon left which means that I have some healing to do and snowboarding next season! I get to ride my beach cruiser in about 3 more weeks but for now it's just walking for exercise and very light chores around the house. I still can't lift anything over 5lbs. On to more recovery! Gotta do some light yoga moves!)


l'optimiste said...

way to go CJ - you'll heal because you are so posotive. I'm always amazed at you.

So, yoga? Have you seen the Yogabear site?

see it here, I love the whole idea of it. See what you think.

I am wishing 5 pounds and a calm tummy your way.

Tracey said...

Sorry the bowels are still playing up matey.. I'm really glad you managed to get out and play frisbee though.. Don't you just love our little dogs, they make you smile even if your low.

Go girl xxx

Sathira said...

My greatest respect to you!

In fact, you are not sick! You are just lending your physical body to the cancer cells to stay temporary. Nothing in this world is permanent! They (the cancer cells or the "tenant" in your body) will have to leave your body soon. Use your mind to transmit this message ( or speak silently with your heart )to the "tenants" of your body : I have lend you my physical body to stay temporary, please find a way to leave my body peacefully!

This may sound like a silly act. However, I believe it is no harm
to give it a try! I have seen people using this technique and it works.

May you recover soon! Take care!

Kia Taylor said...

CJ you continue to insire me...keep your goals in sight and you will reach them in no time!!


nat said...

From constipation to diarrhea... what fun. :( I'm sorry you are having such a problem with your weight too. It sounds like you are on the right track though. I'm guessing that your intestines are still healing, and aren't fully absorbing nutrients/calories?

I'm glad you got outside to play with the beautiful Blue Belle!

Have a great day CJ!

harleyblues said...

Ahhh Girlie,

I know your hnaging in there tuff! I am sorry you have had to go throw so much shit! sorry but I must be blunt~ much Love & prayers to you~

btw-the gig in New York with Paul McCartney & Ringo was magical!!!~

love & hugs

TC said...

You give me spirit to face a new day, that's all. I'm with all that have said they are amazed @ you. Re yoga, have you heard petting your dog can work like prozac? I'm sure you know that. So the dog gets more attention and you heal? Dog won't mind I'm sure. LOL

ShoppingKharma said...

Thank you all so much for all the warm thoughts & wishes! Here's to putting some meat on body! Tired of seeing my skin and bones!

Yes, I call Miss Blue Belle my Wellbutrin. Prozac made me feel crazy and deleted my sex drive as a newly wed! No need for anti depressants with her around and she even does yoga with me!)

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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