Getting used to my new body...

Well this weekend had its rough moments in that I am having trouble gaining weight; instead I am loosing weight. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but my system seems to be running much faster than usual. After about 4-5 hours after I eat anything; then I get severe abdominal cramping and then the severe diarrhea.

As of now it feels like glass coming out of my ass but I am so very thankful everything is working but the pain is getting more harder to manage. I was taking the Vicodins purely for blocking the diarrhea but it wasn't helping at all with the pain just making the cramping pain more severe. I just started smoking my joints once again and this is working like a gem. I can not believe it!) Why didn't I do this sooner? It instantly calmed my tummy down and I was able to relax from the full stomach pain and cramping. The razer blade feeling in my bottom also was aleviated. Thanks to this wonderful natural growing plant which I hope and pray will become legal one day. No one has ever died from this miracle plant and I bet it could build our country strong once again.

My tummy fills up much faster than I am used to and I haven't quite figured out the size just yet (or how much I can actually eat) and have been having a hard time eating and then being too full. My doctor wants me to eat more protein and to eat several times a day. After I eat, I end up lying down on my back for hours waiting for my tummy to digest and still leaking out of the gastric hole. It is starting to heal some but still smells like puke. How weird is that?

My honey took me out for breakfast on Saturday morning and I got to have some hash browns and french toast which totally filled me up. I ate maybe a third of my plate and was so full my tummy ached. It felt so good to get out of the house and to see the public once again. I have been cooped up all week for fear of getting any kind of cold. Lots are going around apparently and that's the last thing I need right now.

I am finding that I have more energy but am still loosing weight. I weighed myself today and now I am at 116 even. My honey is worried again about me and I will need to make an appointment with my internist to see what he can recommend for gaining weight and dealing with this upset stomach. I am so very thankful to have those tubes out of me and just starting to heal. Tonight I plan to eat some marinated blackened chicken, mashed pototatoes and gravy, string beans and corn. I will be breaking it up and having 2 dinners in hopes this will help me gain some weight.

In a couple of days, my honey is threatening to take me to one of my favorite restaurants in the City "Squat and Gobble". They have the best crepes and so fattening which what I need. I love their teas, salads, soups of course their crepes. What's cool is that I can take it home and reheat and eat later and it tastes even better!) I have to wait and watch my bowels to see if I could handle just going to the city. In my 20's, I used to live in the city and also right down the street from this very restaurant (Lower Haight) and boy could I put that stuff down. I could eat an entire crepe and plate of their country potatoes and a salad. I couldn't possible eat even a 10th of what I used to eat before my metabolism has slowed down.

My doctor has told me that eventually my bowels will start to act normal but they are just waking up and happy to be home!) I'm just getting through this little rough patch as you witness!)

On another note of feeling great is my president for which I am so incredibly proud of. I watched several of his speeches this week and it really inspired me and gave me so much hope. All the pain I had been feeling did not matter. I forgot about it and entered into a world of nations who are working together to improve situations all over the world. I could not have felt prouder when I watched those speeches and of course the first lady when she spoke with those school girls in England. It was both heart warming and soulful for me to watch. The speeches really gave me hope that matters will not be handled with guns but with talking, compromising, and working together as a whole world should; not closed doors and fear mongering but with diplomacy and communication. This is the news I like to follow because it always tends to give me hope that things will turn around. We all matter now and what we do to make this world a better place to live. I feel my writing will help many and of course working on my actions as I heal.

My big dream is still to get Miss Blue certified so that I can help visit those who need her most. I see her healing powers everyday and if I can bring her to a few places (veterans hospital, convalescent homes). I feel we could all do something to help each other or someone who really deserves it. Giving really does feel good much better than buying something you really don't need.