WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Still Can't believe I am at home!

It's been so incredibly wonderful to start my healing journey at home. I have slept soundly in my own bed for 2 nights in a row. It has also been hard for my honey to not hug all over me as we slept next to each other because I have to be super duper careful with these extra tubes hanging on my body. I did feel his arm go around me once last night and I squealed and he immediately stopped and put his arm back where it was. I'm so proud of my honey, he has done wonderful except farting in the bed. We both have and have laughed which I still have to watch. My poor honey can't make me laugh too much now; isn't that a bitch? I live to laugh with my honey!)

Anyway back to those dangers of my insides which even feel as if they could also be easily be pulled on and my tummy pulled apart with a laugh or even a cough. I have to sleep on my back which is next to impossible for me; but in my very own bed with the man I love; much easier and possible. I mostly do love to sleep on my tummy but it's not comfortable at all these days.

Those stupid tubes still pull and pinch when they have the opportunity to do so and I so hate it. Can't wait to get them removed next Wednesday, April 8th at 3:30pm. What a day that will be and the following day too once they are out and I get to move around much better.

I have specific instructions on cleaning my dressing where my tubes are and showering. I also have to empty out the grenade from JP which I will do sometime tomorrow evening. There just isn't enough in there to even empty and this is very good news. This mean that the infections in my tummy may now be gone since nothing is coming out. I will try to empty tomorrow night or the night after but it's not enough to empty tonight which I had planned. It's been since Tuesday night when I first emptied it and changed the dressing with the help of my honey.

My honey helped me shower by standing just outside the shower holding onto my JP while I am in the shower so that I can wash my hair and body. His arms stays solid in the shower with me holding my JP as I comfortably wash my hair and body. He even turns the water on for me since I can't reach for anything because of my right arm being so sore from the pick line. I can't really lift this arm high or reach for anything just yet; still healing there too.

I suppose the pain in my arm may be lasting. That's because the pickline went from the main artery in my upper arm to the main artery to my heart in order to feed me and deliver medicine and pains meds to me while I was in the hospital. What a trippy thing that is. The wire or so it looks like bends over at a strange angle into my arm and when it is pulled out it is long! That dressing needed to be changed once a week and now I don't even have a bandade on it!) I would have photographed it but I already feeel that I have left plenty for your imagination and that was just another weird thing to deal with. My honey got to watch them insert that thing in my arm as they used an ultra sound machine to help guide it into the main vein going into my heart. I was pretty drugged up when that happened which was also a good thing.

I weighed myself today just to see how much more weight I may need to gain or have gain; only to my disappointment only 118lbs today. I'm 5-6 and look much better when I weigh in at at least 135 - 140. I like having curves and it's much healthier for me to do so. Must have meat on my bones!)

I started off with a huge high calorie shake, then an Ensure, and then the diahreah started. My stomach just kind of gurgled and the pipes sounded so very similiar to the ones in the movie I watched last night (Night in Rodanthm). Yes, I watched a girlie movie last night and it was good, 3 and half stars from me. I won't ruin it for anyone but the hotel in the movie is amazing and dreamy. How awesome to stay in a hotel with my honey there!) Beautiful inn on a beach on the Atlantic Ocean in NC. Very relaxing movie to watch and a tear jerker which I wasn't at all expecting.

OK, I already know it (need more food with substance) but in all honesty, I haven't been to the store in 2 and half weeks so lots of food had to be thrown out. I need protein more than anything right now and my doctor stressed this and I am listening. I just don't have any more substance.

My poor bottom has burned most of the day from all of the diarrhea I have had but thanks to having 3 sitz baths which most certainly helped. I just don't have any real food with substance right now (no time for shopping). Grocery shopping for me tomorrow; I just have to create a list tomorrow and my honey will go for me. What would I like to eat?

I still have to avoid all sickness (which is why my honey doesn't want me in public places just yet) and it wouldn't do me a lick of good to get a cold and start coughing my insides out, rip a stitch or ten: all I have currently are these little pieces of tape holding me together and the scar tissue which has since formed since the staples were removed.

Once these tubes are out of me; I can tell I will much more freedom because I can tell that my wound is now healing nicely. No redness except where the stupid JP needs to be removed. It still burns where the incision site remains and my tummy hurts as if I just did 5000 sit-ups. I get to be lazy today and try to heal and can even be lazy in the days to come!) It's my time to be taken care of. We all get this in our lifetimes and then we get to take care of someone else we love; that's how it works.

1 comment:

Kia Taylor said...

Being lazy sounds wonderful!! Enjoy every moment of it, continued blessings on your road to recovery!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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