WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The strength continues with my Southern style tea....

Each day has been a blessing to me as I continue to feel stronger and stronger. I have my honey by my side taking such good care of me; what more could I ask for? I am able to go outside and even drive my car; so that's a blessing enough too! It's just the small things like these in life that I have so much to be thankful for. I could very well not be here today and I'm so incredibly thankful to have survived all that I have.

I really thought that I wouldn't make it last week. It was so scary and I try not to think about it, but I can't help but feel that I am so lucky to have survived when I really thought I was going to die. I still think back to those very painful moments when the nurse was seemingly waiting for me to die instead of bringing me much needed pain medication (OK enough) but I remember breathing as hard and strong in order to stay alive and going through this week I still can't believe that I was able to do just that! I'm still alive!).
Well most of this week I have been struggling to gain some weight and it has been seemingly impossible for me to do. Every time I would eat anything; my intestines would start going crazy within 45 minutes and out that extra weight and calories would go! How frustrating. It sucks that I have to eat all this soft shit (some of it even looks like shit = most of the baby food) that I am required to eat (yogurt, babyfood, applesauce) and it all seems to just come out almost immediately and almost look almost exactly like what I had just eaten. Now that's pretty appetizing; but at least I can eat?) I'm so sick of not being able to eat real food!(.

I had a few minor accidents with my bowels going on minor errands. I went to the Dog Park right behind the Hardware store and almost had a pooper accident. While Blue Belle was doing her business (I guess watching her might have triggered it). OK you had a good day and I still had a good day even though I nearly shit my pants a few times in a day. I got through it and it wasn't so bad. I was going to try to make it back to the vet's office for Blue Belle's ID papers but couldn't on that day. I went home and suffered in immense pain and had to pull out the liquid morphine. I was lucky that I even got to just go on that small errand. I got what I needed from the Hardware store and used their bathroom several times. Blue Belle was so patient each time I had to hurry to the bathroom and my poor bum! She knows the routine quite well and can usually get me to the bathroom pretty quick with out any interceptions. It was so incredibly sore!

It was such a hot day each day this week and Miss Blue Belle put up with it each day we had together.

I found out not too long ago the Shelties' fur keeps them cool in the summer and warm in the winter so she doesn't always seem to suffer too much in the heat. Brushing her is all the fun of have a Sheltie. If I don't have any hair; I can always brush hers and with her by my side; she can be my hair!) Being a long haired dog many have been wondering why I have one in this heat and have not shaved her. The truth is; I can't. She has very light skin and would end getting sunburned or get skin cancer.

Well the following day I finally was able to make it to the vet's office to try to finish up the paperwork for Blue Belles state ID. I almost pooped my pants there waiting and waiting; it almost happened but I was able to control myself there! I had to have the vet fill out some paperwork on my dog that she indeed is up to date on all of her shots (paid a fortune to them in June for that) and then a signature by the vet that she isn't dangerous or a threat to Society. I brought along her Canine Good Citizen document. I made it through all of that and I know that pooping my pants never killed me. I wasn't even going to get scared that it would happen; I had Blue Belle with me scratching my leg and reminding me that she's there and to pet her. It helped to get my mind off of the muscle spasms from the countless surgeries done back there. I may have mentioned it before but I do happen to have tiny little metal staples right in my asshole! It blows my mind sometimes; but most of the time I find it funny. It just adds to my funny personality. How pleasant is that; and that can get quite painful indeed. Talk about hemorrhoid pain!

Normally I like to refrain from talking about Bad Kharma here but this time I just can't help myself. I have already had to drive over to this particular vet's office twice in just two days. That vet's office is Lawrence Pet Hospital and I'm pretty upset with them. Well they do charge me a fortune on my vet bills and I am done with them just for that. Karma does come around and when you treat your clients the way that they have treated me; you get tired of being treated that way and you go elsewhere to be treated better and more fairly.

They have charged me hundreds of dollars more (on a single visit) than the new place I am now taking Blue Belle and Tonto on just one trip. I could pay $600 more for a teeth cleaning for both but I chose not to. I didn't realize I tossed away over $200 for both their shots too! Tonto's tooth cleaning was going to cost me over $400 but I was able to get it done for less than $250. Since Blue Belle got all of her vaccinations and all here in June, I needed to get this form signed by them for her state ID as a Service Dog for me. My doctor already approves of how she is for me and the amount of therapy she provides for me.

Now I do know that most of the front desk people could see for themselves that I am not getting around as good as most of their clients; I felt strongly that I got treated less than par. I had just so happened to have forgotten to print up from the Justice Department concerning service dogs and instead of a nice front desk girl who could have easily printed it up for me (as I guided her to the correct website (I even had it on Blue Belle's Blog); she had this smirk on her face as she told me "NO I can't help you; I'm too busy" with out any eye contact. She missed out and didn't get to check out Blue Belle's blog and all my hard work that is worthy of her printing it off my own blog which does tell her and the vet that I do know and respect the law.

Everything these days seems so impersonal. We should all care about one another. I guess it must have looked like I had that disease anorexia nervosa and therefore needed a dog to remind me to eat? Hey that's a good one. Yes, she made me go back home and print it and then bring it back the next day. The way the girl told me was very snide and uppity (annoying chiding voice). What's with that? What a waste I thought.

I could not believe how snotty this girl behind the counter was towards me as I asked her if she would mind please printing it up for me so that I don't have to go all the way home? All she would have to do was to go to the website where it is available to all and print it up. She said "NO I will not do that; you have to go home and print it and bring it back". I can actually laugh at how ridiculous this girl was in her commands. Her voice was rather immature sounding as if she were young and just wanted to exert some power over someone. (yes it was Saturday Night Live) I guess I'm a good target for that. What ever she does; she will never ruin my day; just bringing herself bad karma along the way in how she treats others. She had this smirk on her face as she looked at the computer as she was saying that to me. So busy she could multi-task just like that as she was talking with me. OK I am a nut for wanting some eye contact and more time spent with me because I do deserve it.

I could actually see that she was really getting off on being a bitch to me. Well good for her I guess. I didn't realize I could make others feel so good to use their power of authority? What ever! We are allowed to feel that way towards others if they do much just to annoy us. I would still give her another chance to prove herself and over and over again and hopefully one day she will get it right (how to treat others) since she is so young. All lives are worth waiting for no matter what; and I was taking up time to wait for and I didn't owe any money for this service.

I can tell that I obviously look and appear like a person who would need a service dog. If you ask me; everyone deserves a service dog. They really do relieve stress. Just having her around makes everyone around me more peaceful and loving. Blue Belle is the Peace and love Princess! I have no problem with the stereotype at all; I'm just very happy and grateful just to be alive and I do know my life is worth waiting for. Well I did have these two tubes hanging out of my arm (my honey has to flush both of them 4 x's each = now that is love right there); I definitely look like a skeleton and she can't help me and almost looks as if she is getting some personal enjoyment in all this the fact that she can't help me? I just couldn't get over that evil little smirk on her face (it seemed like one to me) when she got the power to be able to tell me NO and that I would need to go back home and get what I needed when she could have easily printed it up for me. She would like for me to go all the way home and come back. I brought her Canine Good Citizen papers from the American Kennel Association. What power!

I know I have paid them thousands of dollars over the years of over charged and excessive vet bills and to print up 1 sheet of paper on the internet was too much for me to ask for? Go to my cute dog's blog; (now that would have been a fun experience for her and she missed out on that!), and print up the form next to her cute face!) Well this definitely reinforces what comes around goes around for me. You can't do a nice a favor for someone and you treat them less than?

So I had to come back the very next day with it and then the girl was very snotty back to me again and said "we have to look this over overnight before we can sign it; looking downward as she said this; you're going to have to wait" (just like "Sorry!") and I was actually on my way to my Psychiatrist office right after this visit so that I could get the rest filled out all while picking up a medication at the very same location which was across town.

Well to me this is going to be taken as giving me more days to get this done than needed. Oh I was annoyed with that little brat. No worries; I will be able to fax my doctor who backs me up 110% on my medication = Blue Belle. She said she will fill it out and fax back to me ASAP. I believe in my Psychiatrist; she really is wonderful. Oh how thankful I am to still be insured and to have those great caregivers. You have to be thankful when you get a person who truly cares about you and your life. The insurance that we have is a total blessing. It is a blessing and I hope it lasts. I have been with out health care most of my life and to have it the whole time I am going through this crap is a luxury that I will never ever take for granted.

OK back to the vet's office visit: I asked the girl (behind the desk) kindly "are you sure that the vet can't look this over soon and I can sit here and wait for a little bit? (take 2 minutes of time and read over the 1 page document and then sign the form)? " She told me "NO" you may come back later to pick these forms up.

Oh the look on her face that she got to exert some more power over me! Wow! She was very happy to be able to do that and to tell me "No, you have to wait!" I could just see the smirk on her face when she got to say "NO" to me. It's almost as if she doesn't believe that I really need a Service Dog or she feels somehow that I'm not really disabled enough to have one. It's really none of her business but I just was overwhelmed a bit by her and the other girls in front. They seemed to be very, very judgmental. I was too poor and therefore I was trash so I needed to be treated as if I am trash. Yes, today's budgets for all the same bills takes up more of a percentage of my check as opposed to someone exceptionally wealthy. I'm doing the best that I can with this illness and no amount of money will ever make me feel less than. I do have love and that to me is worth more than any amount of money! I'm very wealthy with love and that should account for something!)

Those were, the good old days when I worked for such a nice sweet vet and a great team of workers; we always watched each others back and took care of each other. We made sure we all laughed together and sometimes with the patients but we were very compassionate towards all; less tolerance for those who were cruel to their pets. It would break our hearts to see any animal suffer and were more than willing to help out all who needed it. They were all worth our time. We would help all pets that we could and make it as easy as possible for others to be able to take care of all pets. They did this for my mom especially and I will never forget all the great things they did for her in her efforts to raise wild animals. They didn't break her too much; she was able to comfortably pay those bills.

We just wanted to help. This photo here doesn't at all demonstrate how it was when I worked there. We were busy all the time and didn't have the time to pose that way. I so wished I had photos from way back then. I wished I had a good camera for those days! We were all enthusiastic about what we did for others and that was to help sick & healthy animals. how we treated clients much, much more different. We treated them as human beings with feelings and for those who demonstrated a true love for their animals and provided a good home for them; they got an extra discount.

The girl in the photos kinda sorta looks a little like me when I was much, much younger; only my hair was a little more blond and I had those big blue eyes. We never judged anyone and when someone couldn't afford to pay their bill; we would knock what we could off the bill (billing was based on income meaning that those who made less often had to pay less = it was a percentage based on income: we did not believe in breaking anyone so that they too could pay their bills just everyone else; not the way that it is now where billing is based on the most highest income bracket and that's it) and that's how we would make it as reasonable as we could and allowed for monthly payments. Why treat everyone the same because we are not. Some of us don't make as much as the richest in the world. Health care is a right whether it be for humans or for animals and it should not have to break anyone to stay alive. Everything costs money and it should cost money to have money; it should be expected; quit being so greedy and thinking only of yourself. We all have to take care of each other and look out for one another.

It was such a fun job and a few times I got to work the front desk but I never ever treated anyone less than at any job I have ever work at. I appreciate all from others and enjoy learning about them and what they offer the world. That's the most fascinating thing to learn is about people and their feelings about things. I never got off on a power trip with anyone. It's not in my nature to be that way and I don't get why some people have to be that way. Most people don't feel anyone's life is worth waiting any amount of time for; they often. Waiting in traffic or in line I honestly would loose sleep and worry about the feelings of someone else that I have mistreated.

These girls were being very, very shallow and I bet if they walked a mile in my shoes their attitudes would definitely change. That's why I am so glad to have this blog and I hope it changes many lives and encourages others to be nicer to each other. Treat others the way that you would want to be treated. We are not all the same. Greed, Power, and Money are the evils in this world and we need less of that; more Love!)

Well I will have pick it up Blue Belle's papers tomorrow afternoon right before I have my scheduled chemo at 2:15pm. After that I won't ever have to deal with Lawrence Pet Hospital and their bad kharma ever again!) I will never ever go back there again and be treated that way! No Way. After getting reprimanded by the front desk clerk at the vet's office; I was able to continue on with my day and go get my blood test done right across the street at the huge hospital and Miss Blue Belle was such a good little Service Dog in her vest yesterday. She made me so proud.

There was a woman that I absolutely love working the front desk at the lab. She always makes eye contact with me and talks to me like I'm a real human being. I feel like I'm a part of her family; she was touched by my romantic story of how my honey proposed to me again as I was slowly waking up from my very first surgery. She knows the love we share and that we are very good cool people. She knows I am a tough stick and a tough, tough woman = chick!) and will always make sure that someone is back there who will be gently with my fragile veins. Someone has been praying for my veins to be strong and they sure looked strong that day. I got compliments on my veins? Wow! How awesome is that? I have never gotten compliments on my veins. What on earth would cause my veins to start looking better. I was able to get an easy stick this time? Someone prayed for me to have good veins and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart!)

I also got to wash Miss Blue Belle in the bathtub and now she is so very soft and pretty now! Her hair just flowed gorgeously everywhere we went! All the smiles that were happening in all directions we walked made me feel so much better after the undignifying visit to the vet's office. I allowed several elderly women to just dig in in her fur since she nicely brushed, soft as a bunny rabbit, and just yummy for the cute and pretty factor! She was a fresh clean doggie that didn't smell at all like dirty doggie! How happy these ladies were to love on such a soft pretty, nicely fragrant dog.

While we were standing in line at the Campbell Pharmacy so many people were fascinated by this beautiful working dog. She was completely business like in her little business suite (Service Dog Vest) and her beautiful Blue and white fur just flowing gently as she walked by. She was a site for many! Her ears remained perfectly flipped through out to bring out more cuteness along with her perfectly little chiseled face!) OK she always makes me smile!) I would say the long line for many who had to stand behind us; didn't feel it was a long enough wait at all for us to pick up my medications. That dog was just so fascinating and beautiful to look at. She was a fashion star of the moments spent waiting in line.

Another thing is that since I had not been gaining any weight; I am now thanks to my miracle Southern Style tea. I just made my first batch of Cannabis Tea. I altered the recipe a bit so here is my recipe for what I will coin "Tea Weed" or "Weed Tea" which ever you prefer. It's my personal recipe for life saving tea.

1- Fill up the kettle with filtered water & 1 tbsp of butter
2- Bring to a nice boil
3- Add a cup and half of shake (cannabis leaves & stems)
4- Add about 2-4 teabags of your favorite tea bags
5- Let it all steep for about 30 minutes (for hot) to an hour (for cold)
6- Strain the water (I used a paper towel and a rubber band over the pitcher or mouth of glass) and pour into pitcher or glass
7- add plenty of honey or sugar to taste
8- Add some ice to a glass, pour and enjoy! You can also enjoy it hot too! Wow! Yummy! Be prepared to drink lots of water! It will clean my kidneys tomorrow.

I don't need any kidney problems and the nausea will be under control. Imagine that "Tea Weed" that helps me survive. It's safe in that I am drinking tea and I don't feel any pain for several hours. It's awesome! I wish I could make this for other patients who need it most.

Since enjoying this tea yesterday, I have been mostly pain free, drinking lots of water and Gator-aid and I had the munchies all day long. I was snacking on all kinds of things that were good for me through out the day. All week long I have been teetering on 105- 106.5 and nothing more. I was so sad that I just couldn't get myself to gain any weight. Well last night I was up to 110.5! Yippeee!) This morning 109.5 and I didn't have the need to do any liquid morphine which is awesome! I didn't have to smoke it but boy that tea was so delicious! My honey just tried a taste of it and it was too strong for him. I think it works much better for us Cancer patients or those of us in severe pain situations. Let's hope the pain finally subsides and I don't have to take anything for pain one day soon!

Well I already mentioned that I really love the fact that I get to go outside with Blue Belle and that I'm not still stuck in the hospital (what an understatement that is!) as I was 1 week ago today. I photographed this poor little bee today on our walk today. Sometimes I like to challenge myself and photograph these tiny things in nature that I find fascinating.

At the end of the year since 2003, I have been making movies for my family of all the photos that I take through out the year just to let them know we are OK, dealing with what we are dealing with in the best ways that we can, we are living and still having lots of fun together. We do have a lot of fun together despite all that we endure. I have to do my yearly movie for my family; Well since 2006 I believe I have been including all of my weird photos taken that year and am always setting the slide show to trippy music. I have so many things to do and film making is one of them. I will try to video tape my next chemo just to see what goes on during a normal chemo treatment. We will see! Hope you enjoyed this post as much as I did writing it... Thank you all for your prayers, good, positive thoughts and much more! I feel the love!)

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Kia Taylor said...

You are a blessing to us all!! My face lights up when reading that you went on an errand or that you made the most fabulous tea in the world!! A reminder to not take the appreciate all things...You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers...xoxo

WhiteStone said...

I am so glad for you that you have Blue to go everywhere with you. She is surely a beauty and I'd be one of those "little old ladies" who would have to stop for sure and scratch her behind the ears. AND talk to her, telling her what a good Blue she is.

Jennifer Larkins said...

Hey Char, I am so glad you got through the hospital ordeal. I was praying you would. I am so glad you have Blue Belle. I din't know she was a service dog. WOW! I don't think you should harbor on that girl though. Maybe she was just having a bad day, maybe. I was wondering if you could add my website to your website so people can shop on it and buy green products as well as other products. It is also a business opportunity. please view my site. www.shoptoearn.net/jenl Als, if you or anyone you know needs a great legit bus opp have them view www.24hourtour.net/jenl. My number is 954-829-5684. I would love to tell you more and catch up. Do call please.

love you girl,


onthemend said...

Hi..I too am walking through this life with OVCA and I ask myself where did this strange esperience come from.

I'm 39 and I think we are around the same age. Thank you for your posts, your willingness to be honest and reflect your experiences is a ray of light :)!

So I've been thinking about those receptionists (and their type) that we walk into sometimes. I think it is just too hard to deal with as a concept that we really are all connected...that they really could be us...through no fault of their own...just like WE didn't ask for this...that they distance themselves as effectively as they can...even if that means through power trips and demonizing US!

Im not saying I can summon commpassion in that moment...(In the moment I'd truly like to have the strenght to bitch slap them to the ground...but like the song goes :"I believe in peace, bitch"

Anyway, love strength, healing and peace to you...and keep those reciepes coming...and if you ever wonder..."is there anybody out there?"....The answer is yes....greatful souls...working hard to erase evil karma in the world just like you!

PEACE -Christina

Ambrosia said...

I'm glad that you're gaining weight and doing so well with your pain management!

It's been a long hard fight and you're such a strong woman....our prayers are with you!

P.S. that little snooty chick is only hurting her own personal development acting like that...power/greed has been called the 'American Jesus' and from what I've seen, that's an unfortunate fact of our modern society...

Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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