WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

A Good Picc Line and working TPN for now....

I'm still taking Blue Belle out daily to play with her friend Tess and it sure helps to see her running and playing and having lots of fun. Both me and Judy (Tess's Mom) both are having problems getting around and by our dogs being able to run and play together helps us immensely. She just had knee surgery and me & my abdominal surgeries and my heavy turtle pack don't exactly make it easy for me to do the usual 45 minute walks. I can do 10-15 minutes and then the pain becomes too much for me to bear. OK sometimes my turtle shell may not be that heavy but in the beginning of the feedings it sure feels like it!

As for the problems we were having with the TPN, we were able to go in to the infusion center to program the new TPN food dispense thing and to check my Picc line to make sure it wasn't starting to mess up. It's all working but the nurses had given my husband a very old technique in only using the purple line for food and not switching the two up so that they both can work. It doesn't really matter that you use the same or different Picc lines for food, chemo, IV fluids, or blood draws. What a relief. We got everything working; I'm back to gaining weight. I only got down to 108.5 and last night I weighed in at 114.5! Yippeee! I'm so glad to finally be gaining weight again. I really am yoyo dieting at it's finest!). I definitely do not mean to! We did 2 days of me not really getting fed and finally a couple of days where the feeding has gone through. Oh I can't wait until I can actually eat real food again and not have to depend on intravenous feeding most of the time!) One day soon I hope! I can't wait to eat some sushi, Thai, or Indian food! I miss it all!

Now I was also told that the reason I was feeling that intense vein pain (where it felt as if my vein was being ripped out); it's probably from the chemo, but the Picc line can be good for years and years. Oh god I hope I don't have to wear it that long!( I will be sure to remind the doctor that I do plan to go snowboarding (this season) and will not risk that. I did away with swimming for the whole summer (only got to go twice) and even sacrificed the hot tub too. I can't sacrifice a whole good season of snowboarding. I'm just not willing to budge on that. No way! No How! A summer spent mostly in the hospital it seems but I am so glad to be out! My whole summer was also spent in serious, serious pain but at least I have the drugs (I'm not thrilled at all to have to depend on them). I hate drugs but they do serve a purpose in my quality of life.

I'm finally gaining some weight but I'm still experiencing quite a bit of pain still. I've cut down on using pain medications and have even tried to use the Percocets rather than the liquid morphine just to see if my intestines are able to process and they were temporarily. It worked pretty good on the breathtaking pain for a few hours (the extreme pains that I usually get in my gut = where I've been cut open all those times).

Well here is another photo of me getting my chemo. I look pretty sick here and I was feeling a bit under the weather that day. I'm feeling much better now. I do try to get more photos of myself for the blog but it's very hard when I happen to be the photographer.

I have been having the worst wee wee pains ever! So incredibly unpleasant and my doctor says that this is yet another a side effect of the chemo. It might be kinda funny for some to see me go pee; I squeal quite loudly sometimes; say a few curse words and almost jump off the toilet quite entertainingly from the pain in my pee pee hole. It sucks and it hurts pretty bad! I get bladder and kidney infections so easily having this rod in my pee line (ureter). Don't get me wrong; I am so very, very, very, very grateful that I can pee. So what if it's hillarious to watch; I can piss!) I'm not peeing in a bag anymore!) Thank the GOOD LORD for that!) Well, in addition I even got the feeling of cramps that felt exactly like menstrual pain which I haven't felt in quite a while; that just made me even more tired and lethargic and therefore not feeling like doing much. I just didn't want to move with that kind of pain; just lay around and sleep which it seems I have done all week long. Yesterday was Monday and today is Saturday. Wow! I did get out for a few walks, some house cleaning, laundry, and that's about it. It's so much better to be here at home and to be able to do just a little if possible.

Time keeps on passing so incredibly fast. August is almost over; just like that. I also found out that my disability has been approved finally!) I might be getting a check this month or next month; we will see. I haven't had any money since June and my poor honey has been having to support me, pay the full mortgage, groceries, electric, Homeowner Association fees and so much more. Our poor bank account has been drindling slowly and slowly but we should be OK once I start getting my checks again. When we have two incomes we are better able to save; but without the two; our bills are more than just one income. The two of us are a team and we work together and have always paid bills together.

Well that just means lots of cuts will have to be made just like everyone else is doing. I do love to support our economy more than anything and to hopefully be a part of keeping jobs here. I'm not buying anything made in China or other countries where they abuse workers (take advantage of). So when I am out shopping; I pay particular attention to where items I buy are made. Thank GOD food is usually made here.

This is the first time in a long time where I'm not bringing in any income. I have always held a job since I was very young (14); so as you can imagine me not working in so many months has been incredibly difficult on me as well. I have always had hard work instilled in me at such a young age; where if you want something; you have to work hard for it. So many kids grow up thinking everything they need will grow on trees and mom and dad will always be there to bail them out and to get them what ever they desire. When you give kids everything they want, spoil them and so on; they eventually become a burden to society. That's the hard truth as I see it. We all need to pull our weight in this world; do something useful for society or something that will benefit more than just yourself. Sometimes I do feel guilty having to be on disabilty but I have worked hard most of my life for this and deserve this time to heal. I certainly couldn't be expected to work hard right now; only on healing and doing small things around the house.

Well, I haven't been watching the news lately because of how disgusted I have become with corporate greed and all the lying to the public. It does no good for me to watch any of that and to know the truth because I have researched it. I can't help but have to look everything up to find out the truth; I guess it's that being born in Missouri; I just don't trust everything that I am told in the media. I can't believe everything that I hear on the news at all or what is told to me. Show me it's true! Prove it and to see others so gullible to the lies that are out there angers me. How can they believe crooks or how are these crooks able to get blatant lies our there? How can journalists be so lazy and not find the truth? How can they be bought out to put blatant lies out there? A very good friend of mine told me a few years ago that when someone lies to you; they are essentually taking away a freedom from you; that being your right to know what really happened. I do believe that more and more. So when we are lied to by the media; they are taking away our freedom of knowing the truth and it should anger many.

Today my honey took off my ridiculously huge basket on my bike and we will be going on my first bike ride (since this last surgery) after I am free of the TPN (1:15pm today). Yes, I get to ride my big beautiful bike today and here is a photo of my messy garage, my honey's Harley, his mountain bike, and my Old Lady Bike! I love my Old Lady Bike and worked so hard to get that bike. I had it on layaway for a really long time and finally paid it off around February I think? Check out that huge basket that removed just in front of my bike. I have to get a new thing installed on the front of the bike for my huge awesome head light. I love my bike and can't wait to ride it! I love the brakes in that you pedal backwards to stop. It is a three speed which is about as fast I wish to go.

I will also get to take Miss Blue Belle later on today to her favorite pet store for some food. She is almost out and she loves the brand "Wellness". Her and Tonto are both on the "Healthy Weight" dry food and they absolutely love it! I can't believe there is a food that has such a low fat content (8%); most foods are like 28%. So far both are doing OK on their diets; our neighbor has a really hard time saying "No" to Tonto and yes we are still having some problems getting his weight down. He has hit a plateau and therefore is not loosing any more weight. He has about 2 more pounds to go. I know now that he goes over to visit with our neighbor Nick often and he can be a bit demanding for food; I know it's hard for Nick to say "NO" to Tonto. Tonto just screams and screams most of the day for us to feed him or take him on a walk but the vet has him on a strict portion that he must follow. Tonto is pretty pissed about it but we are determined to get him to loose some more weight. It's not healthy for him to be this overweight. He finally lost enough where he can actually reach his butt to lick it. That used to be a problem; well sometimes Blue Belle will clean it. It's so much better than having those little fudge looking stains on the floors. That's just one of many little things you don't get to hear about having pets and kids can do some nasty things too I'm sure.

I am back to taking Tonto on walks twice a day and that is helping me some too as I get stronger. I used to not have the energy to take him on just one walk. He was just getting a few walks a week. I may even try to swim a little today but I can't do the deep or get my right arm wet. It's all in how I feel in the moment. I will cease many incredibly moments today!) I can't get the Picc line or my right arm wet; but I think I can accomplish that by just walking in the water in order to get stronger. Here's to many more fun days for me and for all! Enjoy every moment where things seem to go good for you!)

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l'optimiste said...

DO NOT feel guilty being on disabilty! as you say, you have worked hard most of your life - you deserve time to heal.
And GREAT that you are gaining weight! yippee!!

TC said...

Glad you are feeling a bit better, everyone deserves a vacation now and again, I know this isn't much of one but look @ it like that.
I knew we had something in common besides a love of animals, being born in MO, it does make you more stubborn.

WhiteStone said...

Glad you are gaining weight! Hooray for you!! As for your bike.. it looks similar to mine (same brand) but mine is fuschia in color. You're rather young but I actually AM a little old lady. And a bald one at that. LOL. And I love my bike, too. Even with chemo this past six months, I've been able to ride mine often. I don't ride as fast as I did last year... a little more careful these days.

Shopping Kharma said...

But I got tons of Old Lady problems! I'm doing everything slow in honor of all women suffering from old lady stuff!) Love my bike and it's so fun to ride! I'm having a blast with my honey today just as I did yesterday. Got chemo tomorrow and just got back from my blood and urine test. Life does go on! Wishing you all a fun filled day!)

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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