WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Starting Chemo Today ...Things Improving slowly..

Well I had a much better day on Saturday than on Friday; Friday did improve some throughout the day with a visit from my dear sweet neighbor Sharon and just knowing that I had a wonderful roomie who related so well to all that I had been through. Sharon had arrived during her lunch break and shortly after all the terrors of my severe pains and not long after my pain had gotten under control.

I hope this post isn't too confusing; just trying to sum up the days in the best way that I can. Please do check out my beautiful pedicure that I got on Saturday morning thanks so very much to my sweet neighbor Sharon. Aren't my toes just gorgeous? She even added some pretty little flower sticker thingys on them which really added some beautiful detail. They really do look gorgeous and I chose the color teal for Ovarian Cancer; next month after all, is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month.

I got pampered and had wonderful conversations with both Sharon and Ann my sweet roomie for the for first couple of hours after I had woken up (shortly after 11am). Many of the nurses were wanting to line up for a pretty pedicure after I had mine since my toes looked so beautiful. Sharon is so very thoughtful and even got me a gorgeous pair of flip flops which I sported proudly around the halls around 2pm after I had gotten hooked off all the IVs; the PCA pain pump and the TPN Food bag. I was free of IVs for just a few hours! I was so stoked! You would have thought that I had won the lottery. A friend of mine had written to me about flying his planes and I was actually feeling that kind of freedom exactly just being able to roam the halls freely without being attached to any IVs. I will get a few hours each day for a few weeks free of IVs. Pretty exciting for me and still lots to be thankful for.

Miss Blue Belle has been arriving each night to provide me and Ann with wonderful dog therapy for each of us. Yes, why not share my dog with my wonderful sweet roommate who helps me when I need it most. She had helped me quite a bit; starting with my IV pole (it had gotten severely tangled) and helping me to remember to unplug all my IVs when I was having potty emergencies (I was almost peeing in my pants), and of course calling the extremely forgetful nurse numerous times when I was in so much pain on Friday. She did everything she could to try and get the nurse to even consider thinking about saving my life.

Well after all that drama, I felt it was only fair that I shared my dog with her. It was the least I could do; dog therapy really is one of the best medicines there is and when you are in the hospital it makes being there so much better when there is a pretty fluffy dog smiling, kissing, and loving on you unconditionally; no matter how bad you feel. She just has that gift about her where she can do just that.

I tried to watch a movie last night with Ann "Kit Kittredge: An American Girl" and I fell immediately to sleep from beginning to end. It was supposed to be a good movie but I will have to try and watch this one again (perhaps during my chemo). Netflix has decided to deny my affiliate membership because my blog only gets just over 2000 visitors each month and apparently that's just not enough traffic for them. Why must they be so greedy? Why must anyone be greedy? Why can't we all give everyone a chance;? Netflix really needs to spread the love for little blogs such as mine. How harmful am I if I am just sitting in the hospital watching their movies; I'm a loyal paying customer who happens to write about good movies that touch me in the hospital while promoting their company.

I really do have a feeling that this blog will grow with time and they will begin to see what a great customer I am because of having to sit in the hospital and watch movies in order to escape the realities of my horrors in the hospital. Movies have a way of doing that to you. You can just pop one in and be in a totally different world and state of mind. I love the thought of forgetting about having this blasted cancer even if it's just for 2 hours; but that's two hours usually spent laughing and enjoying a good plot line. For now I guess Netflix will just have to jank me for my free advertising for them. You can still get the movie at Blockbuster video and many other places online too. RedBox is another one that is in serious competition and I may have to check that one out.

Well I spoke with my doctor today with my honey via Skype. My doctor was with me in hospital room and the three of us discussed my options. I am starting a chemo drug called Topotecan starting today so look for an update later on today with photos. I have to take the drug intravenously for about an hour drip once a week. There are minimal side effects and I may be expected to loose some of my hair; maybe all; I don't know.

I am saving up my money for my beautiful head tattoo which I am very excited about. We will see how that goes; as it is right now just a dream and not really a reality right now. I always seem to change my mind and I am very gifted with my imagination. I don't always make all of my dreams come true but I do at least try. I may not even loose my hair; the future will always be unclear for me. I just have to enjoy every moment that I get.

If this drug doesn't work; our next line of defense will be a drug called Doxil which I have never tried and the side effects are pretty minimal. The bottom line is that I do need to start chemo right away and to not waste any more time on this disease eating and destroying any more of my insides. This is what is causing so many of my digestive problems. I will also have to be on a very mild diet; back to the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Apple Sauce, and white Toast), smoothies and soft foods. I can do soft pastas as long as they are easy on my tummy and just work my way up.

Here are the chemo drugs that are pumping inside my body and killing those icky cancer cells; let us pray and hope that they are!)

My doctor did mention that with the way that things are going on with my body right now; it is most often a sign that the disease has taken over and that there could be a slight chance that none of the chemo will work and that we might have to plan for hospice care (I cried like a baby) but we are going to be as positive as we possibly can and try our very best to think positively right now that all of this will work. I will even be playing Pac-Man on my iPhone during my treatment. Everything that I can possibly do to make this cancer die!)

I will use the power of my mind to be beat this and become as strong as possible & that this will work, all the prayers from others and so much more combined can kill this monster. My Yoga, Green Tea, eating tons of Blue Berries and everything possible that I can think of that kills cancer; I will do. Here I am in survivor mode doing my best to fight this monster! Life to me is so worth fighting for and I will continue this fight for as long as possible!)

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lori b said...

you have MY prayers coming your way too hun! i didnt lose my hair on topotecan. and im on doxil now. youll be fine! hang in there....the power of the mind...is...well...POWERFUL!

coffeemaiden said...

Oh,Honey. You make me cry. We are all praying for you. If anyone can do this, you can. You have a great husband and a wonderful four-footed support system. I'll be haunting your blog waiting for updates. Thinking of you. Deb

Anonymous said...

You sound like you're getting strong....on the mend. I knew they couldn't keep you down for long. Oh, I haven't lost my hair on Topotecan yet and it's been over 2 mos. or 6 treatments.

Hang in there.

WhiteStone said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Every cancer patient should have a good friend like Blue Belle. And Tonto. Bless you.

l'optimiste said...

you sound chirpy! good. I hope all goes well today - enjoy the pacman ;o)
big hug

Tracey said...

You do sound chirpy today Missis.. and i love your dandy toenails, very swarve.

I'm thinking of you constantly you know, but i really am rubbish with words which i feel awful about.

It's good that Miss Bluebell is a therapy dog too, i'd have done anything to have my dogs with me when i had treatment.

I hope all goes well for you with the chemo and everything else your going through, I do find it hard to read your blog somedays as it really upsets me yet your so strong.

Your my idol Missis... enjoy pac man... you should try Bejewelled too, now thats adictive!

love ya xxx

MLO said...

I hope the Doxil works to eradicate the disease. I hope your insurance changes its mind about the vaccine. Sometimes it all just sucks, but we still have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going on.

TC said...

Not a similar situation but my cousins kids were called in about 2 years ago because she wasn't going to make it the week (breast, liver, bone). She had one MAYBE shot @ chemo. I saw her last week, her hair is back, not saying all is great but she worked last year.
You know we are all praying for you, if mental attitude and spunk and good thoughts have any bearing it will all be OK.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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