Well I had my chemo on Monday (it was scheduled at 9am, but I didn't get it until after 10:30am, I was done by 11:15am). For the next 3 days I have side effects (I'm noticing this each week); actually 4 days if you include my face breaking out like crazy and then 2 to 3 days I finally start to feel normal for the week. The day of chemo I'm OK until several hours later when I pass out. The following day; I'm useless for most of the day; I usually wake up with extremely bad nausea and no desire what so ever to eat or drink; but the problem is; I have to. I don't have a choice; if I don't drink anything; the chemo can seriously damage my kidneys so I force myself to use the bong and inhale the THC which in turn makes me drink lots of Gatoraide and Cranberry and water; then the next day; like today; I shit all day long (not only do I feel like shit but I shit all day long and can not be farther than 10 ft from a working toilet) and it's diarrhea (oh the unpleasantries of chemo) that really burns my ass; it's really NO fun at all; but those other great days that fall after those inconveniences are well worth it. Hell just waking up each day next to the man that I love is well worth every bit of suffering with this disease. He makes everything I suffer and go through so worth it! I could go through many years of this with him and with him only!)
I am so blessed to have him in my life and taking care of me that I will never ever take any of what he does for me for granted. Yes, we have problems like most couples but we cherish each day that we do have together like nothing else. I'm also happy for others who also get to experience this type of love and have met many other cancer patients who also have their other half who is with them for better and for worse, richer and for poorer, and in sickness and in health; no matter what they still tough it out and it's not just toughing it out; it's part of life and living. Most people go through hardships no matter what; ours just seems more prevalent lately (we have been having lots of hardships this summer) but hopefully things will get much better. I hope one day that I will be able to stomach and digest real food just like everyone else. I also hope that we can take a small vacation together just to get away for a little while; maybe for a weekend; but the feeding apparatus will have to be gone before we can do that. Don't we all wish for more in life?)
While I was getting my chemo, I saw the cutest couple in front of me where one of them was getting chemo and the other was just there for support. I thought they were cute because they were so appreciative of one another and the care giver was incredibly accommodating to the other. They were two older gentleman (yes I live in CA somewhat close to SF), but yes they were gay and were totally sweet to me. Both had very warm genuine smiles when I looked over at them; we didn't talk; I just watched them; I still had my TV and was able to watch Animal Cops SF and Phoenix; but I have to say it was more entertaining to watch them. I could just see the love in the room as they seemed to have a grand time no matter what. I didn't have anyone else near me as I got my chemo. I never ask my husband to sit there and wait with me while I get my chemo. He used to in the beginning but most of the time I would be asleep from the Benadryl or whatever else they gave me that konked me out. Since then, I have always felt that chemo isn't that exciting enough to sit around but then seeing those two together made me think otherwise. They really were making the most of it.
Anyway, back to this couple, they were both Asian, the one getting chemo was bald and very thin and very tall; his partner was somewhat short and stocky but he was with his partner every step of the way; making sure that he was comfortable; he opened up the case for the computer, brought the computer over where his partner could see it perfectly, spent the time to hook it up and set it up and then the two watched a hilarious movie together; I could tell by the two of them laughing like crazy. They seemed to enjoy every bit of time they had together as they smiled warmly at each other and kissed a few times. My little drip was only an hour and I was there nearly 2 and half hours; they were there way before I was (I knew this because it does take forever for someone to come over and hook up your chemo or get the IV started); he didn't have a port because I could see that he was getting his IV right when I sat down. He got his chemo before I did but his drip was much longer than mine; so I assume his cancer may just be more aggressive or fast growing than mine is. My cancer is slow growing but very persistent and it seems to grow all the time; I feel I may have more time than most who battle however my cancer tends to be more resistant to treatment but we will see. We have about a 10% chance that the chemo will work. I'm praying this treatment is working and not sure if it's just psychological but my husband and I are noticing that my tumor might be shrinking.
Yes, there are still others in this world who are far worse off than I am and maybe can't even eat at all or maybe don't have the time that I have. I've had too many of those weeks where I can't even eat ice chips and now I am so thankful that I can at least eat ice cream, small amounts of very cooked pasta, hate the baby food, soup, some breads, not liking the yogurt or the smoothies all that much. Yes, that's my diet; I'm hoping to include sushi next week and each time I do try to add something new; it's usually hit or miss. I suffer sometimes just for a few days as it tries to make it through my difficult system and sometimes it works and I don't have that many problems; but I still get pain most of the time in my stomach when I am digesting and it gets old.
We are planning to discontinue the intravenous feeding once I get up to 125 and can maintain the weight at least for a week. It really is a challenge now planning around my feedings since I am taken off the drip at lunchtime (when it's convenient) and I get only 6 hours of freedom; that's it! . I can't do any of this myself since flushing requires two hands. The real challenge will be maintaining the weight after I get off the intravenous feeding. I don't have much energy to cook but will just have work on it and do my best. My honey is willing to learn to cook for me; now that is love!)
I'm actually saddened by the loss of Ted Kennedy and I knew it would come soon. I loved him dearly as a politician and he had so much fighting spirit. I want to fight my cancer as he worked hard as a Senator for our country in getting so many great laws passed that help the common people; including Civil Rights. I wish his family the best and I hope the Kennedy family continues to do good things for our country.
I did finally get all the paperwork needed for Blue Belle to be my legal service dog. Check out her new sporty vest; she loves it and feels pretty wearing it!) I am so thankful for laws that protect the disabled. Pets really are therapeutic and can serve a vital purpose for many. I can't get over the smiles that I get when I walk Blue Belle into any public building. She really is the Peace Dog and my neighbor bought me a Tied Died Shirt that says Peace Dog. I wish I could wear it every day now that it is my favorite shirt ever. It used to be my T-shirt that says "Music is my Religion".
Remember next month (September) is "National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month". I will be writing a few posts next month to commemorate this special month and hopefully we can raise some funds for Research. L’Oréal Paris has asked that I be a Hope Ambassador. I feel very honored to do this; so look out for these upcoming posts next month. Peace and Love to all!