WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Last Day Hopefully with the Nephostomy Bag...Let's Pray!

Well last night was one long night indeed. I had diarrhea all night long and I might as well have just slept on the toilet. In fact I tried to at one point. My poor bum burned so intensively; I used the "Sitz Bath" that my honey got me each time. It provided some relief but once I got off of it; it felt like I had to go all over again. It was quite disgusting having to pour poo from the hot water into the toilet, clean it out and start all over again. I guess this is my experience of changing diapers, huh?

I took painkillers, anti anxiety pills throughout the hours and even anti diarrhea medication and it seemed that nothing helped. I could not get to sleep because my intestines seemed to be in overdrive. They were involuntarily moving around everything in my system. They couldn't stop moving things around and outside of my body. It was totally miserable and finally at 5am I had enough so I took some Vicodan and an Ativan and was konked out until 1pm today. I didn't have any wierd dreams or hallucinate; just slept soundly and wonderfully. Wow! I cherish those moments of not having pain whether I am awake or I am sleeping soundly!)

I decided today that I will not eat anything and just clean out my system (except for breakfast - must have food with Antibiotic). The diarrhea has continued today and is still going on. My poor bum is still burning and just doesn't want to hack any more stomach acid coming out of it; that's exactly what it feels like. Anything I eat spends maybe 1/2 an hour in my system anyway and then it immediately comes right out; so what's the use? I can just eat my Whole Food's Gummy vitamins. No I definitely not doing this to loose any weight; I don't need to loose any more weight but I don't have much of a choice right now. It is such a pain in the ass to eat anything right now; no pun intended!)

I did eat some Cream of Wheat with my Antibiotic this morning and that too came out shortly after. Hopefully the Antibiotic is able to work since my intestines are on the painful projectile functions?

It is an incredibly hot day today and I know I will be spending most of the day inside. I can't hack 100+ degree weather and "the Boogie on the Bayou" is totally out of the question for us right now. I can't be more than 5ft away from a toilet for pretty much all day long unless I don't mind walking around in hershey shorts. It's feeling so miserable but at least I am going; I have to look at the bright side, I could be going in a bag.

It sure doesn't feel good as I even have stomach stomach acids coming out and causing further pain. I can't think of anything that can help me with this pain right now. The Percocets, the Vicodin; all seem to do nothing. Will be trying some bong hits soon. I kind of feel that GOD thinks I am a shitty person? Is this why I am going through all of this? Why? Yes, it could all get worse, but for now it is very, very painful and frustrating.

So enough about all this pain and suffering; here is what my life has been about even with the Cancer and Prior to the Cancer. All about having fun! Yeah it's kind of hard to have fun on the toilet, but that's not what it has been totally about. I've had lots of excitement in life over the years. Now I get to look forward to hopefully loosing this piss bag!

Here's to (snowboarding) what I have to look forward to and what gets me by each and every day (also my honey, pets, family, friends, and all those praying for me) and of course my beloved Snowboarding Addiction (it is pretty much like a drug Addiction; it's only drug I feel I have ever been completely Addicted to). There's just something about it to me that makes me feel at one with God.

I had been looking for a CD Case of all the DVDs that I have made over the years since being diagnosed. I started making them in 2003 and ever year since I have made them and I always make plenty of copies. I keep all copies in this once CD Case and it's missing. I did find some others which is great when reminiscing. I found lots of really really cool videos of me ripping it up in Oregon and Tahoe so do enjoy as I have: (I already posted this one on my Facebook page) Check out the height of air!

As I was awake in severe pain; I decided to go through another old CD Book that contained old photo back-ups and some that I had not even included in my new external drive. I also found these Oldies but goodies from Burning Man 1999 - This really was an amazing experience for me but the lame part of it all was that my honey had chosen to go to a Ted Nugent Concert instead with his buddies and a friend who had been visiting from his home town.

I was missing him the entire time (even crying myself to sleep on some nights) and I had dudes trying to hit on me (which to me was totally annoying); I stayed completely faithful to my man and even cried a few times because I missed him that much. I was so deeply in love back then and of course still am more so than ever.

Burning Man can be a bit crazy for those not used to seeing some people prance around naked, some doing all kinds of drugs (for me it was just pot or an occasional beer = nothing else for me), lots and lots of art and of course no money allowed; it's strictly bartering. You trade (I traded my skills in handwriting analysis = brought my books, and a spray water for the day = it was hot) for what you need and I really liked this concept; in fact I feel we could all do quite a bit during this recession in this manner. It's about being creative and resourceful to survive.

WARNING: Some of these photos may be offensive to some, please scroll down at your own discretion. No scary surprises! I do consider myself somewhat of an artist when it comes to photographing in that I can view and appreciate all kinds of art; it's just the beauty of the world that I tend to appreciate so much!)

After the Event; it is required that everything must go; no litter left behind; everything must be cleaned up and left as if was prior to everyone arriving. No damage to the environment allowed!

It's kind of a hippy kind of an event; Peace and Love! I did have fun and I got all kinds of photographs. What I wanted was some special photos of me for my honey and there were so many wonderful photographers there where you could really get professionally shot photos and the backgrounds were absolutely amazing; like a work of art; it was and this event has always been a Photographer's Dream!
Hope you enjoy!

I hope to post more of these once the 10 year Anniversary (for me= Not Burning Man) is official (Labor Day). I hear it's not at all the same as it once was. I paid around $60 for my ticket and we only stayed 4 days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday).

I also found these great photos from Gay Pride in SF in 1999. My honey and I went and he got to take photos of me posing next to some the trannies and/or Drag Queens. OK, I did dress slutty for my honey (he loved it = at least I had on some sexy shorts under that dress!),- we were so incredibly crazy for each other back then; OH GOD we are now!) but we all kind of wanted to fit in for this special event. It was so fun to play dress up!

I have had several gay room mates and I still have many, many close friends and they have all been absolutely wonderful to me. Many, just loving individuals who have been genuine. They have never given me a reason to hate them. They are just normal human beings and they are living as their heart tells them to live and I see problem with that. Follow your heart. I have a heart for them and I do Love them.

Well this was back then (Aug. 1999 - I think) We all went with my Room mates from the "New Moon House" on 1516 Guerrero Street between 26th and 27th street. The house has since been sold but it was such a wonderful community living experience for me. I had never lived like that before in my life. We recycled, composted, used some trash to make art; it was very, very cool. We had people from all the world who were staying here, some visiting, but they each brought life into the house and of course had to leave 1 item of art on that house. It was my one experience with how to live in a communal household. It was very safe and I will never forget it. I had at one time 13 room mates and no it wasn't totally crowded.

This house well is 3 stories (It's wasn't totally Victorian, but it was an old home) and I had my very own room with a beautiful bay window overlooking the tea garden. The room itself was very beautiful and I loved all the paint schemes with in the house. Each room was different. A house of artists and some misfits but in all everyone was full of heart and soul. Some room mates would even rent out closets and they were set up pretty nifty; the bed was set up in the ceiling; drawers and everything needed below; some people don't really need a whole lot to live on. It seemed most were Art Students! My old kittie Toonces grew up there and even killed every single mouse and rat that resided in that house prior to us arriving there. He was very much loved there. So here are the photos from Gay Pride 1999!

Oh Memories! Of a life once lived and then of life to be lived!) I have so much more to accomplish in this life!)

UPDATE: The bong hits worked and now I am feeling much better and drinking water and then trying to make a conscientious decision about what to eat? I am able to eat and playing it safe with Chicken and rice. Now it's getting ready for this surgery tomorrow morning. Updates on the surgery to come! Here's to getting rid of the nephostomy bag for good!)


nat said...

Good luck tomorrow! I will be thinking of you.

l'optimiste said...

great photos!! hope everything goes ok

TC said...

The photos remind me of my old hippie days, I was a tail end hippie, it was mostly over by the time I got there. LOL
I've had gay friends also, two I can think of right now, just know them to talk a bit but they are really nice guys.
I'm thinking of you today, hopefully you will get rid of the bag, know you have many thoughts and prayers going to you today.

Jason Gallimore said...

What an amazing post...I cannot tell you how much your postings lift me up. Love the video clips of you and the great pics from Burning Man:) Your awesome!

Movie & TV Show Preview Widget


My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
© 2010 All Rights Reserved

[Valid Atom 1.0]