WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It's much better we don't have kids..just pets...

As the title of this post; it is true. I wouldn't want a child to go through what we go through on a daily basis. At least animals can go through the trauma's with you and children might be affected mentally while witnessing their parents suffer as we often do. Sometimes it can be downright scary. We can also walk around naked if we prefer to; use all the profanity we wish to and if I need to smoke a joint; I can. Our household is an adult household and the animals don't seem to mind at all.

I had to add these cute photos of my pets making me laugh and keeping me happy. Hope you enjoy them as much as do. I just bought a new lamp for our living room and in order to hook it up; I had to climb behind the couch where I found this oldie but goody kitty toy tunnel which makes all kinds of loud ruckus and that Tonto loves. Now it's his favorite thing to enjoy since Popcorn.

As far as my health, I'm still facing horrible ass spasms which suck greatly and they seem to be healing more and more each day. I still have to use pain medication for right now because it's too ridiculous to suffer having those types of pain where I can't even sit down or even walk in some instances. My poor colon/small intestine (not sure what it is after all these surgeries), has gone through.

It's been a little more predicable and I can kinda sorta time it just right that I can go to the store and immediately head home to a bathroom. Yesterday, I only pooped in my pants twice (at home) and today one and half (it was so close!). That's a great day!) Imagine if your worst fear was shitting your pants while standing in line at a grocery store? Well actually it would take a lot more than that to scare me. I have lost my vain in all of this; nothing surprises me or scares me unless blood start spurting out of my tummy or bottom, or nephostomy tube. Just the life or death situations for me; I can get over shitting my pants very easily.

I decided to cheat on my diet these last few days so that I could finally gain some weight the fun way!) and besides I am tired of staying at the 110 - 115 range where it seems like I'm not gaining any weight and I'm starving all the time; only not starving for Bananas, Rice, Apple Sauce, or Toast. Yes there has been plenty of diarrhea but in ways it was totally worth it.

The whole fattening diet been working with gaining some weight and I am now up to 119.5. I have been pigging out on chocolate and vanilla pudding, even Ben & Jerry's Chocolate swirl cheese cake, even some sushi, blackened Mahi Mahi, and more soup, bananas, smoothies, yogurts and more! Mmmmmm Mmmmmmm!

I got to go shopping today with my neighbor Amanda yesterday. She has missed hanging out with me and it has been a long time since we last went on a shopping adventure. I got a few comfy pretty outfits which I hope to have a fashion show with my honey later on today and will hopefully post some great shots here.

Poor Blue Belle has been suffering some when we have to leave her at home. She used to like watching Animal Planet while we are gone but lately there has been too many scary shows like swamp monsters and animals that kill on lately that scare her; so we just leave her at home with a nice playlist from iTunes. Friday's are better for her because the National Geographic Channels has Caesar and Dog Town on all day long. While me and Amanda were out shopping, her dad took her on a nice long walk.

Well anyway, me and Amanda had some fun as we even chatted about her going to the Courageous Kids Day at Great America which is being held today. She was pretty excited about that. It should be lots of fun for her and to celebrate life. She has met some famous football players in the past and even went to her very first first Football game last November. The 49ers were on a serious loosing streak that Amanda being there, they ended up winning. This will be year 10 of her remission from Brain Cancer. Without a doubt this little girl is a walking miracle; she is my hope and inspiration that one day me too will celebrate my 10th year in just 3 years!

I got to talk with my mother for Mother's Day as she reminded me of another reason that I hated eggs. I totally forgot and just put out of my mind but a long time ago when I was about 6 years old, she had made scrambled eggs for all of us; I was the only one who didn't eat the eggs and when she asked me why I didn't eat the eggs; I told her "I'm not eating eating anything that comes out of a chicken's ass". Yes, at 6 years old I used the "a" word. It wasn't apparent where I had picked it up but it was a good laugh that we had today. And I thought it was the just the texture and smell that made me and still makes me hate them!


My husband has always been relieved that we don't have children so that we don't have to watch our mouths except which our friends with young kids come over. If I am in pain, I can just grab a joint and relieve myself. If I poop my pants; I can take them off and not have to worry about being naked. It's hard sometimes; The conversations at my house are better left for adults. We often laugh so hard at so many crisis that we are faced with as opposed to some normal households. We don't take the little things in life for granted; they are all special. We live in the now and we get by Day to Day trying our best not to watch the news and having it grapple with our nerves that the sky is falling and that we are all going to run out of money! Panic! Panic! Panic!

OK, sometimes I can't help but read on the internet routers about another family being killed because of finances. It's so sad and I can't even begin to understand why this happens that perhaps for them loosing their job is often very traumatic; many people need therapy for loosing their jobs.

I don't know, it just does something to my heart that someone could have that much power in a family to kill all of them. This seems to be a very serious situation. At least lately; it's often the father who kills the entire family. (now I am worried about more families committing murder and then committing suicide on their family members) I often wonder how many times has this happened since the financial meltdown?

Just like PTSD with soldiers, perhaps something else is happening to these families? Yes, sitting at home, I often wonder what can be done to stop this. I hope there is a way to help save other families before this keeps happening over and over again. We really need to have these situations investigated instead of spending our hard earned tax dollars arresting non-violent drug offenders; gee we could be saving lives instead of ruining them; imagine that. New Priorities are definately needed; get rid of the waste and that includes those extra prisons.

Maybe some community involvement could help these families? I don't know why, but I can't help but worry about these situations and that perhaps my appreciation for life would at least make them stop feeling that lack of money is worth taking out their entire loving family. I am fighting for my life and no amount of money will make me fight any less. I don't feel it's right to put a price tag on someone's life. When it comes down to it the heart and soul of someone you love, really is priceless. Sometime money makes people do horrible evil things and maybe my lack of money makes me more loving?

My parents did just fine when we ran out of finances. True, we did eat out of garbage cans during the 80's only a handful of times but it certainly wasn't worth taking out lives. We still had a home to live in but even so many still survive shortly in cars. I have met many grown kids of that environment who grow up to be amazing adults. Some even put themselves through college. It seemed to make them stronger, more resourcesful, more appreciative of nice things being done for them, and most of all more down to earth. You could actually carry on a normal conversation with them. These special individuals appreciated the help they receieved from homeless shelters that they too volunteer sometimes; I want to; I have donated many times. It's very inspiring to hear of those who survive the impossible and who make better lives for themselves and their families. That's the good news I wish to hear more of!)

When we had moved to SC for a job and once we moved there; my father lost that same job shortly after the long move. He did everything he could to find a job and it was so hard; the important thing is; we got through it all as a family; a strong family. Maybe they ended up in divorce, but we kids got through it just fine. It's not pleasant to have to loose some material possessions; the important things to remember is that your family and even friends are worth so much more than those mediocre possessions. You shouldn't have to loose those most important beings in your life; you should cherish them!)

When it comes down to it; we can all do something to make things better for these families that feel that death is the only option. Healthcare really is important especially in these cases where a simple visit to seek psychiatric help could have changed everything for those families.

I really admire Obama's determination to stick with health care. He is on the right track. I know of many cancer patients who have died because of their lack of healthcare. It's so sad but I feel many lives will be changed once healthcare is reformed to work for us. It is so important and there are so many programs we could have which would create jobs; help new businesses that create jobs here; allow consumers such as myself to finally purchase something that isn't cheap and made in China.

We have all kinds of opportunities to create green jobs especially here in San Jose. We are hopefully working towards having a composting program put in place which will bring in more jobs, save money and space in our landfills; that's just one thing. We are also considering taxing and regulating cannabis which would bring in over a billion in revenue rather than spending several billion locking up offenders. It's not a deadly or dangerous drug; only through lies and racism is it illegal. I certainly hope that the federal government will eventually get past those lies and racism and make this plant legal once again. It could save so many lives. I know it has saved mine and continues to. This to me is exciting.

These days I really hate shopping because it seems that I look at tags all the time and sometimes; I just won't buy it. I don't need it that much if its made in China. I can definately live with out it. I can make what I need myself if it happens to be made in China. I don't need it. One day we will have products made here and there will be jobs once again. I do have faith and we can also put scientists and researchers back to work finding cures. OK this post was more political than health related but its stuff that is on my mind that I wish I could have a part in fixing or inspiring.

1 comment:

TC said...

As always your wisdom and strength come through in your posts. I'm not just being nice either!! LOL
I also don't understand why all the families being killed because of their finances. I'm older than you but when I was growing up we always had food, just not what I wanted, but the wolf was always @ the door or @ least close by, supposedly my family went through tough times when they immigrated but it made them a stronger family I think.
You all are wonderful parents to your furry children, just remember the human kind talk back!!
This comment is too long but I support Obama's health plan too even though we FINALLY have insurance, it's ridiculous we have so many people who can't get good health care.
I'm thinking good thoughts for you, hope you continue to gain weight and the spasms get better.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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