It's much better we don't have kids..just pets...

As the title of this post; it is true. I wouldn't want a child to go through what we go through on a daily basis. At least animals can go through the trauma's with you and children might be affected mentally while witnessing their parents suffer as we often do. Sometimes it can be downright scary. We can also walk around naked if we prefer to; use all the profanity we wish to and if I need to smoke a joint; I can. Our household is an adult household and the animals don't seem to mind at all.

I had to add these cute photos of my pets making me laugh and keeping me happy. Hope you enjoy them as much as do. I just bought a new lamp for our living room and in order to hook it up; I had to climb behind the couch where I found this oldie but goody kitty toy tunnel which makes all kinds of loud ruckus and that Tonto loves. Now it's his favorite thing to enjoy since Popcorn.

As far as my health, I'm still facing horrible ass spasms which suck greatly and they seem to be healing more and more each day. I still have to use pain medication for right now because it's too ridiculous to suffer having those types of pain where I can't even sit down or even walk in some instances. My poor colon/small intestine (not sure what it is after all these surgeries), has gone through.

It's been a little more predicable and I can kinda sorta time it just right that I can go to the store and immediately head home to a bathroom. Yesterday, I only pooped in my pants twice (at home) and today one and half (it was so close!). That's a great day!) Imagine if your worst fear was shitting your pants while standing in line at a grocery store? Well actually it would take a lot more than that to scare me. I have lost my vain in all of this; nothing surprises me or scares me unless blood start spurting out of my tummy or bottom, or nephostomy tube. Just the life or death situations for me; I can get over shitting my pants very easily.

I decided to cheat on my diet these last few days so that I could finally gain some weight the fun way!) and besides I am tired of staying at the 110 - 115 range where it seems like I'm not gaining any weight and I'm starving all the time; only not starving for Bananas, Rice, Apple Sauce, or Toast. Yes there has been plenty of diarrhea but in ways it was totally worth it.

The whole fattening diet been working with gaining some weight and I am now up to 119.5. I have been pigging out on chocolate and vanilla pudding, even Ben & Jerry's Chocolate swirl cheese cake, even some sushi, blackened Mahi Mahi, and more soup, bananas, smoothies, yogurts and more! Mmmmmm Mmmmmmm!

I got to go shopping today with my neighbor Amanda yesterday. She has missed hanging out with me and it has been a long time since we last went on a shopping adventure. I got a few comfy pretty outfits which I hope to have a fashion show with my honey later on today and will hopefully post some great shots here.

Poor Blue Belle has been suffering some when we have to leave her at home. She used to like watching Animal Planet while we are gone but lately there has been too many scary shows like swamp monsters and animals that kill on lately that scare her; so we just leave her at home with a nice playlist from iTunes. Friday's are better for her because the National Geographic Channels has Caesar and Dog Town on all day long. While me and Amanda were out shopping, her dad took her on a nice long walk.

Well anyway, me and Amanda had some fun as we even chatted about her going to the Courageous Kids Day at Great America which is being held today. She was pretty excited about that. It should be lots of fun for her and to celebrate life. She has met some famous football players in the past and even went to her very first first Football game last November. The 49ers were on a serious loosing streak that Amanda being there, they ended up winning. This will be year 10 of her remission from Brain Cancer. Without a doubt this little girl is a walking miracle; she is my hope and inspiration that one day me too will celebrate my 10th year in just 3 years!

I got to talk with my mother for Mother's Day as she reminded me of another reason that I hated eggs. I totally forgot and just put out of my mind but a long time ago when I was about 6 years old, she had made scrambled eggs for all of us; I was the only one who didn't eat the eggs and when she asked me why I didn't eat the eggs; I told her "I'm not eating eating anything that comes out of a chicken's ass". Yes, at 6 years old I used the "a" word. It wasn't apparent where I had picked it up but it was a good laugh that we had today. And I thought it was the just the texture and smell that made me and still makes me hate them!

LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WATCH THE NEWS! (I worry about others)

My husband has always been relieved that we don't have children so that we don't have to watch our mouths except which our friends with young kids come over. If I am in pain, I can just grab a joint and relieve myself. If I poop my pants; I can take them off and not have to worry about being naked. It's hard sometimes; The conversations at my house are better left for adults. We often laugh so hard at so many crisis that we are faced with as opposed to some normal households. We don't take the little things in life for granted; they are all special. We live in the now and we get by Day to Day trying our best not to watch the news and having it grapple with our nerves that the sky is falling and that we are all going to run out of money! Panic! Panic! Panic!

OK, sometimes I can't help but read on the internet routers about another family being killed because of finances. It's so sad and I can't even begin to understand why this happens that perhaps for them loosing their job is often very traumatic; many people need therapy for loosing their jobs.

I don't know, it just does something to my heart that someone could have that much power in a family to kill all of them. This seems to be a very serious situation. At least lately; it's often the father who kills the entire family. (now I am worried about more families committing murder and then committing suicide on their family members) I often wonder how many times has this happened since the financial meltdown?

Just like PTSD with soldiers, perhaps something else is happening to these families? Yes, sitting at home, I often wonder what can be done to stop this. I hope there is a way to help save other families before this keeps happening over and over again. We really need to have these situations investigated instead of spending our hard earned tax dollars arresting non-violent drug offenders; gee we could be saving lives instead of ruining them; imagine that. New Priorities are definately needed; get rid of the waste and that includes those extra prisons.

Maybe some community involvement could help these families? I don't know why, but I can't help but worry about these situations and that perhaps my appreciation for life would at least make them stop feeling that lack of money is worth taking out their entire loving family. I am fighting for my life and no amount of money will make me fight any less. I don't feel it's right to put a price tag on someone's life. When it comes down to it the heart and soul of someone you love, really is priceless. Sometime money makes people do horrible evil things and maybe my lack of money makes me more loving?

My parents did just fine when we ran out of finances. True, we did eat out of garbage cans during the 80's only a handful of times but it certainly wasn't worth taking out lives. We still had a home to live in but even so many still survive shortly in cars. I have met many grown kids of that environment who grow up to be amazing adults. Some even put themselves through college. It seemed to make them stronger, more resourcesful, more appreciative of nice things being done for them, and most of all more down to earth. You could actually carry on a normal conversation with them. These special individuals appreciated the help they receieved from homeless shelters that they too volunteer sometimes; I want to; I have donated many times. It's very inspiring to hear of those who survive the impossible and who make better lives for themselves and their families. That's the good news I wish to hear more of!)

When we had moved to SC for a job and once we moved there; my father lost that same job shortly after the long move. He did everything he could to find a job and it was so hard; the important thing is; we got through it all as a family; a strong family. Maybe they ended up in divorce, but we kids got through it just fine. It's not pleasant to have to loose some material possessions; the important things to remember is that your family and even friends are worth so much more than those mediocre possessions. You shouldn't have to loose those most important beings in your life; you should cherish them!)

When it comes down to it; we can all do something to make things better for these families that feel that death is the only option. Healthcare really is important especially in these cases where a simple visit to seek psychiatric help could have changed everything for those families.

I really admire Obama's determination to stick with health care. He is on the right track. I know of many cancer patients who have died because of their lack of healthcare. It's so sad but I feel many lives will be changed once healthcare is reformed to work for us. It is so important and there are so many programs we could have which would create jobs; help new businesses that create jobs here; allow consumers such as myself to finally purchase something that isn't cheap and made in China.

We have all kinds of opportunities to create green jobs especially here in San Jose. We are hopefully working towards having a composting program put in place which will bring in more jobs, save money and space in our landfills; that's just one thing. We are also considering taxing and regulating cannabis which would bring in over a billion in revenue rather than spending several billion locking up offenders. It's not a deadly or dangerous drug; only through lies and racism is it illegal. I certainly hope that the federal government will eventually get past those lies and racism and make this plant legal once again. It could save so many lives. I know it has saved mine and continues to. This to me is exciting.

These days I really hate shopping because it seems that I look at tags all the time and sometimes; I just won't buy it. I don't need it that much if its made in China. I can definately live with out it. I can make what I need myself if it happens to be made in China. I don't need it. One day we will have products made here and there will be jobs once again. I do have faith and we can also put scientists and researchers back to work finding cures. OK this post was more political than health related but its stuff that is on my mind that I wish I could have a part in fixing or inspiring.

Hashish?....Instant Pain Relief..........

I managed to keep myself pretty busy on this very, very hot over 100 degree day and I even managed to keep the house cool enough all day long!

One thing that had to be done was to call my Chemo doctor and I was able to leave a message for him concerning the stool sample (internal bleeding) and if I should continue on the Etoposide despite the internal bleeding or should we just take a little break, find out the reason for the internal bleeding, etc.

I was in pretty bad pain when I first awoke this morning and it was as if I had digested a bunch of razor blades during the night. I felt pretty battered and beat up and could barely stand up straight without doubling up in pain. I know that the pain is due to the abdominal blockages that keep occurring despite all that I am doing to keep the blockages free (Myralax, stool softeners, enemas, soft easy to digest foods, and suppositories).

The blockages are still occurring and the pain keeps me on edge. Sometimes I am unable to function because of this pain and I just feel like laying around, trying to find the most comfortable pain free position. I know there is plenty to do (in life in general) but the pain in my intestines will freeze my body enough so that I am just laying on the couch as time just flies by.

My good friend (I have to protect her privacy) but she continues to help me and I'm so thankful for such a good friend and a soul. She brought me over some really good pot and some really good hash to try out. I'm not really familiar with the process of making hash, but this was made with water? It's call water Hash? There's some sort of process for making the stuff.

The best way for me to smoke the Hash (currently) is with my glass pipe (my younger brother got me this pipe for my Birthday last year.) I was in pretty bad pain and the actual pain that I can feel is that I am bleeding internally. (that's the best way that I can describe it)

Sometimes, I try so hard to pretend that I'm not really in such bad pain when I am around my friends and family. I really hate for them or anyone to have see that I am suffering in pain. I know it kills my husband, my father, my mother, brother, and many, many friends. It really hurts and it sucks to have to feel this pain almost constantly. Sometimes I have to admit that I do get angry at God for putting me in such pain. I will plead with him/her that I don't deserve this pain and to please STOP IT!! Please?

I can relieve myself of the pain somewhat with my vaporizer and some really strong pot, but this was like no other feeling. I smoked the hash with my friend and for her, it was much different. She just felt very mellow and quiet. My pain dissipated completely; so much so that we actually went outside and swam some laps in my pool. I felt absolutely wonderful! To be so pain free!! I really haven't felt this feeling in such a long time, months perhaps. Awwww! That pain in my stomach; gone!!!! For that, I thank GOD for the pain relief. OH!!!! I'M SO THANKFUL!!!!!!!!!

I didn't feel the pain in my intestines at all and I felt absolutely wonderful; happy and most importantly, I didn't feel myself bleeding internally!!!!!!! Sure, I was forgetful, spacey, and perhaps a little goofy (my friend laughed at me some and I admit I do get myself laughing so hard that my ribs hurt just a little bit!). But what's the harm? No Pain:), and I felt the gain of confidence to actually be able to accomplish a few things today like cleaning, doing laundry, and all the things that I was doubled up on the couch unable to do.

If this isn't proof of medicinal value and evidence, not sure what else to there is to prove except, what a miracle and what a miracle drug this is! I love life and as far as I'm concerned, this is saving my life. I definitely without a doubt feel in my heart that I could never harm anyone, no matter what. As I go through the pains of cancer (that I often suffer from), I like to feel that I am taking the pain for children that don't deserve it, and for my friends and family.

Almost forgot! I actually slurped and finished a whole nasty protein shake! I also drank 3 in a row, of cranberry juice and water with Miralax! I also drank my Prune Juice and it sure made my prune juice taste yummy and usually my prune juice is never yummy, ever! My mouth was that dry? Imagine that?

Sometimes after awaking from an Etoposide pill, I suffer from a metal taste (metals from the chemo drugs) in my mouth. (after vaporizing, I noticed that the metal taste was gone - completely!) Wow!!! More proof of Medicinal Value!-)

Please do visit this site as well:
http://www.freetainted.com/weblog/topics/about

These are true heroes for us patients. If the federal Government continues to prosecute the undangerous citizens (clearly NOT terrorists). These humans are loving, caring, and concerned citizens who help the sick and they are prosecuted? What kind of world do we live in?