WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Hashish?....Instant Pain Relief..........

I managed to keep myself pretty busy on this very, very hot over 100 degree day and I even managed to keep the house cool enough all day long!

One thing that had to be done was to call my Chemo doctor and I was able to leave a message for him concerning the stool sample (internal bleeding) and if I should continue on the Etoposide despite the internal bleeding or should we just take a little break, find out the reason for the internal bleeding, etc.

I was in pretty bad pain when I first awoke this morning and it was as if I had digested a bunch of razor blades during the night. I felt pretty battered and beat up and could barely stand up straight without doubling up in pain. I know that the pain is due to the abdominal blockages that keep occurring despite all that I am doing to keep the blockages free (Myralax, stool softeners, enemas, soft easy to digest foods, and suppositories).

The blockages are still occurring and the pain keeps me on edge. Sometimes I am unable to function because of this pain and I just feel like laying around, trying to find the most comfortable pain free position. I know there is plenty to do (in life in general) but the pain in my intestines will freeze my body enough so that I am just laying on the couch as time just flies by.

My good friend (I have to protect her privacy) but she continues to help me and I'm so thankful for such a good friend and a soul. She brought me over some really good pot and some really good hash to try out. I'm not really familiar with the process of making hash, but this was made with water? It's call water Hash? There's some sort of process for making the stuff.

The best way for me to smoke the Hash (currently) is with my glass pipe (my younger brother got me this pipe for my Birthday last year.) I was in pretty bad pain and the actual pain that I can feel is that I am bleeding internally. (that's the best way that I can describe it)

Sometimes, I try so hard to pretend that I'm not really in such bad pain when I am around my friends and family. I really hate for them or anyone to have see that I am suffering in pain. I know it kills my husband, my father, my mother, brother, and many, many friends. It really hurts and it sucks to have to feel this pain almost constantly. Sometimes I have to admit that I do get angry at God for putting me in such pain. I will plead with him/her that I don't deserve this pain and to please STOP IT!! Please?

I can relieve myself of the pain somewhat with my vaporizer and some really strong pot, but this was like no other feeling. I smoked the hash with my friend and for her, it was much different. She just felt very mellow and quiet. My pain dissipated completely; so much so that we actually went outside and swam some laps in my pool. I felt absolutely wonderful! To be so pain free!! I really haven't felt this feeling in such a long time, months perhaps. Awwww! That pain in my stomach; gone!!!! For that, I thank GOD for the pain relief. OH!!!! I'M SO THANKFUL!!!!!!!!!

I didn't feel the pain in my intestines at all and I felt absolutely wonderful; happy and most importantly, I didn't feel myself bleeding internally!!!!!!! Sure, I was forgetful, spacey, and perhaps a little goofy (my friend laughed at me some and I admit I do get myself laughing so hard that my ribs hurt just a little bit!). But what's the harm? No Pain:), and I felt the gain of confidence to actually be able to accomplish a few things today like cleaning, doing laundry, and all the things that I was doubled up on the couch unable to do.

If this isn't proof of medicinal value and evidence, not sure what else to there is to prove except, what a miracle and what a miracle drug this is! I love life and as far as I'm concerned, this is saving my life. I definitely without a doubt feel in my heart that I could never harm anyone, no matter what. As I go through the pains of cancer (that I often suffer from), I like to feel that I am taking the pain for children that don't deserve it, and for my friends and family.

Almost forgot! I actually slurped and finished a whole nasty protein shake! I also drank 3 in a row, of cranberry juice and water with Miralax! I also drank my Prune Juice and it sure made my prune juice taste yummy and usually my prune juice is never yummy, ever! My mouth was that dry? Imagine that?

Sometimes after awaking from an Etoposide pill, I suffer from a metal taste (metals from the chemo drugs) in my mouth. (after vaporizing, I noticed that the metal taste was gone - completely!) Wow!!! More proof of Medicinal Value!-)

Please do visit this site as well:

These are true heroes for us patients. If the federal Government continues to prosecute the undangerous citizens (clearly NOT terrorists). These humans are loving, caring, and concerned citizens who help the sick and they are prosecuted? What kind of world do we live in?

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Anonymous said...

It is sad that we can't use heavy dose narcotics in America to treat pain in cancer victims like they do in England. I saw a report once that they prescribe heroin in a pump like an insulin pump and have had great results. Especially if you have terminal cancer what are they afraid of...that the person will get hooked? Get real, our legal pain meds don't cut it. My sister died from cancer and I saw it for myself.
I wish you luck and congrats that you got some relief.

Anonymous said...

You ask about how 'water hash' is made, from one cancer patient to another here is the SOP on that item:

Basilcy the by product of budd (leaf stem) is put in a ICE water bath to make the resien heads (Tricomes) freeze and like leafs on a winter tree, they brake off in the wind. Also resen (tricomes/hash) is heavy and sinks while the leaf matter floats. The ice water / herbal 'slush' is adgtated then put though a set of screen bottom 5 gal bags (they have all sizes.) Hash is then scraped off the bottom of each screen after the frist one.

Here's the full discription from the maker of the bags web site:


don't get to into the images of the clothing - the site is the REAL hash Making site! These are what 'everyone' uses.
click the "I agree" (if your over the age bla bla bla (wink = I know you are = your blog site has one too!)

then go to "Instructions" and pick the frist link on that page = Simple instrutions

and you can see a list of images that will show you want is done!

Hope this is of some help, good luck wth your cancer and surviving.
For those reading this to let you know what daily life of a cancer person is like and how bad life is, and how MMJ makes it a BIT more barable.

ME? I feel great (little pain) but weaker then weak tea and the cancer last check up was NOT shrinking (UGH PISS MOAN) thoug the night sweats have stopped wihc we consider a good sign!????!
I'm 'fine' if I stay in bed and only get up to'work out' a little bit, or just do a bit of work. Other wise I'm just stuck in bed so damn weak!

I'm usally a 'hard charging' type of guy, work-addcited Type-A ...
So this is bed rest stuff is driving me nuts! But I have little choice, to day I woke up all bushy tailed, took a shower and got dresed, Then fell backinto bed - beat - got up in a few hours and put in about an hour or two at work. Soon after that we had to go see the MD and I could barly sit in the waiting room, so tired and weak.
We went to the pharmcy and dropped off some Rx's that the MD gave us, then to a quick lunch that I could barly eat, keep down. Went out to the back of the resturant, used a bit of cannabis and was able to eat, was hungery.
Went home, went right to bed and slept for 5 hours.

Note: I'm used to working 12 to 18 hours a day, now I sleep that much or more, unable to work.
I hate 'getting high' don't enjoy it, don't like my mind cloudy, but it has made this horable time a lot easier.
I really wish the powers that be understood how good this 'stuff' works.

Please leave the centers alone and make sure sick people have safe and afforable access!

Theresa said...

Since we found each other I have been looking at a few things online about ovarian cancer.
I was wondering if you have ever researched or tried Aloe Vera as a natural laxative. I have to say I don't know how you drink some of the nasty stuff you have to drink just to attempt to have normal bathroom visits.

Here is a link of a study, granted it was 20 years ago. I have also read some peoples blogs about their use of Aloe Vera in their diets and they seem to be convinced it helps them in ways.


Just wondering.
Have a Sunny Day

Anonymous said...

PART #1. I've been thinking about asking my doctors if medical marijuana may be better for me then all my other medications. I have severe chronic pain through out my whole body. My current pain meds are 10mg of OxyContin 2X's a day 15mg of Oxycodone every 3 hours 10 mg of Flexeril 3X's a day 4mg of Valium every 4 hours as needed and when that's not cutting it I omit the oxycodone for 4mg of Dialudid. I've been on pain meds for almost 6 years strait now! Before that off and on since I was 15 years old and I'm now almost 33. I have many joint and skeletal, muscle issues. I've seen dr after dr that agree I need surgery but will NOT help me due to the risk of me passing away. I had surgery in 09 and suffered massive bi-lateral pulmonary embolisms a few days later. When I say massive I mean MASSIVE! I had 8 huge clots! I died 8 times! And by the grace of God was able to come back all on my own. I passed all my clots at home. My hubby thinking I was just sleeping (as I have narcolepsy). So now no one wants to have the young wife and mother of 4 young kids die on their table. But they will let me suffer in pain that they know they can help ease with surgery. But instead I just get more and more narcotics, barbiturates and opieats. I'm at the point again where my doses aren't working and I'm going to need an increase. I don't want more.. I want to be get surgery to fix the problem not to band aide it with drugs. I have to go in all the time for blood work to make sure my organs aren't shutting down or being damaged too much. So if I can't get the surgery I need, maybe there is a different way to relieve my pain.

Anonymous said...

PART #2 Its the kind of pain where you just want to crawl out of your skin some days. I have to hold back tears when my kids hug me because just being touched hurts! Just laying in my body hurts. Maybe there is an alternative? Something that is more natural. Is marijuana the way? Will I be able to even use it. I don't think I could inhale it. I only have 20% of one lung and 40% of the other. The embolisms kill the lung tissue. It never regenerates. If I even walk by a person smoking a cigarette it's as if all the air was sucked out of the room. I gasp for air. I've been avoiding the oxygen tank. I already have glasses, hearing aides, a power chair, and don't want another accessorie (of course at some point I will have to and will, but for now if I can breathe ok I'm not getting one!). I have the most wonderful husband! He has watched me go from being an active beautiful woman. I was 5' 3" 115 pounds blond hair blue eyes, I don't mean to toot my own horn but I was beautiful. To now a little over 200 pounds and because if my medical problems can't even exersize a little bit. My heart was also damaged from the embolisms (they pass through your heart; stopping it, before entering your lungs. Most people die from one, surviving 3 back to back is a miracle, but 8 is unheard of, I'm now used in medical training. But my dr's all say as much as they would LOVE to claim they saved me, they didn't! They have no medical reason for me making it!) My husband still loves me as much if not more then he did 17 years ago when we started dating. I love him a million times more! He works so hard to give us the best life! He's a electrician so we aren't rich but we live a very nice middle class life. Our kids want for nothing! But he works all day and then comes home and does all the things I can't do anymore. Laundry is upstairs. I can't get up there. He cleans and some nights even does dinner. I'm narcoleptic so some times I sleep and can't be woken. It sucks. I hate that I can't control being awake. I hate not being in control of my body. I'm sure a lot of people with medical conditions similar to me feel the same way. Not being able to control even your own body is frustrating to say the very least. I've come to terms with it all though. I mean I still have my potty party days, but those are few and far between now. I'm thankful for what I have. And what I can do. I try to stay focused on that.

Anonymous said...

PART #3 I'm thankful for 4 beautiful kids and a handsome man that loves me. But it's so much more then that. He has such a huge heart! He loves me and still tells me how sexy I am to him. (Even though I'm not that 115 pound girl.) I know God made him for me! Our kids are the best! We got pregnant with our first daughter by SURPRISE my depo shot didn't do its job. But she's such a blessing! She's 11 years old and the smartest most beautiful young lady! Can't believe in just 2 weeks she'll be starting 7th grade!! Then there is our oldest boy. He is so special! We were foster parents and got him when he was just 19 days old. We were already pregnant with our 2nd daughter. He's 9 & 1/2 years old and so quick! He taught himself his abc's and numbers. We got him this little toy computer and one day we were walking through the grocerie store and he started pointing to numbers and letters and was getting them all right! I was shocked!! He was 3 years old, we never worked on those because he is in the spectrum for autism, we were working on life skills. Then there is our 2nd daughter she is 9 years old. We call her and our oldest son 1/2 twins. Half the year they are the same age and 1/2 the year they aren't. She is such a sweet girl! She struggles so much, but is always so happy! She has many medical disorders, chronic constipation GERD, stomach ulcers, OCD ADHD Anxiety, Severe Asthma, Allergies, Chronic Migraines, vitamin decencies and failure to thrive. She is smart as a whip though. Then there is our little guy. He just turned 6. We got the call for him when he was a most a month old. He and our oldest son share the same birth mom (no clue who she is, never met her). We never thought we would have 4 kids but are so blessed!! Any who that's my a little bit of my story. I want the best quality of life for me and my family. Will alternative medication get me there? Who knows? Just wanting to hear others stories and how it's worked for them. People like me that have young families and want to be an active parent. Not the one that spends 90% of their life in bed trying to find the least painful way to spend their days.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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