To Continue the Chemo.....internal bleeding..

I got a phone call yesterday evening concerning a stool sample I had submitted about 2 weeks ago. It is positive for blood which means that I do have some internal bleeding going on somewhere in.

Much of what I write about in this journey of cancer is all true and to the point and may contain more information than one would want to read about. In all, I only hope that anyone reading any of this, that you are able to look at your life much differently than before and that perhaps you won't sweat the small things in your life like paying bills, going to work, handling specific projects or what ever is going on in your life. Each and every day for me is a battle of combating severe pain. I do my very best each and every day and that's pretty much all I can do at this point. Quality of life is key.

I just hope in all that my life does matter and that I am able to affect one's life in a very positive way. We all need to find a happiness and to not feel stressful all the time. We don't need to cause stress to someone else's life. What a miserable feeling! I almost get a high off of making someone else laugh. My happiness in my life is my loving husband.

So Now back to my stool sample.

What an adventure that was to get! I got the kit the same day that I went in for my blood sample just prior to my first chemo for this set of treatments. The kit for my shit came in a little pouch where you fold out what looks like one of those sanitary doilies that you put on a toilet seat so you don't have your ass touch where someone else's ass has been. The only difference being that you have to lift the lid, fold out the paper so that you can poo on the paper without it being contaminated by the water or your pee. Place the lid on top of the paper and "shoots away"! At the time, that I had been advised to get a stool sample, I did notice my poo as being black in color. This is indication of internal bleeding.

It took me about 5 days to try and get that one sample. Day 1, I was constipated and nothing was coming out. Day 2, I doubled up on the stool Softeners, Miralax, and the suppositories. and finally, I got the stool sample kit, instructions read, paper folded out to make a clean catch or so I thought. It seriously took some work to accomplish all of that. I wasn't prepared for the heavy weight of the poo. The poo hit the paper and as I struggled with the spoon that comes in a little bottle for which I had a difficult time finding inside the cap. The bottle clearly stated to not open the cap, but the spoon was on the outside of the lid. I just had the tiny spoon in hand ready to make a clean catch as I watched in horror as my poo did a gymnastic move on the paper and then it lost its balance on the very edge of the paper and then it plopped into the toilet with the rest of my pee. It was now contaminated and so I needed to wait until I could get another sample. Day 3 and 4 didn't work, but finally on Day 5 I got my opportunity. I pooed, it plopped perfect on the paper and I was ready before it did the gymnastic move into the toilet! I followed the directions, gathered my little sample, packaged it up and place it in the mail.

I just got the results for which my poop was positive for blood. This means that I have some internal bleeding going on which does make sense for all the pain I am suffering, but no worries, its nothing pot can't fix.

My Primary Doctor told me that I will require a colonoscopy. I don't have too many bad memories of those and have had 2 or 3 in the past 5 years and 9 months (11/15/02). I do know that they give you a drug that makes your memory of the whole experience of having a camera guided up your ass.

Now for the Internal Bleeding we are concerned if I should continue with the Etoposide. I have yet to get it refilled. I do plan to talk with my Chemo doctor tomorrow to find out if he thinks it is safe for me to continue on the Etoposide knowing that I have some internal bleeding.

I go through a tremendous amount of pain each day in my intestines despite the diet I am on. It seems everything is a struggle to digest even those boring, gross PediaSures, but just found out that I got the wrong stuff and that's why I am still loosing some weight. I finally reached 125 lbs today and am in dire need of gaining weight. With my frame, I look much healthier when I'm above 130lbs. I can see the bones in my spine and my rib cage.

I haven't received my other chemo pills (Etoposide) and it could be due to the blood in my stool sample. I won't know until I speak with my chemo doctor if I will be able to continue on the Etoposide chemo treatments. I did wait at the Pharmacy for over 2 hours for them to tell me that they can't get in touch with my chemo doctor and therefore I can't get any chemo pills. It could be a good thing to not get the chemo pills because perhaps they are the source of my internal bleeding and sudden weight loss.