WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Living in the now in NO Pain.....

A very good friend of mine took this photo of me on Saturday. The blanket here was made by some wonderful ladies from the Breast Cancer Support Forum on Breast Cancer.org. Each square was made by a cancer survivor in the US and then sent to one centrally located breast cancer survivor who knitted all of the loving squares together. I plan to write about this wonderful group of ladies in my upcoming Good Kharma Newsletter due out September 21st.

Granted despite the devastating Cancer diagnosis I am cursed with, I do have plenty to be happy about. I'm very happy to be alive and I have lots of caring friends and family who also give me plenty to smile and/or laugh about. The love from my husband also gives me plenty to smile about.

My scars don't really look so bad and its quite hard to believe that I have been cut open 4 times in the same exact spot. This is why we know that our Oncologist really does care. He cared enough to sew me back up the same way each time I had to be opened up. Despite all of this, can you believe that I still find the times to laugh and I have plenty to laugh about.

In this battle for my life, my husband and I still struggle with my intestines still unable to digest even simple food without the roaring sound of pain.

I ordered these Protein shakes which don't really taste all that good until I'm quite stoned. Then my mouth is dry and I'm very hungry (enough to drink them). They have vitamins that my body needs to heal me and to get what it needs to survive.

Just recently, I have tried to eat food a few times and it does cause me great pain, but nothing that a little hash can't alleviate and that's the magic. Sure my stomach still roars and causes me great pain, however the hash is still working strong and helping to eliminate that horrible pain. Sometimes it even calms down all the noise in my intestines to the point that they are not struggling as much. The pain does eventually return and I have to deal with it each time, but those moments of being pain free help me to fully function; it gives me that quality of life that I so need.

So far I have gained 3 lbs in just a few days. We are scheduled to meet with my oncologist on Wednesday at noon to discuss the next plan of action.

Should we just cut to the chase and have a colostomy bag inserted so that I don't have to worry so much about my bowels and intestines actually working. What next for chemo? Do we continue, was it a mistake that there were NO refills on the Etoposide? Perhaps another chemo plan of action? I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the meeting and I often am. I am really scared of how much time I have and I don't want to know, I just want to continue to live in the now and believe in my heart that I will heal eventually or perhaps even be cured.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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