WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Friday, May 22, 2009

It's Already Memorial Day Weekend?

My husband and I have been loving the time we have been spending together and as we were relaxing at the local pub (I had a bottled water) talking with a good friend we just found out that instead of next weekend being Memorial Day Weekend that it is actually this weekend? Wow! Time is flying and we are just realizing that! Even though we have had some painful days with the stupid infection, pain from surgery, and of course my intestines trying to work again; time is flying by still.

Before I know it; my brother will be here and then my Dad to celebrate my 39th birthday (June 14th). I will still have the stupid pee bag but I will be working up to 8-12 hour days, getting a good sleep pattern, and learning to digest the foods that work best for me. I hope to have gained more strength by then because in all I do still feel pretty weak. My honey taking this time off really is helping me get stronger and stronger each day. I do love my days being spent with him taking such good care of me!)

We really are working on trying to get my body strong enough and I am confident now that we will soon.

Well today my honey and I left the house by 2pm for lunch at a local Microbrewery (I finished 1/2 of my "Brown Bear"). I was a little bad, but I couldn't help it; I had a basil tomato stone fired pizza. GOD it was so good! Normally there is bacon on the pizza; but opted out. (Fins and Feathers). This would prove meaning later on in the day or would it?

After our lovely lunch we had a romantic stroll in our own Pruneyard Shopping Center. It's needs a little more life; but it's still happening. We walked over to a little boutique where I went in search of more shampoo and conditioner and a new brush. My honey wanted me to get a new brush since lately; handfuls of hair are coming out each day. I'm not gonna lie; its kinda scary, but if it happens (baldness = I'm gonna get a tatoo).

I'm not sure if it's (loosing my hair) because I'm getting older, all the freaking chemo I've had, my lack of hormones, a shitty brush, there's no stress (except sometimes my health) right now; so it can't be that. I see 4 factors which I don't blame my hair at all for wanting to fall out of my head; if it happens, it happens. Anyway, as I was in the shop looking at the different brushes, my intestines started to churn; I knew immediately, so I then asked the nice lady in the shop for a restroom and she directed me right to one and gave me a key with a teal ribbon!

I was able to walk out the door to a nice romantic kiss from my sweet smelling hubby looking so very sexy just outside the shop door; probably doing a great job at bringing in customers of women or cute gay men; well as for the bathroom, it even had Cottenelle TP!) No I am not ashamed to say that I had to use a public toilet to take a shit! I did it! Now I feel liberated as I always have!) I then washed my hands, dried them and then walked right out the door to my loving honey who was still standing outside with my puppy. I watched many people as they walked by such a hot man with a very cute and beautiful dog; how can you freaking resist? He looked so cute and then as he spotted me; and he smiled that sexy smile that tells me "I'm here for you honey!)" I walked up to him and he to me and then he gave me the most romantic kiss as he knew what I just did; I walked out with my clean hands as we continued out day.

I then walked right back in that shop and purchased my new brush and some shampoo and conditioner. After I was done, we walked around the whole shopping center looking at many of the shops. It was a nice little romantic stroll. After that we walked back to the car and headed to our local pub. As we were driving, we saw a friend of my honeys from the bar who happened to be walking that same way. We stopped at the light and yelled for him as he walked over and climbed inside. We gave him a ride over and then we talked of this pig roasting that this young man's father will be doing at the local pub. The actual cooking or roasting would start at 11pm that night with the cook spending the night at the bar to tend to it.

The young man (& son of the cook) professed to being a vegan and for me; my problem was seeing the actual pig; dead, his face, his snout, teeth and all. I think I would have nightmares or it just might disturb me a little; kinda dumb I know; just not in the mood to see a dead pig. Little piggies are so freaking cute, but then again so are little baby chickens; and am having a problem with that too lately. My digestion has really changed the way the way that I eat food. (we had Thai food yesterday and boy was it good!) If I have an unpleasant time digesting; can't eat the food anymore; so NO more Yellow Chicken Curry for me anymore!

We got to bar and we avoided me seeing the pig being stuffed and prepared which was very cool. I sat inside and had some great conversation with my honey and his friend about music, people, religion, didn't talk any politics because that's just something I have been avoiding lately. I don't feel that Politics is good when trying to get along with others; it just gets in the way. We all have our ways of feeling and doing things; our own minds and decisions of who to trust. OK sometimes we do touch on politics but I haven't been in the mood lately (election long over).

OK back to the bar; the diarrhea started again; so I had to go inside a horrible skanky bathroom to do the dead. I also decided I should check my nephostomy bag to see if it needed to be emptied and it didn't really but I did it anyway. As I was putting back on the scarf; the lights inside the bathroom all of sudden went out. Miss Blue Belle was in the bathroom with me; she licked my leg to let me know she was close by. I had to maneuver around to find my purse and then I found it and preceded to find my way out of the bathroom. The lights all of sudden came back on so I washed my hands and headed back outside to let my honey know that I needed to go home. The diarrhea has started.

My husband had already noticed that my system starts to digest about 1/2 hour - 45 minutes after I eat and we are now gauging all of this on our next get away. He pays such close attention to me. I do still need to take meds for pain for right now because digesting certain foods can prove painful. I feel I am still healing from the same surgery from over 2 months ago., (this Monday one too) These intestines have been through absolute hell if you throw in the chemotherapy treatments too! I had 3 bathroom visits for the entire trip away from the house (2- 6pm). That's not bad at all.

My honey then took me home as I struggled in pain having those painful spasms. I didn't know if I could hold it all the way home; once we pulled into the garage I hurried to the bathroom. The Hockey Playoffs are still going on and he is rooting for Chicago right now. Before he left to go watch the game, he made extra sure I was OK as I continued with the extremely painful diarrhea. He helped me the meds, getting a nice cold glass of water and even bringing in the bong. I needed it all as I sat there crying on the toilet.

He took this photo one of me this evening after the anal to intestinal spasms had calmed down. I am still suffering in pain in this photo but I sucked it up so that I could hold up my peace sign necklace which I wore specially for my nephostomy scarf with the peace signs. It's my favorite scarf ever now! It covers my bag perfectly and matches most of my ensembles!)

I did come home just in time for the evening news and (Rachel Maddow). Another day. I shouldn't watch it but sometimes I just can't help it; only the good news can I take. I usually flip around for what seems like good news to me. I for one don't like to constantly feel as if life is about to end (terrorist attacks, all of us running out of money, and fear) as we all know it. It's not even over yet. Not even close for me!)

I'm extremely happy that I have a President who can really calm me down after a scary "go to hell" Ex-VP goes on a fear mongering rage for too many days in a row. I'm so tired of seeing his tirades and of course his evil face as it seems likes its everywhere now. (that's another reason for my toilet shot) We voted and we already have a President; we don't need that evil shit head.

I'm so glad that I chose to watch the inspirational speech (of course I would choose that!) and now I feel so much better! Thanks Rachel Maddow for clearing things up for me also! Sorry I just couldn't resist and just had to throw that in; because I do feel better as far as stress and relaxing. I think I would go MAD and insane if I had to be forced to watch FOX Noise or even SOB Cheney's tirades. It's too stressful; that's why it's fear mongering. We had it for eight long years and I'm done with it.

I really needed a good Presidential Leader to help calm me down and let me know that "No the sky is not falling", there are "NO WMDs" not everything is scary shit; let's just work together and fix things. Communication really is key and I'm glad he is doing just that. We don't need to constantly fear for our lives; we can live. I really do feel that things will get better for many. Living life with hopes and dreams is so much better than living in fear. Living with that much fear is no way to live.

Here is a photo that my friend Elena took of me as I was receiving my last set of treatments (around the end of August or early September). I actually believed I would loose all of my hair; I still had it surprisingly; I suppose I may have been preparing to loose it. It might be a little provocative; but I like it. I think I still look the same here with the exception of part of the scar. and maybe a little more skinnier. This scar did not go up as high and some of my old scar remains. I do plan to get more photos done soon with her as I get strong enough to take a whole trip to SF for a couple of days.

Yes we are still planning our special little trip(s) somewhere to just get away. I'm calling it my Denial trip where I can just get away and attempt to forget the miseries of this disease; but mostly to enjoy good quality time spent with the love of my life. I know we will take many fun trips together; somehow just staying in a hotel room; just a walk away from a beach or even country would be awesome right about now!)

As for the curry I had last night; still having major diarrhea issues as I was dumb enough to eat the left overs!( My honey went over to the dreaded Safeway to stand in line with beer and a big "Anti-Diarrhea" Medicine. Oh GOD did I need it! No worries; and the woman in front of him had just emptied her cart ahead of him with all kinds of liquor. It was a slow 15 minute process of waiting in line. After all the ringing up and everything; the cashier said "no we can't accept any of these checks". My honey is so hilarious in how he tells me a great story of how he came to be each and every time. I will never grow tired of his adventures.

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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