Can I please get rid of this pee bag?

Thought I would include this cute photo of my dad walking Tonto (Tonto walking my dad) for all to enjoy. This was just one of the fun things we were able to do together during his visit. I took this one just this morning.

Forgive the name of this post but I guess I really do mean it. Since I get to celebrate my birthday all week long (I'm celebrating all year if possible!), that's what I would like on Thursday. It's my Birthday wish = Get rid of the piss bag!) I have surgery to hopefully internalize my stint or so it's called but I have been so incredibly annoyed by the nephostomy tubes coming out of my back all week long.

I get in the car to drive my family around (brother and father) and then I accidentally sit in the seat all the way with my back touching the back of the seat and then it makes me jump (it kind of feels like a pinch) like I just sat on a tack ! Sometimes going to sit on the couch can be a little painful there too! Oh and not to mention being so worried that the tubing is coming out of my back; that too sucks!

I did get the dressing changed on Thursday (right before my brother arrived) and the first day the dressing came completely off exposing the tube in my back. My honey has been having to change the dressing each day and he too is tired of it. May this nephostomy bag be no more Thursday. Oh did I mention, it itches like FUCK! OMG! It also leaks and burns! It totally sucks and I don't know what to do about the itching, except it totally makes me want to scratch the living shit out of it! I can't help it sometimes. between the itching, pinching, burning and then the pulling or so it feels like. It's so ready to come out!

Well my dad leaves today at 3pm today and then tomorrow we have to be at the hospital at 1pm and then at 2:30pm my surgery starts. I get to go home at 5:30pm or at least my honey needs to be there to take me home then I get to sleep off all the drugs and hopefully I won't have this stupid bag on me when I wake up as I did last time.

"Please GOD don't let this surgery be a failure; please let that stint go all the way through my ureter without a snag!"

Hell I am so tired of all the tape that is always on my back getting stuck on my clothing and snagging on everything it touches, I'm so tired of not being able to take normal showers, not being able to go swimming, or sit in the hot tub, not being able to take normal baths and so much more! How limiting is that? I'm also tired of the seemingly constant urinary or bladder infections I always seem to have. I'm also irritated that some company (I'm calling them and giving them a piece of mind) doesn't wish to include a cap on the end of the bag so that sometime piss will dribble on my knee or my clothes or sometimes the lever will accidentally slip and then piss is all over me. Please come off tomorrow Nephostomy bag! Please! Is that too much for me to ask that I can just piss one way and not two? Not to have all this tape on me and this pain can finally end?

Well even so, I should not be complaining period about this. Poor Becky seems to be getting more bad news and what a brave woman she is for enduring this and so much more! She may very well have to deal with 2 Nephostomy bags and she just keeps on going. We survivors have to keep going and dealing with our issues. Yes, we have those sucky moments, but we also have good moments too! I'm getting by more and more each day. She is blessed to have a wonderful family and a very cute son; but what about what's going on in her body too? Here's to her being able to have some sort of normalcy for her too!) Let her get rid of those nephostomy bags too! She's too young just as I am to be going through this shit!

I was able to wake up early enough yesterday to make a wonderful breakfast for all the men in my house (honey, dad, and brother) and then the pain just started. It wasn't so bad at first,; I just went upstairs and dealt with the spasms as they got worse and worse. I did my Sitz bath to calm them and to go number 2. What a disgusting way for me to have to live; always dealing with Shit!( It's really such a disgusting process because my dam butthole burns so horribly (stomach acids from a short intestinal tract) that I have to have hot water there when it comes out. It really does feel awesome with the hot water on my bum!) Then I have to pore the water and shit down the toilet and I do this anywhere between 5- 10 times in a row each time. I literally have to clean out the pink tub 3 times in between and the water has to be the perfect temperature each time. Not too hot and definitely not too luke warm. This is the truth of what I endure each day now as my intestines continue to heal. NO it's not at all pleasant, but please do be glad that you can at least take a normal shit each day because I sure as hell can't (just yet). Well, technically I can; it's just not normal.

OK well at least I am taking a shit each day, but I take about 20-30 each day and dam it burns like hell coming out; that's where the hot water hits the spot and not to mention those painful hemi's (hemorrhoids) that I get too; like that's not enough torture for me. Let's just add more insult to injury for me - NO let's just don't = off with the pee bag tomorrow!)

OK enough about my shit. My honey had to take my brother to the airport alone because I was having such severe abdominal and anal spasms. I was also crying and crying and just totally upset that I wouldn't get to take my brother to the airport. It really meant a lot to me to be able to hug him at the airport and to send him off properly. I hugged him and then walked upstairs crying and just bauling my eyes out as he promised me that he would come out to visit me more often and that there would not be another 4 year gap where we didn't get to see each other. What a dramatic moment that was and to see that on the big screen would have torn hearts!(

After I was kinda done, I went back downstairs where my husband and brother were outside smoking a cigarette and having man time. I was so glad that they hadn't left yet; so I got to say good bye some more. You can kind of tell that I have been crying heavily in this photo taken just before my brother left for the airport. It was such an emotional good bye and I could see him holding back tears and then I cried in his arms over the frustration of my system. I was practically hyperventilating and after they left; my father stayed to make sure I was OK in case he needed to take me to the emergency room.

I was in lots of pain and I finally let the OX down enough to take some Vicodin for the pain; (I'm such a hard head sometimes) as I waited for the pain killers to take effect, I rolled myself a joint and sat on the couch next to my father. I was breathing kinda hard and trying to catch my breath from the severe pain I was feeling. I still had tears streaming down my face and then I headed back upstairs for some more Sitz baths.

I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment sometimes because sometimes I will sit there for hours in pain and not touch a single pill. I have to be reminded because I am so frightened of becoming addicted to painkillers. Why am I so afraid of these pills? I don't know why I am so scared of those pills but it does take a while for me to actually take one. I have to be in bad pain to do so and sadly it seems the pain has been ongoing. They say it won't happen (addiction) but I think it just happens if you do it automatically each day. I just touch them if the pain level hits about a 7 or 8 (on a scale of 1-10). The pain I was feeling was close to a 9.

Finally the pain calmed down enough for my father and I to go have some lunch and then we headed to the hospital to pick up a prescription and a note from my doctor about returning back to work and then drop that by the business office. My doctor does not feel that I am ready to go back to work next Tuesday. My new return date to work is now July 27th. I had asked for July 15th but I guess he just wanted a few extra weeks to make sure I that I am ready. I am relieved because I could not imagine having these spasms at work and then if I had to go home and the long drive (35 minutes) back home. I wouldn't make it right now the way my intestines are doing now.

I can tell that I am healing more and more each day and have been gaining more weight. I just weighed myself with clothes on and shoes, keys, and now I am up to 121. Yeah! past 120! I didn't think it was possible and now it is. I'm doing everything right that I can think of doing just to heal. I'm taking Tonto on 2 walks per day (short ones), trying to squeeze in some frisbee with Blue Belle down the street, eating through out the day and much slower, drinking lots of water and cranberry juice, easy Yoga stretches each day, avoiding stress (the news = I do have to watch Rachel Maddow as she always seems to cheer me up and gives me news in the best possible way!).

I'm still doing the Relay for Life and I finally got my minimum raised so I'm all good and working on getting stronger and stronger. Thank you Nancy for helping me reach my goal! I have to be able to walk for at least an hour. I did that just on Friday evening with my brother (we walked about 45 minutes). Here's to a cure in our lifetime and more fun to be had for me! I hope I have 10 - 20 more snowboard seasons in me!)

I was able to have a little fun with my dad before I took him to the airport and sent him off right. We took Blue Belle to the Church for a quick game of frisbee and then had lunch at Aqui in Downtown Campbell. What a quick vacation; I had been looking forward to this for months and now it's all over. At least I can look forward to more visits from family. I know I can't fly just yet, but hopefully next year I will.

Here's to my pee bag removal tomorrow. May there only be a band aid on my bag and NO Tubes!)

The Father, Sons, and Daughter together at last...

We picked up my dad from the airport this morning; wasn't the easiest of mornings to begin with. We were up late last night; mostly, I was having fun connecting again with my brother. It's been too long for us. I didn't get to sleep until around 1am, then awoke shortly after 3:30ish am with the usual muscle spasms (diarrhea and vomiting) which kept me awake until 5: 45 am (I remember looking at the clock just prior to knock-out (had to take a Klonopin). Sometimes I do remember (rarely) to take a Klonopin before I go to bed, I won't wake up with these muscle spasms which usually only begin if I have to take a shit. (just being honest; it's blunt here = no pun intended!).

I think it's just taking a long process for my intestines to heal. Now that I have this new floor, I can concentrate on doing my yoga. Perhaps this can help me heal much faster. I haven't felt like even doing any yoga lately but since I got the new floor! My yoga mat works so much better on this floor than that gross carpet!) I will do everything I can to get my intestines healed so that I can start back to work in no pain.

Well, these particular spasms were not such a bad bout as they are most of the time (they were less violent). I hadn't taken any painkillers for the entire day (with the exception of pot) on Friday. It was all natural; oh, except for the prescribed Pantoprazole. I have to take this drug everyday and was even on something like it when I was on the TPN. It just helps keep down the acid which can get really, really, really, really bad. That's why I keep getting that feeling sometimes as if my heart is about to be puked out. I'm so glad that this isn't happening quite as much as it used to (days ago).

Well I did get to the spend the entire day (Friday) with my brother and we even took Miss Blue Belle on a very long walk around the neighborhood. I was so surprised that my intestines lasted that long.!) It was meant to be!) My brother and I had a wonderful walk with Miss Blue Belle. I'm just happy for him to finally meet my special girl. He's a dog groomer and we will be grooming her together in the next couple of days. We are also going to the pet store to get all that I need to make her even more beautiful!)

Well yesterday morning, (I had to wake and bake) I was feeling the onslot of another kidney infection and with that I knew that I needed to drink lots of water; so I was able to become incredibly thirsty that I drank 2 large glasses of pure 100% cranberry juice diluted in half a glass of water, then 3 more glasses later. I knew the kidney infection was coming on because of not being able to pee for most of the day, burning and itching when I did try to, and then seeing blood drops coming out. "Oh God!" I thought each time (10 times of that in the morning). I would go and each time, just a few drops of blood. I just did not wish to call the doctor again.!(

I can take care of this myself. Please "no more antibiotics!" Well since dealing yesterday, it seems the bladder infection may be clearing itself up early this morning and I am now able to pee again!) Finally!) So far so good!) Gotta enjoy a good painless piss and I'm also emptying the bag more too! It's getting old and hopefully on the 18th, there will be no more pee bag!) I won't have to match my age with pee bags and such!

Well back to this morning, I awoke at around 8:45am (was supposed to be up at 8!), jumped out of bed, did the baby wipe shower, then washed my hair, my face, put on sunscreen, got dressed, fed my babies, then took both of them on a walk with my brother. He woke up right after I did. I was finally ready to go pick up my father from the airport.

Right when we were getting ready to go pick up my dad, right when his flight was about to land, (we live about 10 minutes from the airport), we were literally just about to leave and then my intestines started to ache and stir. It was not good. I had purse in tow, and about to walk out the door when all of sudden, "I gotta shit man!" I had to run to the bathroom and then again upstairs to do the "Sitz bath routine" as I vomited and vomited and then diarrhea, diarrhea, and more diarrhea. I was in so much pain (my poor bum just burning in pain!( and the spasms just got worse and worse.

My honey woke up soon after to my turning on the hot water in the bathtub multiple times and then hearing me retching in pain. I had tried earlier to wake up my honey unsuccessfully (he had to wear ear plugs from my brothers loud, loud, loud snoring) to help his friend load up his car with all of his equipment that he had let us borrow (what a sweet heart!) for the beautiful floor job. I was to stay and shut the garage door after our friend had picked up his equipment.

After my intense spasm sessions, I walked downstairs to check on our friend Gordy, right when I was about to close the garage door; in walked my hero (my hubby) with my dad pulling his suitcase and my walking brother by his side. It was a family moment to always remember.

Yes, this morning was quite the drama and my dad only had to wait at the airport for them for about 15 minutes or so. My honey and my brother didn't get to leave until about 5 minutes after his flight landed. I was so impressed with my honey! He came through and I was able to stay put and deal with those horrible spasms.

Once the spasms were done, we all went out for breakfast. Check out the photos here, the first one is of my dad and my brother just chatting together after my father had arrived. I have been smapping lots of photos and hope to make a great photo video for Christmas 2009. My dad is trying to learn the song "Cat in the Cradle" and I hope to have a recording of him so that I can make a special collage of photos of him and Billy. I try not to make plans anymore as sometimes they tend to get cancelled due to my health so now its just wishes. I can just try to make those wishes come true. We will see!)

The heartburn and nausea stopped for most of the day but the heart burn and nausea returned with a vengeance at around 4pm. I toke a Zofran and then took a short nap (my dad also took a nice long nap= he was jet lagged) and then we went out for a wonderful meal at my favorite Organic Restaurant in Downtown Campbell "Aqui Fresh Mex". I was feeling much better and able to eat. What a healthy meal we all had!

We got home from the restaurant in time to watch my addiction (Groomer Has It) on Animal Planet. The show is kinda cheesy but it deals with pet grooming and I always think of my brother when ever I watch the show. We enjoyed watching the show together and then my dad took off at around 8:30pm to go to bed. He was so exhausted, so Billy and I got to spend some quality time, then my honey returned from his Pub (after some basketball game?) and we all watched "Grand Torino". What an amazing movie that was. It wasn't quite as violent and heart breaking as "Million Dollar Baby" but it was so good. It was cool to see such a strong message of friendship in this movie. There were lots of racist remarks about the different cultures but they all seemed to get along as it was just jokes. Even though the ending was tragic; it was tragic in a good way. What a great feel good movie! Now off for some more adventures! Turning 39 tomorrow!) More updates to come!)

Floors almost done...getting ready for family..

Wow! It has been a whole week since I last updated and my apologies for the delay. I have been online for a few days but it has literally taken all of my energy to get the small things done (laundry, sometimes making lunches, putting small things away, changing sheets, etc.) The flooring is almost complete and I still have yet to download all the photos of all the excitement. My brother arrives tomorrow evening; technically Friday morning. (hint, hint, another break in updates)

The new floor is really amazing and that's all I can tell you right now. I was able to do a small amount of yoga last night and will try to will my intestines to work right. They just don't seem to know my asshole from my mouth from anything! I am still puking and shitting at the same time and that totally sucks!( I am making the most of it and have lagged at calling and leaving a message with the specialist. For some odd reason, I start thinking that I will improve just magically with out the specialist, surgeons and doctors. Call it hope or faith, and I still have tomorrow morning to make an appointment. My younger brother understands and just wants to hang with me here in CA!)

To be quite honest, I have been in so much pain (not all the time, but during part of the day and and part of the night / morning hours) these last couple of days and for a little while during the day, I can revert to some normalcy but it involves being stoned. I had a few days in between where I was OK but now it's kind of like I'm getting a little worse (time to call the specialist). As far as my natural medicine is concerned, I feel that it still calms my intestines but not right away. It takes a few minutes after the muscle spasms have had their way with me.

The first night, there was only about 4ft all the way from the living room to the dining room complete as Tonto used that small area to play on. It seemed his toys slid across that area much better than the concrete where the carpet was. It was time to get rid of that carpet and we will get rid of the rest eventually but this should be a good start.

I do know that this floor surface is much more fun to clean than the linoleum or the carpet. It just wasn't all that much fun using lots of elbow grease or vacuuming on the old flooring. I kept hoping that it would just mop itself but that never happens;?.

Oh and Tonto stayed with one of my sweet neighbors and tried to become friends with her kitties. It was a good experience for Tonto and getting used to other people. I think I will always be his favorite human; it took about 3 years for him to fully trust my honey. He still will not listen to him fully. My honey can call his name and keep calling it, but he won't fully listen; sometimes there will be a rare moment when he does but he mostly listens to me. I can call his name and most of the time I get a "here I am mom!" and he walks right up to me. There is always that chattiness about him.

I was able to take both of them to the vet today and wow! $450 later, and then it will also cost nearly $700 to have both of their teeth cleaned. I have to think about doing this eventually but I plan to seek another vet. It used to be less than $200 but now over $350 for each of them. Maybe my dentist can do it cheaper? Life costs money and these pets really help me through many of these troubled times. I have many happy moments where I can laugh at each of them or just smile. I guess they are kind of natural medicine for both myself and my husband.

I did get a kick out of the reactions from some of the vet techs as they talked about how awesome Tonto and Blue Belle are. I could hear the conversations in the back (I was in a small examining room) as they talked about each of them and how Tonto walked back into the office on his leash. He just wanted to be in the room with mommy and Blue Belle. The compliments on their names were the best. I have to admit that both of their names were well chosen for their personalities. The most important thing is that they are there for each other at a vet's appointment and it was as if I was a mom of two well behaved kids.

I had been scared that Tonto would puke all over my neighbor's home after his medications and trip to the vet. I was reading over the receipt and directions for his medications. I did see a CAUTION: that he may experience nausea from his shots. This was after I brought him over. I freaked a little bit worrying about this small thing. He had slobbed all over me on the way home and he even left a poopie stain on my pants from the fecal test I suppose. He has some Vaseline on his little butthole and it stained my pants a little when I took him to the car. It was on the way home that he had slobbed on me.

After I got home from taking both to the vet, I had to take a nap and then I got sick. I didn't think I would be able to make it to the Survivor's reception. I sure wanted to and I did everything I could to go. I did go and happy that I did! The Survivor's reception at the American Cancer Society in Campbell, CA. I met several survivor's and even found a potential team to join. I am still quite confused on that as I did sign up as an individual but we will see what happens. I got an email request and not sure how that went but what ever team I end up on; should be good! It's Relay for Life! I know now that I have 2 teams that wish to have me. On the team that I met this evening, I could get the shift I want (1am - 2am walking). I didn't eat anything while there; they did have the most amazing punch I have ever had.

I didn't bring Blue Belle to the event and I did have a small panic attack when I got there. I started crying and just couldn't stop. I immediately went into the bathroom; It was embarrassing to have to deal with. I think because of my nephostomy bag and the fact that I am going through these anxieties of not knowing what is going on with my intestines and to be at this event as a survivor; I was feeling like less of one (survivor) right then. Well the reasons for that is because this last surgery has been so hard on me to get stronger; sometimes I feel like I am not getting stronger and this is very frustrating for me. I didn't have my little buddy there to encourage me and cancer really is something that we need to find a cure for. I'm facing more chemo when I get stronger, but yes, I still have to take life one day at a time.

I met some really amazing women when I got there and I think that I may have been a survivor who has really been through the ringer quite a bit more than many. I also found out that I can indeed bring my service dog with me to walk and my husband and I are more than welcome to walk together with her. Right before I left I had told some of the women about my service dog and how I got there without her. I started crying again and those sweet ladies walked me right to my car. I think I'm just emotional from being scared for my life.

I got home OK and then went and picked up Tonto. My sweet neighbors came over to see my new floor and then I immediate got sick. Actually one neighbor came by right before I left for the Survivor Benefit? and then my neighbor who was watching Tonto came over (just for a few moments). Then after she left; I raced upstairs and did my usual ritual (Sitz Baths one after another = 5). I've been puking more so than number 2 but the spasms are very, very real. Sometimes it feels like my heart is going to come right up my esophagus. No, it's not at all pleasant, but I get through it each time. I will be calling the internist tomorrow morning with out a doubt (reminder on my iPhone). I hope to provide more updates but I do plan on being OK. Worrying will not do me any good, just prayers and good positive thoughts!) Hint...Hint...

Last Day Hopefully with the Nephostomy Bag...Let's Pray!

Well last night was one long night indeed. I had diarrhea all night long and I might as well have just slept on the toilet. In fact I tried to at one point. My poor bum burned so intensively; I used the "Sitz Bath" that my honey got me each time. It provided some relief but once I got off of it; it felt like I had to go all over again. It was quite disgusting having to pour poo from the hot water into the toilet, clean it out and start all over again. I guess this is my experience of changing diapers, huh?

I took painkillers, anti anxiety pills throughout the hours and even anti diarrhea medication and it seemed that nothing helped. I could not get to sleep because my intestines seemed to be in overdrive. They were involuntarily moving around everything in my system. They couldn't stop moving things around and outside of my body. It was totally miserable and finally at 5am I had enough so I took some Vicodan and an Ativan and was konked out until 1pm today. I didn't have any wierd dreams or hallucinate; just slept soundly and wonderfully. Wow! I cherish those moments of not having pain whether I am awake or I am sleeping soundly!)

I decided today that I will not eat anything and just clean out my system (except for breakfast - must have food with Antibiotic). The diarrhea has continued today and is still going on. My poor bum is still burning and just doesn't want to hack any more stomach acid coming out of it; that's exactly what it feels like. Anything I eat spends maybe 1/2 an hour in my system anyway and then it immediately comes right out; so what's the use? I can just eat my Whole Food's Gummy vitamins. No I definitely not doing this to loose any weight; I don't need to loose any more weight but I don't have much of a choice right now. It is such a pain in the ass to eat anything right now; no pun intended!)

I did eat some Cream of Wheat with my Antibiotic this morning and that too came out shortly after. Hopefully the Antibiotic is able to work since my intestines are on the painful projectile functions?

It is an incredibly hot day today and I know I will be spending most of the day inside. I can't hack 100+ degree weather and "the Boogie on the Bayou" is totally out of the question for us right now. I can't be more than 5ft away from a toilet for pretty much all day long unless I don't mind walking around in hershey shorts. It's feeling so miserable but at least I am going; I have to look at the bright side, I could be going in a bag.

It sure doesn't feel good as I even have stomach stomach acids coming out and causing further pain. I can't think of anything that can help me with this pain right now. The Percocets, the Vicodin; all seem to do nothing. Will be trying some bong hits soon. I kind of feel that GOD thinks I am a shitty person? Is this why I am going through all of this? Why? Yes, it could all get worse, but for now it is very, very painful and frustrating.

So enough about all this pain and suffering; here is what my life has been about even with the Cancer and Prior to the Cancer. All about having fun! Yeah it's kind of hard to have fun on the toilet, but that's not what it has been totally about. I've had lots of excitement in life over the years. Now I get to look forward to hopefully loosing this piss bag!

Here's to (snowboarding) what I have to look forward to and what gets me by each and every day (also my honey, pets, family, friends, and all those praying for me) and of course my beloved Snowboarding Addiction (it is pretty much like a drug Addiction; it's only drug I feel I have ever been completely Addicted to). There's just something about it to me that makes me feel at one with God.

I had been looking for a CD Case of all the DVDs that I have made over the years since being diagnosed. I started making them in 2003 and ever year since I have made them and I always make plenty of copies. I keep all copies in this once CD Case and it's missing. I did find some others which is great when reminiscing. I found lots of really really cool videos of me ripping it up in Oregon and Tahoe so do enjoy as I have: (I already posted this one on my Facebook page) Check out the height of air!

As I was awake in severe pain; I decided to go through another old CD Book that contained old photo back-ups and some that I had not even included in my new external drive. I also found these Oldies but goodies from Burning Man 1999 - This really was an amazing experience for me but the lame part of it all was that my honey had chosen to go to a Ted Nugent Concert instead with his buddies and a friend who had been visiting from his home town.

I was missing him the entire time (even crying myself to sleep on some nights) and I had dudes trying to hit on me (which to me was totally annoying); I stayed completely faithful to my man and even cried a few times because I missed him that much. I was so deeply in love back then and of course still am more so than ever.

Burning Man can be a bit crazy for those not used to seeing some people prance around naked, some doing all kinds of drugs (for me it was just pot or an occasional beer = nothing else for me), lots and lots of art and of course no money allowed; it's strictly bartering. You trade (I traded my skills in handwriting analysis = brought my books, and a spray water for the day = it was hot) for what you need and I really liked this concept; in fact I feel we could all do quite a bit during this recession in this manner. It's about being creative and resourceful to survive.

WARNING: Some of these photos may be offensive to some, please scroll down at your own discretion. No scary surprises! I do consider myself somewhat of an artist when it comes to photographing in that I can view and appreciate all kinds of art; it's just the beauty of the world that I tend to appreciate so much!)

After the Event; it is required that everything must go; no litter left behind; everything must be cleaned up and left as if was prior to everyone arriving. No damage to the environment allowed!

It's kind of a hippy kind of an event; Peace and Love! I did have fun and I got all kinds of photographs. What I wanted was some special photos of me for my honey and there were so many wonderful photographers there where you could really get professionally shot photos and the backgrounds were absolutely amazing; like a work of art; it was and this event has always been a Photographer's Dream!
Hope you enjoy!



I hope to post more of these once the 10 year Anniversary (for me= Not Burning Man) is official (Labor Day). I hear it's not at all the same as it once was. I paid around $60 for my ticket and we only stayed 4 days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday).

I also found these great photos from Gay Pride in SF in 1999. My honey and I went and he got to take photos of me posing next to some the trannies and/or Drag Queens. OK, I did dress slutty for my honey (he loved it = at least I had on some sexy shorts under that dress!),- we were so incredibly crazy for each other back then; OH GOD we are now!) but we all kind of wanted to fit in for this special event. It was so fun to play dress up!

I have had several gay room mates and I still have many, many close friends and they have all been absolutely wonderful to me. Many, just loving individuals who have been genuine. They have never given me a reason to hate them. They are just normal human beings and they are living as their heart tells them to live and I see problem with that. Follow your heart. I have a heart for them and I do Love them.

Well this was back then (Aug. 1999 - I think) We all went with my Room mates from the "New Moon House" on 1516 Guerrero Street between 26th and 27th street. The house has since been sold but it was such a wonderful community living experience for me. I had never lived like that before in my life. We recycled, composted, used some trash to make art; it was very, very cool. We had people from all the world who were staying here, some visiting, but they each brought life into the house and of course had to leave 1 item of art on that house. It was my one experience with how to live in a communal household. It was very safe and I will never forget it. I had at one time 13 room mates and no it wasn't totally crowded.

This house well is 3 stories (It's wasn't totally Victorian, but it was an old home) and I had my very own room with a beautiful bay window overlooking the tea garden. The room itself was very beautiful and I loved all the paint schemes with in the house. Each room was different. A house of artists and some misfits but in all everyone was full of heart and soul. Some room mates would even rent out closets and they were set up pretty nifty; the bed was set up in the ceiling; drawers and everything needed below; some people don't really need a whole lot to live on. It seemed most were Art Students! My old kittie Toonces grew up there and even killed every single mouse and rat that resided in that house prior to us arriving there. He was very much loved there. So here are the photos from Gay Pride 1999!



Oh Memories! Of a life once lived and then of life to be lived!) I have so much more to accomplish in this life!)

UPDATE: The bong hits worked and now I am feeling much better and drinking water and then trying to make a conscientious decision about what to eat? I am able to eat and playing it safe with Chicken and rice. Now it's getting ready for this surgery tomorrow morning. Updates on the surgery to come! Here's to getting rid of the nephostomy bag for good!)