The Father, Sons, and Daughter together at last...

We picked up my dad from the airport this morning; wasn't the easiest of mornings to begin with. We were up late last night; mostly, I was having fun connecting again with my brother. It's been too long for us. I didn't get to sleep until around 1am, then awoke shortly after 3:30ish am with the usual muscle spasms (diarrhea and vomiting) which kept me awake until 5: 45 am (I remember looking at the clock just prior to knock-out (had to take a Klonopin). Sometimes I do remember (rarely) to take a Klonopin before I go to bed, I won't wake up with these muscle spasms which usually only begin if I have to take a shit. (just being honest; it's blunt here = no pun intended!).

I think it's just taking a long process for my intestines to heal. Now that I have this new floor, I can concentrate on doing my yoga. Perhaps this can help me heal much faster. I haven't felt like even doing any yoga lately but since I got the new floor! My yoga mat works so much better on this floor than that gross carpet!) I will do everything I can to get my intestines healed so that I can start back to work in no pain.

Well, these particular spasms were not such a bad bout as they are most of the time (they were less violent). I hadn't taken any painkillers for the entire day (with the exception of pot) on Friday. It was all natural; oh, except for the prescribed Pantoprazole. I have to take this drug everyday and was even on something like it when I was on the TPN. It just helps keep down the acid which can get really, really, really, really bad. That's why I keep getting that feeling sometimes as if my heart is about to be puked out. I'm so glad that this isn't happening quite as much as it used to (days ago).

Well I did get to the spend the entire day (Friday) with my brother and we even took Miss Blue Belle on a very long walk around the neighborhood. I was so surprised that my intestines lasted that long.!) It was meant to be!) My brother and I had a wonderful walk with Miss Blue Belle. I'm just happy for him to finally meet my special girl. He's a dog groomer and we will be grooming her together in the next couple of days. We are also going to the pet store to get all that I need to make her even more beautiful!)

Well yesterday morning, (I had to wake and bake) I was feeling the onslot of another kidney infection and with that I knew that I needed to drink lots of water; so I was able to become incredibly thirsty that I drank 2 large glasses of pure 100% cranberry juice diluted in half a glass of water, then 3 more glasses later. I knew the kidney infection was coming on because of not being able to pee for most of the day, burning and itching when I did try to, and then seeing blood drops coming out. "Oh God!" I thought each time (10 times of that in the morning). I would go and each time, just a few drops of blood. I just did not wish to call the doctor again.!(

I can take care of this myself. Please "no more antibiotics!" Well since dealing yesterday, it seems the bladder infection may be clearing itself up early this morning and I am now able to pee again!) Finally!) So far so good!) Gotta enjoy a good painless piss and I'm also emptying the bag more too! It's getting old and hopefully on the 18th, there will be no more pee bag!) I won't have to match my age with pee bags and such!

Well back to this morning, I awoke at around 8:45am (was supposed to be up at 8!), jumped out of bed, did the baby wipe shower, then washed my hair, my face, put on sunscreen, got dressed, fed my babies, then took both of them on a walk with my brother. He woke up right after I did. I was finally ready to go pick up my father from the airport.

Right when we were getting ready to go pick up my dad, right when his flight was about to land, (we live about 10 minutes from the airport), we were literally just about to leave and then my intestines started to ache and stir. It was not good. I had purse in tow, and about to walk out the door when all of sudden, "I gotta shit man!" I had to run to the bathroom and then again upstairs to do the "Sitz bath routine" as I vomited and vomited and then diarrhea, diarrhea, and more diarrhea. I was in so much pain (my poor bum just burning in pain!( and the spasms just got worse and worse.

My honey woke up soon after to my turning on the hot water in the bathtub multiple times and then hearing me retching in pain. I had tried earlier to wake up my honey unsuccessfully (he had to wear ear plugs from my brothers loud, loud, loud snoring) to help his friend load up his car with all of his equipment that he had let us borrow (what a sweet heart!) for the beautiful floor job. I was to stay and shut the garage door after our friend had picked up his equipment.

After my intense spasm sessions, I walked downstairs to check on our friend Gordy, right when I was about to close the garage door; in walked my hero (my hubby) with my dad pulling his suitcase and my walking brother by his side. It was a family moment to always remember.

Yes, this morning was quite the drama and my dad only had to wait at the airport for them for about 15 minutes or so. My honey and my brother didn't get to leave until about 5 minutes after his flight landed. I was so impressed with my honey! He came through and I was able to stay put and deal with those horrible spasms.

Once the spasms were done, we all went out for breakfast. Check out the photos here, the first one is of my dad and my brother just chatting together after my father had arrived. I have been smapping lots of photos and hope to make a great photo video for Christmas 2009. My dad is trying to learn the song "Cat in the Cradle" and I hope to have a recording of him so that I can make a special collage of photos of him and Billy. I try not to make plans anymore as sometimes they tend to get cancelled due to my health so now its just wishes. I can just try to make those wishes come true. We will see!)

The heartburn and nausea stopped for most of the day but the heart burn and nausea returned with a vengeance at around 4pm. I toke a Zofran and then took a short nap (my dad also took a nice long nap= he was jet lagged) and then we went out for a wonderful meal at my favorite Organic Restaurant in Downtown Campbell "Aqui Fresh Mex". I was feeling much better and able to eat. What a healthy meal we all had!

We got home from the restaurant in time to watch my addiction (Groomer Has It) on Animal Planet. The show is kinda cheesy but it deals with pet grooming and I always think of my brother when ever I watch the show. We enjoyed watching the show together and then my dad took off at around 8:30pm to go to bed. He was so exhausted, so Billy and I got to spend some quality time, then my honey returned from his Pub (after some basketball game?) and we all watched "Grand Torino". What an amazing movie that was. It wasn't quite as violent and heart breaking as "Million Dollar Baby" but it was so good. It was cool to see such a strong message of friendship in this movie. There were lots of racist remarks about the different cultures but they all seemed to get along as it was just jokes. Even though the ending was tragic; it was tragic in a good way. What a great feel good movie! Now off for some more adventures! Turning 39 tomorrow!) More updates to come!)

A Benefit Concert at a local pub

For two weeks I have been reminded of a special benefit concert by one of my best friends. OK, my friend Nikki. Anyway, a good friend of hers has a 22 year old son who was diagnosed just last year with Lou Gehrig's disease for which there is no cure. The money raised from this concert would mostly go towards making the rest of this young man's life a better quality for him. S everal bands performed including Stratus and Modern Day Cowboy a tribute band to Tesla.



Well that night finally came and we had lots of fun. Raffle tickets were sold and the winner got to take home a signed guitar from the band Tesla. Most of the patrons were from San Bruno and they seemed to be a very nice crowd despite many of their appearances. I don't usually judge too much on appearance. What matters to me is where their heart is and their actions.

As I talked with a few at this benefit, I was surprised at many's reactions at how fast this disease was taking a toll on this young man. He was already wheel chair bound in just a short year. It was just a stark reminder of how deadly this disease really is. I had only met 1 other person who's life was affected by Lou Gehrig's disease. This good friend's wife was taken from that same disease and she had died in his arms as they were traveling Europe in a train. That I will never forget.

A few women looked over at me as if I were out of place but I smiled at everyone I could because I feel lucky to be here and celebrating life. I was lucky just to be able to get out for a little bit despite having some horrible diarrhea. (at least I can poop!) I couldn't stay too long because the bathroom was a real challenge for me. I was also getting some really painful anal spasms which were not at all comfortable for me. Oh the unpleasantries of this horrible, horrible cancer! I went outside a few times to smoke some cannabis and it really helped some but it made me incredibly thirsty that my throat was dry. Because the bar was so busy, it was nearly impossible to get a drink.

Inside the bathroom, there was only one stall which utilized Brillo pad like toilet paper and a sink that was overflowed with dirty looking water so you couldn't really wash your hands all that well and for me, I needed to be able to wash my hands. It kind of grossed me out to have to wash my hands like that!

As I was trying to make do with the sink, a woman walked out of the bathroom in her black dress obviously worried about how she looked in that black dress. She was maybe 10 years older than myself as she looked over at me and said "I don't like wearing this dress or how it looks on me". She looked a little sad, but I looked right at her and told her, I think you look very beautiful and stunning tonight especially in that dress. Hold you head high". She smiled and said "really?" and I said "absolutely" and she thanked me as she walked out the door. There I did, I made someone smile.

Throughout the night, I tried not to cry because I felt so horrible for this poor young man who's life will eventually be cut short. We must find a cure for this disease and all diseases if possible. I feel that Stem Cell Research may hold some keys. Changes are going to happen. Although I know death is inevitable for all of us, I can't help but feel that some are just too young and should have their whole lives ahead of them. Yes, sometimes life just isn't fair.

One patron claimed to have donated $10,000 to the cause. I certainly hope this man wasn't lying and want so bad to believe that there are angels who truly care and would sacrifice this amount of money for someone they feel deserves it more. Some had claimed that this man was lying and perhaps intoxicated; if this is true, how could anyone lead someone on like that?

You can kind of see the young man in his wheelchair being kissed on the head by someone loving and caring; perhaps his family. Now the man in the black t-shirt talking with the woman with reddish blond hair is the man who is supposedly donating $10,000 to the cause. God, I hope he is not lying and leading that poor young man on. That would be so incredibly cruel and even heartless to do. I'm sending good vibes that he will be good on his word and for the family.

When you make promises to do or help others, you should stick to the promise and make good on it. I actually said a little prayer last night that this man would and was not lying; perhaps proving those who doubt him wrong. I hope he really is an angel. I was willing to give up my raffle ticket to him (we only paid $20), if we were to win that guitar. My husband and I are both left handed so we wouldn't be able to use the guitar.

I hate to say it, but the father of this young man and despite all the hell he is going through is still very very lucky. He at least got to spend 22 years with his son and to enjoy the time spent with him which really is a gift. I had a son over 19 years ago who only lived 2 days and despite my loss, I still have an angel in heaven. That's what I have chosen to believe. At the time it was a very scary time in my life but as the years have gone by, I now feel blessed that I at least got to experience being a mom even if it was just for a little while.

Any amount of time that you get to spend with your children really is a gift especially when there are memories being made. Always remember that your children will NEVER be young for ever and to spend any amount of time with them is a true gift!)

and the pain has returned with a vengence.....

I have a total of 6 more chemo pills before the end of this cycle and the last couple of days I have been waking up in a great deal of pain. The pain feels as if I have rusted metal parts in my intestines which are trying to be digested. My intestines make quite a bit of noise as they try to move the scrap metal through my intestines. Yes, I'm a bit of a hard head sometimes. I didn't eat anything for most of the day yesterday and tried to eat a little bit of a pot pie (just the broth and vegetables) last night but my stomach just couldn't take it.

My friend had brought over some fresh hash for me to smoke yesterday and I smoked a little bit with her and then we went swimming shortly after. The combination of the Hash and swimming helped my body some. The pain had eased a bit, but after the effects wore off after a couple of hours.; I mostly wanted feel the pain outright just so that I could know what my body is facing in this battle. I do that sometimes, just skip of day of pain relief to gauge what my body is facing.

Well today the pain has intensified with a vengeance but I will try to smoke some weed later on today. I'm feeling a little weak today because I haven't really felt like eating with this metal taste in my mouth, the rusted metal churning in my intestines; just makes me want to sleep the day away. True, it makes no sense to continue in pain but I don't plan to be in pain the entire day. I will try to stomach a protein smoothie in a few hours.

I finally had enough of the pain and decided to try the new hash again. Afterwards, I drank a whole glass of prune juice, water, and Miralax and then went on a 3 mile bike ride to the post office. I hurried back as fast as I could and made it to the toilet; Oh boy! The pain relief had just begun! My mouth was so dry and lacking in that awful metal taste in my mouth. Thank god it was gone! I drank 3 glasses of water and a whole glass of Gatoraid and then watched some Keith Olberman at 5pm!

New Water Pipe

I almost forgot! I got one very important errand done yesterday and that was filling up the tank for my husband's truck and getting his truck washed. While the truck was being washed, I walked Blue Belle over to a head shop next door and was amazed at the prices and the variety of water pipes. I really needed a new water pipe in the worst way. A little over a month ago when my disability first started with the chemo, I was cleaning up my kitchen and accidentally knocked over my beloved gorgeous water pipe that my husband and I had originally purchased in Santa Cruz. I watched in horror as the gorgeous pipe fell over onto its side. All of a sudden bong water poured all over my leg and then the beautiful pipe fell into several peaces on my kitchen floor. It was a total loss and I was devastated.

We tried to replace it but the replacement was made of plastic and was too tall. We thought it was pretty and interestingly shaped but it wasn't practical at all and could be knocked over with little effort.

Well this beauty works great and while I do still utilize my Vaporizer, this particular bong is excellent for the instant pain relief. The vaporizer takes about 2 minutes to warm up, I also have to clean out the little canister thing each time and then set up the balloon. It doesn't work well with the hash. The hash needs more heat so the water pipe is perfect so now I don't have to use my little frog pipe.

A Romantic Dinner with my Hubby

My husband took me to my favorite restaurant this evening in downtown Campbell (Aqui Cal-Mex). So far so good, the digesting is a little loud but the Hash certainly helped me out with the pain. I can handle this! It was great to get out together and to show a little PDA. I'm so thankful to have him by my side fighting this battle with me. He makes all the difference in the world and most importantly, he makes me want to keep on fighting!