WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

A Benefit Concert at a local pub

For two weeks I have been reminded of a special benefit concert by one of my best friends. OK, my friend Nikki. Anyway, a good friend of hers has a 22 year old son who was diagnosed just last year with Lou Gehrig's disease for which there is no cure. The money raised from this concert would mostly go towards making the rest of this young man's life a better quality for him. S everal bands performed including Stratus and Modern Day Cowboy a tribute band to Tesla.

Well that night finally came and we had lots of fun. Raffle tickets were sold and the winner got to take home a signed guitar from the band Tesla. Most of the patrons were from San Bruno and they seemed to be a very nice crowd despite many of their appearances. I don't usually judge too much on appearance. What matters to me is where their heart is and their actions.

As I talked with a few at this benefit, I was surprised at many's reactions at how fast this disease was taking a toll on this young man. He was already wheel chair bound in just a short year. It was just a stark reminder of how deadly this disease really is. I had only met 1 other person who's life was affected by Lou Gehrig's disease. This good friend's wife was taken from that same disease and she had died in his arms as they were traveling Europe in a train. That I will never forget.

A few women looked over at me as if I were out of place but I smiled at everyone I could because I feel lucky to be here and celebrating life. I was lucky just to be able to get out for a little bit despite having some horrible diarrhea. (at least I can poop!) I couldn't stay too long because the bathroom was a real challenge for me. I was also getting some really painful anal spasms which were not at all comfortable for me. Oh the unpleasantries of this horrible, horrible cancer! I went outside a few times to smoke some cannabis and it really helped some but it made me incredibly thirsty that my throat was dry. Because the bar was so busy, it was nearly impossible to get a drink.

Inside the bathroom, there was only one stall which utilized Brillo pad like toilet paper and a sink that was overflowed with dirty looking water so you couldn't really wash your hands all that well and for me, I needed to be able to wash my hands. It kind of grossed me out to have to wash my hands like that!

As I was trying to make do with the sink, a woman walked out of the bathroom in her black dress obviously worried about how she looked in that black dress. She was maybe 10 years older than myself as she looked over at me and said "I don't like wearing this dress or how it looks on me". She looked a little sad, but I looked right at her and told her, I think you look very beautiful and stunning tonight especially in that dress. Hold you head high". She smiled and said "really?" and I said "absolutely" and she thanked me as she walked out the door. There I did, I made someone smile.

Throughout the night, I tried not to cry because I felt so horrible for this poor young man who's life will eventually be cut short. We must find a cure for this disease and all diseases if possible. I feel that Stem Cell Research may hold some keys. Changes are going to happen. Although I know death is inevitable for all of us, I can't help but feel that some are just too young and should have their whole lives ahead of them. Yes, sometimes life just isn't fair.

One patron claimed to have donated $10,000 to the cause. I certainly hope this man wasn't lying and want so bad to believe that there are angels who truly care and would sacrifice this amount of money for someone they feel deserves it more. Some had claimed that this man was lying and perhaps intoxicated; if this is true, how could anyone lead someone on like that?

You can kind of see the young man in his wheelchair being kissed on the head by someone loving and caring; perhaps his family. Now the man in the black t-shirt talking with the woman with reddish blond hair is the man who is supposedly donating $10,000 to the cause. God, I hope he is not lying and leading that poor young man on. That would be so incredibly cruel and even heartless to do. I'm sending good vibes that he will be good on his word and for the family.

When you make promises to do or help others, you should stick to the promise and make good on it. I actually said a little prayer last night that this man would and was not lying; perhaps proving those who doubt him wrong. I hope he really is an angel. I was willing to give up my raffle ticket to him (we only paid $20), if we were to win that guitar. My husband and I are both left handed so we wouldn't be able to use the guitar.

I hate to say it, but the father of this young man and despite all the hell he is going through is still very very lucky. He at least got to spend 22 years with his son and to enjoy the time spent with him which really is a gift. I had a son over 19 years ago who only lived 2 days and despite my loss, I still have an angel in heaven. That's what I have chosen to believe. At the time it was a very scary time in my life but as the years have gone by, I now feel blessed that I at least got to experience being a mom even if it was just for a little while.

Any amount of time that you get to spend with your children really is a gift especially when there are memories being made. Always remember that your children will NEVER be young for ever and to spend any amount of time with them is a true gift!)


Aasif said...

nice blog contents. but took too much time to load

roxy said...

I enjoyed your site - I truly believe in Kharma and try to live my life in a positive light. I am sadden by your personal fight with cancer. I'd like to follow your blog and get to know you better.
Stay strong and as positive as you can. Our mental state plays such a big roll in our physical being.

ShoppingKharma said...

I couldn't agree with you more Roxy. Thank you I would like to have another caring soul to read my thoughts.
When I was first diagnosed, I was given antidepressants which helped a little for a little while. When the cancer returned, I got a dog and that's my Welbutrin. She works great and so does the cat, my husband, my friends, and anyone I can get to smile back at me!)
In life you can take lemons and make lemonade or you can make a lemon marang pie which is what I like to do!

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My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

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