WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.
This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.
This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!
I had a really nice relaxing weekend and even went on a motorcycle ride with my husband on Saturday. It was mostly a local ride around town but ultimately it was fun and it was a good rush of adrenaline which is exactly what I needed. We went to a few local pubs (I just drank water) and met some of my husband's friends. We spent some good quality time together and that was important.
Sunday, was very relaxing as I worked on my blogs and finished entries I had started but never finished or published so now they are complete (at least most of them are). I also spent most of the day doing lots of laundry, vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning for my dad's visit on Thursday! Oh Boy!) This little girl got to watch some TV with me as I folded laundry. (She loves the show on Animal Planet "It's me or the dog")
Yesterday was another adventure as I took Miss Blue Belle with me to the hospital for my blood test and to fill out some overdue paperwork for my longterm disability (3 weeks worth). She brought so many smiles with her and the director of the Pet Therapy Program even came over to say to hello to us. Now I really want to volunteer so bad but my immune system will not allow for me to do this at least for right now. Blue Belle is ready and willing and I really need to get her tested but have lagged as usual. I sure mean well, but sometimes I do lag.
I think I am getting ready to start work and will practice going to bed at a reasonable hour (instead of 11pm = that's good compared to my old habits of 2-3am). I am getting there and it certainly will be great to see all my friends.
Yes, I am still suffering from severe insomnia but found a natural alternative supplement from one of my neighbors. I am not sure if it works, but I don't believe it does. My system is pretty tough and what works for most doesn't for me. I do plan to talk with my doctor about something else that might help me sleep because getting adequate sleep is extremely important as I tackle a work week. I think the stress of the cancer causes me stress just knowing that it is still growing inside me and that the chemo may or may not be working. Mind over matter, right? It's easier said than done.
Last night my husband asked if we needed to set the alarm clock for chemo the next morning at 10am and I told him absolutely not. Tonto will definitely wake us up and he certainly did at 7am when we didn't have to wake until at least 8:30am for my 10am appointment.
My husband drove me to the hospital as I brought along my IPOD and a work manual to read. Yes, I am serious, I'm going to work next week. I took the stairs as usual (I always take those stairs), 4 flights of stairs to the 4th floor Infusion Center just to get me pumped for my chemo.
When I arrived I didn't get the same nurse as before. This one was rather forgetful as some seem to be (not all) and it really makes you appreciate the good nurses. I really like warm personalities and thoughtfulness in a nurse especially a chemo nurse. It really goes a long way with me and I'm sure for others too.
If I had a choice of another career it would be a chemo nurse (its just a fantasy). I know it is a hard, hard job to do, extremely demanding, but God it has to be rewarding. I can understand even more than ever that if you are working with people who are fighting for their lives, someone who is warm and understanding really makes the experience all the more pleasant. Even though you can't take that pain and suffering away, you can at least be compassionate and caring.
This particular nurse was young and kind of cold in her personality. She didn't really speak or acknowledge me all that much unless she was checking and verifying my information. I was more or less just a number in a chair. It kind of bummed me out as I tried to talk to her cheerfully to hopefully break her out of her shell as she interrupted me to yell over at another nurse to come and help her. It was as if I wasn't even talking to her. No apologies what so ever, just a number in a chair, so I just ignored her and continued to listen to my music and read my book. She probably meant well and her job has to be a very hard and demanding job. Maybe she was just having a bad day or just new at this whole experience. I didn't let it get to me, but it really did make me appreciate having a good chemo nurse even more than ever and I bet so many of the other patients do too!
As I was sitting there getting my chemo in popped a really neat lady with a beautiful pink hat decorated with all kinds of cool breast cancer pins and charms. Her pajamas were the best, much better than my plain brown and teal ones. She even had these great Disney socks that had such a great message that my chemo brain has forgotten it completely! It was a great message to read and hear at the time. It made me smile, hell she made me smile. What a sense of humor and a great lady to meet. Her personality just brightened the room completely. I also met another nice lady with her San Jose Sharks gear and totally on top of the game to even alert me that their next game is tomorrow night! I enjoyed talking hockey with her and her daughter.
I did need to get some paperwork for my job completed and I had to ask this nurse for something. It almost seemed like I was being way too demanding. She was nice enough to bring over a sheet of paper for me to fill out and told me that I should get the paperwork back in the mail. I had also put in a request for a break from chemo so that I can work and have at least some normality in my life for now.
My chemo was finally done and it took a little while for the chemo nurse to return not like the last one who seemed totally on top of everything! She came back and gave me an appointment at noon (lunchtime which I will never ever do again!) for my next chemo and she tried to tell me that there just were not any other appointments available. I told her just please don't schedule me then and she was quite irritated with me for not taking that appointment that no one wanted. I didn't care at all, its my life anyway. She walked away and snatched the appointment sheet and went away to get me another one.
She came back a few minutes later to take out my IV needle and to give me another appointment at a more reasonable time. I didn't realize until later that she didn't cut the ID band as that other nurse I had before had done. Wow! Really makes you really appreciate having a good nurse. I have to find out the name of the nurse I had before because she was absolutely awesome! I know I won't forget those great ladies I met today! I really like meeting new cancer patients and talking with them as they are going through what I am going through.
When I got home, I crashed hard for several hours. Miss Blue Belle came up and slept right next to me. Then Tonto came up and slept in his little bed and snored. I had to pull out the ear plugs. I awoke and went shopping for our Thanksgiving meal. I got the last turkey in the store (they were almost out!) and thankfully I must have missed the huge rush. I will be busy doing some more cleaning (refrigerator & freezer), vacuuming, dusting, and much more. We are celebrating Thanksgiving on Friday because my father's flight will arrive shortly after 7pm. I do plan to have a separate meal that evening and then lunchtime Friday the big Turkey dinner!) Good thing the turkey will take 3-4 days to defrost (perfect!).
My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.
I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.
Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.