WARNING: Some of the Content here may be Objectionable to some. I have this blog labeled as "Adult Only" as a common courtesy for those who may easily be offended by Adult topics such as the Truth, Down to Earth topics, realities of living with Ovarian Cancer and/or any life threatening disease that goes along with it; Sexuality, Medicinal Cannabis, Profanity, and of course plenty of unpleasant body functions are also discussed here. This is a very tough battle for which I don't intend to hold anything back on what I am facing.

This blog is very personal and comes from the heart of a real fighting cancer patient who wishes nothing more than to live for all of those I love my own will to live, and my love of life. While sometimes I might be on heavy medication (prescribed by my doctor) and occasionally I might write about things or subjects that one may never even think about or consider; so please consider that as well. Yes; whacked out things might even be found here; but I mean everything in all good intentions.

This blog is not at all intended for the faint hearted, those who lack a sense of humor, have no idea what down to earth means, greedy mean people, and/or those who don't know how to share the world with others, and especially those who are unable to easily put themselves into the shoes of others. This blog is mostly about my journey of living my life in the best ways that I can under the Golden Rule and appreciating all of the GOOD KHARMA that comes my way! Never take anything in this world for granted; especially family and friends!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Day and Chemo Day....

My father had called me recently to let me know that he was pondering the idea of getting an airline ticket to visit us arriving Thursday, November 27th. I got an email with those exact dates and am quite excited to see him. He got me an amazing camera for my birthday which was a little late, but its my fault for that.

My sweet neighbor Nick offered his spare bedroom for any visitors in the time that I'm sick. He knew that I wouldn't be able to travel and perhaps family would need to come and visit and a nice bed and own bathroom with out having to fork over money for a hotel. It's great to have a neighbor like that who just seems like family. My neighbor Jan is also the same way. These are kind hearted people that are rare and genuine. See these are the good Kharma things that I like to write about; nice people who do good things for me and for others. I can never take nice things for granted. I cherish them so much that I write about them just remind myself and others that the world is not a bad place.

I have been trying a new thing lately with my book 1001 meditations.
The key to this book is to pick out 1 meditation every evening prior to going to sleep and try to focus on it when I get distressed or in pain. Last night's meditation practice worked for me even this morning. The meditation asked that I close my eyes and imagine that someone experienced is massaging my shoulders, take deep breaths and focus on areas that I would want to be massaged such as my shoulders, lower back, arms and anywhere that feels good to be massaged. How relaxing!

Well this morning we woke up bright and early (8am) to get ready to go to the hospital for my chemo treatment. The extent of getting ready for me was not even taking a shower but just putting on some clothes like a t-shirt and stretch paints. I then feed Blue Belle and Tonto and then took Blue Belle out for her potty walk.

Time flies and before you know it you are running late for the appointment. We got stuck in a little bit of traffic; probably from people voting.

I got to my chemo appointment about 15 minutes late and had to sit in the lobby for another 15 while they got my chemo station ready. I talked with another couple in the lobby because I had recognized them from having my chemo chair right across from them and then next them another time. It was just another great couple going through the sickness and in health issue of marriage. It was comforting to see how loving they were towards each other.

So many couples are not like this and I had seen just the day before, a regular couple in a BMW pulled up as I was getting coffee. They pulled into their parking spot rather fast, and all of a sudden the passenger side door opens and arguing and screaming at other. The man got out of the car forcibly and slammed the door as he called the woman who was driving a fucking bitch. His face was even bleading as if these people with violent with one another. It kind of scared me.

Anyway this other loving couple in the infusion center might have been just a few years younger than myself and my husband but definitely too young to be going through the hells of cancer.

It was finally my turn, so I went in and followed a thin blond haired woman who ended up being the one the best phlebotomist I have ever had. Now I did do my meditation which made it much easier to get my IV. This amazing phlebotomist was able to find a vein on the inside of my left arm. Now this hasn't been accomplished in several years, mostly because the Taxol and the Carbo have forever damaged my veins. She wasn't confident at first that she could even find a vein but she did. It wasn't even painful and she did in like 3 seconds. I'm definitely requesting her next time. I forgot her name and should have written it down for my next appointment but I know I won't forget her, that's for sure.

Here I am getting my chemo. You can see that my hair is thinning from the Etoposide but I still have hair! It's very thin, but its there! I'm not doing the Donald Trump comb over yet, its coming! I also have some hair on legs too! I didn't wear any make-up or even moisturizer! I look mighty ruff and tuff! Yes, I went out in public like this! I am sporting my Obama Sierra Club T-shirt!

The amazing phlebotomist kept coming back to check on me and to make sure that my Avastin was complete. It was only a 30 minute drip. Most of the other nurses I have had will usually forget about me and 1-2 hours later reappear. This nurse was way different and I was in and out in about an hour and 15 minutes. I had to wait in the lobby, then 1/2 hour wait for my Avastin, and then the half hour drip. She took off my IV in record time too! I wasn't expecting that. Wow! An angel indeed!

She wanted to know what time worked best for me for my next appointment and gave me a 10-10:30 appointment! 3 days before Thanksgiving. Wow! What an awesome nurse! Life is good!

My husband picked me up shortly after and we went to downtown Campbell for a wonderful lunch at AQUI. Just look at those Vegetarian Enchiladas with a pumpkin puree and balsamic vinegar!

It's going to be an exciting day but too bad I will be konked out for most of it from the chemo treatment. We got home around 2pm and I slept for next couple of hours and awoke shortly after 5pm.

I took Miss Blue Belle out for a brief walk in the beautiful rain and watched the President polls and votes come together on the road to 270. I was very hopeful throughout this exciting race.

I woke up in time from my short nap just before 8pm to witness a very beautiful moment in history. In fact I believe it was the most beautiful moment I have ever witnessed in history. Tears of joy and disbelief came streaming down my face. I was also experiencing a great bit of pain, but the pain was nothing compared to joy in my heart! My best friend called me a little choked up and we both were. I had tears still streaming down my face; those tears of happiness and joy!).

We have our first ever African American President and that's not all about him, it's not the fact that he is black, he is also educated, possessing strong leadership skills, and the patience to handle a major disaster. He will work everyone qualified to do so. I have so much trust and respect for this man and he truly inspires me. He really surprised me a lot when he would not fall for media attempts to slam John McCain on many issues or Sarah Palen. He played the game fair and clean and kept his cool as I saw it.

As I watched the news unfold, tears were streamed down my face and the emotions were high! I can't explain it, but its a wonderful feeling! I'm so inspired now and I know now that if you put your mind to it, you can do anything! Maybe I can beat this cancer?

I also witnessed a very wonderful speech given by John McCain. He was very gracious and accepting. His speech was very inspirational and it made me want to fight even more to enjoy what the future has to offer. I admire John McCain even more than I ever have as he spoke to a group of his supporters. It made me even more hopeful that we all can work together despite our differences. He said he is there if he is needed and it would be an honor to serve. I thought that said a lot. We can all do something for change in our country if we all work together. He is obviously moving on and that's what we should all do.

I see here and watch President (elect) Obama speak so inspirationally. I am definitely hopeful of this new future! The rest of the world has a new respect for us as a nation now! If you are stressed out and scared to death, chill and give this new Administration a chance; don't fret the future, just cherish the moments we are all given! It doesn't make things any better to stress out over them.

I gave the last Administration 2 chances and I certainly didn't stress out over the future; I just cherished each moment that I could with my husband and those who love me most! Be happy for what you have and to have right now is a true blessing! Enjoy it for what it really is, we are witnessing history no matter what!

To be quite honest, I have been suffering in lots of pain from another abdominal blockage. I will be working hard tonight to try and unblock it. Here is a video I just uploaded to document this experience and so that you have a small idea of what I commonly struggle through. This one isn't as bad as the emergency room incidents because I am not to point where I am screaming and crying. This is about a 7 on the pain scale and we call 911 when it hits 10. It's not pleasant but I can do it!




Part 2



Yes it will be one of those scary nights, but so much to keep fighting for! I'm still very, very, very happy! It's still been a wonderful night despite the pain I will endure throughout the night. I had to take an Ativan to calm the muscle spasms and a large glass of prune juice and water with MiraLax.

So tonight's meditation will be #252, "The heart of the spiral: Visualize yourself walking into a maze of massive stones. Step by step you feel yourself becoming lighter, more connected to the spirit. In the quiet axis you feel in touch with your intuition. Do not break your mediation by asking any specific question: just remain silent and still, in the knowledge that all the wisdom you need lies deep inside you."




7 comments:

Theresa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Munster said...

Hello there,

Hey, I seen your videos of your belly pain from chemo on You Tube. I never had cancer, but my heart hurts for you. I want to let you know that you are in my prayers. I'm hoping that you'll feel better soon.

A new friend,

Bryan

ShoppingKharma said...

Thank you so much! I always have a hard time for those who feel that cancer patients deserve to suffer in pain rather than utilize cannabis to alleviate the pain. Should I just live in a hospital bed hooked up to morphine? NO way. I documented the true pain that I suffer, not every day, but some. Once I improve my movie making skills, I plan to document a lot more. for now its the blog and lots of photos and short videos!

Munster said...

No problem. I do not understand why they won't make it legal in all states for the medicinal use of cannabis. Beings that it helps with pain, for people with cancer and I think people with glaucoma use it, for pain relief. I have a friend that I work with, thinks that it should also be legal for people with anxiety disorder. The THC in it, can calm anxious nerves. I've had anxiety disorder all my life, and the meds the doctors give me, do not help.

But, enough about me, I hope that you had a great day today, and may you have a wonderful evening with your husband/family.

a friend,

bryan

ShoppingKharma said...

Thank you so much Brian. As you can tell by my writings, I have absolutely no desire what so ever to harm anyone or others period.... In fact just exactly the opposite. I just want my life to have meaning for others. How is that harmful?

Munster said...

it's not harmful at all. And you blogging about your illness is very helpful to others. This world needs a lot more people like you.

Dinesh Sameera said...

Hi, Get well soon ShoppingKharma. I believe that if somebody believe on anything, that will happen. So believe on this. You will get well soon & soon & soon & soon & soon. God Bless You dear.

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Disclosure

My techniques and treatments work simply for me and may not produce the same results for others. Cancer is a very tricky disease in which it is very different in everyone it touches. No two cancers are the same just as we humans are not the same. What works for me may not work for others.

I love life and expect to live for as long as I can. I intend to use those treatments that do work for me which includes medicinal cannabis. I'm still alive with this disease over 7 years later because of this miracle plant and as long as I have my medicine available; I intend to survive many more years. I hope one day the Federal Government will eventually grow up and be led by true leaders who represent the people and not just coorporations; real people who live by the Golden Rule "treat others how you would want to be treated". I also hope the Government of the US can finally learn to admit that it has made a mortal mistake in making this life saving plant which is provided by GOD and does indeed have the ability to provide all of us with food, fuel, clothing, shelter, and medicine; a mistake that have made is that it is illegal. Yes, it was a mistake out of greed, ignorance, and racism that this miracle plant is illegal. This is a confirmed fact and we should all know and face it.

Cannabis is not at all harmful and in fact quite the opposite. Perhaps our economy can once again grow as it has in the turn of the century by making this life saving plant legal once again.

The contents of this blog including all images, (except images from third parties) and the name "Shopping Kharma - what comes around goes around" belong and copyrighted to C. Jayne Armstrong 2008-2010
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