The Campbell Relay for Life....

Well we tried our best to start out the morning early but things just happen each time to delay me further. My intestines started to go beserk and the painful anal spasms which were accompanied with the severe vomiting started at about 8:30am (the time we wanted to leave). I was literally grabbing keys, packing the car and then having to spend 1/2 an hour on the Sitz bath dealing with the pain. Poor Amanda was frustrated but patient; she understood my pains and having to deal with them. We finally got to leave at 9:20am (Survivor breakfast 8:30 - 9:45am). We barely made it for the breakfast and it was pretty challenging to find good parking; but we did it!

Some friends of mine whom I haven't seen in up to a year (they just had a baby 3 months ago) arrived with their little survivor "Franchesca". We honestly didn't know if Franchesca would make it through her ordeal being diagnosed at just 1 year old. She went through several surgeries, chemotherapies, and even radiation. She fought hard for 2 years and is now cancer free at 4 years old and she was also the youngest survivor in the whole survivor lap. Here she is getting ready to do the survivor lap (the littlest one) of which her and Amanda held hands during the whole lap; it was very cute to see. I couldn't get good photos from behind and having to move but I did get a few during the survivor lap. Me and Blue Belle were in the middle of the whole crowd of survivors walking. What a beautiful smile this little girl has and so much spirit and inspiration.

She thoroughly enjoyed Blue Belle's presence and it seemed Miss Blue Belle was much more popular than myself just hearing her name being called at various times during the event. I would hear "Look there's Blue Belle!", or "Blue Belle!", and few other references. It was so cool! She would hear her name too and with her ears back, she would turn around to look at who called her name and it was mostly people my husband knew from the neighborhood; and who forgets a face like this?

We were sitting inside of our tent for the "Caped Cure-Saders" where I dropped off my boxes of love. I had put together 3 boxes of spa products that I had left over from dissolving my business a month ago. It seemed perfect in order raise money for this important cause.

My honey arrived a little after 11:30am well after the survivor lap but we at least got to go around the track a few times holding hands and to check out all of the other booths; some even had touching photos of those who had already passed but in all it was evident that this horrible disease has touched so many lives.

We had a good time just walking around checking out all the booths and Amanda even got to decorate a luminary just for me! I got a photo of her with it further down in this very post. Yes, I took tons of photos and will be putting them all into a video with a special song for my family to show that I got to go and to be a part of this special event. I hope next year I can post the video prior to next year's event. I'm so glad that the American Cancer Society does this all over the world; because it is special.

I even got to speak with several survivors as we walked around together. Amanda had to check out all of the displays where candy and toys were involved. Sometimes it took a little bit to find Amanda (I had a few stressful moments) but we all (my husband, me, and Amanda) did have a nice lunch together as we watched so many colorful people round the track including this cool lady in her pink gear. There were so many colorful personalities out on that track. I had a few in wheelchairs stop me to love on Blue Belle. She sort of just provided her own pet therapy to anyone who needed it. It just seemed that way from all the smiles we got from her just being with us!) It was also nice to just have Blue Belle on the track with us during the day as she got her exercise (she needed it!). Oh the smiles she brought!

Here is a photo of me writing "Why I Relay." I want there to be a cure one day and for less people to suffer as I have. Perhaps a combination of all of my experiences can help inspire others to keep on fighting this disease and never give up hope. Life has been fully and totally worth all that I gone through but it would be cool if life were a lot easier and I didn't have so many pains and / or suffering or that I didn't have to keep on with chemo for the rest of my life.

When someone hears the words "You have Cancer", I can't even begin to imagine how much their changes right there at that moment. It would be nice to have a cure so that so much suffering and emotions are not involved but it just seems it might always be that way. Cancer is so different in so many bodies and it is ingrained in DNA that makes it so different for so many and why some treatments work for some and don't for others.

Well at 1pm we finally decided to go home for a little while; I was exhausted so I took a nap and then me and Amanda went out for a bike ride. Now she doesn't really know how to ride a bike very well and her confidence level had been quite low, but she got it and it was quite fun! We had an absolute blast with me on my huge "Old Lady Bike" and her on her customized recycled bike. It was small enough that she could ride where I couldn't ride and make hair pin turns that there is no way I could have made.

After all of the bike riding fun, we started to get hungry so when it finally got dark enough, we had dinner with my honey and then we drove up to see the "Luminaria Ceremony" where we got to see all the lit up luminaries. Me and Amanda went up together to see the ceremony but the parking was very hard to deal with. I made the mistake of letting Amanda out to see the ceremony while I hunted for a parking spot.

It was very hard at first to find Amanda but after about 5 or 6 laps around the track, me and Blue Belle finally found her. Two phones can really make a difference and she forgot her phone!(

I was getting kinda stressed that I couldn't find her and time was approaching that I needed to have her home and to pick up my honey so that we could do our walking shift. It was a miracle when I spotted her and there were a lot more people there in the evening than during the day. Me and Blue Belle didn't have too hard of a time rounding the laps because most of the people were at the center of the track and only a few were left walking as we were. It was easy to do those 5 or 6 laps.

Well Blogger was having a time indeed uploading some of these photos so here finally is the photo of Amanda's finished work of art "the Luminary she made for me". I kept getting error messages and have tried at least a dozen times to upload it. It wouldn't upload the best photo, but this one will have to do. We stayed until about 9:15ish and then I had to go drop her off at her home and then pick up my honey so that we could do my 10pm -11pm shift of walking.

Well we got there but made the mistake of bringing Blue Belle. It was far too dangerous to bring her on the track this late at night. We noticed lots of kids just running around dangerously and bumping into others and even saw one kid get knocked them down (lots of kids just rough housing on the track), it was quite crowded, it was dark, and Blue Belle was tired and she was smelling anything and everything on the track floor while trying to eat things that were also on the track. It was frustrating trying to pull her instead of her leading like she should have been and then people behind us that we were holding up. Kids were riding bikes kinda fast in the wrong direction and nearly clipped her and me several times. We had to be on our toes at all times with her. I tried to approach my teams tent and almost got clipped by a bicycle; he missed me by a hair; it was so scary and I felt so lucky that I didn't get so seriously hurt.

For the first time in 3 times of doing Relay for Life and only doing it at night; I started to get some anxiety and so did my husband; we did a few laps, but then just stayed on the side of the track and watched others as they rounded the track while we absorbed the excitement and then we decided it was time that we went home and it was well before my shift was over. I felt bad, that I was cheating but we just couldn't help it. There were so many people still walking out on the track - several hundred at least and it was quite overwhelming for both of us as we both felt guilty for putting Blue Belle through all of that.

She is a service dog but she is also our pet and family member. We just can't put her through that kind of danger and I didn't even think about this at all; just thinking that she would get an hour walk which I felt she really needed but today she will get more than enough exercise to continue her diet of loosing at least 5 lbs and me gaining 15 lbs if possible!) Well yes more fun exciting adventures on the way!

Overall if was still a great Relay for Life. It was my first one in Campbell (I had done two in Los Altos) and always did the night shift which was very, very peaceful; but I didn't have Blue Belle. This was pre-Blue Belle times and when I was on medication for depression. Now I no longer need it!)

Can I please get rid of this pee bag?

Thought I would include this cute photo of my dad walking Tonto (Tonto walking my dad) for all to enjoy. This was just one of the fun things we were able to do together during his visit. I took this one just this morning.

Forgive the name of this post but I guess I really do mean it. Since I get to celebrate my birthday all week long (I'm celebrating all year if possible!), that's what I would like on Thursday. It's my Birthday wish = Get rid of the piss bag!) I have surgery to hopefully internalize my stint or so it's called but I have been so incredibly annoyed by the nephostomy tubes coming out of my back all week long.

I get in the car to drive my family around (brother and father) and then I accidentally sit in the seat all the way with my back touching the back of the seat and then it makes me jump (it kind of feels like a pinch) like I just sat on a tack ! Sometimes going to sit on the couch can be a little painful there too! Oh and not to mention being so worried that the tubing is coming out of my back; that too sucks!

I did get the dressing changed on Thursday (right before my brother arrived) and the first day the dressing came completely off exposing the tube in my back. My honey has been having to change the dressing each day and he too is tired of it. May this nephostomy bag be no more Thursday. Oh did I mention, it itches like FUCK! OMG! It also leaks and burns! It totally sucks and I don't know what to do about the itching, except it totally makes me want to scratch the living shit out of it! I can't help it sometimes. between the itching, pinching, burning and then the pulling or so it feels like. It's so ready to come out!

Well my dad leaves today at 3pm today and then tomorrow we have to be at the hospital at 1pm and then at 2:30pm my surgery starts. I get to go home at 5:30pm or at least my honey needs to be there to take me home then I get to sleep off all the drugs and hopefully I won't have this stupid bag on me when I wake up as I did last time.

"Please GOD don't let this surgery be a failure; please let that stint go all the way through my ureter without a snag!"

Hell I am so tired of all the tape that is always on my back getting stuck on my clothing and snagging on everything it touches, I'm so tired of not being able to take normal showers, not being able to go swimming, or sit in the hot tub, not being able to take normal baths and so much more! How limiting is that? I'm also tired of the seemingly constant urinary or bladder infections I always seem to have. I'm also irritated that some company (I'm calling them and giving them a piece of mind) doesn't wish to include a cap on the end of the bag so that sometime piss will dribble on my knee or my clothes or sometimes the lever will accidentally slip and then piss is all over me. Please come off tomorrow Nephostomy bag! Please! Is that too much for me to ask that I can just piss one way and not two? Not to have all this tape on me and this pain can finally end?

Well even so, I should not be complaining period about this. Poor Becky seems to be getting more bad news and what a brave woman she is for enduring this and so much more! She may very well have to deal with 2 Nephostomy bags and she just keeps on going. We survivors have to keep going and dealing with our issues. Yes, we have those sucky moments, but we also have good moments too! I'm getting by more and more each day. She is blessed to have a wonderful family and a very cute son; but what about what's going on in her body too? Here's to her being able to have some sort of normalcy for her too!) Let her get rid of those nephostomy bags too! She's too young just as I am to be going through this shit!

I was able to wake up early enough yesterday to make a wonderful breakfast for all the men in my house (honey, dad, and brother) and then the pain just started. It wasn't so bad at first,; I just went upstairs and dealt with the spasms as they got worse and worse. I did my Sitz bath to calm them and to go number 2. What a disgusting way for me to have to live; always dealing with Shit!( It's really such a disgusting process because my dam butthole burns so horribly (stomach acids from a short intestinal tract) that I have to have hot water there when it comes out. It really does feel awesome with the hot water on my bum!) Then I have to pore the water and shit down the toilet and I do this anywhere between 5- 10 times in a row each time. I literally have to clean out the pink tub 3 times in between and the water has to be the perfect temperature each time. Not too hot and definitely not too luke warm. This is the truth of what I endure each day now as my intestines continue to heal. NO it's not at all pleasant, but please do be glad that you can at least take a normal shit each day because I sure as hell can't (just yet). Well, technically I can; it's just not normal.

OK well at least I am taking a shit each day, but I take about 20-30 each day and dam it burns like hell coming out; that's where the hot water hits the spot and not to mention those painful hemi's (hemorrhoids) that I get too; like that's not enough torture for me. Let's just add more insult to injury for me - NO let's just don't = off with the pee bag tomorrow!)

OK enough about my shit. My honey had to take my brother to the airport alone because I was having such severe abdominal and anal spasms. I was also crying and crying and just totally upset that I wouldn't get to take my brother to the airport. It really meant a lot to me to be able to hug him at the airport and to send him off properly. I hugged him and then walked upstairs crying and just bauling my eyes out as he promised me that he would come out to visit me more often and that there would not be another 4 year gap where we didn't get to see each other. What a dramatic moment that was and to see that on the big screen would have torn hearts!(

After I was kinda done, I went back downstairs where my husband and brother were outside smoking a cigarette and having man time. I was so glad that they hadn't left yet; so I got to say good bye some more. You can kind of tell that I have been crying heavily in this photo taken just before my brother left for the airport. It was such an emotional good bye and I could see him holding back tears and then I cried in his arms over the frustration of my system. I was practically hyperventilating and after they left; my father stayed to make sure I was OK in case he needed to take me to the emergency room.

I was in lots of pain and I finally let the OX down enough to take some Vicodin for the pain; (I'm such a hard head sometimes) as I waited for the pain killers to take effect, I rolled myself a joint and sat on the couch next to my father. I was breathing kinda hard and trying to catch my breath from the severe pain I was feeling. I still had tears streaming down my face and then I headed back upstairs for some more Sitz baths.

I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment sometimes because sometimes I will sit there for hours in pain and not touch a single pill. I have to be reminded because I am so frightened of becoming addicted to painkillers. Why am I so afraid of these pills? I don't know why I am so scared of those pills but it does take a while for me to actually take one. I have to be in bad pain to do so and sadly it seems the pain has been ongoing. They say it won't happen (addiction) but I think it just happens if you do it automatically each day. I just touch them if the pain level hits about a 7 or 8 (on a scale of 1-10). The pain I was feeling was close to a 9.

Finally the pain calmed down enough for my father and I to go have some lunch and then we headed to the hospital to pick up a prescription and a note from my doctor about returning back to work and then drop that by the business office. My doctor does not feel that I am ready to go back to work next Tuesday. My new return date to work is now July 27th. I had asked for July 15th but I guess he just wanted a few extra weeks to make sure I that I am ready. I am relieved because I could not imagine having these spasms at work and then if I had to go home and the long drive (35 minutes) back home. I wouldn't make it right now the way my intestines are doing now.

I can tell that I am healing more and more each day and have been gaining more weight. I just weighed myself with clothes on and shoes, keys, and now I am up to 121. Yeah! past 120! I didn't think it was possible and now it is. I'm doing everything right that I can think of doing just to heal. I'm taking Tonto on 2 walks per day (short ones), trying to squeeze in some frisbee with Blue Belle down the street, eating through out the day and much slower, drinking lots of water and cranberry juice, easy Yoga stretches each day, avoiding stress (the news = I do have to watch Rachel Maddow as she always seems to cheer me up and gives me news in the best possible way!).

I'm still doing the Relay for Life and I finally got my minimum raised so I'm all good and working on getting stronger and stronger. Thank you Nancy for helping me reach my goal! I have to be able to walk for at least an hour. I did that just on Friday evening with my brother (we walked about 45 minutes). Here's to a cure in our lifetime and more fun to be had for me! I hope I have 10 - 20 more snowboard seasons in me!)

I was able to have a little fun with my dad before I took him to the airport and sent him off right. We took Blue Belle to the Church for a quick game of frisbee and then had lunch at Aqui in Downtown Campbell. What a quick vacation; I had been looking forward to this for months and now it's all over. At least I can look forward to more visits from family. I know I can't fly just yet, but hopefully next year I will.

Here's to my pee bag removal tomorrow. May there only be a band aid on my bag and NO Tubes!)

The riding of the bikes

Despite this blockage working its way out and still living in some amount of pain; I was able to free myself of this pain (with the help of my most trusted plant) and to continue my day having fun. These are the little things in life I so treasure!)

My husband and I awoke somewhat early and got our leathers, jeans, and motorcycle gear on and headed to Amanda's (neighbor girl) 14th birthday party!. She had invited us and we had given her our word that we would show up. It wasn't raining and no huge storm had already arrived so we were available to come to this party and what a beautiful day to take out the 2006 Dyna Street Bob.

We rode up in style and up onto the sidewalk to park right there in front of the restaurant (Cicero's Pizza) The grand entrance we had made but of course her party was just small enough to warrant the very back of the restaurant behind a barrier where the kids and parents were sure not to notice us at all.

We stayed for a little while and gave Amanda a gift and a card - I had filled out a card a few days before but lost it (look I will find it in just a few more days, weeks, or months) so I filled out another one and then I thought I had found the other card; so thank god I gave her both. The first card she opened (card #1) was blank and that got a good laugh at my chemo brain tendencie:). Even the kids giggled at this silly old young looking lady!

After the party we got back on the bike and then headed for downtown near the Shark Tank for a party (we were invited via text message) for which we could not find while most of the roads and side streets were blocked off for a Teenage High School Musical? on ice?

We continued to find some more thrilling rides and that we did. The ride on the back of the bike was exhilarating as usual and we continued on to our local pub. We bumped into a neighbor who's wife just happened to be going on a bike ride by herself and of course I have this gorgeous work of art for a cruiser that is bruisin for a cruisin! I have been dying to take it out for a ride and of course all this rain has stopped me from taking it out for even a ride around the block.

Riding that new bike was also exhilarating! We rode through side streets and even a gorgeous park. I should have brought my good camera to capture more photos but this photo was taken with my iphone.

I did go crazy with the basket I must admit. I figured maybe I would have the desire to put Miss Blue Belle in that basket. Don't worry, it won't ever happen but we did figure out that taking this bike to the Farmer's Market would be a treat in fitting produce and stuff.

I did find my level of comfort on this bike and it was just like a cadillac. I'm not the total bike enthusiast; I just wanted my old lady bike and 3 gears is plenty for me. I usually don't go over 2nd gear most of the time and this bike actually hauled ass (yes I let it go!). Not that I would want to ride that fast but it's nice to know I do have that power!

We also rode over to the Campbell Community Center over to the Skateboard park and watched all kinds of kids riding the ramps and the mini half. I saw a girl that totally reminded me of myself when I was young. She was ripping it up on the mini half with all these young boys watching her. I had no idea all the little boys that I rode with had crushes on me until just a couple of weeks ago when my brother ran into a few as they reminisced about the good times we used to have skating. We had even built a few mini halfs at a few friends houses and I too ripped it up on the half quite a bit. Those men now; told my brother; "your sister was so damn good, she was the coolest chick and damn was she hot! I had the biggest crush on her" they would often admit. I could tell by seeing this young girl ripping it up that many of those pre-teen kids did the same here.

We had to continue over to the local pub to get me my garage door opener as my husband had accidentally brought over both. This guy walked out of the bar to check out my bike and he is a good friend of my husband's and now I finally got to meet him and this dog that has bat ears. He tends to get lots of dates with single women because of his cute dog and more power to him! He really wanted to let his dog cruise around in my basket but I was reluctant since it didn't have any padding and I'm still getting used to the bike. This dog loves to hang out on Bill's shoulders. A very mellow dog in that he doesn't bark a whole lot or freak out over other dogs.

We picked up the garage door opener and continued home since it was just starting to get dark. My stomach has been feeling a little better but I can still feel some soreness and until then I hope to be able to calm myself down and not worry about what is going on inside. My intestines have been making tons of noises and I hope to calm them down with easy food to digest and plenty of electrolytes, vitamins and minerals which can help fight off this evil cancer.

I went ahead and started on the power vitamins because yes, I did freak out and damn it I want this cancer to die and if I have a slim chance of doing that I will. The Ave vitamin pack has been working out pretty good. I usually take it a couple of hours after lunch and I have only been on it a total of 2 days but we will see what happens. Yes, the clinical trials have started!